So George wants me to go to his next therapy session. My mom called me to tell me that. I was like "Why?" From my perspective his therapy sessions have been counterproductive. Penelope's therapists that he could benefit from parenting classes and/or therapy. We knew he wouldn't go for parenting classes but he was okay with going to therapy. They didn't refer him to anyone specific, but just to go to therapy to talk through his issues. The problem is, George doesn't see that he has done anything wrong. His problem is he is depressed he doesn't get to see Penelope.
The main reason she doesn't see him is because she is still learning how to cope with her anxieties and control her extreme emotions. He stirs up a lot of memories and her trauma feelings. He is a major trigger. A huge contributing factor is that their relationship has been unhealthy. It's emotionally incestuous. I didn't come up with that, Penelope's ATs did based on my families description of their relationship, how they acted around eachother, and how she talks about him. But when they explained it, it was like a light went on that explained everything! I knew it was wrong the things he did, but I didn't know why.. I saw how they affected Penelope but I didn't have enough ammo or confidence to say more than that it was annoying. There are sooo many things wrong with emotional incest, but for a RAD child, the problem is that we are trying to get them to believe that THEY are important - their happiness, their self-value.. and a child of a parent like this will give up EVERYTHING to make their parent happy, including their own happiness. All her work would go right out the window. Her needs didn't matter to her birth mother - obviously, and neither does it to her father. For him, not seeing her is like losing a part of himself, because he bases his entire world and identity on his relationship with her. He has always sent the message that he can only be happy with her, that it's her job. She gave up her needs to take care of him - clean, cook, SLEEP with him, listen to his problems, role with the consequences of his decisions. He wanted to be married, she put up with the abuse her step-mother dished the best she could. She was even willing to go back when he pushed her to agree to go back into that physcially abusive household - because he didn't want to be alone. Even though she did to Penelope what she did. It's disgusting.
But see, he won't accept this as his problem. He tells people.. "I can't see Penelope because she has this problem where she sees me like a boyfriend instead of a dad." She is mentally ill so it must be part of her problem. It's HER problem, not his. Right.
Anyway, I asked him why his therapist wants me to go to his session. He said so we can improve our communication. What the heck did that mean? Of course we don't communicate well, he's an ass. He said "When we talk about Penelope, you cry." I said "Who cries?" He said, "Okay, we both cry.." He likes to paint me out to being this irrational, emotional crazy lady holding his daughter hostage. He is 42 years old and a selfish prick. I'm 33 and have been to hell and back. Anyway, I said "The only problem in my communication with you is that you refuse to accept anything I have to say, dismissing it based on your own personal non educated opinion. If you learned to open your ears and your mind to what Penelope's needs are, then I think we could learn to communicate. " He claimed he has been listening and learning. We ended up talking about how one of Penelope's AT had made some inaccurate statements to him about how frequent he would get to see Penelope. I said that I was afraid of that based on what I had seen/heard, but he has to remember that everything has always been up in the air based on how she was doing and how things go. I told him he needs to accept Penelope's timeline. She wasn't ready to see him when she did, and we are still trying to rein her in from that. He said he was being patient. I knew that not to be true. He keeps EXPECTING to see her the following week he hasn't seen her. Every Wednesday he plans to see her even though no one has told him of any date. That's where the AT stuck her foot in her mouth supposedly. I told him about how the conversations were from our perspective and it is based on how Penelope was doing. He pressured her into making committments "Penelope couldn't keep." It was wrong of both of them. I thought he understood.. he seemed to hear me. I told him "It's not about you or punishing you but what Penelope's needs are. You need to be patient." He said he was. I said, "Okay, tell me this. It's been over a week since her birthday. Why doesn't she have a present from you yet?" He said "I thought I was going to get to see her..." I said "Exactly, everyone has said that the next time isn't set." He sighed and said "How should I get her present to her..." I said "You can give it to Dad, or Mom.. or just give it to me on Monday." He said "You mean I'm not going to get to see her on Wednesday?!?!?!?!" "Um, no! Has anyone told you that are going to get to see her on Wednesday?" He said "It's been over a month so I should get to see her on Wednesday." I said "That's the problem George, you assume things. Even after everything I just said, you still have the same assumptions!" He said "This isn't right! This is unacceptable! You don't understand...." I do is the thing, it's all him. He said "I want a 2nd opinion!" I said "A 2nd opinion? She has one of those, and a 5th opinion.. they all are in agreement what her needs are.. you want a 6th or 7th opinion?" He huffed and said he said "I disagree with what they say. I want someone different that her ATs." I said "Of course you do, because you want someone to tell you what you want to hear, not what is the truth." He said "I can't talk about this, we will talk about it on Monday." I said "That's fine, just ask yourself this question..'Is Penelope getting better??'" He said "Yes, but I think she will get better faster if she sees me more often." I said "Okaaayy.. then answer me this. Why do you think you are not allowed to see Penelope right now?" He said "I really don't know." I said "Exactly what I thought. Again, even after I have told you, her ATs, her ATs telling your therapist, you still don't know." He said "Tell me what I did so wrong then! What I am such an A**hole like Harriet?!" I said "I guess that is the conversation we are suppose to have on Monday."
At first I thought, maybe I shouldn't go to this appointment. It's going to be really hard. But then, he needs to hear it, in front of a therapist who also needs to hear it. Somewhere along the time, she has fallen for his bullsh*t... "I'm the victim here" crap and she needs to be set straight too. I can communicate just fine thank you very f*cking much! lol.
Time to dig out the armor to go into battle against RAD.
Fortunetly, I am having a good day. I was suppose to go to lunch with an old friend who is now running aa subsidiary for a national company. She had to postpone it again. :( BUT the reason was because she is meeting with someone from corporate to consider starting a new division. She actually said she was hoping I would tell her I was either looking or about to and she said "What do you want to do and how much do you want to make?" It can't be any better than that. To have someone basically tell you that you are hired (as soon as..) just tell me what you want to do and how much you want. Especially in these economic times. So hopefully, her boss gives her the go-ahead.
So George can't mess up my day, no way no how. I'm sure Penelope could if she tried but she is doing fine today. She is currently reading. "Good girl!"
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