1st week without working

Other than Monday, I've been really busy actually. Today I will have some time to do things that weren't scheduled but Monday I watched a bit of TV which was nice. I told myself I would do more exercising as part of my new dedication to start taking care of myself better. I was planning on walking in the mornings after dropping Penelope off at school. But it's cold! So I decided to walk to school to get Penelope and walk home with her. She likes walking home but isn't allowed to do it by herself. She has had some on/off again relationships with the girls that live by us so it just isn't in the cards. She was soo excited that I surprised her to walk home with her. She just seemed shocked. It was kind of funny though because I could tell she was planning on doing some "I'm hurt" somatic stuff expecting one of my parents to be picking her up. When she first saw me standing there not knowing I didn't drive, she was sort of limping and pointed to her big toe that was bandaged. When I expressed concerns about walking home, she straightened right up. She said it felt a lot better.
I used this opportunity of walking her home to tell her that I was let go from my job but that it's okay. She was a little concerned, but I told her that I wasn't happy there, that I will be entitled to unemployment while I look for something that would be better for us - probably start that business I told her about, and that I would get to spend much more time with her - like walk her home from school! She really liked it. She wanted to hold my hand the entire way home. I said "In front of your classmates walking? Aren't you concerned about them making fun of you?" She said "Oh no. I don't care. I want to hold your hand." How sweet is that?
By the time we got home we were exhausted. I know I was. I just walked a little over 2 1/2 miles and I am totally out of shape. Actually I was running late getting out of the house so I did the first half to get there in about 20 minutes. It was funny because we both went into my room and sprawled face up across my bed under the ceiling fan. We could feel our heart beats in our chest. Then Papaw walked in not a minute later and went into the kitchen. He was bringing food over from George's house (since he's in jail) so we could use it before it goes bad. Penelope didn't know it was from George's but I did. He saw us laying there on my bed and laughed at us. He asked "Who is more exhausted and out of shape?" We both pointed to eachother. We all just laughed. He had brought a huge 5 lb package of ground chuck that George had bought. He said we needed to use it quick before it expires. He said he also put a hole in the plastic with his thumb accidentally. I had to go to the store to buy things to cook with it. So Penelope and I went to the store and bought some chili making stuff (Penelope's favorite), some spaghetti stuff, stuff to go with hamburgers, and storage bags for all this food. I am going to have soooo much food! There is no way I'm going to be able to use this whole 5 lbs! We get home and Penelope is excited about having our family recipe chili. I pull the big package of meat out to start the chili and I started to inspect it. With a closer eye it looks a funny color brown and the "Sold or freeze by" date is 9/28/10. It's 10/18/10... ewwww! I called my Dad. "Hey! Did you know the sold or freeze by date is 9/28/10?" He says, "Yeah, 9/28 right... oh wait, it's October. Oh no, you need to pitch that." I'm thinking 'Ugh..great Dad.' I said "I just bought a bunch of food that requires ground meat. Okay, I'll figure out something. No biggie." He says, "And the more I think about it, I don't know if I put that hold in it or not. I think it was there already." I said "Okay.. thanks anyway." Great Dad... No biggie. We had meatless spaghetti for dinner. Penelope was disappointed but she loves spaghetti too. It was funny though. I love him for his effort.
Tuesday was my Uncle's funeral. Not an Uncle I was very close with but only because he was always so quiet and how close can a girl growing up get close to a strange man who doesn't say anything to her. But I love my Aunt a lot and I feel for her loss and feel for the loss for my two cousins. I can't imagine losing my Dad. They handled it very well but there Dad was very sick for the last 3 years and now is with God and knows no pain. They were ready for him to have relief.
I left Penelope in school for this event. She is so hypersensitive. Seeing a dead person would just make her a wreck and my fear was her acting inappropriate or asking inappropriate questions. She hadn't seen her Great Uncle since since she was like 4 or 5 and probably never said a word to him. Plus, my twin brother wouldn't have come and that wouldn't have been fair for him.
The whole event lasted from 11:00 until about 5:00 between the visitation, the funeral home service, the interment at the cemetery, and food back at the church. My mom and I missed his interment because we had to go pick up Penelope at school.
After that we had to go back to my parents' house because I needed to fax off some paperwork for unemployment and also look for my jury duty paperwork. I received a letter in the mail Sunday night saying I needed to report for federal jury duty on Wednesday. I'm so glad they sent me something because I had totally forgot to call in and check the past 2 Fridays to see if I had to report. I have been so bad about my jury duty. I registered like 3 weeks late, then forgot to check to see if I had to report and if you don't report or anything, you can get a big fine and maybe jail time it said. I found out later that they will send a Marshall to your home and/or work and force you to report and you could end up holding up the whole day for everyone else. Yikes! It's not that I don't want to perform my civic duty because I do! I guess I just have so much on my plate that my brain stopped being selective about what I do and don't forget, important or not.
I couldn't find it at my parents, so Penelope and I came home. I couldn't find it at home either! I tried to call in and see if I can access whether or not I had to report on Wednesday or not (as the letter said to still check the night before and the morning of in case the case settles). It wouldn't let me check without my participant number. My mom ended up finding it at their house! Found out I do have to report. So Papaw has to come to my house by 7am to take Penelope to school so I can be at the courthouse downtown by 8am. There was 50 of us there at which time I learned about the whole Marshall thing. Thank goodness. The federal court building in downtown Cincinnati is beautiful on the inside. So was the court room. I was one of the lucky "18" who got to sit in the jury box for jury selection. The rest had to sit on the wood benches. They were nice wingback chairs that raised and lowered and had a foot rest. We had a few breaks and lunch. It was interesting what people were attracted to me. Everyone was nice, because we are all in this together I guess. The beautiful black gay man came over to me during our first break and struck up a conversation. Then during the lunch break a nice old woman came up to me who seemed totally out of her element, never comes into the city, definitely from a rural area in Ohio. She is a part time nurse at a nursing home. She wanted me to have lunch with her. I only knew that there was a Chipotle nearby that I really wanted to go to. She had never had Chipotle. I told her about it and she seemed up for it. I told her I would be okay with going somewhere else, I just don't really know what our options are. She was okay with it. She just wanted a salad. I told her I don't know about their salad but there other food is good. I felt bad because she seemed so out of place there. It was loud and busy and her salad was spicy she said. But she kept saying it was good and she ate most of it. I love Chipotle's burrito bowl. Love it.
The rest of the time the beautiful black gay guy and I hung out. He was funny and I called him "Number 18" because that was his juror number and he thought that was funny. A woman who also was black came up to us and was talking with us. She was complaining about the court reporter because she kept making her repeat herself because she talks.. well black and sometimes it's hard to understand her. I do think the court reporter was getting a little mean about it but I'm thinking... why are the only two black people hanging out with me? I'm so vanilla, with my (before Penelope) Coach purse and preppy outfit, what is it about me that attracted them to me? I'm not upset by it by any means, I enjoy all people as long as they are nice, and goodhearted. I'm glad actually. Both my brothers always told me I am a snob. Mostly George. But he is not nice or goodhearted so ... I get that. But I always thought I naturally repelled most people because of my conservative appearance. It was nice and I actually left the day in a very upbeat mood having been "accepted" by people that are different from me. I didn't get "accepted" as a juror which I was disappointed about. Not that I don't have enough on my plate but I thought it would be a great learning experience. I have to call in this Friday to see if I have to report next week, and I won't forget this time! But then that's it for now.
Thursday, I dropped Penelope off at school and went over my twin brother's to watch my nephew while my brother took his daughter on her field trip. It was just until my Dad could relieve me so I could go to lunch with some old co-workers' who wanted to take me to lunch as a send off. My nephew and I played Lego StarWars on XBox and Wii Resort games. My nephew is so funny. When we were playing Lego StarWars, he was starting to get bored (probably because I stunk at it) and changed his character to C3PO and wanted me to take my lightsaber and hit him 3 times. Just 3 times. The forth time would kill him. Three times cuts each arm off and a leg. So when he moves around he is armless with sparks coming out of the sockets and hopping around on one leg. He just thought that was the funniest thing! The boy CRACKS ME UP! Here is a picture of him playing Wii.
While I was there, my old boss texted me a picture of my new replacement at work sitting at my desk. He's a bit of a jokester. The other Asst. Manager is really into Halloween and brought this guy in. I responded by saying that he is better looking than me. Probably will be able to sell more. He is definitely closer in age to the clientelle. Have more in common with them.
I showed my nephew and he faked screamed and said it was scary. Boys.
I went and met my old boss and co-worker for lunch. It was good seeing them. Listening to them talk a little shop made me even more excited about not working there. It was their call night and no body is having luck selling anything and the Regional VP is having a mandatory conference call with the whole region about sales. I've sat in on a couple of those and they are NO fun. He only has them when the region is behind. You are expected to work the entire weekend and go door knocking. I won't miss that. I tried to hide my happiness so I wasn't rubbing it in.
Then after that I picked up Penelope from school and we headed to attachment therapy. It was a good session. This was the second AT session I've gone to in a row and her AT said her brain waves during neurofeedback were down last week compared to others. I told her that Penelope still views moving as bad but I do think it's just because she hasn't gotten to see the place yet. The other day she had said how it's bad we are moving and I said "Well lets go drive by and look at it again." We were on the way to the store anyway. But until she can envision her stuff in her room she is having a hard time, very anxious about it and it affects her sleep and her ability to cope. Soon though! Closing was either going to be today or Monday. It's not today so I'm hoping Monday. My mother gave me the impression it might not be Monday either. Ugh! I just hope it happens period. I'm not going to be that picky. It just needs to happen so we don't have to rent and SOON. Please! Anyway, I digress.
The other topic that I wanted to bring up was a short conversation Penelope and I had earlier in the week. I asked Penelope if she would want to start going back to church now that we are not spending whole weekends with Grandma and Papaw? She said she didn't want to. Basically, she gets really anxious in church where she is short of an anxiety attack, which I do remember. We talked about why she thinks she gets so anxious. It's two fold. One, she is angry with God for letting the bad things happen to her. Second, she is afraid she isn't good enough to go to church, that she doesn't deserve to be there. I asked why she feels she doesn't deserve to be there. She said because of the bad things that she has done. Her AT said that actually is really good news to hear about her remorse. She is growing a conscience. She cares! She does want to talk to Penelope about this because it's so important she learns from these feelings.
This is where the fact her therapy is at a Catholic agency really comes in handy. We are not Catholic but Christian. Her AT totally respects all religious beliefs. She beautifully explained God's love for Penelope and told biblical stories of forgiveness, and God's own suffering to show us his love that brought me to tears. We talked about how positive growth can come from our own suffering and bad choices to makes us stronger people. Her AT told her how she will be able to help others through her experiences. It reminds me of something I had heard in church a while ago that was said by a guest speaker. He said "God gives us our strengths, not for us, but for others." It all is interlinked and very important in this message for Penelope. I could tell Penelope was listening and the message that her AT was giving her really sunk in because of how still she sat and the expression on her face. Forgiving herself is going to be one of her biggest challenges.
Now today I am finishing up this post and going to go out into this work and FIND BOXES for moving. :) Haven't started packing yet. Oh, and I have to make Penelope's costume for Halloween soon too. And then at 3pm I'm taking my niece to the park to celebrate her birthday just her and I (since I couldn't go to her birthday party because of Penelope not allowed to go) and then around 5pm until late I am spending the entire evening with my niece and nephew. What to do what to do... Grandma is picking up Penelope and taking her home. I need to pack her and I a bag for that and we are going to stay at my parents tonight. I get to see the kitties! All is good. I'm not even nervous waiting for something bad to happen. Is that the anti-depressant working or just things going that well?