I purposefully didn't schedule too much for the weekend. The past few weekends have been pretty busy, which is nice in it's own right. But, with the visit with Geoff, I needed to calm things down so Penelope can get a grip - too much good is a bad thing when you are not in a healthy space. It's too much stimulation equaling anxiety equaling hypervigilence equaling unsafe feeling equaling obsessive behaviors.
One of my growing stressors has been maintenance of my yard. Between being with Penelope all the time, for the most part, time to do any chores has been running thin. One of the hardest things to get her to do is chores. Some days are better than others. It's been impossible for over a week. And with the visitation looming, happening, and the aftermath... I haven't had the strength or patience to work through this with her. I just do what I can to get by and spend my time with her on other activities.
All while my grass and the weeds that surrounded my house and garage continued to grow. All I need are more weeds. Every year I pour poison all over my gardens trying to kill the weeds but all it seems to do is kill the plants I want to grow. But it was getting out of hand. Between the heat and not wanting to leave Penelope inside, I was really struggling. I got her up early on Saturday, bound and determined to get some of the work done. All I got were complaints, too hot, too many bugs, and the weeds kept poking her. I had her pulling weeds. It was getting hot. It was like 85 by 10am, and the humidity! If it wasn't for that I would be fine. But I don't sleep well, and I'm retaining like 12 lbs of water in my joints and feet.. probably due to high blood pressure.. something I only have under extremely stressful periods. I guess I need to go back on the blood pressure pills.. haven't needed them surprisingly. But then on top of her whining, and the whining I was doing in my head, I couldn't get the darn lawnmower to start! It happens 2 out of 3 times I go to use it. Between Penelope wanting to go inside and nothing going right, I was about to lose my mind.
So I told Penelope we would do chores inside.. she was okay with that. I called and left a voice message with my dad asking him if he could come by and start my lawnmower so I could cut my grass. I knew he was heading over to George's today to cut his grass. I told Penelope to clean up the living room, which she has turned into her playroom. She wanted me to help her but I told her no, I was going to be cleaning another room. She has done it before by herself many times. But every time I turned around she was either gone or playing around.
I sat her down and told her how important chores are to being part of the family. We are doing chores together and they need to be done. She knew that but started to get upset saying how she just wanted to have fun. She hasn't talked that kind of talk in over a month regarding chores. Not to this extent. She was crying and throwing a tantrum. She said she hates cleaning because her dad would always make her clean. He would lay on the couch and watch TV and tell her how he didn't feel good or his muscles her him and she would always have to do all the cleaning. I told her I understood but I'm not asking her to clean for me. I'm asking her to clean with me, together, as part of the family. There is a difference. I'm not making her do my chores. She is contributing. She just cried and said I didn't understand and I never believe her. I told her I knew exactly what she was saying and repeated it back to her. That I knew that he did that and I agree it wasn't fair. But I'm not asking her to do anything that isn't fair. She didn't care.
I gave up, I wasn't going to fight with her for sure. But she wasn't permitted to watch tv in my room or go outside to play. Her freedoms are limited.
My dad came by about an hour later to start my lawnmower. I was on the phone with Laura, Penelope's tutor, talking about schedules and stuff when he walked in. I explained what Penelope's issues were and he said "What if Mommy helps you?"... Great. She said "Sure." My dad insisted that he was going to cut my grass and I would help Penelope with her chores. He cut 3/4ths of my yard and came in. For that hour, Penelope and I worked on picking up all her toys and garbage. We only got about half way through when he came in. She was very happy to clean and was singing and moving at a regular pace, which is not a usual thing. I was a bit perturbed by the fact it just takes him to say "clean" and she does it. But as soon as he left, she said "I'm too tired. I'm done." and that was that.
I honestly don't know how to get her to do her chores without creating a huge battle out of it. We've talked about it in therapy a couple of times when her effort stops. They just remind her how it's part of being a family and the affect of that might last a day or two but that's about it.
I called my other brother to see if he would be able to either take Penelope for the day or come over and help me knocked down the forest growing on my lot. His wife suggested the whole family come. I didn't like that idea but only because I thought it would be too much to handle. A 2 year old, and 4 year old, and an 11 year old going on 5.
But I agreed and they came over and did an awesome job. The kids were very good considering physical and mental ages. I was able to get Penelope to help me a little bit, with the peer pressure of having her Aunt, Uncle and cousins around to deter any tantrums. I told her, I'm going to get it in while I can.
Even though I had the energy of a sloth, I was so grateful they came over and helped me. I apologized for my lack of ability. It was definitly depressing how little I felt I could do. Just to push the lawnmower from the back of the house to the front made me dizzy. I remembered I hadn't eaten anything yet and it was 1pm, I went and got a bagel thinking that would be good carbs but I could barely eat it. It gave me a headache. Ugh! My brother told me it was okay. He knows I've been pretty depressed and not sleeping so he didn't expect me to have much energy. He is too understanding. I feel guilty about it. I need to figure out how to get more energy.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Good News
Two bits of good news, great news really.
1) Penelope's tutor/ a great supporter and friend to our family is open to implementing some unconventional methods with Penelope when she fails to do her homework or work hard. You wouldn't think someone would be so excited about paying for Penelope to do someone else's chores during her tutor sessions (if warranted). I'm thrilled. It will really help her get stronger, and do her homework!
2) I finally got a hold of the YMCA Camp Director. Actually, the person I was trying to reach wasn't the Camp Director so she was on vacation - but regardless we got it straightened out. I met with the Camp Director and her boss this morning and they were really great. I talked about Penelope's need for a safe environment, tough love, structure, no second chances, no yelling... etc. They decided right there who Penelope's counselor was going to be, based on that description. The Director's boss went and retrieved him. I think he will be perfect for her. I went into more description and he read my email that I sent to the boss. He said that when he was a kid, he had ADHD and ODD so he can relate and understands some of the things I'm talking about. He said that was why his personality with the kids is the way it is. He doesn't yell but has been told he is strict by fair. I said "Perfect." He asked about her fake injuries and illnesses. We discussed her past transgressions from camp last year. He said he has EMT training. Perfect. Their concern was that they didn't want to ignore a possible injury. I said I completely understood that. But, just like I'm sure you are trained, investigate.. if it's still possible, then just pull her out and if she all of a sudden gets better, like when something she wants to do is offered, tell her "Oh no, you are hurt, you must sit here." If she says "I'm all better now." Say "You really seemed very hurt, I'd rather be safe than sorry. You have to stay." She will be less likely to fake injury again in fear of missing out on the fun.
1) Penelope's tutor/ a great supporter and friend to our family is open to implementing some unconventional methods with Penelope when she fails to do her homework or work hard. You wouldn't think someone would be so excited about paying for Penelope to do someone else's chores during her tutor sessions (if warranted). I'm thrilled. It will really help her get stronger, and do her homework!
2) I finally got a hold of the YMCA Camp Director. Actually, the person I was trying to reach wasn't the Camp Director so she was on vacation - but regardless we got it straightened out. I met with the Camp Director and her boss this morning and they were really great. I talked about Penelope's need for a safe environment, tough love, structure, no second chances, no yelling... etc. They decided right there who Penelope's counselor was going to be, based on that description. The Director's boss went and retrieved him. I think he will be perfect for her. I went into more description and he read my email that I sent to the boss. He said that when he was a kid, he had ADHD and ODD so he can relate and understands some of the things I'm talking about. He said that was why his personality with the kids is the way it is. He doesn't yell but has been told he is strict by fair. I said "Perfect." He asked about her fake injuries and illnesses. We discussed her past transgressions from camp last year. He said he has EMT training. Perfect. Their concern was that they didn't want to ignore a possible injury. I said I completely understood that. But, just like I'm sure you are trained, investigate.. if it's still possible, then just pull her out and if she all of a sudden gets better, like when something she wants to do is offered, tell her "Oh no, you are hurt, you must sit here." If she says "I'm all better now." Say "You really seemed very hurt, I'd rather be safe than sorry. You have to stay." She will be less likely to fake injury again in fear of missing out on the fun.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Therapy
We just returned from therapy a little bit ago. My dad met us at their office to participate. Penelope went with the one therapist for brain training and my dad and I went with the other to tell him how things went. We went through the events of yesterday and what happened afterward, including Penelope's video and the laptop (prior post explains). I told her what happened and what Penelope said. She definitely thinks it's related to her visit with her dad. She asked if I thought she was going to send the video to her dad. I said, "I honestly don't know but it definitely crossed my mind. She likes to look at the funny cats on youtube.com and knows their is a forum for home videos." She thinks that Penelope was sort of... competing with Debbie, the ex-stepmom, because she had seen the pictures of her and her dad on her dad's cell phone back before he gave it to her. (Not the ones I found.. "I hate George" post explains it) I didn't think of that but I can see that. Where would she get the idea otherwise??
The other therapist poked her head in to see if we were ready - they were done with brain training. She was told to put Penelope in the other therapy room and come in. She was asked how brain training went. She said that her brain waves were really elevated and she was having a hard time, definitly seems regressed.
When Penelope came in, we kept the conversation rather light and just processed the evening with her. We are going to wait a few weeks to bring up the video. She wanted to know if she was going to get to see her dad on her birthday. We told her we would think about it but probably not, too much going on that day that will have her already anxious. We don't want things to get spoiled. She seemed to understand.
But besides what we told them, she was definitly showing signs of regression, fortuntely not anger, but regression. She is back to babytalking alot. She doesn't want to do what she is told, and talk about a figgity kid! Good lord! She was bouncing her legs, her hands, the whole sofa. Anyway, she'd been like that most of the afternoon.
During the session I found out that George's therapist FINALLY called Penelope's therapist. His therapist was calling to petition on George's behalf more frequent visits with Penelope. But they finally had the talk that they should have had weeks ago and it seems she sees things better.. supposedly. I wonder how that is going to go on Monday when he has his next session. I'm sure I'm going to be chasticed because now his therapist has been brainwashed. But I'm not sure how well she was gotten through to. I'd like to learn more about their conversation. Next time I guess.
I did end up going to George's doctor's appointment this morning. Not for him but for my dad. I could barely look at him. He was trying to be all nice. My dad called him two faced, when he chewed him out for STILL talking crap about me the day before his visitation. Two faced is right.
The other therapist poked her head in to see if we were ready - they were done with brain training. She was told to put Penelope in the other therapy room and come in. She was asked how brain training went. She said that her brain waves were really elevated and she was having a hard time, definitly seems regressed.
When Penelope came in, we kept the conversation rather light and just processed the evening with her. We are going to wait a few weeks to bring up the video. She wanted to know if she was going to get to see her dad on her birthday. We told her we would think about it but probably not, too much going on that day that will have her already anxious. We don't want things to get spoiled. She seemed to understand.
But besides what we told them, she was definitly showing signs of regression, fortuntely not anger, but regression. She is back to babytalking alot. She doesn't want to do what she is told, and talk about a figgity kid! Good lord! She was bouncing her legs, her hands, the whole sofa. Anyway, she'd been like that most of the afternoon.
During the session I found out that George's therapist FINALLY called Penelope's therapist. His therapist was calling to petition on George's behalf more frequent visits with Penelope. But they finally had the talk that they should have had weeks ago and it seems she sees things better.. supposedly. I wonder how that is going to go on Monday when he has his next session. I'm sure I'm going to be chasticed because now his therapist has been brainwashed. But I'm not sure how well she was gotten through to. I'd like to learn more about their conversation. Next time I guess.
I did end up going to George's doctor's appointment this morning. Not for him but for my dad. I could barely look at him. He was trying to be all nice. My dad called him two faced, when he chewed him out for STILL talking crap about me the day before his visitation. Two faced is right.
The Aftermath...so far
So yesterday Penelope got to visit with George. I was a nervous wreck.. I took her to my parents' house where my Dad was going to monitor. I had to lie to her a few times to keep up the secret. We stopped at the craft store to pick up some crafting kit - something for them to do together. Watching TV was out of the question - no talking and she would want to hang on him. Playing a game was also not a good option - because he is too competitive and tries to tell her how to do things and she just wants to have fun - not a good combination. In the past, usually ended in a fight. Anyway, I told her that Grandma wanted to do a craft with her. Then I told her that I had to leave to run errands. Papaw said he would bring her home - which was the plan but it appeared like we were just planning it then. So I left and came home.
On the way home I called my other brother, who had called earlier and told me to call him if I needed anything. I needed someone to talk to. I was short of freaking out. He was able to tell me more about the conversation he had with George the day before where George was complaining about me (prior post). Not much that was something I didn't know George does. I am brainwashing his daughter, trying to push them apart. He wants a "second opinion" from a different therapist. I have conned the therapist into thinking he is a bad person... what else, oh.. he should be able to see his daughter everyday because he didn't do anything wrong. But my brother did a good job trying to explain it to George - the best he knew how. He's not been really apart of the details in Penelope's healing. He has been what a typical Uncle is, part of the family but not part of day to day. He spoke to George about his own memory of how he parented Penelope. That she was never first in his life, that after Harriet left, mom took over raising her for a while during his depression from losing his wife. But after that, he didn't do what a father is suppose to do. He just went through the routine of feeding her and clothing her. He said "You will never get from me 'You're a good father.'" Which he has for years been wanting someone to tell him. He said George said "I guess I'll get someone else to help me then" cut his grass - which was the original purpose of George's phone call.
It's rare that I get to have a reasonably long conversation with my brother about Penelope and her trauma and therapy. He has his own family and problems. But I told him that throughout this process, a lot has been discovered. And it's not just me feeding the therapists. Mom, Dad and I told them what our memories were. What Penelope had claimed. What George and/or Harriet have admitted to that we may not have witnessed ourselves. When I had told Penelope's therapists George's accusation, she defended her position by saying "Yes, you all have told me what you know from your prospective, but we base our decisions on what we see with Penelope. She does and thinks the way she does for a reason." Which is exactly true. I told my brother about how I never could figure out why I was so uncomfortable seeing George with Penelope. I would say how I feel like he has molested her but I have no proof of that - it's just how I feel about their relationship. When I described how Penelope acted around her dad when we had all gone to dinner (long time ago), hanging on him - wouldn't sit in her seat. Wanting to feed him, taking people's olives from their salads because "Daddy likes olives." Getting all dressed up and wanting her hair curled and put lip gloss on... Based on that and the history of knowing that she slept in his bed until she was 8, her having to clean for him, his yelling at her for the slightest infraction, telling her his problems, testing her devotion by making her pick between other people and him etc... she said "It's incestuous. Emotional incest, not physical.. like she is playing his wife, and he promotes it because it fills the void for him." I said, "I don't put that in their heads.. I feed them the facts - what I know, and they put the puzzle pieces together. No one ever said he intentionally hurt her, that he was acting out of malice. But God, what bad decisions!
Anyway! So I was told their visitation went fine. Penelope didn't do her flip out thing that she typically would do, which is good. She kept her emotions in check. She was also scared she was going to get in trouble. She told her dad.. you can't tell! I will be in so much trouble! I don't know why he didn't tell her I knew but after the visitation my dad told her that I already knew, it was planned. My dad carried the conversation. He said it took about 40 minutes for them to warm up to eachother. I told him, as part of the "rules" to have them talk about school and camp and how well she is working to get strong. To not talk about missing each other, the past or future plans. But it's pretty normal for George to need someone to carry the conversation - not that he is a quiet guy, but as you can tell he is rather self-evolved so he doesn't think to ask her about school or camp or her friends. He usually just wants to talk about work, or complain really, and his friends and him in general. But I'm sure he was also nervous about saying something wrong. But he knew the rules, and they were pretty simple. But with the way his brain works, he just knew he couldn't talk about the things he would typically talk about. Anyway, I just think this stuff is simple and not asking too much.
But I was told everything went fine, she acted fine right afterward and my dad brought her home and ate dinner with us. She was very helpful and kept thanking me. It seems she is under the impression I did this "for her." I told her it was planned about a week ago. I didn't tell her I was against it. That would just make her feel bad.
After my dad left and everything seemed fine, I told her to take a shower and get ready for bed. She did and then played for a little bit. She said she had to go to the bathroom again "#2" like I needed to know that much info. But she was in there for quite a while, and with the door shut. I can never get her to shut the door. I knew something was up. So I walked in on her.
Immediately I knew something was up. She had jumped and I heard something clank. She had a totally scared look on her face. I asked her what she was doing.. She kept saying nothing but her voice and expression was not nothing.. plus the front of her nightgown was pulled down very low. She's not the best at wearing her clothes straight but it was a red flag. I calmed down and told her I wouldn't be mad but I would know if she is lying.
She finally admitted she was doing something. She was "filming" herself. I then noticed the digital camera laying between the toilet and the sink that I had given her 2 years ago. I picked it up and tried to figure out how to watch it. She got upset and said she didn't want me to see it because I was going to be mad at her. I told her I wasn't going to be mad but I needed to watch it. It wasn't that long but it was of her masterbating and fondling herself. I was devistated. But I put on a non-upset face, the best I could. Told her to get ready for bed so we could read. I did ask her why and where did she get the idea from. She tried to cry, no tears and just kept saying "You are mad at me, I knew it. You are mad at me.." She said she didn't know why but she had seen it at her friend Amy's - who was her friend out when she lived with her dad. Then she tried to tell me she was trying to hurt herself. To punish herself for what she has done wrong.. "But it's not about my dad!" I said "I never said it was about your dad." A couple of minutes later out of nowhere she confessed that my laptop was under her bed. That she took it out of my room. I asked her "Why?" She said she wanted to play a game on it later. I think she was planning on sending her video to someone. I don't know.. I'm just disappointed. But I don't know what to make of it.
I will say, there was no anger, not yet anyway. Let's hope it stays that way.
On the way home I called my other brother, who had called earlier and told me to call him if I needed anything. I needed someone to talk to. I was short of freaking out. He was able to tell me more about the conversation he had with George the day before where George was complaining about me (prior post). Not much that was something I didn't know George does. I am brainwashing his daughter, trying to push them apart. He wants a "second opinion" from a different therapist. I have conned the therapist into thinking he is a bad person... what else, oh.. he should be able to see his daughter everyday because he didn't do anything wrong. But my brother did a good job trying to explain it to George - the best he knew how. He's not been really apart of the details in Penelope's healing. He has been what a typical Uncle is, part of the family but not part of day to day. He spoke to George about his own memory of how he parented Penelope. That she was never first in his life, that after Harriet left, mom took over raising her for a while during his depression from losing his wife. But after that, he didn't do what a father is suppose to do. He just went through the routine of feeding her and clothing her. He said "You will never get from me 'You're a good father.'" Which he has for years been wanting someone to tell him. He said George said "I guess I'll get someone else to help me then" cut his grass - which was the original purpose of George's phone call.
It's rare that I get to have a reasonably long conversation with my brother about Penelope and her trauma and therapy. He has his own family and problems. But I told him that throughout this process, a lot has been discovered. And it's not just me feeding the therapists. Mom, Dad and I told them what our memories were. What Penelope had claimed. What George and/or Harriet have admitted to that we may not have witnessed ourselves. When I had told Penelope's therapists George's accusation, she defended her position by saying "Yes, you all have told me what you know from your prospective, but we base our decisions on what we see with Penelope. She does and thinks the way she does for a reason." Which is exactly true. I told my brother about how I never could figure out why I was so uncomfortable seeing George with Penelope. I would say how I feel like he has molested her but I have no proof of that - it's just how I feel about their relationship. When I described how Penelope acted around her dad when we had all gone to dinner (long time ago), hanging on him - wouldn't sit in her seat. Wanting to feed him, taking people's olives from their salads because "Daddy likes olives." Getting all dressed up and wanting her hair curled and put lip gloss on... Based on that and the history of knowing that she slept in his bed until she was 8, her having to clean for him, his yelling at her for the slightest infraction, telling her his problems, testing her devotion by making her pick between other people and him etc... she said "It's incestuous. Emotional incest, not physical.. like she is playing his wife, and he promotes it because it fills the void for him." I said, "I don't put that in their heads.. I feed them the facts - what I know, and they put the puzzle pieces together. No one ever said he intentionally hurt her, that he was acting out of malice. But God, what bad decisions!
Anyway! So I was told their visitation went fine. Penelope didn't do her flip out thing that she typically would do, which is good. She kept her emotions in check. She was also scared she was going to get in trouble. She told her dad.. you can't tell! I will be in so much trouble! I don't know why he didn't tell her I knew but after the visitation my dad told her that I already knew, it was planned. My dad carried the conversation. He said it took about 40 minutes for them to warm up to eachother. I told him, as part of the "rules" to have them talk about school and camp and how well she is working to get strong. To not talk about missing each other, the past or future plans. But it's pretty normal for George to need someone to carry the conversation - not that he is a quiet guy, but as you can tell he is rather self-evolved so he doesn't think to ask her about school or camp or her friends. He usually just wants to talk about work, or complain really, and his friends and him in general. But I'm sure he was also nervous about saying something wrong. But he knew the rules, and they were pretty simple. But with the way his brain works, he just knew he couldn't talk about the things he would typically talk about. Anyway, I just think this stuff is simple and not asking too much.
But I was told everything went fine, she acted fine right afterward and my dad brought her home and ate dinner with us. She was very helpful and kept thanking me. It seems she is under the impression I did this "for her." I told her it was planned about a week ago. I didn't tell her I was against it. That would just make her feel bad.
After my dad left and everything seemed fine, I told her to take a shower and get ready for bed. She did and then played for a little bit. She said she had to go to the bathroom again "#2" like I needed to know that much info. But she was in there for quite a while, and with the door shut. I can never get her to shut the door. I knew something was up. So I walked in on her.
Immediately I knew something was up. She had jumped and I heard something clank. She had a totally scared look on her face. I asked her what she was doing.. She kept saying nothing but her voice and expression was not nothing.. plus the front of her nightgown was pulled down very low. She's not the best at wearing her clothes straight but it was a red flag. I calmed down and told her I wouldn't be mad but I would know if she is lying.
She finally admitted she was doing something. She was "filming" herself. I then noticed the digital camera laying between the toilet and the sink that I had given her 2 years ago. I picked it up and tried to figure out how to watch it. She got upset and said she didn't want me to see it because I was going to be mad at her. I told her I wasn't going to be mad but I needed to watch it. It wasn't that long but it was of her masterbating and fondling herself. I was devistated. But I put on a non-upset face, the best I could. Told her to get ready for bed so we could read. I did ask her why and where did she get the idea from. She tried to cry, no tears and just kept saying "You are mad at me, I knew it. You are mad at me.." She said she didn't know why but she had seen it at her friend Amy's - who was her friend out when she lived with her dad. Then she tried to tell me she was trying to hurt herself. To punish herself for what she has done wrong.. "But it's not about my dad!" I said "I never said it was about your dad." A couple of minutes later out of nowhere she confessed that my laptop was under her bed. That she took it out of my room. I asked her "Why?" She said she wanted to play a game on it later. I think she was planning on sending her video to someone. I don't know.. I'm just disappointed. But I don't know what to make of it.
I will say, there was no anger, not yet anyway. Let's hope it stays that way.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Penelope is visiting with George today
I can't sleep... or I've had enough sleep I guess. I put in about 6 hours. It's 4:30am. I'm just struggling with this whole thing. I was starting to accept the inevitable. Last Thursday at therapy, I found out that George had called up Penelope's therapists earlier last week wanting to know when he can see his daughter. He had left a message on that Monday, and she waited until Thursday, before our session, to call him back. During her conversation, she agreed to allow him to see Penelope this Wednesday. She said "I have to talk to your sister and your dad, but I think it can be Wednesday." I explained to her, it didn't matter what we had to say.. even if one of us was having brain surgery, he was going to insist on seeing her Wednesday because SHE okay'd it. She should never should had talked out of turn. If our say really mattered to the outcome that is. It just really pisses me off. Plus, George had told our dad that Monday that his therapist was going to be calling Penelope's therapist. To find out more information about why he can't see Penelope yet. But he was the one who called her. He doesn't really want anyone to know why he can't, he just wants to see her. I know he misses her, but he is really pushing this, not for Penelope's sake, for his own. I told her, if she thinks Penelope is ready, then I will deal with it. But if she is doing this because George is putting the pressure on, then I don't want it to happen. I know that is the case, because the prior two sessions she said it was good that my dad was able to hold him off. But she denies it. I don't trust her anymore.
It's been a rough few days trying to keep myself together. Thursday after therapy and the big news, I ordered Penelope a pizza for dinner so I wouldn't have to cook (Thursdays are late nights anyway because of the far drive to and from therapy) and I went to bed with a throbbing migraine. Friday should be better since I had scheduled Penelope to go to the pool with her good friend Jackie and my mom for the day. My mom was picking her up at 11am. But my mom needed me to relieve her at 4:00 because she had an appointment at 5:00. That gave me a few hours of doing chores around the house. At 2:00 she calls me and tells me "Don't be late!" I said "Great mom, you've had her for 3 hours and want to be relieved while I've been with her for 2 weeks straight... thanks" She just laughed and said "I can't help it, she is driving me crazy" and went on to tell me all the annoying things she had been doing at the pool. But she handles the situations all wrong. She yells, and warns, and promotes the behavior by doing so. I knew by the conversation that Penelope being around my mom wasn't healthy so I hurried up and went to relieve her. By the time I got there, everyone seemed ready to leave, which was fine. Before my mom left, she invited us to come for dinner after we were done driving Jackie home. I told her I would think about it and call her... I wasn't happy with her renewed oblivion to my need for a break and Penelope's needs when it came to healthy parenting. But I told Penelope about it, and she always jumps at the chance at seeing he Papaw. So I tried to call her but was only able to leave messages. We went to their house about an hour later. No one was home. Shortly later, she called back and said that my dad was going to be home soon but she had dinner plans (not with us anymore) and we should stick around for dad. I felt bad just being there without him even knowing that she was planning us to have dinner with him. I'm sure he wouldn't mind but at the same time, she just ditched us. Ugh, she is such a pain! So we went and waited on the back porch for him to get home. (Okay, just got about a 10 min. snuggle time break with one of the cats while I'm blogging..) When my dad got home, I told him what happened. He said "We can go to dinner too!" Penelope wanted to go to the restaurant about a mile away. It's the only decent sit down restaurant within 10 miles. So we go over there. While we were at the hostess' stand, Penelope spots Grandma. At the same time, my dad spots George sitting near her and immediately grabs Penelope and says "Let's go eat somewhere else." I saw it around that time too and we hurried to leave. Penelope bucked and was very upset about leaving. My dad, not knowing what else to say "We don't want to eat were Grandma's eating. We are mad at Grandma..." Penelope likes the idea of being mad at Grandma so she let up a little bit. But she really had her heart set on eating there. Something about corndogs. My dad started throwing out names of places that we typically would never go but Penelope would like. I think if she would like eating at a 5 star restaurant, he was ready to take her there. So we drove into town and went to some buffet restaurant that serves mediocre food but it made Penelope happy. Of course, when we got back to the house, when Penelope was not in the room, my dad and I asked her why she didn't tell us or at least go eat somewhere not so nearby. She got defensive and claimed she tried to call.. But she could have told me when I was talking to her but that would have been to easy I guess. Okay.. went on too long about my mom again. But I guess I'm just trying to point out how she just doesn't see, or is refusing to see how hard this all is for me, and making my life more difficult. She knows that this all is going down with George seeing Penelope and how I'm not okay with it. But she is so happy for her son...
Monday, she calls me about something.. I can't remember. She is telling me about her dinner that Friday with George and his friend. The dinner was work related. George had met a guy who works in the same industry as my mom and was needing leads and wanted to partner up with her. Of course, it was work related. Anyway, she tells me how when Penelope used my phone to call her when we got to her house, that George started to tear up. To explain it to his friend, he told him that his daughter lives with me and he hasn't seen her in a long time. My mom says "You'd be surprised how he was though. He was honest with his friend about why!" I was immediately suspicious. "Really.." She tells me that he told his friend that Penelope has this problem where she treats him like a boyfriend than a dad and he has to act a certain way around her. I said "That's it? That's not it. That's the problem. He sees it as Penelope's problem. Something she has to deal with that he has to put up with. He won't admit that he has caused it through the way he has parented her.. that he promotes this mentality and behavior for his own selfish needs." I explained to her, again, that he has fed on her insecurities from her mother's abuse and abandonment, by putting her in the role of his psuedo wife through their "snuggle time" that consisted of them sleeping in the same bed together for 6 years until she was 8, telling her his adult life problems, telling her how she is the only thing that can make him happy, making her cook and clean for him - the best a toddler can do, but when it wasn't good enough or she didn't follow directions well enough, he yelled and screamed at her and spank her when he felt the need to. But then when something better came along, friends, a social life.. she was left with whomever was willing to take care of her. She was left with other people more than she was at home. One of those environments led to her sexual abuse. He also left her with her mother, even though he wasn't suppose to via the visitation rights (supervised) in the unhealthy environment where she was taken by her mother and secret boyfriend to a waffle house where her husband showed up and had an altercation with her. But since her mother wasn't suppose to leave and take her anywhere, it wasn't his fault. But Penelope was so scared of him leaving her that it killed her self-esteem. When it was the two of them - it was the two of them, but as soon as anyone else, or something else came up, his attention totally disappeared. He would wait until she would go to sleep and then he would leave to go out "nearby" he claimed. But when a 4 year old with PTSD because of abuse and her mother's abandonment, wakes up from one her regular nightmares and goes looking for you and the house is empty, what do you expect? No wonder she insisted on sleeping in his bed, to keep an eye on him. So no, he didn't not tell the truth, or the whole truth at least. He wouldn't."
After my rant, she was apalled and said "Have you ever told George this?" I said, "Yes!....Yes! Of course I have. But I'm just some stupid female that is trying to steal his daughter from him.. that is brainwashing her. He doesn't care. He doesn't see his actions being harmful. He feels as her father he can't do anything wrong. She is his and all she needs is him. Anything he may have done wrong was because someone else wronged him or whatever." She tells me that I should have a meeting with him and my dad so that he hears this. I told her that he has heard it, from me, from Penelope's therapists. That was why he was suppose to meet with them a few weeks ago.. But then he did try to preoccupy the meeting by talking about how I wronged him by going through his old cell phone he gave Molly and reading his one email. My mom then started to tell me how I was wrong in doing that.. that it was violating his privacy. That really pissed me off. When did that come about? I said "When did you change your mind about that? I thought you understood why I did it? (prior post) She said "You should have just deleted the pictures and not opened the messages." I said "How am I suppose to know what he really thinks or does if I don't investigate? He lies so much, I never know what is true.. I have to protect Penelope..." She says "You can't protect Penelope from everything.. you can't protect her from her father. It's not your place. You are too obsessed with this." What? WHAT??? This woman is crazy! I was so mad. She is in such denial herself. She just can't handle it. I can't stand it. I told her "I can't talk to you about this anymore. You don't understand and I don't have the strength to explain it to you. I have to go." I swear, I'm so sick of her defending him.
She called back later and tried to smooth things over. But I've made a point to not talk to her about George. No more. It only makes me more depressed. Severely.
I went over my parent's this past evening, to go over "the rules" for the visit with my dad. The therapist had told my dad that she would write down the rules for him and send them with me but she didn't. So I wrote down what I remembered her saying, and some things that were important to me. My dad wanted me to stick around until after his Tuesday night golf thing because he wanted to talk about George's workers' comp claim. I've been helping him manage it since February - which for the things mentioned above, have been growing more and more difficult. George has a doctor's appointment on Thursday and a hearing coming up. He wants me to go to the doctor's appointment, because George keeps "forgetting" to discuss certain important things for his up coming hearing with him. I said I'd go, not that I want to see him. I'm only helping him for my dad's sake, because he is supporting George and if George get's cut off of his comp, it's going to get really bad financially. My mom had shown up while he was gone and we ate dinner.
A little later, my other brother showed up to pick up something he left there earlier. Penelope was outside with my dad and my brother told my mom and I how George had called him about an hour earlier. He wanted a favor from him.. but during the conversation he started trying to get him to "side with him" about how unfair it is that he can't see his daughter and he wants to know why he is being punished when he didn't do anything. George told him that I turned Penelope's therapists againt him and that I'm brainwashing Penelope into hating him. I said "When did you talk to him? He knows he is going to see her tomorrow." He said "Just a little bit ago, he knows that I know, but it's not enough. He doesn't understand why it has to be for such a short time and why there has to be all these rules etc." I was amazed. Instead of being happy about seeing her, he is still on his manipulative rampage of trying to convert anyone he can talk to into being his follower. I said "Yes, I'm brainwashing Penelope. I'm trying to plant bad memories into her brain so she hates herself and is sad and in pain, just to hurt him... yes, that's what I want." And I'm suppose to help him? I had to leave at that point, I was starting to feel sick again, getting a migraine. When I left, my dad was on his lawn mower. I told him what happened. I said "It makes it really hard to want to help him. I will of course, but ..." He understood. It will take all my strength to see him on Thursday if I still end up going to his doctor's. I'm sure my dad is going to tear him a new hole about it. Sabatoging his only free help to keep his income right now. Good.
It's been a rough few days trying to keep myself together. Thursday after therapy and the big news, I ordered Penelope a pizza for dinner so I wouldn't have to cook (Thursdays are late nights anyway because of the far drive to and from therapy) and I went to bed with a throbbing migraine. Friday should be better since I had scheduled Penelope to go to the pool with her good friend Jackie and my mom for the day. My mom was picking her up at 11am. But my mom needed me to relieve her at 4:00 because she had an appointment at 5:00. That gave me a few hours of doing chores around the house. At 2:00 she calls me and tells me "Don't be late!" I said "Great mom, you've had her for 3 hours and want to be relieved while I've been with her for 2 weeks straight... thanks" She just laughed and said "I can't help it, she is driving me crazy" and went on to tell me all the annoying things she had been doing at the pool. But she handles the situations all wrong. She yells, and warns, and promotes the behavior by doing so. I knew by the conversation that Penelope being around my mom wasn't healthy so I hurried up and went to relieve her. By the time I got there, everyone seemed ready to leave, which was fine. Before my mom left, she invited us to come for dinner after we were done driving Jackie home. I told her I would think about it and call her... I wasn't happy with her renewed oblivion to my need for a break and Penelope's needs when it came to healthy parenting. But I told Penelope about it, and she always jumps at the chance at seeing he Papaw. So I tried to call her but was only able to leave messages. We went to their house about an hour later. No one was home. Shortly later, she called back and said that my dad was going to be home soon but she had dinner plans (not with us anymore) and we should stick around for dad. I felt bad just being there without him even knowing that she was planning us to have dinner with him. I'm sure he wouldn't mind but at the same time, she just ditched us. Ugh, she is such a pain! So we went and waited on the back porch for him to get home. (Okay, just got about a 10 min. snuggle time break with one of the cats while I'm blogging..) When my dad got home, I told him what happened. He said "We can go to dinner too!" Penelope wanted to go to the restaurant about a mile away. It's the only decent sit down restaurant within 10 miles. So we go over there. While we were at the hostess' stand, Penelope spots Grandma. At the same time, my dad spots George sitting near her and immediately grabs Penelope and says "Let's go eat somewhere else." I saw it around that time too and we hurried to leave. Penelope bucked and was very upset about leaving. My dad, not knowing what else to say "We don't want to eat were Grandma's eating. We are mad at Grandma..." Penelope likes the idea of being mad at Grandma so she let up a little bit. But she really had her heart set on eating there. Something about corndogs. My dad started throwing out names of places that we typically would never go but Penelope would like. I think if she would like eating at a 5 star restaurant, he was ready to take her there. So we drove into town and went to some buffet restaurant that serves mediocre food but it made Penelope happy. Of course, when we got back to the house, when Penelope was not in the room, my dad and I asked her why she didn't tell us or at least go eat somewhere not so nearby. She got defensive and claimed she tried to call.. But she could have told me when I was talking to her but that would have been to easy I guess. Okay.. went on too long about my mom again. But I guess I'm just trying to point out how she just doesn't see, or is refusing to see how hard this all is for me, and making my life more difficult. She knows that this all is going down with George seeing Penelope and how I'm not okay with it. But she is so happy for her son...
Monday, she calls me about something.. I can't remember. She is telling me about her dinner that Friday with George and his friend. The dinner was work related. George had met a guy who works in the same industry as my mom and was needing leads and wanted to partner up with her. Of course, it was work related. Anyway, she tells me how when Penelope used my phone to call her when we got to her house, that George started to tear up. To explain it to his friend, he told him that his daughter lives with me and he hasn't seen her in a long time. My mom says "You'd be surprised how he was though. He was honest with his friend about why!" I was immediately suspicious. "Really.." She tells me that he told his friend that Penelope has this problem where she treats him like a boyfriend than a dad and he has to act a certain way around her. I said "That's it? That's not it. That's the problem. He sees it as Penelope's problem. Something she has to deal with that he has to put up with. He won't admit that he has caused it through the way he has parented her.. that he promotes this mentality and behavior for his own selfish needs." I explained to her, again, that he has fed on her insecurities from her mother's abuse and abandonment, by putting her in the role of his psuedo wife through their "snuggle time" that consisted of them sleeping in the same bed together for 6 years until she was 8, telling her his adult life problems, telling her how she is the only thing that can make him happy, making her cook and clean for him - the best a toddler can do, but when it wasn't good enough or she didn't follow directions well enough, he yelled and screamed at her and spank her when he felt the need to. But then when something better came along, friends, a social life.. she was left with whomever was willing to take care of her. She was left with other people more than she was at home. One of those environments led to her sexual abuse. He also left her with her mother, even though he wasn't suppose to via the visitation rights (supervised) in the unhealthy environment where she was taken by her mother and secret boyfriend to a waffle house where her husband showed up and had an altercation with her. But since her mother wasn't suppose to leave and take her anywhere, it wasn't his fault. But Penelope was so scared of him leaving her that it killed her self-esteem. When it was the two of them - it was the two of them, but as soon as anyone else, or something else came up, his attention totally disappeared. He would wait until she would go to sleep and then he would leave to go out "nearby" he claimed. But when a 4 year old with PTSD because of abuse and her mother's abandonment, wakes up from one her regular nightmares and goes looking for you and the house is empty, what do you expect? No wonder she insisted on sleeping in his bed, to keep an eye on him. So no, he didn't not tell the truth, or the whole truth at least. He wouldn't."
After my rant, she was apalled and said "Have you ever told George this?" I said, "Yes!....Yes! Of course I have. But I'm just some stupid female that is trying to steal his daughter from him.. that is brainwashing her. He doesn't care. He doesn't see his actions being harmful. He feels as her father he can't do anything wrong. She is his and all she needs is him. Anything he may have done wrong was because someone else wronged him or whatever." She tells me that I should have a meeting with him and my dad so that he hears this. I told her that he has heard it, from me, from Penelope's therapists. That was why he was suppose to meet with them a few weeks ago.. But then he did try to preoccupy the meeting by talking about how I wronged him by going through his old cell phone he gave Molly and reading his one email. My mom then started to tell me how I was wrong in doing that.. that it was violating his privacy. That really pissed me off. When did that come about? I said "When did you change your mind about that? I thought you understood why I did it? (prior post) She said "You should have just deleted the pictures and not opened the messages." I said "How am I suppose to know what he really thinks or does if I don't investigate? He lies so much, I never know what is true.. I have to protect Penelope..." She says "You can't protect Penelope from everything.. you can't protect her from her father. It's not your place. You are too obsessed with this." What? WHAT??? This woman is crazy! I was so mad. She is in such denial herself. She just can't handle it. I can't stand it. I told her "I can't talk to you about this anymore. You don't understand and I don't have the strength to explain it to you. I have to go." I swear, I'm so sick of her defending him.
She called back later and tried to smooth things over. But I've made a point to not talk to her about George. No more. It only makes me more depressed. Severely.
I went over my parent's this past evening, to go over "the rules" for the visit with my dad. The therapist had told my dad that she would write down the rules for him and send them with me but she didn't. So I wrote down what I remembered her saying, and some things that were important to me. My dad wanted me to stick around until after his Tuesday night golf thing because he wanted to talk about George's workers' comp claim. I've been helping him manage it since February - which for the things mentioned above, have been growing more and more difficult. George has a doctor's appointment on Thursday and a hearing coming up. He wants me to go to the doctor's appointment, because George keeps "forgetting" to discuss certain important things for his up coming hearing with him. I said I'd go, not that I want to see him. I'm only helping him for my dad's sake, because he is supporting George and if George get's cut off of his comp, it's going to get really bad financially. My mom had shown up while he was gone and we ate dinner.
A little later, my other brother showed up to pick up something he left there earlier. Penelope was outside with my dad and my brother told my mom and I how George had called him about an hour earlier. He wanted a favor from him.. but during the conversation he started trying to get him to "side with him" about how unfair it is that he can't see his daughter and he wants to know why he is being punished when he didn't do anything. George told him that I turned Penelope's therapists againt him and that I'm brainwashing Penelope into hating him. I said "When did you talk to him? He knows he is going to see her tomorrow." He said "Just a little bit ago, he knows that I know, but it's not enough. He doesn't understand why it has to be for such a short time and why there has to be all these rules etc." I was amazed. Instead of being happy about seeing her, he is still on his manipulative rampage of trying to convert anyone he can talk to into being his follower. I said "Yes, I'm brainwashing Penelope. I'm trying to plant bad memories into her brain so she hates herself and is sad and in pain, just to hurt him... yes, that's what I want." And I'm suppose to help him? I had to leave at that point, I was starting to feel sick again, getting a migraine. When I left, my dad was on his lawn mower. I told him what happened. I said "It makes it really hard to want to help him. I will of course, but ..." He understood. It will take all my strength to see him on Thursday if I still end up going to his doctor's. I'm sure my dad is going to tear him a new hole about it. Sabatoging his only free help to keep his income right now. Good.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Father's Day
Father's Day has a different meaning in our house this year.
My father deserves more praise for being such a great dad than is possible to express, and again, any attempt at it will not do it justice.
Then there is the remembrance of Penelope's father. This is the first Father's Day where Penelope didn't get to spend time with her father. She hasn't seen her father in 7 months. I didn't even mention to her that it was Father's Day, just like I didn't mention to her when it was Mother's Day. However, this time, she didn't know it was Father's Day until Father's Day. A friend of hers that she only gets to see a few times a year was having a Birthday slumber party on Saturday night. One of the girls brought up the topic of Father's Day gifts and they all shared what they got their father's... except Penelope. She said she didn't know it was Father's Day and she didn't get him anything. She doesn't get to see him anyway. Of course that admittion created a somber tension in the room. One of the little girls asked the mother hosting the party why Penelope doesn't get to see her dad. She told the little girl something about Penelope's dad working a lot driving over the road. But Penelope was sad after that and when Penelope wanting to swing in the backyard and no one wanting to go with her, she took it personally and thought no one liked her. In reality it's been hot and muggy and they wanted to stay in the AC and play. Fortunately, nothing came of it and her friend and the mom were able to get Penelope to understand it wasn't personal, but it was blow to her ego as well as the realization it was Father's Day.
I picked Penelope up around noon and learned of the events that happened. I'm glad she was dealing as well as she was with it. But we talked for a few minutes after we left, her pain still pretty apparent. During our conversation, I asked her why she thought she wasn't allowed to see her dad. She said "because there is something wrong in my head and I'm not strong enough yet." I told her that wasn't exactly the case, and that it's not her fault. I said "There is a lot that you have had to deal with as you have grown up and those things have hurt you. We have to give you heart and head time to heal. You do work hard and you have setbacks. But it's all part of the healing process."
I told her that we were going to do something together but we were going to have lunch with grandma. Grandma wanted to be included so she offered mani/pedis and a haircut. Penelope was all about it. I need them too but Grandma insisted we go to this one place she likes to go to. We were all suppose to sit next to eachother and have them done together. The staff said they'd make it happen. Also, that Penelope had a haircut appointment in 30 minutes. No problem. I knew they were lying. I specifically don't go there because they lie lie lie! lol. I've been a wreck lately and my tolerance was very low to deal with that. So after they took Penelope and my mom back and put them in chairs with 3 filled chairs inbetween and told me I'd have to wait, I told my mom I wasn't going to do it and would wait outside. An hour later, they came with their little flimsy foam flipflops on. Penelope was able to get her haircut still, so that happened. She was loving her day of beauty and that was all that mattered.
They wanted to go somewhere else. I was ready to end the day. My migraine from Thursday was back and my mom's need to throw money at Penelope was getting on my nerves. On the way back to my mom's house, Penelope says "I want to make dinner for Papaw." I said "What a great idea." So I turned the car towards the grocery store. We got steaks, potatoes, corn on the cob and salad. I told Penelope I would do the prep work if she cooked and set the table, with Papaw as her Assistant Cook." I grilled the baked potatoes and corn, made the salad and at the last minute Papaw grilled the steaks. I put the spread out like a buffet and we had a great dinner. Penelope was no help but we gave her ammunity for the day.
I picked on my dad, who was flipping the TV channel from a golf game in NY and a Nascar race in CA. My mom kept asking where they were and then get confused. We would be watching the race and she would say "What part of NY is that?" My dad would put his face in his hands getting frustrated. A little while later the golf game was going to be suspended due to nightfall and I said "But in CA it's not that late yet!" and then start laughing... My dad just looked at me out of the corner of his eye. I said "I'm just playing with you!" It took my mom a second and she said "Oh! For a second there I was wondering the same thing! I fell for it." She, again, forgot the game was in NY. Too funny.
My father deserves more praise for being such a great dad than is possible to express, and again, any attempt at it will not do it justice.
Then there is the remembrance of Penelope's father. This is the first Father's Day where Penelope didn't get to spend time with her father. She hasn't seen her father in 7 months. I didn't even mention to her that it was Father's Day, just like I didn't mention to her when it was Mother's Day. However, this time, she didn't know it was Father's Day until Father's Day. A friend of hers that she only gets to see a few times a year was having a Birthday slumber party on Saturday night. One of the girls brought up the topic of Father's Day gifts and they all shared what they got their father's... except Penelope. She said she didn't know it was Father's Day and she didn't get him anything. She doesn't get to see him anyway. Of course that admittion created a somber tension in the room. One of the little girls asked the mother hosting the party why Penelope doesn't get to see her dad. She told the little girl something about Penelope's dad working a lot driving over the road. But Penelope was sad after that and when Penelope wanting to swing in the backyard and no one wanting to go with her, she took it personally and thought no one liked her. In reality it's been hot and muggy and they wanted to stay in the AC and play. Fortunately, nothing came of it and her friend and the mom were able to get Penelope to understand it wasn't personal, but it was blow to her ego as well as the realization it was Father's Day.
I picked Penelope up around noon and learned of the events that happened. I'm glad she was dealing as well as she was with it. But we talked for a few minutes after we left, her pain still pretty apparent. During our conversation, I asked her why she thought she wasn't allowed to see her dad. She said "because there is something wrong in my head and I'm not strong enough yet." I told her that wasn't exactly the case, and that it's not her fault. I said "There is a lot that you have had to deal with as you have grown up and those things have hurt you. We have to give you heart and head time to heal. You do work hard and you have setbacks. But it's all part of the healing process."
I told her that we were going to do something together but we were going to have lunch with grandma. Grandma wanted to be included so she offered mani/pedis and a haircut. Penelope was all about it. I need them too but Grandma insisted we go to this one place she likes to go to. We were all suppose to sit next to eachother and have them done together. The staff said they'd make it happen. Also, that Penelope had a haircut appointment in 30 minutes. No problem. I knew they were lying. I specifically don't go there because they lie lie lie! lol. I've been a wreck lately and my tolerance was very low to deal with that. So after they took Penelope and my mom back and put them in chairs with 3 filled chairs inbetween and told me I'd have to wait, I told my mom I wasn't going to do it and would wait outside. An hour later, they came with their little flimsy foam flipflops on. Penelope was able to get her haircut still, so that happened. She was loving her day of beauty and that was all that mattered.
They wanted to go somewhere else. I was ready to end the day. My migraine from Thursday was back and my mom's need to throw money at Penelope was getting on my nerves. On the way back to my mom's house, Penelope says "I want to make dinner for Papaw." I said "What a great idea." So I turned the car towards the grocery store. We got steaks, potatoes, corn on the cob and salad. I told Penelope I would do the prep work if she cooked and set the table, with Papaw as her Assistant Cook." I grilled the baked potatoes and corn, made the salad and at the last minute Papaw grilled the steaks. I put the spread out like a buffet and we had a great dinner. Penelope was no help but we gave her ammunity for the day.
I picked on my dad, who was flipping the TV channel from a golf game in NY and a Nascar race in CA. My mom kept asking where they were and then get confused. We would be watching the race and she would say "What part of NY is that?" My dad would put his face in his hands getting frustrated. A little while later the golf game was going to be suspended due to nightfall and I said "But in CA it's not that late yet!" and then start laughing... My dad just looked at me out of the corner of his eye. I said "I'm just playing with you!" It took my mom a second and she said "Oh! For a second there I was wondering the same thing! I fell for it." She, again, forgot the game was in NY. Too funny.
Schools Out
It seems like forever since I've blogged. School ended June 5th. This is good in the grand scheme of the things. Penelope was anxious about it ended, not knowing what summer brings with the change of routine etc. She was acting out and it seems she left the school year less her closest friend. I say closest, not best friend, because even this close relationship wasn't the best. It was still sorta new and not quite informal yet. But her friend Maddie had accused Penelope of stealing something of hers and this alleged act ended their friendship. Penelope swears she didn't steal it, but found it after it went missing and gave it to Maddie. So, at least the school year was over. The last of a long list of social faux pas of the year, to put it lightly.
It took about a week for her to decompress from school being over. I went ahead and signed her up for camp, knowing that there was no way we were going to survive all this one on one time. Still concerned about Penelope in camp but figured that I can always pull her out if things are not going that well. But due to my lateness of enrolling her, not all the weeks were available anyway. So, she isn't going to starting that camp until the end of the month. This week, she is in "Dream Camp" which her 4th grade teacher is putting on out of her home. It's a camp for girls only and deals with self-esteem building. It's based on the "40 Developmental Assets Youth Need to Succeed." The camp is to help girls "create a roadmap for success." It's for one week and 3 hours a day. I am excited for her to go to it. Because we know her 4th grade teacher so well, we see her twice a week for tutor, she was able to put two girls in this particular week's session that Penelope has been close friends with in the past. Maddie being one of them. Hopefully it will be a bonding experience and Penelope can have renewed friendships with two girls she had been friends with in the past.
Next week she starts camp at the YMCA. I'm excited for her with this as well, because the YMCA has put the "C" back in YMCA and I think it will help Penelope spiritually. I worked at the YMCA when I was in my late teens early 20s. It was the best job I ever had. Anyway, they have a Opening and Closing Ceremony, as well as prayer before lunch. Plus the camp focuses on building character. When I worked at the YMCA, they didn't have those kinds of focuses necessarily. But that was the one and only thing that I wasn't involved it at the Y that I worked at. Anyhow, Penelope treasures any time she can honor God. Camp at the Rec Center was more of a structured babysitting program. I think the Y is taking that idea to a different level.
The only problem is, I have sent an email and left messages for the Camp Director wanting to talk to her about Penelope's RAD. But I can't get a response. I am suppose to pay for her first week's sometime this week but I am not going to do that until I get a response. So that will be one more thing I need to tackle this week.
It took about a week for her to decompress from school being over. I went ahead and signed her up for camp, knowing that there was no way we were going to survive all this one on one time. Still concerned about Penelope in camp but figured that I can always pull her out if things are not going that well. But due to my lateness of enrolling her, not all the weeks were available anyway. So, she isn't going to starting that camp until the end of the month. This week, she is in "Dream Camp" which her 4th grade teacher is putting on out of her home. It's a camp for girls only and deals with self-esteem building. It's based on the "40 Developmental Assets Youth Need to Succeed." The camp is to help girls "create a roadmap for success." It's for one week and 3 hours a day. I am excited for her to go to it. Because we know her 4th grade teacher so well, we see her twice a week for tutor, she was able to put two girls in this particular week's session that Penelope has been close friends with in the past. Maddie being one of them. Hopefully it will be a bonding experience and Penelope can have renewed friendships with two girls she had been friends with in the past.
Next week she starts camp at the YMCA. I'm excited for her with this as well, because the YMCA has put the "C" back in YMCA and I think it will help Penelope spiritually. I worked at the YMCA when I was in my late teens early 20s. It was the best job I ever had. Anyway, they have a Opening and Closing Ceremony, as well as prayer before lunch. Plus the camp focuses on building character. When I worked at the YMCA, they didn't have those kinds of focuses necessarily. But that was the one and only thing that I wasn't involved it at the Y that I worked at. Anyhow, Penelope treasures any time she can honor God. Camp at the Rec Center was more of a structured babysitting program. I think the Y is taking that idea to a different level.
The only problem is, I have sent an email and left messages for the Camp Director wanting to talk to her about Penelope's RAD. But I can't get a response. I am suppose to pay for her first week's sometime this week but I am not going to do that until I get a response. So that will be one more thing I need to tackle this week.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Not looking forward to school being out
Not that I want to deal with the school or Penelope's struggles with homework, but I am not looking forward to the having to deal with her parents. George has already started to claim stake. I'm sure Harriet is going to do the same thing very soon. I returned her phone call this past Monday. She was doing her once in a while "How's Penelope?" phone calls. I hate talking to her. But I've already mentioned that. I didn't go into details like I typically do. Anything for her to turn into a self-pity event I am not going to help with. I kept it general and just said she is overall doing better, but still has her setbacks. Focused on how school is over soon and not sure how the summer is going to go but we will see.
She brings up the fact that Penelope's birthday is next month. I said "Yeah, I can't believe it's June already." She agrees. I, to an extent, twist it back on her and ask about her therapy session. I said that George had told me a while ago that she had scheduled her first therapy session on the 20th and asked how it went. She said that the therapist rescheduled it to this Wednesday (today). I heard that she had rescheduled it but who knows at who's prompting. Doesn't really matter. I told her that was good and to let her know that Penelope's therapists can talk to her so I got her name and I can sign a release to allow that to happen. She was fine with that. But I knew what she was hinting at.. I know she wants to see Penelope and it will be almost a year by the time Penelope's birthday roles around. I think she saw Penelope once or twice after her birthday.. but that was it.
So who knows how this summer is going to go. I think Penelope is going to have some really big set backs in order to appease her parents - and I don't think that's right. I'm frustrated with the therapists for feeling like there is no point in standing any ground "As the father he has rights." I don't feel like it's their job to worry about his rights, only what Penelope needs to heal. And I don't understand why the law doesn't protect these children better. Too expensive maybe? Set the standards low to keep the costs down? How much does society pay when these kids end up in jail as adults, or pregnant as kids? Drug users, runaways, potential murders?
She brings up the fact that Penelope's birthday is next month. I said "Yeah, I can't believe it's June already." She agrees. I, to an extent, twist it back on her and ask about her therapy session. I said that George had told me a while ago that she had scheduled her first therapy session on the 20th and asked how it went. She said that the therapist rescheduled it to this Wednesday (today). I heard that she had rescheduled it but who knows at who's prompting. Doesn't really matter. I told her that was good and to let her know that Penelope's therapists can talk to her so I got her name and I can sign a release to allow that to happen. She was fine with that. But I knew what she was hinting at.. I know she wants to see Penelope and it will be almost a year by the time Penelope's birthday roles around. I think she saw Penelope once or twice after her birthday.. but that was it.
So who knows how this summer is going to go. I think Penelope is going to have some really big set backs in order to appease her parents - and I don't think that's right. I'm frustrated with the therapists for feeling like there is no point in standing any ground "As the father he has rights." I don't feel like it's their job to worry about his rights, only what Penelope needs to heal. And I don't understand why the law doesn't protect these children better. Too expensive maybe? Set the standards low to keep the costs down? How much does society pay when these kids end up in jail as adults, or pregnant as kids? Drug users, runaways, potential murders?
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