Petty Theft Charge

Okay, so Penelope is back to committing crime. Her school had been having a fundraiser selling handmade jewlery to raise money for poor kids in 3rd world countries. She had a couple of dollars on her and used it on to buy herself these little finger dolls and a hacky sack - so I thought. She then asked if she could have some money because she wanted to buy a necklace for me she saw. I say no to her alot so I thought that I needed to cave on this and I gave her 5 dollars the next morning when dropping her off to school. Later that day I received a phone call from Mrs. Brown, her Intervention Specialist from 6th grade. Penelope had gone to her during the lunch hour and showed her the stuff she had "bought" from the fundraiser. One of those items is a $30 necklace. Mrs. Brown knows I'm not working and would probably not give Penelope that kind of money. She questioned about the necklace and Penelope caved quickly. She also had a $4 bracelet and a two more finger dolls and the original 4 finger dolls and the hacky sack. Penelope tried to claim a "friend" gave her the hacky sack. But she couldn't remember the name of this friend. I told her later "Just talk to this friend and have her tell Mrs. Brown she gave it to you." Penelope said "She isn't like that! She doesn't like to help people out that way! Just ... never mind!" Sounds pretty guilty to me.

We determined that she may have bought the hackysack, but probably didn't. I told her teacher to return the hackysack because I don't think someone gave it to her and if someone did, it's just part of the consequence. She can't prove someone gave it to her and she already admited she didn't buy it. But she didn't buy the necklace. Mrs. Brown said she hadn't talk to anyone about it yet, she just wanted to talk to me first. I said she should certainly get whatever consequence is in the handbook but I also felt she needed something else, linked to the crime - I didn't know... maybe have to raise money for the fundraiser herself? I don't know...

It was at the end of the day and I knew Penelope would be walking home from school. I was concerned about this, that she might try to run away or something. She also likes to stop at this store and I had found out the day prior that she had asked the owners for a job. She wants to get paid in merchanise - jewlery. Yeah.. So trying to keep things normal I waited, impatiently for her to come home. I gave her plenty of time before I got in my car and started heading to school. I found her a couple of blocks away walking home. When she saw me she started wailing. The face of a 4 year old. I pulled into a church driveway near where she was and she got in the car sobbing. She claimed she was freezing, even though she had her winter coat on and everything. She said "Look at my hands! They are so red from being cold!" They weren't red at all. I asked her "So what happened today?" She said "Oh, Amy..." wanting to complain that she was being picked on by one of her classmates. I said "Not that Penelope, stealing the necklace." She claims she wanted to steal it for me. I don't know if I believe it but she does make me cards and tells me she loves me ALL THE TIME. Her anxiety. She felt that wanting me to have this necklace was a good enough reason to break the law. She gets it, from all the people that have told her so, that's it's not okay. But I really believe she disagrees. That or she feels that we will be less hard on her for the theft because it was out of love? I don't know.

She knew that she was going to find out her school punishment the next day. I woke her up a little early to give her plenty of time to get ready for school knowing there was going to be some dragging of the feet. Maybe it would have been better to wake her up late and have a mini fire drill out the door. I don't know. The closer the time got to when it was time to go to school, the slower she became, the more defiant she became. Then she declared "I'm not going to school today." I calmly pumped her up letting her know that I know it's going to be a hard day but she is strong enough and right now she just needs to get through it etc. We were about 15 minutes late getting to school, after about 3 times of having to talk her back in to going to school. "You can do it." When we reached the front of the school, she couldn't get out of the car she said. "I can't move my legs." "My book bag is too heavy.." Then she just busted out crying, in a very child like wail. I turned the car off and helped her take a binder out of her book bag for her to carry in her arms and walked her through the front door to the attendance desk. The school personnel working the desk could see I had a distressed kid on my hands I'm trying to transition into school and offered to call someone. No one was available right then. Her IS and the school guidance counselor were walking out of a meeting and saw us standing there. So did the school psychologist. They came over. Everyone was busy on the way to something else and was trying to figure out what to do. They kind of looked at me like "What do you want us to do?" I said "I could keep her at home today but I thought that might defeat the purpose...." The guidance counselor agreed. Good, I didn't really want to drop off this emotional child who probably wasn't going to be much of a student/learner today but she has to deal with the consequences. Her IS asked Penelope's if she could go to her locker by herself and put her books away and Penelope said "No." She wanted someone to go with her. So the IS walked her down. From what I gathered they were going to find a place for Penelope for the first couple bells to calm down and try to get the Asst. Principal to see her ASAP to get the dishing out of the consequence out of the way as it was obvious her anxiety was due to the unknown of what was going to happen.

I found out later that the meeting with the Asst. Principal didn't happen until that afternoon but Penelope made it through her classes (I guess.. I didn't get any calls but I also didn't get a response to my email asking how she coped with her day).

I did get a call from the Asst Principal letting me know that since this was Penelope's second time stealing at school, that instead of getting a one day in-school suspension, she was getting a 3 day out of school suspension, beginning the following day. So a Friday, Monday and Tuesday. A long 5 days. The other thing he told me is that the new principal is filing a police report and having her charged with theft. He is going to request that it be handled in our little city's Mayor's Court. It's not part of the County's judicial system so it wouldn't go on her record. The principal has found that this works getting kids to stop stealing, he said.

I picked up Penelope from school a little later and she was all teary eyed. Which I guess is better than all slap happy. Been there done that before. She didn't feel well she said. I brought some fruit to snack on for her during our 1 hour drive to Attachment Therapy. I tried to get her to relax by laying back in her seat etc. She just kept saying she wanted fattening food to snack on. She ate all the grapes and most of the apple slices. I did talk to her about her day and her complaint was that no one helped her calm down. No one talked to her about her feelings. She was mad at her IS for not talking to her. She was mad at the new Principal because he didn't make time for her like the old Principal would when the guidance counselor was busy. She was mad at the Asst. Principal for punishing her so severely. She took it as them not liking her and ganging up on her. I take it as Penelope not getting the attention she wanted. She wanted everyone to tell her it was okay. That it will be okay and she is a good kid. She also doesn't feel like she deserves the punishment.

On the way up I also received a call from the Police Station and the officer in charge of the case. He was planning on sending a couple officers to our home after we returned from therapy to have us sign some forms. Great..

Penelope had neurofeedback first (after her AT and I talked for a few moments) which her AT said still went very well, that Penelope was able to get her brainwaves to be down and stay down for the most part. She has one on her right that is a "trauma indicator" she calls it that is fighting to come down and she still needs to work on that. Then we have our talk session. Penelope was acting babyish during the session. Her AT talked to her about what happened, having her tell her what went on. Determining if Penelope truly understood what she was doing was wrong when she did it. She admitted she thought she'd get away with it. But she wanted it for me etc. Her AT talked to her about the Good Penelope and the Bad Penelope and how they are one in the same. That there is no such thing as a totally good person. She was going down this road with Penelope because of how Penelope feels that there is this Bad Penelope that will always do bad things and that you shouldn't punish the Good Penelope because she is all good and wants to do the right thing. Wanting to do the right thing (supposedly) is not good enough to not get consequences. Her AT also talked about Penelope's need to grow up. That she can not stay young and be happy there. We know she does it because she feels safer there. Penelope said "But I don't want to grow up." Her AT said "But isn't hard to make friends when they don't want to do the things you want to do anymore?" which she knows is a touchy point for Penelope because this is the most painful part of her choice to stay emotionally young. She wants friends but doesn't have any. She says defiantly "I have a best friend and yeah she is 10 but we have fun together." We pointed out that this friend will continue to grow and she we eventually outgrow her as well if she decides to stay a little kid.

I think Penelope heard her but didn't like it and dismissed it not caring about the negative affects of her choice to want to stay a little kid inside. I don't know what to think of all of it. On the way home my Dad called me and told me just to go to the station because we really don't want the police coming around alarming our new neighbors. I didn't even know it was an option but we did have a longer than normal session so we were running behind from the time I told the officer so I used that as my excuse to go to the station instead of having them come to us.

We arrived at the station and waited for a little bit. Penelope was being "bored" but also nervous. The Officer basically needed to give us the Complaint and the Hearing Notice and had us sign. He did talk to Penelope about what would happen if she did it again and tried to scare her a little bit. I don't think it worked. He said that if she did it again she would go through the court downtown and "Have you heard of 20/20?" He doesn't know this isn't our first rodeo and Penelope has been to the courthouse downtown and to 20/20 (Juvenile Jail) for her competency classes many times. He asked her if she had any questions and the only questions she had related to his tazer on his belt and if he had ever had to use it etc. Ugh!

Penelope was very clingy that night, happy to be home, happy to not have to go to school the next day... I told her that she works when she doesn't go to school. I took her to the house on Friday (her 1st day of suspension) and made her clean, sweep, mop. She actually did it with no complaints. Saturday she spent the day with Grandma as I babysat my niece and nephew for my brother so my Dad and him and his wife and father-in-law could go to a football game. My mom took Penelope to get her haircut, got her blond highlights, bought her winter boots and new gym shoes and some colorful socks and leggings. My mom buys things as her "love language" (taking from a post from Mary The Mom) but it's not always conducive to what is best for Penelope. Penelope needed new shoes and a haircut but my Mom always takes it to the next level. But I get her need to do these things.

That Sunday I made Penelope help me clean the condo. I hadn't had time with everything and it was getting on my last nerve. We spent the ENTIRE day doing it. She complained most of the time and made me want to pull my hair out a couple of times but did what I told her to. My goal was to get the condo clean and start on my 2nd online course for my certification for Qu*ckbooks (part of my consulting business I'm starting). I had finished the 1st course over a week ago and really need to keep moving forward. There are 9 courses. But I didn't get to start it.

So Monday, I debated on getting started on it but still needed to keep Penelope busy. I received a call from the officer in charge of Penelope's case and he wanted to stop by to go read Penelope her rights, have her fill out a statement and explain how this unofficial court process works. I told him that we were going to be leaving to go clean (her consequence for not being in school) and we could come to him. Great... no big deal. Well, it really wasn't but it was trying on me. Probably more me than Penelope. While she filled out her statement, the officer wanted to talk to me in the hall. When he had called, he had told me a bit about the court process. I had debated asking certain questions but I went ahead and did. I had learned from the officer who gave us the court date that this is actually in front of a magistrate. I had asked if we needed to get a lawyer. That's a loaded question for a police officer. Are you "lawyering up?" He can't say "No" but he said that we don't have to and that most people don't. I wanted to know if there was going to be a prosecutor there. He said there was. I wanted to have a better understanding how unofficial this was. This issue I was having is that the officer had said that the magistrate would ask Penelope questions. I told him that Penelope has been charged with a crime before but the charges were dismissed. She was also found not competent to stand trial. I want her to have consequences but I also want to respect her rights. He said that he understood and that he would talk to the Magistrate about it. We discussed Penelope's mental health issues, in a very general manner. He asked what kind of consequence I want to see? I said that I am not sure just because what I've learned is that it's best the consequences relate to the behavior but I don't know what that would be. He discussed community service as really the only thing he's ever heard of but didn't know what exactly they'd have her do. I didn't know if I said too much to him, or not enough. I was worried about that. The relationship with the police officer from when she sexually assaulted her cousins went down hill right away. He was nice and accommodating (and lied) just long enough to get information that turned on us. I didn't want that to happen again. I want to have this work this time.

After that whole thing I took Penelope back home because it was lunch time. Her math teacher had sent over that week's packet and I had her work on that while I hung out with my Mom destressing. Then I had to go get George and take him to the bank so he could get a claim form notorized for his stolen bike. It was either myself or my Mom to do this but my Mom really didn't want to go out in the cold. Fine. I needed a break from Penelope anyway. Not that George is really a break. He is always so wrapped up in his own life drama to care of be interested in what is going on with anyone else, like Penelope. That or he is is in denial or avoiding talking about his daughters pain because he can't handle it.

The other thing going on was that somewhere around this time, during all this, Harriet finally surfaced after not hearing from her about setting up a time to meet. What was going on is that she was trying to get her Mom to... do something. Harriet had called Geoff and told her how her and her Mom were going to meet with me and force me to allow visitations. I hadn't really heard about the whole conversation - hard to do that when you have Penelope right there all the time, so I figured I would talk to him while I took him on his errand. Oh my, what a bad idea that was. I almost wrecked 3 times because I was so not focused on driving. He told me that he argued with Harriet about her seeing Penelope. That I have told him and Harriet that I really DO want Penelope to have a relationship with there parents, but when she is strong enough. She told him "You don't really believe that do you? She is just going to keep saying that until we give up and go away?" He said that she went on to say that Penelope didn't get sick (her symptoms didn't really surface big time) until she was with me and that it's because I told her horrible things about Harriet which traumatized her. She says that Penelope's illness is purely genetic. Harriet's Grandfather was schizophrenic and spent most of his life in a mental institution. That's what's wrong with Penelope. (See, this is why I don't tell her anything! I told her about Penelope's meltdown and saying that she heard in her head someone tell her to do something. But that she is showing signs of Disassociation, having flashbacks - not schizophrenia! And by the way, we haven't had any of that since then as she doing well with her EMDR.) Also, I guess Harriet's Mom was also upset because she hasn't been able to see Penelope either. But George told her what I have told him which she hasn't contacted me to want to see Penelope. He then asked me "Is it true that you won't let Penelope see Harriet's Mom without you being there?" I said "Heck yeah! The last time she spent a long weekend with her, when I picked Penelope up, Harriet was there, and that was never discussed." (Harriet's Mom lives 3 hours away) Penelope had to have been left alone with her and she is not safe around Harriet. This was back before Harriet was cut off from Penelope. I continued and said "She continues to deny that Harriet did anything wrong to Penelope and even denies Penelope's illness. What would prevent her from allowing Harriet to see Penelope? Nothing. If she wants to see Penelope, I must be there. She knows this and doesn't like it." As you can see, this wasn't the best conversation to have while driving.

The Monday night that was Penelope's last day of suspension and returning to school did not go well. Just like it has happened in the past, when the term "Bed Time" is announced, she goes from normal and calm to enraged and defiant. She does this "I'm not going to bed!" and parked her but in a chair in the living room. She eventually admitted that she didn't want to go back to school and claimed it was because "everyone is going to bug me about where I've been, why I wasn't at school." I told her "Well,... that is one of the consequences for your actions." That didn't go over well. She stomped off to her room. I followed her and gave another answer. "Penelope, it's none of their business so you can just say 'I don't want to talk about it' or something like that.'" She didn't want to solve the problem, she just wanted to not go to school. She continued to get more mad. I then just focused on her anger and get her to calm down. But her anger was targeted at me and she didn't want to listen to anything I had to say. She started screaming at me, and I had warned her about moving into a condo, she can't be doing that. So I reminded her. My Mom, who has been staying with us came to the room and before she could enter the room, Penelope started yelling at her "Stay out of this Grandma! Stay out of it!" This was very upsetting to her and I told her it was okay for her to go so she left the doorway. Penelope was yelling for me to leave her alone and to get out. I told her I wouldn't until she calmed down. She said "I don't want to calm down. I want you to leave! I never want to talk to you again!" Then she picked up her clothes hamper near where she was standing and held it up threatening to hit me. She said "Don't make me hit you with this." I wanted to say "Go right ahead." But that wasn't the right response. I said "I will leave when you get in to bed and turn the lights out." She said "FINE" and gets into bed. She says "Now leave!" I reminded her about the light. She said "It's off now so leave, and find somewhere else to sleep!" Because my Mom was staying with us, I gave her my room and I was sharing Penelope's room sleeping in her other twin.

I ended up sleeping in her room. She passed out probably within 10 minutes. I was up for a couple of hours longer and felt that her emotions just got the best of her and it would be okay to sleep in her room. I was a little concerned but knew it needed to be addressed the next day. She was VERY remorseful the next day. Thank goodness, I really thing that is one of the strong tools we have against her becoming violent is remembering how bad it makes her feel after she calms down and thinks about it. She went to school with only a little bit of reservation. This was the last week of school before the Winter break. I had emailed her IS letting her know how things went and Penelope's concerns about kids bothering her. I also mentioned that Penelope had been tardy 3 times last week with no detentions. I reminded her to look at it as Penelope testing to make sure the safe boundaries are still in place. She said she'd handle it. Penelope was given a detention later that day for the following day.

Her unofficial hearing was scheduled for the 15th. I had talked to her Trauma Therapist about an appropriate consequence. She recommended that Penelope have to work directly with the less fortunate. She needs a lesson in how hard some people really have it. I couldn't agree more. I asked my Dad to come to the hearing with us. I was concerned about it just from the standpoint that I could have been lied to by the police officer like last time.

But it ended up being more informal that I understood it to be. The "Magistrate" is an attorney acting as a "Legislative Counselor" or something like that. There wasn't any prosecutor. Before the actual hearing, I told the officer what Penelope's therapist recommended for punishment. He wanted me to tell the attorney before the hearing. While Penelope and my Dad waited in the lobby, I went in the room with him. We were using a room that had a bunch of tables and chairs. The attorney sat at a table that was set up at the front of the room. The police officer introduced me to the attorney and told him what I had said. I explained the rationale behind this consequence versus a standard picking up trash or something. He had asked if she had ever committed a crime before. I said that she had been charged before, which was one of my concerns, because she was determined incompetent to stand trial and I didn't want that to get in the way of her having consequences for her actions but also respect that as well. I explained that her incompetence isn't because she isn't smart - she understands everything, but her emotional age is very young and that's what caused that determination. He asked what her charge was? I hesitated. This was the question I feared by bring up her incompetency issue. I went ahead and answered. "Rape." His and the officer's eyes went kinda big. Then the attorney said "Well, that information is confidential..." At this point we were ready to have the hearing so Penelope and my Dad came in. Penelope had to sit on a chair set up directly across from the table in front of the attorney. The police officer stood to the side near the front of the room. A woman from Youth Services was there in the back (and heard the Rape thing), and then my Dad and I. The attorney did a little bit of formal speak to declare why we were there, that Penelope has a right to an attorney and who he was. He announced the charge. Penelope right away said "I did it." Which was good. I had told her that she was going to have to tell him if she agrees or disagrees with the charges. I guess she wanted to get it out of the way. He made note and began to ask her a bunch of questions. He was nice to her and explained why it was wrong and pretty much had the talk we all have had with her. But you could tell from Penelope's perspective SHE WAS LISTENING. There was just the right amount of official-ness to send home a good message without sending her over the edge.

He determined her sentence as 40 hours of community service, with 20 hours of it suspended as long as she has no more problems for 1 year. He explained that to her to make sure she understood. She was definitely talking young but said enough to let him know she is intelligent. He said that the community service was going to be working directly with the needy and that he was referring her to Youth Services to get that time completed. He also told Penelope that she may actually enjoy the work and could continue to do it beyond the required time if she wanted.

We met with the woman from Youth Services the following week. She did kind of an assessment of Penelope. I don't know how else to explain it. Asked her questions about what she does, how she feels etc. We talked about the type of service we want her to do and limitations (obviously not working with little kids) but I said she'd have to have someone with her who can help her cope if she becomes overwhelmed or scared. She was going to call me the next day. That was a little over a week ago and I haven't heard from her but it's been the holidays so I don't care. Penelope has until 3/1/11 to get her hours in. She gave me a couple copies of a form to have signed if I find something for Penelope to do myself. I just want to get through the Winter break and then we will work on that.

Thanksgiving... and then some

I know I haven't blogged in a while. I should as I need it. It helps me purge out the old to make room for the new stuff going on. Well, things are going pretty good around the house. Penelope has her ups and downs but then who doesn't. But as we all know, kids with mental illness have different ups and downs than those without. I would say, even with her setbacks, she is doing pretty well considering its the holidays.
I actually wasn't looking forward to the 5 days Penelope was going to be off school. With how absolutely needy she has been, I was already worn out. So I decided to embrace her neediness. Put off those things that are making her neediness a problem and just spend some major quality time together. The only issue with that is that I am hosting Thanksgiving Dinner. If it was just my parents coming over, I wouldn't have been that stressed about it. But my Aunt on my Dad's side and her granddaughter was coming. We haven't had Thanksgiving with my Aunt in so many years. But recently, I think due to the crappy economy teaching us how to value non-monetary things more, like family. Her husband, my Uncle, had just passed away like a month earlier. Her two sons were having Thanksgiving with significant others' families. Would would have invited her anyway but that made it that much more important.
I had given Penelope a To Do List. I made sure to include some fun creative tasks on it like making place mats for everyone with a Thanksgiving theme. And making a welcome sign on her portable chalkboard. But I asked her to clean the windows on the balcony doors and side windows, move broken down moving boxes to the storage room and take out the garbage. It was like pulling teeth and I don't think that was a ton to ask for. My Dad had to run some errands and decided to stop by and take Penelope with him, knowing that she probably was making my life more difficult. I needed the help but it was probably for the best. She was excited her cousin was coming as they are the same age.... physical age.
The dinner was really good and it was great to see my Aunt. Penelope and her cousin got along great in the beginning.. but then things went down hill after that. My Aunt came to me after checking on the girls in Penelope's room. "Penelope has a real sad face on right now. I don't know what's wrong." I went to check. Basically Penelope was hoping that her cousin, who is very small for her age and in a lot of ways does look younger, would want to play dolls with her. Penelope had even pulled her wood blocks out. Her cousin kinda played with her but really just wanted to just hang out and listen to music. During dinner, Penelope pouted mostly. She didn't eat much and wasn't interested in talking to much. Her cousin noticed Penelope's attitude but really didn't know what was wrong or what to do so she just didn't acknowledge it. As soon as Penelope could get up from the table, "to go to the bathroom", she went off and hid in the office to play with the cats. I found her and tried to talk to her. She knows that most kids her age don't want to play with dolls anymore but she doesn't understand why her cousin just couldn't do it anyway. She was upset with her for not doing what she wanted her to. Fortunately she didn't make a big stink about it and we were able to get through the evening somewhat unscathed.
After my Aunt and cousin left, my parents stuck around for a little bit. I had some news for Penelope. I had talked to my twin brother earlier in the day and he wanted me to wish Penelope a Happy Thanksgiving. When I spoke to him, it floored me. To break the awkward moment, he said "It must be my happy pills.. haha." I said "No. You have a lot of love little brother." (I was born first so that's my rub) But I was stunned and a little emotional about it. I'm not taking it as forgiveness. I will take it as it is. I'm not saying I want forgiveness for Penelope. I don't know if it's a forgiveable act, what she did to his family. I hope that foregivness is something considered for his own betterment.
I told Penelope and she just looked down at the ground and said softly... "Wow.... okay.." She was showing her guilty feelings in her response. Which is good. It was hard for her to hear that he said that. It is hard for her to accept a little lienency from her Uncle. A little later that evening after tucking her into bed, she said "I can't believe he said that..." I said "He is a good person." She said "And I am a bad person." I said "No. You are a good person who did a bad thing. A very bad thing at that. But there is a difference. I believe that your Uncle just wants you to heal and get better." She said "I want to get better." I said "And you are. Don't you think so?" She said "No. I don't think I will ever get better." I sat down next to her and we had a good talk about the different ways she is getting better and feeling better. She agreed. She just wish it was easier and quicker. Don't we all.
But I survived the 5 days Penelope was off school. It was a lot easier than I thought, since I embraced her neediness rather than allowing things to get in the way. We have reimplemented "Baby Time" from when we first started Attachment Therapy. Penelope has been using her baby bottle and her pacifier a lot lately from her previous stint of Baby Time. It's been almost two years. But she seems to need it and as we all know, you give them what they need (not necessarily what they want.) The idea with Baby Time is that the use of the pacifier and baby bottle and other baby items and mannerisms are saved for Baby Time (no other time), at which time she can have at it. If she wants, I will craddle her on my lap (the best I can a 5'3 13 year old.) I will read baby books to her, feed her, play with her. She can play with toys in the bathtub, suck on her pacifier.. whatever she wants. I just draw the line on diapers. But it worked the last time, to not have her act inappropriate in public and other times and designate it for a specific 30 - 45 minute period at the end of the day... and she "grew" out of it. Right now, with the holidays, she needs it again. I'm okay with that. If it helps her cope with her stressors in a more effective and appropriate way, I'm all for it. The idea behind it is that her trauma happened during this developmental time in her life so she didn't get these needs filled. She can't move passed this stage until those needs are filled.
Update on George and Harriet. I still feel like there is something George is hiding about Harriet. She hadn't communicated with me in over a month since where we left it - which is that she was going to set up a time to meet to discuss Penelope's sexual abuse and other events. She never set that time up. She did however email me yesterday saying "I know we are not getting along right now, but I need to know the address where to send Penelope's Christmas presents to." I found this interesting since I'm not sure that the issue was we weren't getting along. I guess she is pissed at me but I didn't stop her from doing anything. I don't know. I just feel like something is missing. I went online to see if she had posted any wierd facebook statuses or tweets. No facebook, but her tweets are stranger than ever. Her twitter persona is very Catholic Pro-Lifer. She picks arguements with people on twitter who are Pro-Choice. Usually she is very civil just very religious and pro-life. But she started tweeting how women need to keep their legs together and quit being sluts. But the wierdest one was the one where she is asking her followers (99% nuns and priests and very religious people) what to do about the fact that she wants to become a nun but is married to a devout Catholic. She says she just wants to evangilize God's word. Her extreme view has gotten more extreme. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with becoming a nun but from talking with Penelope's therapist, who has met Harriet on several occassions and knows her past, she feels Harriet has created this extreme persona to offset all the bad things in her life, but without acknowleding them. It's very unhealthy for her. Even more reason to keep Penelope away from Harriet.
George didn't take the plea bargain that the procescutor offered. He learned through the leader of his biker gang that there is an unwritten rule about bikers testifying against eachother, especially a rival gang. Something to do with the whole outlaw thing. You just don't help the police or something like that. Even though they have what they have on security video, a person has a right to face their accusor and the attorney's have talked and it was said no one is testifying. So he is hoping to get his charges dismissed. Not that it's still not costing him an arm and a leg. His bike never showed up. He said it was most likely in a chop shop within the hour. It was too custom for anything else. So he gets the insurance money for that. I have been having to take him to his weekly doctor's appointments for his back because the police still have his pickup truck. Last week, because of the holiday, my mom had to watch Penelope so I could take George to his appointment. But it took to long and I couldn't take him to get his hair cut because my mom had an appointment she had to get to. George through the biggest BIGGEST hissy fit that I was taking him home. "I told her that I had things to do....... Why did she make her appointment when I.....She knows I don't have any vehicle.... Doesn't she know how hard it is to be without a car...blah blah blah." I let him go on for a little bit and then said "And why is it you don't have your pickup truck?" (The police have it as evidence) He said "That's irrelevant." I said "I disagree with that so I don't want to hear about it. I took you to your doctor's appointment. If you don't like it. Tough Sh*t." He shut up. He just doesn't take any accountability for his situation. So he claims he didn't know that he was taking these guys to a fight. But he knew he was in an outlaw gang and he knew he was fleeing the scene of a crime with criminals in tow. "I'm just a victim here!" Whatever...

Getting Settled

Finally! Internet. I just dropped Penelope off at school this Monday morning and am going to sit here and write before I tackle my day. We've been here for almost 3 weeks now. My mom hasn't moved in yet but only because we don't have the internet situation completely finalized. They came to install it and realized that this pseudo senior citizens home doesn't have any cable ready outlets and we will need to get permission from the HOA to access the attic to run wires and things like that. We have internet but it's a box in my dining room with another box that has a big cable that lays across the floor and runs into the living room so that we have digital cable TV. Got to have TV.
Oh, and we have a phone line - required for the TV or the internet or something, for some reason. But we don't have any phones. This is for good reason. Penelope would be calling everyone and anyone she had a phone number to at all hours of the morning or night when she felt the need. She would leave distressful phone messages that are alarming, if she didn't reach them. She would talk about how totally lonely and scared she was. Or how mean someone was to her - usually to the point the listener would question whether it was abusive or not. I'm not making this up. She's done this before, as recent as this summer at my parent's house. We were getting concerned phone calls. We had to remove the phones from the house in an effort to prevent undue stress on our friends.
I think the new-ness is starting to wear off for her. The first two weeks went very well and she seemed happy about things. Acting rather normal actually. Then this past Monday we were FINALLY having the closing. It was to be in the condo at 5pm. Penelope, with my approval, had asked the neighbor if she could walk her dog, who happens to also be named Penelope. It was a cute rambunctious small white dog. It didn't occur to me, for some stupid reason, to set parameters to this walk. I assumed, for some stupid reason, that Penelope would know that she shouldn't go far and shouldn't take too long. After an hour, the neighbor knocked on the door wondering if they were back. She had already walked around the building looking for them but didn't see them. I too was wondering what was taking so long but I wasn't as concerned just because I knew they were safe, just Penelope pushing the boundaries. But she has this woman's dog and she doesn't know us from anyone other than her new neighbors. I told her I'd go look for them. She said, politely, that she wasn't worried about my Penelope but concerned her Penelope had run off or something because she is so rambunctious. Penelope can handle this little dog. I wasn't concerned it was this, but I didn't want to go into the "Yeah I know I let her take your dog but NOW I'm going to tell you about the girl who has your dog." I figured she'd be back any minute. I had to gather the garbage bags to take to the garbage and on the way out I would get in the car and drive around. I called my parents, who were on there way for the closing, and told them the situation and to pick her up if they pass her. Shortly later, while I was walking to my car to go find the Penelopes, my Mom called from the Middle School where they found her with the dog. It was only about a half mile away but further than they needed to have gone. I didn't want to have this be the start of our relationship with our new neighbor, who also happens to be the Power of Attorney for the seller for the closing. I told my Mom "I don't want the neighbor to know about this. How are we going to explain this?" She then said "It seems it's out of our hands, she is up here too and is talking to Penelope and your Dad." Great! She said that the woman put her dog in the car and it seems Penelope is riding with her also. I just went back up to our condo to wait. Penelope and the neighbor and the dog came up to our floor and the dog seemed fine and so did the lady and Penelope. I don't know if she was being polite but the lady seemed fine. I tried to act like it wasn't a big deal - maybe it wasn't? I said "I bet your Penelope will sleep well tonight after such a long walk." The woman said "She probably loved it after me keeping her cooped up all the time in our condo." She said that Penelope can walk her dog any time. I'm thinking "Really??" Well, we will see about that. I do take responsibility for it because I should have set parameters for Penelope, where to walk her and for how long. It's easy to fall into that trap of treating a 13 year old like a 13 year old when they have recently started to act like a 13 year old. I had a lapse in judgment.
The next day was a busy day for us. Penelope didn't have school and my twin brother was planning on meeting our Dad over here to move up the rest of the heavy items from the garage. I wasn't here to see it because I had to attend a Parent/Teacher conference and then right after that go and meet with the woman who is going to help me start my own contract business.
The Parent/Teacher conference went well. It is an invite only based on if a teacher wanted to have a conference with you or not. Alllllll of Penelope's teachers wanted a conference. Even the school nurse was there. But they were all so warm about Penelope and just want to help her succeed. It was great to hear there openness. I thanked them for that. My experience with her 5th grade teachers really puts in perspective when we have a great group of teachers. Her 6th and 7th grade teachers have been awesome. Her 5th grade math teacher was awesome too - I just had to put that in there. Anyway, Penelope's biggest problem in school is probably socially. She doesn't like to do her school work and her grades reflect it, but it's all about her self-esteem which is greatly impacted by her social problems. We really didn't get into it, but it's what I've put together based on my conversation with them and with Penelope afterward.
Her Science/Social Studies teacher brought up the fact that he has a hard time getting Penelope to do her work. He said "It's not like she is mean about it. She doesn't even say 'No.' She will say "Okay" but then still do something else. Or she will say "It's okay the way it is." This is a common thing this year. She will have a project that has a short list of requirements to meet within the project and she will either not include all the requirements or do it in a completely different way and when her teacher says "It's great but it's not quite finished as you need to..." She will say "It looks finished to me" or "I'm done with it" and that's the end of it. Another thing she does is she refuses help. This is usually a means to avoid the work as she lies about how much of it is done or how she has done it. She had a paper due today in Social Studies that had a completely different version about a week ago. The class had all this research time and time in class to work on it. Her teacher kept offering to help her with it. Penelope kept declining saying that she had it almost done and she was excited about it and it was great etc. The teacher wanted to see it. Penelope didn't want to show it to her. The teacher insisted. The project was suppose to be a historical fiction story about ancient China. Penelope wanted to write about a Chinese princess she created. She copied and pasted 3 Chinese princess short stories that had nothing to do with eachother from the internet. The reason she chose 3 stories is because that's how much she needed in order to get enough to meet the number of pages requirement. I saw it at this Parent/Teacher conference. I don't even think Penelope read them or reviewed it to try to transition from one story to the next. Obvious plagiarism. Her teacher asked her "Did you write this?" Penelope said "Oh yes." Her teacher told her she knows of one of the stories because it's in their literature textbook. Penelope dropped her head down, obviously busted. The teacher talked to her about what decisions Penelope should have made that would have made her life a ton easier. With that, they began her project over again. With less than a week to go.
Another issue in school is that Penelope didn't want to work with anyone when she was paired up. Not that she wanted to work alone, it's just that she always had a problem with whomever she was partnered with. Lastly, she always turned her classwork and projects in late. What she turned in was good work, but she wouldn't get full credit because it was late. And that's if she turned it in at all. Her Science/Social Studies teacher said "Is this part of Penelope's ... thing?" Which made me laugh "Thing" being disorder. Then he said "Do you have any insight or suggestions on how to best help her?" I love that question from a teacher. I'm just the ignorant parent but not in this room. I said "The issue I'm hearing is related to her emotional immaturity, which yes, is part of who Penelope is right now. She still views things in absolutes. I can see her not want to work with certain kids because she sees their flaws. They either did something negative to her or she perceives something about them negatively. She doesn't appreciate that everyone has good AND bad qualities and that being different can bring something new to the table. For example, she knows that smoking is bad so she views people who smoke as being bad people. Not a good person with a bad habit. Also, she says every year that her goal is to get straight As. Which is great on one hand, but for Penelope, if she isn't going to get an A, she just isn't going to do it. Which then when she gets overwhelmed or feels like it's too hard, she very easily just gives up. And then of course, there is a part of her that just avoids hard work and wants to take the easiest route for things." All her teacher's found this insightful. I'm not sure how they are going to use this information to help her but they seemed to have a new perspective on how to address her. We briefly talk about other things, like Penelope's limp and whether it was gone. It was, once she learned that she wouldn't be allowed to play with her friend at her Grandparents if she was still limping - as she will be resting it until it's healed. We talked about her tardies and that I was hoping it was getting better but it it seems to be getting worse again. We identified part of it is that Penelope doesn't want to be around the other kids waiting to be let in to the school. I think this was a big insight to her tardies. Her language arts teacher pointed out that the library opens up early each morning and that she could go there. I don't think she will be late again.
Very good meeting. After that, I headed up to Joanne's house, the woman who is going to be helping me with my business. In all I will be helping her too. It's taken a few weeks to get this meeting set up. She has been very ill. She was starting to get sick when I worked with her at the Cemetery. She is only 66 years old but she talks about it like she is ancient. But I'm sure she feels ancient with all her ailments. She has a elbow that she had broken and had surgery on but it didn't heal right. So they plan to take bone from her hip to repair her elbow. But they can't do that surgery until they figure out why she was filling up with fluids. They had her on a steroid. Well, you can't have surgery while on a steroid. Then she told me they had her on some kind of breathing treatment that damaged her esophagus. That was part of the delay. She had come down with laryngitis and I couldn't understand her at all on the phone. And she was sick. She sounded better two weeks later but still hard to understand on the phone. She said that she that they determined she has permanent damage and her voice may not get much better. I hope so, my gosh. It's much easier to understand her person but most, if not all, her work is over the phone so her ability to communicate is greatly hampered. Plus, her speech seems labored and painful. I wouldn't want to talk much if I were her. She said she also has progressive heart disease. She's already had a heart attach a few years ago. She said "I'm not dying, but I'm not well either." No kidding. So for her, I am the person who is going to be her backup to help her with her clients while she undergoes more treatment. I'm perfectly fine with that. It will be my way to learn and start my business while helping the person who is giving me this opportunity. Eventually she said that she will want to turn over her accounts to me when she retires. She doesn't have that many as she is already partially retired. But then she also has talked to a CPA about hiring me as well as her daughter who is VP at a firm that using contractors for project work for clients. I mean how great is all this! Not her health but all that she has already done for me! I spent about 3 hours with her as she taught me how to use the software she uses for her work. I picked it up very quickly. She kept commenting on how quickly it was and that she already can tell that this will be good for both of us. She had me do the work for one of her clients that she gets paid $150 for. She jokingly said "You don't expect to get that $150, do you?" I said "Of course not!" But we talked about, even at my pace right now, learning it and doing it, that's already $50/hour. Once I've learned it, I will be able to get it done in an hour. Sweet!
After we were done for the day, I was gathering my things and she asked "Can I ask you why you have your niece?" She knew only that I had my niece and she became ill at which time I quit my job and then got that (crappy) cemetery job because it was the first job offered to me. But she picked up that I was in the wrong place and needed help finding my way - as she put it. I said that I don't mind at all, as I always want to share our story because I think it's good for people to know what happens to these children that is so preventable. I explained our history including the times Penelope tried to kill herself as well as how she has abused her cousins, but also about her treatment and the amount of healing and potential she has for growth and even more healing. Joanne told me that it's not something she talks about, and doesn't want to talk about it now. That maybe someday in the future we can sit down and she will be ready to talk about it, but she didn't use to only have two children. She had another son but when he was 17 years old, he killed himself. She said there was something about me that pulled her to me and now she knows what it is. That even though she couldn't save her son, that she could help me and Penelope. It took everything in me to hold back my tears as it is right now just writing about it. I gave her a big hug and just thanked her. I could barely walk out the door. If there was ever a moment of doubt in God, and I've had them in my life, this is proof to me of his plan for us. Everything we do in life has reason and a purpose. The reason I was to have that cemetery job, as miserable as I was, was in order to meet Joann.
I left her house feeling very good about life in general. I phoned both my parents and told them how great both the Parent/Teacher Conference and the meeting with Joann went. I left out the ending of my visit with Joann as that's between her and I (and us anonymously). My task is to get certified for the software she was showing me and figure out how to get Unemployment to pay for it. Unfortunately, unemployment won't pay for it. The certification is free, with membership to their Professional Advisor Program. The membership is $500. Ugh. But I digress.
The next day was EMDR Therapy and it went well. She did positive reinforcement with Penelope. She said what she wants to do is every other session would strictly be positive stuff as she has learned that sticking to the trauma every week for kids Penelope's age tends to get an avoidance reaction. I can see that. It's painful. She said that the reaction Penelope had at the previous EMDR, which I guess I hadn't posted on here yet, was normal for EMDR. The goal is to take her to the edge but not to let her go over. Penelope was working on the event of her rape when she was about 6 or 7 years old. She became very scared than immediately defensive/aggressive with the therapist. Angry with her for making her think about it. Penelope had done EMDR on other negative events in her life but nothing of this magnitude. I wasn't expecting Penelope to act that way but understood and just let the therapist lead. It was hard not to get upset myself knowing and witnessing how hard this was for her.
Her therapist told me that she plans on working on trauma with Penelope's parents next week. I'm excited by this because I think it is so important for Penelope to process this trauma in order to be reunited with them and continue to heal. She asked if I had a problem with it being the week of Thanksgiving. I told her that I am concerned being that Penelope has trouble with holidays overall but I also know she has been doing much better this season than before. But overall, it's been my big concern, how to get Penelope through the holidays. So I have mixed feelings.
Thursday she had Attachment Therapy and neurofeedback. The nuerofeedback again went really well, a new all time low again. In AT we just talked about how hard we see her working and how we are all here to help her - to reinforce the message from her teachers and the healing she gets from the hard work she does. At the end of therapy she started to complain of feeling really sick to her stomach. Her face had a flushed look on it and she felt nauseous. We ended it and the AT gave us a small garbage bag, just in case. I sent Penelope to the car to lie down while I paid for the session. When I went to the car I caught Penelope in the beginning of the vomiting. Found a dumpster, dumped the bag and somehow drove the hour drive without her yacking in the car. She had passed out.
I kept her home on Friday. She felt a ton better but was depressed. Depressed all weekend actually. Not sure if she was really sick or what happened. Can neurofeedback do that to you? I know I can get headache nauseous at the drop of a hat and neurofeedback would do that to me I would think. Anyway, all weekend she reverted back to babyish talk. She was stressing out. It's that paper that is due today. We had already talked about us working on it together. Still stressed her out. It stressed her out to the point that she wanted to quit school - or at least this school and she hated the fact that we moved. She has no friends "I'm the nerd at school, Mommy." She claimed that she wasn't stressing about Thanksgiving, interesting enough.
One thing is the house went to hell in a handbag this weekend. She was very VERY needy all weekend so little got done. Plan is to have the place ship shape by the time she gets home. Hopefully a clean organized house equals a clean organized mind. I know it's calming to me. And if Mother is happy, children are happy - right? I need to get her back on track so she continues to have good days.

New Home

Posted it from my comments. Finally have temporary access to a computer.


Thanks Mary! I'm sorry there isn't an actual post but my computer is still packed away so I'm blogging from my phone. It won't let me type in the post box but it will let me comment!
We have actually slept at our new home 3 nights now. Most of our furniture is in the condo but the rest, with a majority of our stuff is still in our garage space two flights down. My moving crew consisted of myself, my 68 year old parents and my twin brother. Thank goodness for my brother because if it wasn't for him, well.. We'd probably be sleeping on the floor. My Dad has been a huge help as well but I don't want him to do too much. I'm afraid he's going to over exert himself and keel over dead. My brother could only help for a few hours and it wasn't enough so we are trying to get him back maybe this weekend. Penelope can't be here when he's here obviously so it was helpful that it was during the week while she is in school. Penelope would just have to spend that time with grandma this weekend.
Penelope is doing fairly we'll, I think, with the move. Her only acting out, if you want to call it that, is that our first night here, she skunked the entire night. Skunking is what I've named it because it's like how a skunk sprays as a defense mechanism. Some kids, probably a lot, with RAD will pass gas as a way to keep people away from them. These kids tend to have upset stomachs anyway, just from being so anxious all the time. Penelope has always been a gassy kid but she would purposefully ask to sit on your lap and be lovey, then fart. Behaviors like that I've labeled as skunking. Well she had the whole condo stunk up. I have never seen a worse case of gas. Despite that she loved being in her new room and went to bed fairly easy. After the second night, she said she hadn't slept that good in a while. So that is good. She is overall doing okay. We have a couple things we are working on. She is still limping from her knee injury. But limping onlu occures when convient. She has been given the heads up about needing to rest it this weekend if it's nbot better by then and she wants to play with her friend at my parents' house. I told her "Not if you are not healed all the way.
The other thing is she has been lying about her homework and has gotten behind on her reading. But both issues she be resolved this weekend.
Update on George - there is a settlement offer on the table from the prosecutors office. He can either plead not guilty and continue forward, accept a felony 5 (least serious felony) with time served or a misdemeanor that could require up to 6 months of jail time. A felony on his record would make his life much harder so I don't know what he is going to do. Then, he also owes his attorney a certain amount of money by the 15th. I spoke to him a couple nights ago and he was really worried about that. He is trying to sell his motorcycle which is the only thing of value he has. He joked about how he wanted to figure a way to wreck it for the insurance money but he doesn't know how to do that without wrecking himself in the process. Well the next night, he met a friend for dinner and his bike got stolen. I don't buy it but whatever. He's already filed the insurance claim.
Harriet hasn't contacted me so I guess whatever Geoege said to her made her go away. I'd really like to know. Anywho. I thought you would find this interesting. Harriet posted a link to this on her facebook. Penelope was diagnosed with ODD. http://offthegridnews.com/2010/10/08/is-free-thinking-a-mental-illness/ I find it interesting how Penelope is viewed as a victim of brainwahing and overdiagnosis by me instead of what is really going on here. I also find it ironic that this is coming from a psycology major.

Moving Day

Okay, the other thing that has been going on is that we are finally getting down to Moving Day. Actually, it's going to be Moving Week but hey, at least I only live like 1 1/2 miles away from our new home. I have really been procrastinating on the packing. I don't know if it's pure laziness, my wishing we weren't in a situation where we have to move, or what I've been hanging my hat on as of late "The closing keeps getting pushed back so why live out of boxes until we can tie this down?" Well, we still haven't closed. We were suppose to yesterday afternoon. We even had it down to a specific time of the day versus the usual "either Thursday or Friday" that we've been getting for the past 3 weeks. But I guess the title company doesn't actually do their search until the very last minute and something came up. Well two things came up.; 1) the property owner hadn't paid her November HOA fee and, 2) she had an unresolved lean on her property. No big deal. My parents had one too. It seems those can happen under your radar pretty easy. But as long as you get the paperwork filed that corrects it, no biggie. So, as a compromise of sorts, we now have the keys to get in even though we don't own the place, in exchange for handling the November HOA fee for her. We got the keys last night.
I've been packing. It took forever to find free boxes from stores. But I have a ton of them now. I don't know if it will be enough for all our stuff, but again, at least I only live 1 1/2 miles away if I need to recycle them. Penelope's room is about 95% packed up. That was the ONLY room I could get her to help me with. One of the issues I'm dealing with her on is that she fell in gym class and banged up one of her knees. It's fine. But she is totally milking it for alllllll it's worth. I did the whole "stay in bed all day with your foot elevated" and it worked for that day. But then we have stuff to do! And I don't have the time to have her in bed all day again until AFTER we move. So I have Ms. LimpyPants moaning and groaning. My Mom told me the story about her father when he was her age going skiing and breaking his leg. She didn't believe him for over 24 hours when he complained about the pain and even made him take the garbage out. I said "She is faking it Mom. I've verified that she doesn't have a broken bone. I've seen her walk and run without any problems - as long as there is food or fun involved." So, Papaw is coming to pick her up so I can get some things done. It's late now but whatever relief would be great.
But honestly, other than that, Penelope is doing really well right now. We had a bit of a breakthrough in trauma therapy. Because of the "lie" about the boy kissing her in school, we were able to approach her sexual trauma. Penelope does have a problem knowing what is real and what isn't because of her trauma so I don't consider it a lie as much as I consider it fantasy her brain conjured up because of her trauma. She did some EMDR work related to at the last trauma therapy session. It's only one time but I think it's a beginning and a couple of days later we went to attachment therapy and she at her neurofeedback or "brain training" as we call it and her therapist was very impressed at how low her brain was able to keep her trauma waves down. Very good stuff! She is doing overall well. I see anxiety with the move but no acting out and we haven't had extreme crazy lying. There are still lies of course but so much improvement for now. So much to go but I'm going to revel in what I can. And you can see Penelope's perspective lighten as well. She feels the positive benefits of facing such horrific feelings head on and experiencing those feelings vaporize. That's the best way I can describe EMDR work. Maybe, and here I am being all hopeful again, that her experiencing the positive benefits will continue to break down this wall to her trauma and allow her to face it in therapy. It's going to be hard. I want her to face what she has done as well of course. It's related to her trauma too. She needs to be able to face it to become stronger than it and not do it again - I would think. What a long road we have in front of us.
But I see a light at the end of the tunnel. Positive breakthroughs in therapy. A new home. Wonderful and supportive parents (grandparents) that we are finally able to work together with. And help to a perfect self-employed financial situation for me that will be best for Penelope and I and make us not have to be dependent on my parents anymore. But that's for another day. I have to get back to packing!

Harriet and George

I haven't blogged in a little bit. A lot going on but also, I've changed my blog over to private because of Harriet. I tried to do it a few days earlier but it didn't stick and I wanted to make sure no more posts could possibly be read by her. I think it's okay and if so, I plan to make my blog public again so others can follow it but for right now, I'm just playing it safe.

About 1 1/2 weeks ago, I received an email from Harriet with the following.
"I just found out what happened in with that boy touching Penelope. I heard that George didn't even know until months after Penelope had been in therapy. Why was I never told? I'm beginning to think that a lot has been kept from me. I think it would be a good idea to allow Penelope to start communicating with me. It has been 2 years.I was told in the beginning of all of this , that it would only be a few months. I am truly ashamed that I have let it go this long. Please respond to this e-mail as soon as possible."

I never told Harriet about Penelope's rape. Do I have some guilty feelings about that? Yes. Harriet IS Penelope's mother. Do I feel I made the right decision in not telling her? Yes. Not all decisions that have to be made, especially when it comes to this dynamic, are clear cut. Harriet and her mother have made in clear that they do not believe that Harriet did anything that damaged Penelope in any real lasting way. She will admit that leaving Penelope at 2 1/2 years old hurt Penelope but no more than any other kid with parents get divorced. She feels that the worst thing she did was leave Penelope with her horrible father, George. George was a bad father, but in the beginning, better than Harriet. Penelope at least went into daycare and was being fed and looked after during most of the day. But she was "damaged" before this and that trauma continued for quite some time.

So since Harriet and her mother's perspective is that Harriet did nothing to cause the problems that Penelope has and is living with, it's all George's fault. George and Debbie's (the short term step-mother) fault. Harriet's mother has come short of accusing George of sexually abusing Penelope. I don't think she is completely off her rocker to have this impression as I have had, and still wonder, the same thing. But see, if they were given any validation or confirmation that their feelings are warranted, my fear is that Harriet would try to get custody. They feel because Penelope's behavioral problems didn't really escalate until after Debbie's participation in Penelope's life, it's really all her fault, along with George since it was under his watch. It's a blame game for them. I know who did what, for the most part, and I'm protecting Penelope from her father and her mother. Neither one of them should have any right to make decisions on her behalf. Neither one of them understands, or wants to understand, the trauma they both have caused this child or how it affects her daily life and thinking. If they are not willing to understand it, how in God's name would they ever be able to make good decision for her. I just don't want to give Harriet any reasons to try to intervene with Penelope. I have always said to her that George has not been a good father either and Penelope has issues to resolve regarding him as well, but she has never asked for specifics nor have I have given them. Maybe not telling her these things is going to ultimately do that but I will just have to deal with it the best I can at this point. Because the information comes so slowly and we still really don't know the details, I wasn't going to put myself or Penelope through whatever reaction Harriet and her mother would have with every new breaking news release of information. Can you imagine melodramatic Harriet's reaction to being informed of every time Penelope discloses a little more of her trauma? In order for Penelope to feel safe enough to disclose her trauma, she NEEDS Harriet to stay out of it!

Do I have guilty feelings for not giving Harriet a chance at having the right reaction? Yes, but it wasn't worth the risk. I'm happy to continue to feel guilty about it.

Well, this email came two days after George's bail hearing lowering his bail to an amount that my parents said they could afford to pay to get him out of jail. However, the closing on the condo kept getting delayed for this or that reason and they can't pay the bail until after the closing. My dad wasn't allowed to talk to him the day of the hearing so George was ready to be bailed out when my dad couldn't. The next day he found out and from what I heard, went ape-shit about it. As he's told everyone, he spent 21 days in jail. I can just see the scratch tally on his cell wall. My dad had to borrow money from one of his best friends to get George out of jail, which happened the same day I got Harriet's email. Coincidence? I don't think so.

But he denies denies denies it. I told him "I won't be mad if you told her, I just need to know what was said! I have damage control to do now." He claims "I didn't even know that you waited a couple of months to tell me." I said "I didn't, it's wrong. I didn't tell you right away but the delay was only maybe a couple of weeks. And only because Penelope wouldn't tell me anything unless I promised her." He said "Why would I tell Harriet?" I said "I don't know, complaining? Complaining about me? I don't know." He said "No!" like that was ridiculous. Yeah okay. Our dad told me he told George to cut the crap as we know he did it and gave him a ration of shit for it but he still denied it to him as well.

I had to respond to Harriet with something so I said:
"I think we need to meet. I'm not sure where you are getting your information. But I'd be glad to tell you what we know and what I think has happened to Penelope in her past. Are there things I have withheld from you? Yes, but not what you’re implying. The last time I told you something that demonstrated how sick Penelope is, you told your Mom and at some point had Penelope being committed to a mental hospital soon. Then shortly later I found out from your Mom you were in drug/alcohol rehab. I haven't told you all that Penelope has done and how truly sick she is because I want you to focus on your own health for her sake. When you both are strong enough, I want you to have a relationship. I have talked to both her therapists (up in and her trauma therapist in ) about you and Penelope communicating via email or however and no one feels she is ready. She is making a lot of progress in trauma therapy even though we haven't really touched any specific traumas yet. It's hard to explain. Google EMDR for complex PTSD and Google Reactive Attachment Disorder if you haven't already. Or talk to one of your professors.
I didn't think it would be this long either but I don't think any of us knew what road we were heading down. I have given up my life, career and personal identity to give Penelope a chance at a normal life."

Nothing I wrote in there isn't true. Except I wasn't told by her Mom, but her MIL. I couldn't remember. She had responded that she was never in drug/alcohol rehab nor have had any reason to and that she talked to her Mom and she never said anything. I had to verify my memory with George. It was the MIL that told me. And we don't know if she actually went in or not, but Harriet's husband and MIL were pushing for it. Harriet doesn't know about my conversation with her MIL and I gather her MIL didn't say anything to her about it because it would have caused some real problems between Harriet and her MIL.

Anyway, I had to ask again about meeting and she said she wanted to meet but had to wait until the beginning of the month (Nov) and find out what her mother's schedule was for her to come up. I hadn't asked to meet with her mother and I really don't want to. She is the one that came out and accused me of writing the letter that Penelope wrote to Harriet telling her how she feels. She felt it didn't "sound" like Penelope. Harriet has her so snowed about her lack of parenting with Penelope that she comes into conversations like she really knows what is going on and already has her mind made up as to what a horrible person I am. I don't need that crap! So I've enlisted Penelope's trauma therapist in this meeting. It will be a 2nd opinion for Harriet and her mother since they have met with the attachment therapists. Penelope's attachment therapist said that was a great idea as it will also help the trauma therapist have a better understanding of what she is dealing with by meeting them - as it did her.

However, when I spoke to George the 2nd time, verifying my memory about the rehab center, he said he didn't think it was going to become an issue with Harriet. I asked if he had talked to Harriet since he's been out and he said "A couple of times." He claimed she never mentioned finding out about Penelope's abuse to him either time. He said that he gave her this guilt trip about how hard it is for him right now, that he just can't deal with anymore drama and stress right now... I said "Why would she care about how stressed you are right now? She doesn't care! That doesn't make any sense. This is the same person who threw you under the bus when you were in jail and told me you had called her collect and wanted her to send you pictures of girls to you in jail." He said she wrote him a letter telling him to call her and when he did, it wasn't collect as he used a calling card and that he told her how they each got a fan letter in the mail from some guy and how they joked they wished it was women sending their naked pictures. I believe that because it actually makes sense. He's a pervert, I know, but why would he tell Harriet to send girls pictures to him in jail?

Anyway, his story doesn't make any sense to me. He said that Harriet does throw him under the bus but she has this thing about him, like she always has to know she is good standing with him. She calls him all the time for stupid stuff that he claims he tells her, "Shouldn't you ask your husband about that?" or "Shouldn't you be telling this to your husband?" I can see this being true knowing how she is, but I'm still not buying that his non-specific guilt trip would make her rethink trying to meet about Penelope or continuing to have an issue with this revelation. But then, here it is, a week into November and I haven't heard from her. Nothing.

I still don't buy George's story but I need to know what went down. What are these two up to? What is Harriet up to? I don't care about George. He is controlled by my parents and his legs were cut out from under him with this whole jail and biker gang thing.

She is doing things to try to be the better parent, and I commend her for the effort but I do think she is going about it all wrong. When George went into jail, a few days later she wanted to know if she could talk to Penelope or write her. So that was something she wanted shortly before she "found out" about her abuse. However, he grounds to ask were that she is now in school and is trying to make herself a better role model for Penelope. Also, she recently "follows" me on my Twitter account (which I never use and only used to use it to follow other people like celebs and news shows). Her Twitter account is 100% Catholic. Her profile says "Catholic mother and wife." She has many followers and follows many people. They are all priests and nuns and other Catholic inspired Twitter accounts. She tweeted that she was afraid she'd fail her one psychology class if she revealed her true feelings about abortion and birth control and gays. Oh God, I pray to you that she is on birth control.

The ironic ? hypocritical ? thing about this Twitter "persona" she has created is that she herself has had an abortion. She herself has had a same-sex causal sex thing (while she was married to George). I don't believe that makes one gay but it's that the whole thing against gays from the religious perspective? Anyway, her favorite movie is the Rocky Horror Picture Show. She had joined a satanic cult even. I'm not saying someone doesn't have the right or shouldn't try to become a better person and put their past behind them - but they have to own their past too. She is acting like it never happened.

I told Penelope's attachment therapist about this and she said that Harriet is trying to rectify being one way by becoming the extreme opposite. But it's not real. It's a facade. It doesn't address her real problems, and actually it can make her sicker. Ugh.

Crazy Lying

Crazy Lying is what Penelope's Attachment Therapist calls it. The whole thing with inviting kids over for a "Save the Earth" Party, the lying about being allowed to have her friend stay the night at Grandma's - it's her testing her boundaries. Not in a malicious way but to see if they are there. "To know what is real and not real." In a child who has been in such hell and chaos, they don't know which way is up or down, what experiences are real or not real - especially if they have flashbacks. They will test their boundaries. I think of it as if someone who gets lightheaded knowing their ability to know what is level reaches out their hands to steady themselves against a wall that they know is level.
I was talking to the AT about how this whole thing about lying to Grandma was concerning to me, not in what the lie was about, but the fact that she knew she was going to be busted. That there was no way she could get away with this lie. When is she going to start WANTING to make the right decisions? She said it has nothing to do with that. Penelope does want to make the right decisions, but she is testing her boundaries to make sure they are still there and that testing reassures her that she is safe.
She said it's like a 2 year old who goes to reach for something he is not allowed to touch, stops to turn to towards his parents to make sure they are watching, so then when he touches it the parents can say "No No No." The 2 year old in Penelope is satisfied but the adolescent in her is pissed because she was told "No."
Another example is we had a bad storm roll through the other day around lunch time. The storm sirens went off twice because the storm was moving fast and had the markers for a possible tornado. Penelope freaked out at school and wanted to come home. She did end up calling me at home and I was watching the news on the TV in the basement at the time and told her so. I told her that the sirens are going off as a precaution because of how fast the storm is moving. But it's not even in the area yet and just follow the directions of the teachers and she will be safe. She was good with that. When she got home she was telling me how scared she was. She even wrote a Will. I didn't believe her and said "Really? Let me see." She whipped it out of her book bag and gave it to me. There is was, short and sweet. She loves her family and wants to be buried with all her things. Geesh. She went downstairs to watch TV for a little bit and came up and told me that there is another really bad storm coming, worse than before! On the news it's this big red spot coming right at us. I said "Huh, they didn't mention that earlier. I'll have to look it up." I was on my computer. Not one minute later she asks if she can go across the street to play. I said "Not if there is a big storm coming. Oh no. You need to stay here." She then says "Okay.. I admit it. I lied. There isn't a storm coming. Now can I go next door?" "No honey. You just lied to me. I can't possibly let you go next door after lying to me." She said "Okay okay. I actually didn't lie. I'm not really sure if there is a storm coming or not. It kinda looks like there is on the map on the news but then I don't know. So can I go?" I am baffled by where this conversation has led so quickly. I said "Now Penelope.. You are just saying what you think I need to hear in order to get what you want. First there is this storm coming, than you say that you lied but then when that didn't work, you didn't lie and now you are not sure. How would you take that information?" She said "I'm not a meteorologist, I don't know how to read those maps!" I said "Neither am I, so I guess you need to stay home just to be safe." That made her mad "But I didn't lie!" I didn't engage in this and just told her that I think she needs to calm herself down. She said "Shut up! Get away from me!" I said "Now don't say something you will feel bad about later." I've learned that this usually works to help keep her from escalating too much because she does feel shame after she calms down for being mean. Especially when it escalates into the extreme then there is a lot of shame and I'm just nicely reminding her of that. I continued on with what I was doing (working on sewing her constume) and she ended up going into her room, slamming the door of course, and playing her DS for about 10 minutes. She came out and said "I'm okay now." I said "Awesome."
She found a coping skill and regulated herself. I didn't need to intervene too much. Practice makes perfect right?
The other "lie" that has happened this week is that there is a boy that has been antagonistic towards her for most of the year. Some of the things she has told my Mom and I have him sound like a boy with a crush who can't handle it. Well, last week she came home and said that this boy kissed her and was so grossed out by it. Then earlier this week she said he did it again! She would tell him to stop pushing him away and kicking him. Then the next day she said he did it again but this time he shoved her against the wall and kissed her. I wasn't sure to believe this or not because she was saying that no one saw her, that she didn't tell her teachers because no one would believe her and that he would deny it happened and he's really smart and knows where their are no cameras (an issue she ran into with the stealing of the cell phone) etc. Every solution was met with a knock down. I told her that the next time he tried to kiss her, to just scream at the top of her lungs. That it was scare the tar out of him and draw attention to what was going on like an alarm going off. She didn't seem to keen on that idea and said she will just continue to do what she has been doing which is running and hiding from him. At recess she hides in the bushes and she will sit down in the hall against the wall between classes if he's there. She didn't want to go to school the next day. She said he reminds her of the boy that hurt her and what he did. She sounded pretty sincere when talking about this part. I do know she has had a bit of anxiety in the mornings with upset stomachs and somatic symptoms at school.
We talked about it at therapy and it seemed more real there because of how she was feeling, how her anxiety was going up and she sincerely seemed scared of him. We talked about the difference between now and then. That she has people who are here to help her. That she has told me what is going on, and that she is stronger now. She can get through this and be safe.
I had emailed her teacher to tell her all the facts and if she had any input or ideas on how we can help her with whatever it is that is going on. Her teacher called and said that she had a long talk with Penelope and that after a bit of a "this no that, here, no there" kind of conversation trying to pinpoint down where in the school these things happened but when the teacher said "Okay, we can see that on tape," she would change the location or what happened. Her teacher said that she gave her an out and said "Do you think that maybe it didn't actually happen but you are afraid it could happen?" Penelope saw that her teacher wasn't angry with her and took the opportunity and said "Maybe I think it happened but it really didn't..I think I'm afraid it could happen because it has happened before..." I told the teacher that based on what Penelope has told me so far about her abuse, the boy did antagonize her over weeks before he started abusing her. She thinks the boy is using Penelope as a means to elevate himself socially. At this age, some of the kids find a kid that they view beneath him to pick on to feel elevated socially. Nice.. She has given him numerous detentions for his antics with Penelope but she said he's gotten worse and it's been escalated to the Asst. Principal and his parents are being contacted.
I think one of the positives from this experience is that this will help Penelope's relationship with this teacher and grow her trust with her because she handled it so perfectly for her. Also, this could be Penelope's way of being ready to talk about her sexual abuse in trauma therapy. I hope so. I'm ready for her to start addressing it - when she is ready of course.

A More Livable Daily Grind

Actually I don't really like the idea that we are in "A More Livable Daily Grind." I want better for Penelope and I. But to compared to where we have been, this is much more livable. Penelope has been acting out her RAD symptoms but not too bad. Nothing unmanageable. She lies constantly and when you express your disbelief in any way what so ever she gets highly offended. And the storytelling lies, please... And I do not make a big deal out of her lies or even sound remotely offended or angry about them. Maybe a little sarcastic like "Oh that was a good story! Tell me another!" But what else am I suppose to do? I mean, we are suppose to call them on their lies so they know that their manipulation efforts did not work but in a playful way. I do know that she does have a hard time lying to me on important issues when she can flat out lie to pretty much everyone else.
On Friday, I spent the afternoon and evening with my twin brother's kids. Penelope spent the afternoon/evening with Grandma. Grandma is targeted by Penelope because of how easy it is to manipulate Grandma. Penelope had gone over her friend's house who is a neighbor of my parents. A few hours later she shows up with this friend saying that she is spending the night and that I knew all about it. My Mom didn't know what to do because she didn't really think it was true but wasn't sure. She didn't want to embarrass Penelope in front of her friend either. My cell phone ringer is on the brink so it didn't ring when she called me to verify Penelope's story. I got her messages around 10:30 that evening. I told my Mom how I knew nothing about it. Penelope had tried to call me from her friend's house and she left this message "Hey Mom, Maya is staying the night. K? K." My Mom said that they were already in her room going to sleep. She was just embarrassed because the house was a mess and if she had known in advance she would have picked up or something.
When I got to their house around 1am, my Mom was backing out of their drive taking Maya home. My Mom said that Maya wanted to go home because she couldn't sleep because of Benny (a cat) scratching at the door but that she said she left a note. Honestly, I was a little worried that something sexual could have happened. I don't think my parents are as hypersensitive to this issue as I am. But I had went in to Penelope's room to check on her and noticed the sleeping bag and pile of pillows on the floor where Maya was. Penelope has a large bed so I was a little surprised at this but maybe she felt "safer" having Maya on the floor. I'm good with that. Maya did leave a note. It was nice and apologetic. She said she couldn't sleep because of Benny, the fan clicking, and Penelope's snoring. haha.
My mom and I talked about what needed to happen the next day in handling this situation. The interesting thing about this is there is no question she wasn't going to get caught. She KNEW she was going to get caught. But in her mind it was worth it. For me, that is the worst part of this whole thing. Another message that I'm reading into this event is how important having friends and friendships have become to her. This incident and the one from school where she invited the whole class over say this loudly. This particular girl is her closest friend because she is about 1 1/2 years younger and still likes to play with dolls like Penelope. Lastly, she is using others to get her way, using these kids and our fear of embarrassing her or them to get away with things knowing that we probably know she is lying.
It makes me think about expert articles and books I've read that talk about how consequences are not enough for these children. Behavior modification doesn't work. It has helped us a great deal but is it enough? Penelope is a smart cookie and knows right from wrong but at what point is she going to WANT to do the right thing?
We do believe she is starting to really have a conscience. That is what her AT said when we discussed Penelope's issues with going back to church - feeling that she isn't a good enough person to go to church, not because of where she comes from but because of what she has done to others. It's a start.
But her lying about being allowed to have her friend stay the night is the only real event we have been dealing with. Dealt with it the next day from a consequences and restitution standpoint. But honestly, I don't think it's enough to prevent something similar in the future. She is a ballsy young lady and when she wants something, she is very creative about how to get it. Honestly, I wish I had some of these traits, more outgoing and creative. But I'd like to think I'd use them in a more positive way and I hope she can herself someday.
Otherwise, she has been fairly good about things. I do think it helps that I'm not working and she is home with me more than before. Actually yesterday she was off school for an in-service day. Today is the first day of 2nd quarter at school. But both Penelope and I had forgotten and she was at school on time, for what we have no idea. I never just drop and run. I always make sure she is in the door and down the hall before I pull away from the curb. Thank goodness because she couldn't find an unlocked door. By her 3rd door, she remembered she was off school. Doh!
So we did some thing around the house, she played and then we went to the fabric store to buy things to make her Halloween costume. She is going as Princess Leia with the ear-muff buns and long white flowy dress with a belt. I bought a bunch of white polyester knit fabric for $9, a 1/2 yard of shimmer silver remnant fabric for $1 for the belt, a bag of clear square crystals for the belt, and a .. thing of brown yarn for $4. I'm using an old crocheted sock hat as the base for the "hair" and sewing the yarn to it so it looks like it's parted down the middle and then attaching buns to the sides made out of the same yarn. Started that. It's a hateful project. The belt is done. I had an empty box made of thin cardboard, same as what a 12 pack box is made out of. I cut out the belt making it come to a wide point in the front, and glued the shimmery fabric to it. Then glued to crystals in a fancy design to it. Penelope loves it and wants to wear it to school. I got my Mom's old sewing machine out that she gave me when I was little. It's OLD. Sears Kenmore made of solid metal painted two shades of mossy green. We had to order the manual on eBay. I'm going to try not to have to hand sew this costume this time. Figured out how to load the bobbin last night. Will be attempting to sew today. Wish me luck.
Not that I don't have a ton of stuff to do. We are closing, eventually, on the condo. Made progress yesterday. I'm guessing tomorrow or Thursday. I haven't even started packing yet. I need to get boxes. Am I procrastinating with the costume? Maybe a little, but it's one of those things I just need to get behind me so I can move on and if I don't have it ready for Halloween, Penelope will kill me. If I can't sew it on the machine it will take me days to do it. Here is last year's costume that I sewed by hand. Including the hat. I took two baseball hats and deconstructed them so I could sew the front half's together after I covered them in fabric. Pretty cool huh?
Lastly, I had a BLAST with my niece and nephew on Friday night. They are such sweethearts. I took my niece to the park after she got home from the babysitters but before my SIL had to go to her part time job. It was to celebrate her birthday since I didn't get to go to her party. I ended up getting her a princess book and Ants in Spongebob's Pants game (where you have to flip the ants into his pants to win?) She had so much fun to the point she passed out in the car on the way home. When she was quiet in the car on the way home, I asked her "Are you tired?" and she said "No, I'm just thinking." Then she passed out. I didn't like the way she was leaning foward in her seat and tried to reach back and lift her head but it weighed a ton from my angle. Haha. This is what she looked like.
Then here they are eating dinner that I made them on their favorite food trays. Yes, I know there isn't any vegetables or fruit on their plate. It's not something they keep in my brother and his wife keep in their house. I'm just lucky to get my nephew to eat anything, I will leave the healthy food battle up to their parents. My nephew does love his sprinkle cheese.
My nephew was upset though that I took his sister only to the park. He didn't care it was for her birthday, he wanted to go too. When I put him in bed and kept saying "Just you and me next time." He loves me. They both do. You would think I was the Easter Bunny the way they fight over me sometimes. It's nice to be adored like that sometimes instead of the "I hate you!" that I get from Penelope on occasion.

1st week without working

Other than Monday, I've been really busy actually. Today I will have some time to do things that weren't scheduled but Monday I watched a bit of TV which was nice. I told myself I would do more exercising as part of my new dedication to start taking care of myself better. I was planning on walking in the mornings after dropping Penelope off at school. But it's cold! So I decided to walk to school to get Penelope and walk home with her. She likes walking home but isn't allowed to do it by herself. She has had some on/off again relationships with the girls that live by us so it just isn't in the cards. She was soo excited that I surprised her to walk home with her. She just seemed shocked. It was kind of funny though because I could tell she was planning on doing some "I'm hurt" somatic stuff expecting one of my parents to be picking her up. When she first saw me standing there not knowing I didn't drive, she was sort of limping and pointed to her big toe that was bandaged. When I expressed concerns about walking home, she straightened right up. She said it felt a lot better.
I used this opportunity of walking her home to tell her that I was let go from my job but that it's okay. She was a little concerned, but I told her that I wasn't happy there, that I will be entitled to unemployment while I look for something that would be better for us - probably start that business I told her about, and that I would get to spend much more time with her - like walk her home from school! She really liked it. She wanted to hold my hand the entire way home. I said "In front of your classmates walking? Aren't you concerned about them making fun of you?" She said "Oh no. I don't care. I want to hold your hand." How sweet is that?
By the time we got home we were exhausted. I know I was. I just walked a little over 2 1/2 miles and I am totally out of shape. Actually I was running late getting out of the house so I did the first half to get there in about 20 minutes. It was funny because we both went into my room and sprawled face up across my bed under the ceiling fan. We could feel our heart beats in our chest. Then Papaw walked in not a minute later and went into the kitchen. He was bringing food over from George's house (since he's in jail) so we could use it before it goes bad. Penelope didn't know it was from George's but I did. He saw us laying there on my bed and laughed at us. He asked "Who is more exhausted and out of shape?" We both pointed to eachother. We all just laughed. He had brought a huge 5 lb package of ground chuck that George had bought. He said we needed to use it quick before it expires. He said he also put a hole in the plastic with his thumb accidentally. I had to go to the store to buy things to cook with it. So Penelope and I went to the store and bought some chili making stuff (Penelope's favorite), some spaghetti stuff, stuff to go with hamburgers, and storage bags for all this food. I am going to have soooo much food! There is no way I'm going to be able to use this whole 5 lbs! We get home and Penelope is excited about having our family recipe chili. I pull the big package of meat out to start the chili and I started to inspect it. With a closer eye it looks a funny color brown and the "Sold or freeze by" date is 9/28/10. It's 10/18/10... ewwww! I called my Dad. "Hey! Did you know the sold or freeze by date is 9/28/10?" He says, "Yeah, 9/28 right... oh wait, it's October. Oh no, you need to pitch that." I'm thinking 'Ugh..great Dad.' I said "I just bought a bunch of food that requires ground meat. Okay, I'll figure out something. No biggie." He says, "And the more I think about it, I don't know if I put that hold in it or not. I think it was there already." I said "Okay.. thanks anyway." Great Dad... No biggie. We had meatless spaghetti for dinner. Penelope was disappointed but she loves spaghetti too. It was funny though. I love him for his effort.
Tuesday was my Uncle's funeral. Not an Uncle I was very close with but only because he was always so quiet and how close can a girl growing up get close to a strange man who doesn't say anything to her. But I love my Aunt a lot and I feel for her loss and feel for the loss for my two cousins. I can't imagine losing my Dad. They handled it very well but there Dad was very sick for the last 3 years and now is with God and knows no pain. They were ready for him to have relief.
I left Penelope in school for this event. She is so hypersensitive. Seeing a dead person would just make her a wreck and my fear was her acting inappropriate or asking inappropriate questions. She hadn't seen her Great Uncle since since she was like 4 or 5 and probably never said a word to him. Plus, my twin brother wouldn't have come and that wouldn't have been fair for him.
The whole event lasted from 11:00 until about 5:00 between the visitation, the funeral home service, the interment at the cemetery, and food back at the church. My mom and I missed his interment because we had to go pick up Penelope at school.
After that we had to go back to my parents' house because I needed to fax off some paperwork for unemployment and also look for my jury duty paperwork. I received a letter in the mail Sunday night saying I needed to report for federal jury duty on Wednesday. I'm so glad they sent me something because I had totally forgot to call in and check the past 2 Fridays to see if I had to report. I have been so bad about my jury duty. I registered like 3 weeks late, then forgot to check to see if I had to report and if you don't report or anything, you can get a big fine and maybe jail time it said. I found out later that they will send a Marshall to your home and/or work and force you to report and you could end up holding up the whole day for everyone else. Yikes! It's not that I don't want to perform my civic duty because I do! I guess I just have so much on my plate that my brain stopped being selective about what I do and don't forget, important or not.
I couldn't find it at my parents, so Penelope and I came home. I couldn't find it at home either! I tried to call in and see if I can access whether or not I had to report on Wednesday or not (as the letter said to still check the night before and the morning of in case the case settles). It wouldn't let me check without my participant number. My mom ended up finding it at their house! Found out I do have to report. So Papaw has to come to my house by 7am to take Penelope to school so I can be at the courthouse downtown by 8am. There was 50 of us there at which time I learned about the whole Marshall thing. Thank goodness. The federal court building in downtown Cincinnati is beautiful on the inside. So was the court room. I was one of the lucky "18" who got to sit in the jury box for jury selection. The rest had to sit on the wood benches. They were nice wingback chairs that raised and lowered and had a foot rest. We had a few breaks and lunch. It was interesting what people were attracted to me. Everyone was nice, because we are all in this together I guess. The beautiful black gay man came over to me during our first break and struck up a conversation. Then during the lunch break a nice old woman came up to me who seemed totally out of her element, never comes into the city, definitely from a rural area in Ohio. She is a part time nurse at a nursing home. She wanted me to have lunch with her. I only knew that there was a Chipotle nearby that I really wanted to go to. She had never had Chipotle. I told her about it and she seemed up for it. I told her I would be okay with going somewhere else, I just don't really know what our options are. She was okay with it. She just wanted a salad. I told her I don't know about their salad but there other food is good. I felt bad because she seemed so out of place there. It was loud and busy and her salad was spicy she said. But she kept saying it was good and she ate most of it. I love Chipotle's burrito bowl. Love it.
The rest of the time the beautiful black gay guy and I hung out. He was funny and I called him "Number 18" because that was his juror number and he thought that was funny. A woman who also was black came up to us and was talking with us. She was complaining about the court reporter because she kept making her repeat herself because she talks.. well black and sometimes it's hard to understand her. I do think the court reporter was getting a little mean about it but I'm thinking... why are the only two black people hanging out with me? I'm so vanilla, with my (before Penelope) Coach purse and preppy outfit, what is it about me that attracted them to me? I'm not upset by it by any means, I enjoy all people as long as they are nice, and goodhearted. I'm glad actually. Both my brothers always told me I am a snob. Mostly George. But he is not nice or goodhearted so ... I get that. But I always thought I naturally repelled most people because of my conservative appearance. It was nice and I actually left the day in a very upbeat mood having been "accepted" by people that are different from me. I didn't get "accepted" as a juror which I was disappointed about. Not that I don't have enough on my plate but I thought it would be a great learning experience. I have to call in this Friday to see if I have to report next week, and I won't forget this time! But then that's it for now.
Thursday, I dropped Penelope off at school and went over my twin brother's to watch my nephew while my brother took his daughter on her field trip. It was just until my Dad could relieve me so I could go to lunch with some old co-workers' who wanted to take me to lunch as a send off. My nephew and I played Lego StarWars on XBox and Wii Resort games. My nephew is so funny. When we were playing Lego StarWars, he was starting to get bored (probably because I stunk at it) and changed his character to C3PO and wanted me to take my lightsaber and hit him 3 times. Just 3 times. The forth time would kill him. Three times cuts each arm off and a leg. So when he moves around he is armless with sparks coming out of the sockets and hopping around on one leg. He just thought that was the funniest thing! The boy CRACKS ME UP! Here is a picture of him playing Wii.
While I was there, my old boss texted me a picture of my new replacement at work sitting at my desk. He's a bit of a jokester. The other Asst. Manager is really into Halloween and brought this guy in. I responded by saying that he is better looking than me. Probably will be able to sell more. He is definitely closer in age to the clientelle. Have more in common with them.
I showed my nephew and he faked screamed and said it was scary. Boys.
I went and met my old boss and co-worker for lunch. It was good seeing them. Listening to them talk a little shop made me even more excited about not working there. It was their call night and no body is having luck selling anything and the Regional VP is having a mandatory conference call with the whole region about sales. I've sat in on a couple of those and they are NO fun. He only has them when the region is behind. You are expected to work the entire weekend and go door knocking. I won't miss that. I tried to hide my happiness so I wasn't rubbing it in.
Then after that I picked up Penelope from school and we headed to attachment therapy. It was a good session. This was the second AT session I've gone to in a row and her AT said her brain waves during neurofeedback were down last week compared to others. I told her that Penelope still views moving as bad but I do think it's just because she hasn't gotten to see the place yet. The other day she had said how it's bad we are moving and I said "Well lets go drive by and look at it again." We were on the way to the store anyway. But until she can envision her stuff in her room she is having a hard time, very anxious about it and it affects her sleep and her ability to cope. Soon though! Closing was either going to be today or Monday. It's not today so I'm hoping Monday. My mother gave me the impression it might not be Monday either. Ugh! I just hope it happens period. I'm not going to be that picky. It just needs to happen so we don't have to rent and SOON. Please! Anyway, I digress.
The other topic that I wanted to bring up was a short conversation Penelope and I had earlier in the week. I asked Penelope if she would want to start going back to church now that we are not spending whole weekends with Grandma and Papaw? She said she didn't want to. Basically, she gets really anxious in church where she is short of an anxiety attack, which I do remember. We talked about why she thinks she gets so anxious. It's two fold. One, she is angry with God for letting the bad things happen to her. Second, she is afraid she isn't good enough to go to church, that she doesn't deserve to be there. I asked why she feels she doesn't deserve to be there. She said because of the bad things that she has done. Her AT said that actually is really good news to hear about her remorse. She is growing a conscience. She cares! She does want to talk to Penelope about this because it's so important she learns from these feelings.
This is where the fact her therapy is at a Catholic agency really comes in handy. We are not Catholic but Christian. Her AT totally respects all religious beliefs. She beautifully explained God's love for Penelope and told biblical stories of forgiveness, and God's own suffering to show us his love that brought me to tears. We talked about how positive growth can come from our own suffering and bad choices to makes us stronger people. Her AT told her how she will be able to help others through her experiences. It reminds me of something I had heard in church a while ago that was said by a guest speaker. He said "God gives us our strengths, not for us, but for others." It all is interlinked and very important in this message for Penelope. I could tell Penelope was listening and the message that her AT was giving her really sunk in because of how still she sat and the expression on her face. Forgiving herself is going to be one of her biggest challenges.
Now today I am finishing up this post and going to go out into this work and FIND BOXES for moving. :) Haven't started packing yet. Oh, and I have to make Penelope's costume for Halloween soon too. And then at 3pm I'm taking my niece to the park to celebrate her birthday just her and I (since I couldn't go to her birthday party because of Penelope not allowed to go) and then around 5pm until late I am spending the entire evening with my niece and nephew. What to do what to do... Grandma is picking up Penelope and taking her home. I need to pack her and I a bag for that and we are going to stay at my parents tonight. I get to see the kitties! All is good. I'm not even nervous waiting for something bad to happen. Is that the anti-depressant working or just things going that well?