It's been a while since I last blogged. Recap over the past week - Penelope had her last week of camp last week, not going very well. She was late almost every day and I ended up keeping her home on one day to let her know that it was unacceptable behavior. But then the rest of the week she had social problems, saying some boys were picking on her. A black boy kept calling her a marshmallow. That was a new one for me. She took it as a comment about her weight. I took it as a comment about her weight and color. I worry about the color thing with her, because the 1st 7 years of her life, she was raised in a racist (KKK) home. She "claimed" to not know what the N word was last year and we talked about it. She said she heard "African American" kids use it. I told her they shouldn't use it either but that it's a horrible cuss word that is very mean and hurtful, but that is also makes the person who says the word look really stupid and embarrassing. So, here is a child with RAD who has found a weapon that she knows will cut deep any black child who she feels have wronged her. So I'm relying heavily on the my statements about how using the word will make her look. Coincidentally, or not, the 3 kids that have really bullied her at school over the past few years have been black. But she also has gravitated towards a couple black kids at school to be friends with. She hasn't gotten in trouble for using the word or anything, but I wonder why her bullies are black. But I also know that the 3 kids also have bullied others. But I guess my point is, is that for a black child to make racial comments against Penelope isn't helping my case!
But then, I also wonder why it's this last week she is having this problem. The last week of camp. She also "reinjured" her knee. The bruise from a couple of weeks ago was starting to go away and it came back full force. And of course, she made sure I knew about it. Her complaints about camp and her overall pessimistic attitude in general was getting so bad I debated letting her complete the week out. Thank goodness, her last day was fun for her and it ended on a good note. She did point out that Thursday in therapy, when asked what she needed to help get out of Yuckworld, she said "Time with my mom." Well, that was this week.
Saturday we cleaned her room and I did some laundry. Sunday, we went to church - she was so excited we were 5 minutes late. lol. I hope that makes sense. But then we met up with Papaw and Uncle B and his family to go boating on Papaw's boat. A boat he has had for 4 years that I really don't remember knowing he had. I'm seriously concerned that my brain is leaking. It would explain a lot. Anyway, we held them up with our whole "church going" thing but they were tolerant. Everyone had fun, at least the kids did and we did watching the kids tubing. It was funny watching my brother's 2 1/2 year old daughter sit on and try to pee in a large plastic cup from a drive thru because she just couldn't bring herself to pee in the river. You could read it on her face "Wait..wait.. NOW you WANT me to wet myself.. really? Are you sure? I'm not going to get in trouble?.. they are playing with me...They HAVE to be.."
But then, Monday - Wednesday we spent the entire days together. It was good, she was calmer, happier, feeling better. Wednesday way was hard because she was really starting to get re-anxious about school starting. And she didn't fall asleep until probably after midnight. Even with all her knockout medicine in her and my nightly reading to her. She was anxious. She cried, she yelled, had her lights on when they were suppose to be off, left her door open when it was suppose to be closed (with alarm on), listening to her headphones which were suppose to be put up... I was letting my own tiredness and frustration with her, what felt like, efforts to stay awake take over my emotions. She wanted to sleep in my room which is off limits (with lightening storms as an exception). If I allow it, she will make it a nightly battle. I've learned that lesson before. I even allowed myself to get passive/aggressive. "Why don't you just go watch TV in the family room.. since like you said 'I'm never going to sleep.'" But I realized at that point, I crossed the line for myself. She just looked at me with the look she gives me when I go there.. like "you don't really mean that do you?" Finally I took the blanket off the foot of my bed.. walked her back into her room. Took her pillows, a body pillow, her blankets and had her lay cosied up with all the pillows supporting her arms and legs and head and tucked her in nice and tight and comforted. Kissed her goodnight.. and she finally went to sleep.
Today is her first day of 6th grade. I hope it is going well. I think I'm going to take a nap.
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