A More Livable Daily Grind

Actually I don't really like the idea that we are in "A More Livable Daily Grind." I want better for Penelope and I. But to compared to where we have been, this is much more livable. Penelope has been acting out her RAD symptoms but not too bad. Nothing unmanageable. She lies constantly and when you express your disbelief in any way what so ever she gets highly offended. And the storytelling lies, please... And I do not make a big deal out of her lies or even sound remotely offended or angry about them. Maybe a little sarcastic like "Oh that was a good story! Tell me another!" But what else am I suppose to do? I mean, we are suppose to call them on their lies so they know that their manipulation efforts did not work but in a playful way. I do know that she does have a hard time lying to me on important issues when she can flat out lie to pretty much everyone else.
On Friday, I spent the afternoon and evening with my twin brother's kids. Penelope spent the afternoon/evening with Grandma. Grandma is targeted by Penelope because of how easy it is to manipulate Grandma. Penelope had gone over her friend's house who is a neighbor of my parents. A few hours later she shows up with this friend saying that she is spending the night and that I knew all about it. My Mom didn't know what to do because she didn't really think it was true but wasn't sure. She didn't want to embarrass Penelope in front of her friend either. My cell phone ringer is on the brink so it didn't ring when she called me to verify Penelope's story. I got her messages around 10:30 that evening. I told my Mom how I knew nothing about it. Penelope had tried to call me from her friend's house and she left this message "Hey Mom, Maya is staying the night. K? K." My Mom said that they were already in her room going to sleep. She was just embarrassed because the house was a mess and if she had known in advance she would have picked up or something.
When I got to their house around 1am, my Mom was backing out of their drive taking Maya home. My Mom said that Maya wanted to go home because she couldn't sleep because of Benny (a cat) scratching at the door but that she said she left a note. Honestly, I was a little worried that something sexual could have happened. I don't think my parents are as hypersensitive to this issue as I am. But I had went in to Penelope's room to check on her and noticed the sleeping bag and pile of pillows on the floor where Maya was. Penelope has a large bed so I was a little surprised at this but maybe she felt "safer" having Maya on the floor. I'm good with that. Maya did leave a note. It was nice and apologetic. She said she couldn't sleep because of Benny, the fan clicking, and Penelope's snoring. haha.
My mom and I talked about what needed to happen the next day in handling this situation. The interesting thing about this is there is no question she wasn't going to get caught. She KNEW she was going to get caught. But in her mind it was worth it. For me, that is the worst part of this whole thing. Another message that I'm reading into this event is how important having friends and friendships have become to her. This incident and the one from school where she invited the whole class over say this loudly. This particular girl is her closest friend because she is about 1 1/2 years younger and still likes to play with dolls like Penelope. Lastly, she is using others to get her way, using these kids and our fear of embarrassing her or them to get away with things knowing that we probably know she is lying.
It makes me think about expert articles and books I've read that talk about how consequences are not enough for these children. Behavior modification doesn't work. It has helped us a great deal but is it enough? Penelope is a smart cookie and knows right from wrong but at what point is she going to WANT to do the right thing?
We do believe she is starting to really have a conscience. That is what her AT said when we discussed Penelope's issues with going back to church - feeling that she isn't a good enough person to go to church, not because of where she comes from but because of what she has done to others. It's a start.
But her lying about being allowed to have her friend stay the night is the only real event we have been dealing with. Dealt with it the next day from a consequences and restitution standpoint. But honestly, I don't think it's enough to prevent something similar in the future. She is a ballsy young lady and when she wants something, she is very creative about how to get it. Honestly, I wish I had some of these traits, more outgoing and creative. But I'd like to think I'd use them in a more positive way and I hope she can herself someday.
Otherwise, she has been fairly good about things. I do think it helps that I'm not working and she is home with me more than before. Actually yesterday she was off school for an in-service day. Today is the first day of 2nd quarter at school. But both Penelope and I had forgotten and she was at school on time, for what we have no idea. I never just drop and run. I always make sure she is in the door and down the hall before I pull away from the curb. Thank goodness because she couldn't find an unlocked door. By her 3rd door, she remembered she was off school. Doh!
So we did some thing around the house, she played and then we went to the fabric store to buy things to make her Halloween costume. She is going as Princess Leia with the ear-muff buns and long white flowy dress with a belt. I bought a bunch of white polyester knit fabric for $9, a 1/2 yard of shimmer silver remnant fabric for $1 for the belt, a bag of clear square crystals for the belt, and a .. thing of brown yarn for $4. I'm using an old crocheted sock hat as the base for the "hair" and sewing the yarn to it so it looks like it's parted down the middle and then attaching buns to the sides made out of the same yarn. Started that. It's a hateful project. The belt is done. I had an empty box made of thin cardboard, same as what a 12 pack box is made out of. I cut out the belt making it come to a wide point in the front, and glued the shimmery fabric to it. Then glued to crystals in a fancy design to it. Penelope loves it and wants to wear it to school. I got my Mom's old sewing machine out that she gave me when I was little. It's OLD. Sears Kenmore made of solid metal painted two shades of mossy green. We had to order the manual on eBay. I'm going to try not to have to hand sew this costume this time. Figured out how to load the bobbin last night. Will be attempting to sew today. Wish me luck.
Not that I don't have a ton of stuff to do. We are closing, eventually, on the condo. Made progress yesterday. I'm guessing tomorrow or Thursday. I haven't even started packing yet. I need to get boxes. Am I procrastinating with the costume? Maybe a little, but it's one of those things I just need to get behind me so I can move on and if I don't have it ready for Halloween, Penelope will kill me. If I can't sew it on the machine it will take me days to do it. Here is last year's costume that I sewed by hand. Including the hat. I took two baseball hats and deconstructed them so I could sew the front half's together after I covered them in fabric. Pretty cool huh?
Lastly, I had a BLAST with my niece and nephew on Friday night. They are such sweethearts. I took my niece to the park after she got home from the babysitters but before my SIL had to go to her part time job. It was to celebrate her birthday since I didn't get to go to her party. I ended up getting her a princess book and Ants in Spongebob's Pants game (where you have to flip the ants into his pants to win?) She had so much fun to the point she passed out in the car on the way home. When she was quiet in the car on the way home, I asked her "Are you tired?" and she said "No, I'm just thinking." Then she passed out. I didn't like the way she was leaning foward in her seat and tried to reach back and lift her head but it weighed a ton from my angle. Haha. This is what she looked like.
Then here they are eating dinner that I made them on their favorite food trays. Yes, I know there isn't any vegetables or fruit on their plate. It's not something they keep in my brother and his wife keep in their house. I'm just lucky to get my nephew to eat anything, I will leave the healthy food battle up to their parents. My nephew does love his sprinkle cheese.
My nephew was upset though that I took his sister only to the park. He didn't care it was for her birthday, he wanted to go too. When I put him in bed and kept saying "Just you and me next time." He loves me. They both do. You would think I was the Easter Bunny the way they fight over me sometimes. It's nice to be adored like that sometimes instead of the "I hate you!" that I get from Penelope on occasion.