2nd appearance and last - definitely. I only went so that I could finish what I felt the therapist needed to hear, and at the request of my dad. The general hope is that if his therapist understands what has happened and what Penelope's needs are, then maybe she could get George to understand. It's a general hope because I'm not sure anyone in our family will claim that they still have that hope. We want to have that hope, but then wanting to hope instead of having hope is still putting ourselves out there too far.
I think I faired better the first visit, because I was doing better, because Penelope was doing better. I am frazzled. I'm angry. I'm tired. I'm so tired. I'm depressed. I'm anxious. I am tired. But I went to this appointment, knowing I just needed to get it over with. Then I can go home, take a nap, and take Penelope to her attachment therapy appointment this afternoon.
The therapist opened the floor - as traditional therapist always start sessions. George said that he got to see Penelope for an hour a week ago Friday. It went fine, but he knows it's really about how Penelope does after the fact. He said he knows that there was some incident with Grandma but that's it. He knew how she had been doing, but he wanted to focus on Grandma. So I explained what happened with Grandma and then went on to talk about the last two weeks. But she cut me off and went back to George and said "Wait, so what happened at the visit?" He explained that it went fine and what they did. She looked at me and said "But you connect the problems she has been having with seeing George, when everything went fine, but not to what happened with her Grandmother? Tell me how this is related to George, because it seems to me that the incident with your mom was more upsetting..." I said "You can't compare the two because her relationship with her Grandmother is totally different than the one she has with her father. It's not about what goes on at the visit, as much as it's about seeing him at all. It's best that nothing bad happens at the visit, but seeing him is enough. He is her link to the trauma, the abuse, the life in constant flux, a reminder that she doesn't have the perfect family of bio dad, bio mom still married, no neglect, everything wonderful that she assumes all her friends have. Her relationship with her grandmother is totally different. She knows she can push her buttons and when she is not strong, she controls her grandmother by doing so. But it didn't trigger her regression. She sees her grandmother at least once a week and is fine." The therapist said "That is exactly my point, if George can see Penelope on a regular basis, she will handle her emotions better."
This is the part where I didn't handle myself very well. But you know, I don't necessarily regret it. Sometimes it feels really good to be a total bitch.
I told said. "You are wrong! And you are wrong for making an assumption about someone that you have no idea about! You don't know what you are talking about and you know NOTHING about Reactive Attachment Disorder! I'm trying to keep an open mind about being here, but I am NOT here to negotiate NOR defend what I do and am doing for Penelope. I am here because my dad asked me to be so that I can share with you what has happened and what Penelope needs." I said, "I wish I brought her drawings with me.. I think I have one with me." And pulled the one from Mother's Day that I have kept in my purse since the day she gave it to me. It is a drawing of Penelope, with an evil grin holding a knife over me, with me laying dead with multiple stab wounds. Around the drawing she wrote "HELP ME" "PLEASE HELP ME". Penelope wanted me to help her. I said "Nothing bad happened on Mother's Day." I told several stories about Penelope and what she has done. Her mental state, what I've done to help her. About what a Godsend Attachment Therapy is, and how it's saved our lives. But that I have given up everything for it. My career, my friends, my health, physical and mental to help her get better. My dad supports us right now so we live on the least we can. She tried to tell me how to get food stamps. Thanks lady. But she told George that he is very lucky that I have done this for Penelope and it shows my love and devotion to her. I think of additional words like sacrifice and commitment. Words that are not part of his vocabulary.
One contention he wanted to argue about "since he can't see Penelope" he wants to go to her parent/teacher meetings. No. He wanted to last year and I blew him off by telling him that they are at the school and she would see him. So he wants the teachers to meet HIM off campus. I told him that isn't going to happen. I can barely get more than 15 minutes of their time in their classroom let alone away from campus. But he started pushing it in this meeting. I told him that I don't want him at the meetings. The meetings are hard enough without him there. He has fought me on everything I've done with Penelope, why would I want him there? He needs to trust that I am handling these things for her. I understand his point that he wants to do something for her, but I told both him and the therapist, I don't care what he wants. I need to keep out anyone from our world who doesn't support us. I don't have the energy or strength to tolerate anyone else. I feel like I have found the right things for us, and those things have proven themselves. So when someone says "I don't like it." They can kiss off. I told them, "I can't be everything to everybody. Penelope needs me, and I need this." The therapist seemed to understand. Of course George didn't. I said "Just trust that the issues at school will be fine. Heck, when Penelope was with you and Diane, I didn't ask to be in the parent/teacher meetings. I told Diane what Penelope needed and I trusted that the two of you were going to handle it... I didn't involve myself until I found out that Diane was sending nasty letters to her teacher telling them to take away her recesses because she was being punished and that she was failing her classes. Heck if I didn't intervene, she would have failed." He says "I went to those meetings!" Good for you idiot. He also said "She had to stay in from recess to finish the homework she didn't do at home." I said, "They were meetings I scheduled with the school. You were the custodial parent and needed to intervene at home. The teacher was being made to punish her, not to finish her homework. She even said so during that first meeting, don't you remember? That she wasn't comfortable with the notes but did as instructed by your wife. So if anything is here, is that you don't bring anything to table to monitor her academic welfare. I don't want you there." The fact that he was still covering for Diane and her brutal behavior just speaks volumes. He doesn't get it!
The therapist wanted me to come to their next session, but I declined. I said they need to meet just the two of them.. to work on getting him to quit putting up these defenses, self-satisfying rationales about what Penelope needs.
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