Crazy Lying is what Penelope's Attachment Therapist calls it. The whole thing with inviting kids over for a "Save the Earth" Party, the lying about being allowed to have her friend stay the night at Grandma's - it's her testing her boundaries. Not in a malicious way but to see if they are there. "To know what is real and not real." In a child who has been in such hell and chaos, they don't know which way is up or down, what experiences are real or not real - especially if they have flashbacks. They will test their boundaries. I think of it as if someone who gets lightheaded knowing their ability to know what is level reaches out their hands to steady themselves against a wall that they know is level.
I was talking to the AT about how this whole thing about lying to Grandma was concerning to me, not in what the lie was about, but the fact that she knew she was going to be busted. That there was no way she could get away with this lie. When is she going to start WANTING to make the right decisions? She said it has nothing to do with that. Penelope does want to make the right decisions, but she is testing her boundaries to make sure they are still there and that testing reassures her that she is safe.
She said it's like a 2 year old who goes to reach for something he is not allowed to touch, stops to turn to towards his parents to make sure they are watching, so then when he touches it the parents can say "No No No." The 2 year old in Penelope is satisfied but the adolescent in her is pissed because she was told "No."
Another example is we had a bad storm roll through the other day around lunch time. The storm sirens went off twice because the storm was moving fast and had the markers for a possible tornado. Penelope freaked out at school and wanted to come home. She did end up calling me at home and I was watching the news on the TV in the basement at the time and told her so. I told her that the sirens are going off as a precaution because of how fast the storm is moving. But it's not even in the area yet and just follow the directions of the teachers and she will be safe. She was good with that. When she got home she was telling me how scared she was. She even wrote a Will. I didn't believe her and said "Really? Let me see." She whipped it out of her book bag and gave it to me. There is was, short and sweet. She loves her family and wants to be buried with all her things. Geesh. She went downstairs to watch TV for a little bit and came up and told me that there is another really bad storm coming, worse than before! On the news it's this big red spot coming right at us. I said "Huh, they didn't mention that earlier. I'll have to look it up." I was on my computer. Not one minute later she asks if she can go across the street to play. I said "Not if there is a big storm coming. Oh no. You need to stay here." She then says "Okay.. I admit it. I lied. There isn't a storm coming. Now can I go next door?" "No honey. You just lied to me. I can't possibly let you go next door after lying to me." She said "Okay okay. I actually didn't lie. I'm not really sure if there is a storm coming or not. It kinda looks like there is on the map on the news but then I don't know. So can I go?" I am baffled by where this conversation has led so quickly. I said "Now Penelope.. You are just saying what you think I need to hear in order to get what you want. First there is this storm coming, than you say that you lied but then when that didn't work, you didn't lie and now you are not sure. How would you take that information?" She said "I'm not a meteorologist, I don't know how to read those maps!" I said "Neither am I, so I guess you need to stay home just to be safe." That made her mad "But I didn't lie!" I didn't engage in this and just told her that I think she needs to calm herself down. She said "Shut up! Get away from me!" I said "Now don't say something you will feel bad about later." I've learned that this usually works to help keep her from escalating too much because she does feel shame after she calms down for being mean. Especially when it escalates into the extreme then there is a lot of shame and I'm just nicely reminding her of that. I continued on with what I was doing (working on sewing her constume) and she ended up going into her room, slamming the door of course, and playing her DS for about 10 minutes. She came out and said "I'm okay now." I said "Awesome."
She found a coping skill and regulated herself. I didn't need to intervene too much. Practice makes perfect right?
The other "lie" that has happened this week is that there is a boy that has been antagonistic towards her for most of the year. Some of the things she has told my Mom and I have him sound like a boy with a crush who can't handle it. Well, last week she came home and said that this boy kissed her and was so grossed out by it. Then earlier this week she said he did it again! She would tell him to stop pushing him away and kicking him. Then the next day she said he did it again but this time he shoved her against the wall and kissed her. I wasn't sure to believe this or not because she was saying that no one saw her, that she didn't tell her teachers because no one would believe her and that he would deny it happened and he's really smart and knows where their are no cameras (an issue she ran into with the stealing of the cell phone) etc. Every solution was met with a knock down. I told her that the next time he tried to kiss her, to just scream at the top of her lungs. That it was scare the tar out of him and draw attention to what was going on like an alarm going off. She didn't seem to keen on that idea and said she will just continue to do what she has been doing which is running and hiding from him. At recess she hides in the bushes and she will sit down in the hall against the wall between classes if he's there. She didn't want to go to school the next day. She said he reminds her of the boy that hurt her and what he did. She sounded pretty sincere when talking about this part. I do know she has had a bit of anxiety in the mornings with upset stomachs and somatic symptoms at school.
We talked about it at therapy and it seemed more real there because of how she was feeling, how her anxiety was going up and she sincerely seemed scared of him. We talked about the difference between now and then. That she has people who are here to help her. That she has told me what is going on, and that she is stronger now. She can get through this and be safe.
I had emailed her teacher to tell her all the facts and if she had any input or ideas on how we can help her with whatever it is that is going on. Her teacher called and said that she had a long talk with Penelope and that after a bit of a "this no that, here, no there" kind of conversation trying to pinpoint down where in the school these things happened but when the teacher said "Okay, we can see that on tape," she would change the location or what happened. Her teacher said that she gave her an out and said "Do you think that maybe it didn't actually happen but you are afraid it could happen?" Penelope saw that her teacher wasn't angry with her and took the opportunity and said "Maybe I think it happened but it really didn't..I think I'm afraid it could happen because it has happened before..." I told the teacher that based on what Penelope has told me so far about her abuse, the boy did antagonize her over weeks before he started abusing her. She thinks the boy is using Penelope as a means to elevate himself socially. At this age, some of the kids find a kid that they view beneath him to pick on to feel elevated socially. Nice.. She has given him numerous detentions for his antics with Penelope but she said he's gotten worse and it's been escalated to the Asst. Principal and his parents are being contacted.
I think one of the positives from this experience is that this will help Penelope's relationship with this teacher and grow her trust with her because she handled it so perfectly for her. Also, this could be Penelope's way of being ready to talk about her sexual abuse in trauma therapy. I hope so. I'm ready for her to start addressing it - when she is ready of course.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
A More Livable Daily Grind
Actually I don't really like the idea that we are in "A More Livable Daily Grind." I want better for Penelope and I. But to compared to where we have been, this is much more livable. Penelope has been acting out her RAD symptoms but not too bad. Nothing unmanageable. She lies constantly and when you express your disbelief in any way what so ever she gets highly offended. And the storytelling lies, please... And I do not make a big deal out of her lies or even sound remotely offended or angry about them. Maybe a little sarcastic like "Oh that was a good story! Tell me another!" But what else am I suppose to do? I mean, we are suppose to call them on their lies so they know that their manipulation efforts did not work but in a playful way. I do know that she does have a hard time lying to me on important issues when she can flat out lie to pretty much everyone else.
On Friday, I spent the afternoon and evening with my twin brother's kids. Penelope spent the afternoon/evening with Grandma. Grandma is targeted by Penelope because of how easy it is to manipulate Grandma. Penelope had gone over her friend's house who is a neighbor of my parents. A few hours later she shows up with this friend saying that she is spending the night and that I knew all about it. My Mom didn't know what to do because she didn't really think it was true but wasn't sure. She didn't want to embarrass Penelope in front of her friend either. My cell phone ringer is on the brink so it didn't ring when she called me to verify Penelope's story. I got her messages around 10:30 that evening. I told my Mom how I knew nothing about it. Penelope had tried to call me from her friend's house and she left this message "Hey Mom, Maya is staying the night. K? K." My Mom said that they were already in her room going to sleep. She was just embarrassed because the house was a mess and if she had known in advance she would have picked up or something.
When I got to their house around 1am, my Mom was backing out of their drive taking Maya home. My Mom said that Maya wanted to go home because she couldn't sleep because of Benny (a cat) scratching at the door but that she said she left a note. Honestly, I was a little worried that something sexual could have happened. I don't think my parents are as hypersensitive to this issue as I am. But I had went in to Penelope's room to check on her and noticed the sleeping bag and pile of pillows on the floor where Maya was. Penelope has a large bed so I was a little surprised at this but maybe she felt "safer" having Maya on the floor. I'm good with that. Maya did leave a note. It was nice and apologetic. She said she couldn't sleep because of Benny, the fan clicking, and Penelope's snoring. haha.
My mom and I talked about what needed to happen the next day in handling this situation. The interesting thing about this is there is no question she wasn't going to get caught. She KNEW she was going to get caught. But in her mind it was worth it. For me, that is the worst part of this whole thing. Another message that I'm reading into this event is how important having friends and friendships have become to her. This incident and the one from school where she invited the whole class over say this loudly. This particular girl is her closest friend because she is about 1 1/2 years younger and still likes to play with dolls like Penelope. Lastly, she is using others to get her way, using these kids and our fear of embarrassing her or them to get away with things knowing that we probably know she is lying.
It makes me think about expert articles and books I've read that talk about how consequences are not enough for these children. Behavior modification doesn't work. It has helped us a great deal but is it enough? Penelope is a smart cookie and knows right from wrong but at what point is she going to WANT to do the right thing?
We do believe she is starting to really have a conscience. That is what her AT said when we discussed Penelope's issues with going back to church - feeling that she isn't a good enough person to go to church, not because of where she comes from but because of what she has done to others. It's a start.
But her lying about being allowed to have her friend stay the night is the only real event we have been dealing with. Dealt with it the next day from a consequences and restitution standpoint. But honestly, I don't think it's enough to prevent something similar in the future. She is a ballsy young lady and when she wants something, she is very creative about how to get it. Honestly, I wish I had some of these traits, more outgoing and creative. But I'd like to think I'd use them in a more positive way and I hope she can herself someday.
Otherwise, she has been fairly good about things. I do think it helps that I'm not working and she is home with me more than before. Actually yesterday she was off school for an in-service day. Today is the first day of 2nd quarter at school. But both Penelope and I had forgotten and she was at school on time, for what we have no idea. I never just drop and run. I always make sure she is in the door and down the hall before I pull away from the curb. Thank goodness because she couldn't find an unlocked door. By her 3rd door, she remembered she was off school. Doh!
So we did some thing around the house, she played and then we went to the fabric store to buy things to make her Halloween costume. She is going as Princess Leia with the ear-muff buns and long white flowy dress with a belt. I bought a bunch of white polyester knit fabric for $9, a 1/2 yard of shimmer silver remnant fabric for $1 for the belt, a bag of clear square crystals for the belt, and a .. thing of brown yarn for $4. I'm using an old crocheted sock hat as the base for the "hair" and sewing the yarn to it so it looks like it's parted down the middle and then attaching buns to the sides made out of the same yarn. Started that. It's a hateful project. The belt is done. I had an empty box made of thin cardboard, same as what a 12 pack box is made out of. I cut out the belt making it come to a wide point in the front, and glued the shimmery fabric to it. Then glued to crystals in a fancy design to it. Penelope loves it and wants to wear it to school. I got my Mom's old sewing machine out that she gave me when I was little. It's OLD. Sears Kenmore made of solid metal painted two shades of mossy green. We had to order the manual on eBay. I'm going to try not to have to hand sew this costume this time. Figured out how to load the bobbin last night. Will be attempting to sew today. Wish me luck.
Not that I don't have a ton of stuff to do. We are closing, eventually, on the condo. Made progress yesterday. I'm guessing tomor
row or Thursday. I haven't even started packing yet. I need to get boxes. Am I procrastinating with the costume? Maybe a little, but it's one of those things I just need to get behind me so I can move on and if I don't have it ready for Halloween, Penelope will kill me.
If I can't sew it on the machine it will take me days to do it. Here is last year's costume that I sewed by hand. Including the hat. I took two baseball hats and deconstructed them so I could sew the front half's together after I covered them in fabric. Pretty cool huh?
Lastly, I had a BLAST with my niece and nephew on Friday night. They are such sweethearts. I took my niece to the park after she got home from the babysitters but before my SIL had to go to her part time job. It was to celebrate her birthday since I didn't get to go to her party. I ended up getting her a princess book and Ants in Spongebob's Pants game (where you have to flip the ants into his pants to win?) She had so much fun to the point she passed out in the car on the way home. When she was quiet in the car on the way home, I asked her "Are you tired?" and she said "No, I'm just thinking." Then she passed out.
I didn't like the way she was leaning foward in her seat and tried to reach back and lift her head but it weighed a ton from my angle.
Haha. This is what she looked like.
Then here they are eating dinner that I made them on their favorite food trays. Yes, I know there isn't any vegetables or fruit on their plate. It's not something they keep in my brother and his wife keep in their house. I'm just lucky to get my nephew to eat anything, I will leave the healthy food battle up to their parents. My nephew does love his sprinkle cheese.
My nephew was upset though that I took his sister only to the park. He didn't care it was for her birthday, he wanted to go too. When I put him in bed and kept saying "Just you and me next time."
He loves me. They both do. You would think I was the Easter Bunny the way they fight over me sometimes. It's nice to be adored like that sometimes instead of the "I hate you!" that I get from Penelope on occasion.
On Friday, I spent the afternoon and evening with my twin brother's kids. Penelope spent the afternoon/evening with Grandma. Grandma is targeted by Penelope because of how easy it is to manipulate Grandma. Penelope had gone over her friend's house who is a neighbor of my parents. A few hours later she shows up with this friend saying that she is spending the night and that I knew all about it. My Mom didn't know what to do because she didn't really think it was true but wasn't sure. She didn't want to embarrass Penelope in front of her friend either. My cell phone ringer is on the brink so it didn't ring when she called me to verify Penelope's story. I got her messages around 10:30 that evening. I told my Mom how I knew nothing about it. Penelope had tried to call me from her friend's house and she left this message "Hey Mom, Maya is staying the night. K? K." My Mom said that they were already in her room going to sleep. She was just embarrassed because the house was a mess and if she had known in advance she would have picked up or something.
When I got to their house around 1am, my Mom was backing out of their drive taking Maya home. My Mom said that Maya wanted to go home because she couldn't sleep because of Benny (a cat) scratching at the door but that she said she left a note. Honestly, I was a little worried that something sexual could have happened. I don't think my parents are as hypersensitive to this issue as I am. But I had went in to Penelope's room to check on her and noticed the sleeping bag and pile of pillows on the floor where Maya was. Penelope has a large bed so I was a little surprised at this but maybe she felt "safer" having Maya on the floor. I'm good with that. Maya did leave a note. It was nice and apologetic. She said she couldn't sleep because of Benny, the fan clicking, and Penelope's snoring. haha.
My mom and I talked about what needed to happen the next day in handling this situation. The interesting thing about this is there is no question she wasn't going to get caught. She KNEW she was going to get caught. But in her mind it was worth it. For me, that is the worst part of this whole thing. Another message that I'm reading into this event is how important having friends and friendships have become to her. This incident and the one from school where she invited the whole class over say this loudly. This particular girl is her closest friend because she is about 1 1/2 years younger and still likes to play with dolls like Penelope. Lastly, she is using others to get her way, using these kids and our fear of embarrassing her or them to get away with things knowing that we probably know she is lying.
It makes me think about expert articles and books I've read that talk about how consequences are not enough for these children. Behavior modification doesn't work. It has helped us a great deal but is it enough? Penelope is a smart cookie and knows right from wrong but at what point is she going to WANT to do the right thing?
We do believe she is starting to really have a conscience. That is what her AT said when we discussed Penelope's issues with going back to church - feeling that she isn't a good enough person to go to church, not because of where she comes from but because of what she has done to others. It's a start.
But her lying about being allowed to have her friend stay the night is the only real event we have been dealing with. Dealt with it the next day from a consequences and restitution standpoint. But honestly, I don't think it's enough to prevent something similar in the future. She is a ballsy young lady and when she wants something, she is very creative about how to get it. Honestly, I wish I had some of these traits, more outgoing and creative. But I'd like to think I'd use them in a more positive way and I hope she can herself someday.
Otherwise, she has been fairly good about things. I do think it helps that I'm not working and she is home with me more than before. Actually yesterday she was off school for an in-service day. Today is the first day of 2nd quarter at school. But both Penelope and I had forgotten and she was at school on time, for what we have no idea. I never just drop and run. I always make sure she is in the door and down the hall before I pull away from the curb. Thank goodness because she couldn't find an unlocked door. By her 3rd door, she remembered she was off school. Doh!
So we did some thing around the house, she played and then we went to the fabric store to buy things to make her Halloween costume. She is going as Princess Leia with the ear-muff buns and long white flowy dress with a belt. I bought a bunch of white polyester knit fabric for $9, a 1/2 yard of shimmer silver remnant fabric for $1 for the belt, a bag of clear square crystals for the belt, and a .. thing of brown yarn for $4. I'm using an old crocheted sock hat as the base for the "hair" and sewing the yarn to it so it looks like it's parted down the middle and then attaching buns to the sides made out of the same yarn. Started that. It's a hateful project. The belt is done. I had an empty box made of thin cardboard, same as what a 12 pack box is made out of. I cut out the belt making it come to a wide point in the front, and glued the shimmery fabric to it. Then glued to crystals in a fancy design to it. Penelope loves it and wants to wear it to school. I got my Mom's old sewing machine out that she gave me when I was little. It's OLD. Sears Kenmore made of solid metal painted two shades of mossy green. We had to order the manual on eBay. I'm going to try not to have to hand sew this costume this time. Figured out how to load the bobbin last night. Will be attempting to sew today. Wish me luck.
Not that I don't have a ton of stuff to do. We are closing, eventually, on the condo. Made progress yesterday. I'm guessing tomor
row or Thursday. I haven't even started packing yet. I need to get boxes. Am I procrastinating with the costume? Maybe a little, but it's one of those things I just need to get behind me so I can move on and if I don't have it ready for Halloween, Penelope will kill me.
If I can't sew it on the machine it will take me days to do it. Here is last year's costume that I sewed by hand. Including the hat. I took two baseball hats and deconstructed them so I could sew the front half's together after I covered them in fabric. Pretty cool huh?Lastly, I had a BLAST with my niece and nephew on Friday night. They are such sweethearts. I took my niece to the park after she got home from the babysitters but before my SIL had to go to her part time job. It was to celebrate her birthday since I didn't get to go to her party. I ended up getting her a princess book and Ants in Spongebob's Pants game (where you have to flip the ants into his pants to win?) She had so much fun to the point she passed out in the car on the way home. When she was quiet in the car on the way home, I asked her "Are you tired?" and she said "No, I'm just thinking." Then she passed out.
I didn't like the way she was leaning foward in her seat and tried to reach back and lift her head but it weighed a ton from my angle.
Haha. This is what she looked like.Then here they are eating dinner that I made them on their favorite food trays. Yes, I know there isn't any vegetables or fruit on their plate. It's not something they keep in my brother and his wife keep in their house. I'm just lucky to get my nephew to eat anything, I will leave the healthy food battle up to their parents. My nephew does love his sprinkle cheese.
My nephew was upset though that I took his sister only to the park. He didn't care it was for her birthday, he wanted to go too. When I put him in bed and kept saying "Just you and me next time."
He loves me. They both do. You would think I was the Easter Bunny the way they fight over me sometimes. It's nice to be adored like that sometimes instead of the "I hate you!" that I get from Penelope on occasion.
Friday, October 22, 2010
1st week without working
Other than Monday, I've been really busy actually. Today I will have some time to do things that weren't scheduled but Monday I watched a bit of TV which was nice. I told myself I would do more exercising as part of my new dedication to start taking care of myself better. I was planning on walking in the mornings after dropping Penelope off at school. But it's cold! So I decided to walk to school to get Penelope and walk home with her. She likes walking home but isn't allowed to do it by herself. She has had some on/off again relationships with the girls that live by us so it just isn't in the cards. She was soo excited that I surprised her to walk home with her. She just seemed shocked. It was kind of funny though because I could tell she was planning on doing some "I'm hurt" somatic stuff expecting one of my parents to be picking her up. When she first saw me standing there not knowing I didn't drive, she was sort of limping and pointed to her big toe that was bandaged. When I expressed concerns about walking home, she straightened right up. She said it felt a lot better.
I used this opportunity of walking her home to tell her that I was let go from my job but that it's okay. She was a little concerned, but I told her that I wasn't happy there, that I will be entitled to unemployment while I look for something that would be better for us - probably start that business I told her about, and that I would get to spend much more time with her - like walk her home from school! She really liked it. She wanted to hold my hand the entire way home. I said "In front of your classmates walking? Aren't you concerned about them making fun of you?" She said "Oh no. I don't care. I want to hold your hand." How sweet is that?
By the time we got home we were exhausted. I know I was. I just walked a little over 2 1/2 miles and I am totally out of shape. Actually I was running late getting out of the house so I did the first half to get there in about 20 minutes. It was funny because we both went into my room and sprawled face up across my bed under the ceiling fan. We could feel our heart beats in our chest. Then Papaw walked in not a minute later and went into the kitchen. He was bringing food over from George's house (since he's in jail) so we could use it before it goes bad. Penelope didn't know it was from George's but I did. He saw us laying there on my bed and laughed at us. He asked "Who is more exhausted and out of shape?" We both pointed to eachother. We all just laughed. He had brought a huge 5 lb package of ground chuck that George had bought. He said we needed to use it quick before it expires. He said he also put a hole in the plastic with his thumb accidentally. I had to go to the store to buy things to cook with it. So Penelope and I went to the store and bought some chili making stuff (Penelope's favorite), some spaghetti stuff, stuff to go with hamburgers, and storage bags for all this food. I am going to have soooo much food! There is no way I'm going to be able to use this whole 5 lbs! We get home and Penelope is excited about having our family recipe chili. I pull the big package of meat out to start the chili and I started to inspect it. With a closer eye it looks a funny color brown and the "Sold or freeze by" date is 9/28/10. It's 10/18/10... ewwww! I called my Dad. "Hey! Did you know the sold or freeze by date is 9/28/10?" He says, "Yeah, 9/28 right... oh wait, it's October. Oh no, you need to pitch that." I'm thinking 'Ugh..great Dad.' I said "I just bought a bunch of food that requires ground meat. Okay, I'll figure out something. No biggie." He says, "And the more I think about it, I don't know if I put that hold in it or not. I think it was there already." I said "Okay.. thanks anyway." Great Dad... No biggie. We had meatless spaghetti for dinner. Penelope was disappointed but she loves spaghetti too. It was funny though. I love him for his effort.
Tuesday was my Uncle's funeral. Not an Uncle I was very close with but only because he was always so quiet and how close can a girl growing up get close to a strange man who doesn't say anything to her. But I love my Aunt a lot and I feel for her loss and feel for the loss for my two cousins. I can't imagine losing my Dad. They handled it very well but there Dad was very sick for the last 3 years and now is with God and knows no pain. They were ready for him to have relief.
I left Penelope in school for this event. She is so hypersensitive. Seeing a dead person would just make her a wreck and my fear was her acting inappropriate or asking inappropriate questions. She hadn't seen her Great Uncle since since she was like 4 or 5 and probably never said a word to him. Plus, my twin brother wouldn't have come and that wouldn't have been fair for him.
The whole event lasted from 11:00 until about 5:00 between the visitation, the funeral home service, the interment at the cemetery, and food back at the church. My mom and I missed his interment because we had to go pick up Penelope at school.
After that we had to go back to my parents' house because I needed to fax off some paperwork for unemployment and also look for my jury duty paperwork. I received a letter in the mail Sunday night saying I needed to report for federal jury duty on Wednesday. I'm so glad they sent me something because I had totally forgot to call in and check the past 2 Fridays to see if I had to report. I have been so bad about my jury duty. I registered like 3 weeks late, then forgot to check to see if I had to report and if you don't report or anything, you can get a big fine and maybe jail time it said. I found out later that they will send a Marshall to your home and/or work and force you to report and you could end up holding up the whole day for everyone else. Yikes! It's not that I don't want to perform my civic duty because I do! I guess I just have so much on my plate that my brain stopped being selective about what I do and don't forget, important or not.
I couldn't find it at my parents, so Penelope and I came home. I couldn't find it at home either! I tried to call in and see if I can access whether or not I had to report on Wednesday or not (as the letter said to still check the night before and the morning of in case the case settles). It wouldn't let me check without my participant number. My mom ended up finding it at their house! Found out I do have to report. So Papaw has to come to my house by 7am to take Penelope to school so I can be at the courthouse downtown by 8am. There was 50 of us there at which time I learned about the whole Marshall thing. Thank goodness. The federal court building in downtown Cincinnati is beautiful on the inside. So was the court room. I was one of the lucky "18" who got to sit in the jury box for jury selection. The rest had to sit on the wood benches. They were nice wingback chairs that raised and lowered and had a foot rest. We had a few breaks and lunch. It was interesting what people were attracted to me. Everyone was nice, because we are all in this together I guess. The beautiful black gay man came over to me during our first break and struck up a conversation. Then during the lunch break a nice old woman came up to me who seemed totally out of her element, never comes into the city, definitely from a rural area in Ohio. She is a part time nurse at a nursing home. She wanted me to have lunch with her. I only knew that there was a Chipotle nearby that I really wanted to go to. She had never had Chipotle. I told her about it and she seemed up for it. I told her I would be okay with going somewhere else, I just don't really know what our options are. She was okay with it. She just wanted a salad. I told her I don't know about their salad but there other food is good. I felt bad because she seemed so out of place there. It was loud and busy and her salad was spicy she said. But she kept saying it was good and she ate most of it. I love Chipotle's burrito bowl. Love it.
The rest of the time the beautiful black gay guy and I hung out. He was funny and I called him "Number 18" because that was his juror number and he thought that was funny. A woman who also was black came up to us and was talking with us. She was complaining about the court reporter because she kept making her repeat herself because she talks.. well black and sometimes it's hard to understand her. I do think the court reporter was getting a little mean about it but I'm thinking... why are the only two black people hanging out with me? I'm so vanilla, with my (before Penelope) Coach purse and preppy outfit, what is it about me that attracted them to me? I'm not upset by it by any means, I enjoy all people as long as they are nice, and goodhearted. I'm glad actually. Both my brothers always told me I am a snob. Mostly George. But he is not nice or goodhearted so ... I get that. But I always thought I naturally repelled most people because of my conservative appearance. It was nice and I actually left the day in a very upbeat mood having been "accepted" by people that are different from me. I didn't get "accepted" as a juror which I was disappointed about. Not that I don't have enough on my plate but I thought it would be a great learning experience. I have to call in this Friday to see if I have to report next week, and I won't forget this time! But then that's it for now.
Thursday, I dropped Penelope off at school and went over my twin brother's to watch my nephew while my brother took his daughter on her field trip. It was just until my Dad could relieve me
so I could go to lunch with some old co-workers' who wanted to take me to lunch as a send off. My nephew and I played Lego StarWars on XBox and Wii Resort games. My nephew is so funny. When we were playing Lego StarWars, he was starting to get bored (probably because I stunk at it) and changed his character to C3PO and wanted me to take my lightsaber and hit him 3 times. Just 3 times. The forth time would kill him. Three times cuts each arm off and a leg. So when he moves around he is armless with sparks coming out of the sockets and hopping around on one leg. He just thought that was the funniest thing! The boy CRACKS ME UP! Here is a pic
ture of him playing Wii.
While I was there, my old boss texted me a picture of my new replacement at work sitting at my desk. He's a bit of a jokester. The other Asst. Manager is really into Halloween and brought this guy in. I responded
by saying that he is better looking than me. Probably will be able to sell more. He is definitely closer in age to the clientelle. Have more in common with them.
I showed my nephew and he faked screamed and said it was scary. Boys.
I went and met my old boss and co-worker for lunch. It was good seeing them. Listening to them talk a little shop made me even more excited about not working there. It was their call night and no body is having luck selling anything and the Regional VP is having a mandatory conference call with the whole region about sales. I've sat in on a couple of those and they are NO fun. He only has them when the region is behind. You are expected to work the entire weekend and go door knocking. I won't miss that. I tried to hide my happiness so I wasn't rubbing it in.
Then after that I picked up Penelope from school and we headed to attachment therapy. It was a good session. This was the second AT session I've gone to in a row and her AT said her brain waves during neurofeedback were down last week compared to others. I told her that Penelope still views moving as bad but I do think it's just because she hasn't gotten to see the place yet. The other day she had said how it's bad we are moving and I said "Well lets go drive by and look at it again." We were on the way to the store anyway. But until she can envision her stuff in her room she is having a hard time, very anxious about it and it affects her sleep and her ability to cope. Soon though! Closing was either going to be today or Monday. It's not today so I'm hoping Monday. My mother gave me the impression it might not be Monday either. Ugh! I just hope it happens period. I'm not going to be that picky. It just needs to happen so we don't have to rent and SOON. Please! Anyway, I digress.
The other topic that I wanted to bring up was a short conversation Penelope and I had earlier in the week. I asked Penelope if she would want to start going back to church now that we are not spending whole weekends with Grandma and Papaw? She said she didn't want to. Basically, she gets really anxious in church where she is short of an anxiety attack, which I do remember. We talked about why she thinks she gets so anxious. It's two fold. One, she is angry with God for letting the bad things happen to her. Second, she is afraid she isn't good enough to go to church, that she doesn't deserve to be there. I asked why she feels she doesn't deserve to be there. She said because of the bad things that she has done. Her AT said that actually is really good news to hear about her remorse. She is growing a conscience. She cares! She does want to talk to Penelope about this because it's so important she learns from these feelings.
This is where the fact her therapy is at a Catholic agency really comes in handy. We are not Catholic but Christian. Her AT totally respects all religious beliefs. She beautifully explained God's love for Penelope and told biblical stories of forgiveness, and God's own suffering to show us his love that brought me to tears. We talked about how positive growth can come from our own suffering and bad choices to makes us stronger people. Her AT told her how she will be able to help others through her experiences. It reminds me of something I had heard in church a while ago that was said by a guest speaker. He said "God gives us our strengths, not for us, but for others." It all is interlinked and very important in this message for Penelope. I could tell Penelope was listening and the message that her AT was giving her really sunk in because of how still she sat and the expression on her face. Forgiving herself is going to be one of her biggest challenges.
Now today I am finishing up this post and going to go out into this work and FIND BOXES for moving. :) Haven't started packing yet. Oh, and I have to make Penelope's costume for Halloween soon too. And then at 3pm I'm taking my niece to the park to celebrate her birthday just her and I (since I couldn't go to her birthday party because of Penelope not allowed to go) and then around 5pm until late I am spending the entire evening with my niece and nephew. What to do what to do... Grandma is picking up Penelope and taking her home. I need to pack her and I a bag for that and we are going to stay at my parents tonight. I get to see the kitties! All is good. I'm not even nervous waiting for something bad to happen. Is that the anti-depressant working or just things going that well?
I used this opportunity of walking her home to tell her that I was let go from my job but that it's okay. She was a little concerned, but I told her that I wasn't happy there, that I will be entitled to unemployment while I look for something that would be better for us - probably start that business I told her about, and that I would get to spend much more time with her - like walk her home from school! She really liked it. She wanted to hold my hand the entire way home. I said "In front of your classmates walking? Aren't you concerned about them making fun of you?" She said "Oh no. I don't care. I want to hold your hand." How sweet is that?
By the time we got home we were exhausted. I know I was. I just walked a little over 2 1/2 miles and I am totally out of shape. Actually I was running late getting out of the house so I did the first half to get there in about 20 minutes. It was funny because we both went into my room and sprawled face up across my bed under the ceiling fan. We could feel our heart beats in our chest. Then Papaw walked in not a minute later and went into the kitchen. He was bringing food over from George's house (since he's in jail) so we could use it before it goes bad. Penelope didn't know it was from George's but I did. He saw us laying there on my bed and laughed at us. He asked "Who is more exhausted and out of shape?" We both pointed to eachother. We all just laughed. He had brought a huge 5 lb package of ground chuck that George had bought. He said we needed to use it quick before it expires. He said he also put a hole in the plastic with his thumb accidentally. I had to go to the store to buy things to cook with it. So Penelope and I went to the store and bought some chili making stuff (Penelope's favorite), some spaghetti stuff, stuff to go with hamburgers, and storage bags for all this food. I am going to have soooo much food! There is no way I'm going to be able to use this whole 5 lbs! We get home and Penelope is excited about having our family recipe chili. I pull the big package of meat out to start the chili and I started to inspect it. With a closer eye it looks a funny color brown and the "Sold or freeze by" date is 9/28/10. It's 10/18/10... ewwww! I called my Dad. "Hey! Did you know the sold or freeze by date is 9/28/10?" He says, "Yeah, 9/28 right... oh wait, it's October. Oh no, you need to pitch that." I'm thinking 'Ugh..great Dad.' I said "I just bought a bunch of food that requires ground meat. Okay, I'll figure out something. No biggie." He says, "And the more I think about it, I don't know if I put that hold in it or not. I think it was there already." I said "Okay.. thanks anyway." Great Dad... No biggie. We had meatless spaghetti for dinner. Penelope was disappointed but she loves spaghetti too. It was funny though. I love him for his effort.
Tuesday was my Uncle's funeral. Not an Uncle I was very close with but only because he was always so quiet and how close can a girl growing up get close to a strange man who doesn't say anything to her. But I love my Aunt a lot and I feel for her loss and feel for the loss for my two cousins. I can't imagine losing my Dad. They handled it very well but there Dad was very sick for the last 3 years and now is with God and knows no pain. They were ready for him to have relief.
I left Penelope in school for this event. She is so hypersensitive. Seeing a dead person would just make her a wreck and my fear was her acting inappropriate or asking inappropriate questions. She hadn't seen her Great Uncle since since she was like 4 or 5 and probably never said a word to him. Plus, my twin brother wouldn't have come and that wouldn't have been fair for him.
The whole event lasted from 11:00 until about 5:00 between the visitation, the funeral home service, the interment at the cemetery, and food back at the church. My mom and I missed his interment because we had to go pick up Penelope at school.
After that we had to go back to my parents' house because I needed to fax off some paperwork for unemployment and also look for my jury duty paperwork. I received a letter in the mail Sunday night saying I needed to report for federal jury duty on Wednesday. I'm so glad they sent me something because I had totally forgot to call in and check the past 2 Fridays to see if I had to report. I have been so bad about my jury duty. I registered like 3 weeks late, then forgot to check to see if I had to report and if you don't report or anything, you can get a big fine and maybe jail time it said. I found out later that they will send a Marshall to your home and/or work and force you to report and you could end up holding up the whole day for everyone else. Yikes! It's not that I don't want to perform my civic duty because I do! I guess I just have so much on my plate that my brain stopped being selective about what I do and don't forget, important or not.
I couldn't find it at my parents, so Penelope and I came home. I couldn't find it at home either! I tried to call in and see if I can access whether or not I had to report on Wednesday or not (as the letter said to still check the night before and the morning of in case the case settles). It wouldn't let me check without my participant number. My mom ended up finding it at their house! Found out I do have to report. So Papaw has to come to my house by 7am to take Penelope to school so I can be at the courthouse downtown by 8am. There was 50 of us there at which time I learned about the whole Marshall thing. Thank goodness. The federal court building in downtown Cincinnati is beautiful on the inside. So was the court room. I was one of the lucky "18" who got to sit in the jury box for jury selection. The rest had to sit on the wood benches. They were nice wingback chairs that raised and lowered and had a foot rest. We had a few breaks and lunch. It was interesting what people were attracted to me. Everyone was nice, because we are all in this together I guess. The beautiful black gay man came over to me during our first break and struck up a conversation. Then during the lunch break a nice old woman came up to me who seemed totally out of her element, never comes into the city, definitely from a rural area in Ohio. She is a part time nurse at a nursing home. She wanted me to have lunch with her. I only knew that there was a Chipotle nearby that I really wanted to go to. She had never had Chipotle. I told her about it and she seemed up for it. I told her I would be okay with going somewhere else, I just don't really know what our options are. She was okay with it. She just wanted a salad. I told her I don't know about their salad but there other food is good. I felt bad because she seemed so out of place there. It was loud and busy and her salad was spicy she said. But she kept saying it was good and she ate most of it. I love Chipotle's burrito bowl. Love it.
The rest of the time the beautiful black gay guy and I hung out. He was funny and I called him "Number 18" because that was his juror number and he thought that was funny. A woman who also was black came up to us and was talking with us. She was complaining about the court reporter because she kept making her repeat herself because she talks.. well black and sometimes it's hard to understand her. I do think the court reporter was getting a little mean about it but I'm thinking... why are the only two black people hanging out with me? I'm so vanilla, with my (before Penelope) Coach purse and preppy outfit, what is it about me that attracted them to me? I'm not upset by it by any means, I enjoy all people as long as they are nice, and goodhearted. I'm glad actually. Both my brothers always told me I am a snob. Mostly George. But he is not nice or goodhearted so ... I get that. But I always thought I naturally repelled most people because of my conservative appearance. It was nice and I actually left the day in a very upbeat mood having been "accepted" by people that are different from me. I didn't get "accepted" as a juror which I was disappointed about. Not that I don't have enough on my plate but I thought it would be a great learning experience. I have to call in this Friday to see if I have to report next week, and I won't forget this time! But then that's it for now.
Thursday, I dropped Penelope off at school and went over my twin brother's to watch my nephew while my brother took his daughter on her field trip. It was just until my Dad could relieve me
so I could go to lunch with some old co-workers' who wanted to take me to lunch as a send off. My nephew and I played Lego StarWars on XBox and Wii Resort games. My nephew is so funny. When we were playing Lego StarWars, he was starting to get bored (probably because I stunk at it) and changed his character to C3PO and wanted me to take my lightsaber and hit him 3 times. Just 3 times. The forth time would kill him. Three times cuts each arm off and a leg. So when he moves around he is armless with sparks coming out of the sockets and hopping around on one leg. He just thought that was the funniest thing! The boy CRACKS ME UP! Here is a pic
ture of him playing Wii.While I was there, my old boss texted me a picture of my new replacement at work sitting at my desk. He's a bit of a jokester. The other Asst. Manager is really into Halloween and brought this guy in. I responded
by saying that he is better looking than me. Probably will be able to sell more. He is definitely closer in age to the clientelle. Have more in common with them.I showed my nephew and he faked screamed and said it was scary. Boys.
I went and met my old boss and co-worker for lunch. It was good seeing them. Listening to them talk a little shop made me even more excited about not working there. It was their call night and no body is having luck selling anything and the Regional VP is having a mandatory conference call with the whole region about sales. I've sat in on a couple of those and they are NO fun. He only has them when the region is behind. You are expected to work the entire weekend and go door knocking. I won't miss that. I tried to hide my happiness so I wasn't rubbing it in.
Then after that I picked up Penelope from school and we headed to attachment therapy. It was a good session. This was the second AT session I've gone to in a row and her AT said her brain waves during neurofeedback were down last week compared to others. I told her that Penelope still views moving as bad but I do think it's just because she hasn't gotten to see the place yet. The other day she had said how it's bad we are moving and I said "Well lets go drive by and look at it again." We were on the way to the store anyway. But until she can envision her stuff in her room she is having a hard time, very anxious about it and it affects her sleep and her ability to cope. Soon though! Closing was either going to be today or Monday. It's not today so I'm hoping Monday. My mother gave me the impression it might not be Monday either. Ugh! I just hope it happens period. I'm not going to be that picky. It just needs to happen so we don't have to rent and SOON. Please! Anyway, I digress.
The other topic that I wanted to bring up was a short conversation Penelope and I had earlier in the week. I asked Penelope if she would want to start going back to church now that we are not spending whole weekends with Grandma and Papaw? She said she didn't want to. Basically, she gets really anxious in church where she is short of an anxiety attack, which I do remember. We talked about why she thinks she gets so anxious. It's two fold. One, she is angry with God for letting the bad things happen to her. Second, she is afraid she isn't good enough to go to church, that she doesn't deserve to be there. I asked why she feels she doesn't deserve to be there. She said because of the bad things that she has done. Her AT said that actually is really good news to hear about her remorse. She is growing a conscience. She cares! She does want to talk to Penelope about this because it's so important she learns from these feelings.
This is where the fact her therapy is at a Catholic agency really comes in handy. We are not Catholic but Christian. Her AT totally respects all religious beliefs. She beautifully explained God's love for Penelope and told biblical stories of forgiveness, and God's own suffering to show us his love that brought me to tears. We talked about how positive growth can come from our own suffering and bad choices to makes us stronger people. Her AT told her how she will be able to help others through her experiences. It reminds me of something I had heard in church a while ago that was said by a guest speaker. He said "God gives us our strengths, not for us, but for others." It all is interlinked and very important in this message for Penelope. I could tell Penelope was listening and the message that her AT was giving her really sunk in because of how still she sat and the expression on her face. Forgiving herself is going to be one of her biggest challenges.
Now today I am finishing up this post and going to go out into this work and FIND BOXES for moving. :) Haven't started packing yet. Oh, and I have to make Penelope's costume for Halloween soon too. And then at 3pm I'm taking my niece to the park to celebrate her birthday just her and I (since I couldn't go to her birthday party because of Penelope not allowed to go) and then around 5pm until late I am spending the entire evening with my niece and nephew. What to do what to do... Grandma is picking up Penelope and taking her home. I need to pack her and I a bag for that and we are going to stay at my parents tonight. I get to see the kitties! All is good. I'm not even nervous waiting for something bad to happen. Is that the anti-depressant working or just things going that well?
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Unemployment
Welp, my employment was terminated at the cemetery today. Not much of a "coffin" salesperson as Penelope calls me. Not my calling as my Manager tells me. Couldn't agree more. So now I get to collect unemployment. So another 1st in my life I can check off my bucket list. haha. But seriously, everyone was super great about it. My Manager and the two Asst. Managers all offered me letters of reference.
Fortunetly, I was able to get in my doctor's appointment for a full physical, and related prescriptions before I was let go. Going to start taking better care of myself. During this stint of unemployment, I've told myself I'm going to start exercising and using my time more wisely. I am not as depressed as I was a year ago so it should be easier.
So now there is nothing getting in my way of starting my own consulting company. I am suppose to have lunch with this woman who is going to help me get up and running. I will call her tomorrow to tell her of my new status. Penelope doesn't know yet but I will tell her. She was having a hard time today. I think it's related to us moving but not knowing when and all that. She's been having some real fits of rage lately - two this week. Not bad but she is usually pretty good about keeping her rage in check. Just got to get moved and start this new chapter of our lives.
Pretty short post this time. Not too much to say tonight. Maybe later. I just took my wonderful anti-depressants and I need to get to bed before the side effects kick in. Should be stronger since I asked for an increase.
Fortunetly, I was able to get in my doctor's appointment for a full physical, and related prescriptions before I was let go. Going to start taking better care of myself. During this stint of unemployment, I've told myself I'm going to start exercising and using my time more wisely. I am not as depressed as I was a year ago so it should be easier.
So now there is nothing getting in my way of starting my own consulting company. I am suppose to have lunch with this woman who is going to help me get up and running. I will call her tomorrow to tell her of my new status. Penelope doesn't know yet but I will tell her. She was having a hard time today. I think it's related to us moving but not knowing when and all that. She's been having some real fits of rage lately - two this week. Not bad but she is usually pretty good about keeping her rage in check. Just got to get moved and start this new chapter of our lives.
Pretty short post this time. Not too much to say tonight. Maybe later. I just took my wonderful anti-depressants and I need to get to bed before the side effects kick in. Should be stronger since I asked for an increase.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
I Laughed so Hard I Cried
Oh my gosh. I'm sitting at work and I went to check to see if I had any new emails on my cell phone. I thought it was too quiet for a school day. Hadn't had any calls or meltdowns... Around 2:30 I received an email from Penelope's teacher....
Penelope Today
Penelope said you were aware of this - but I wanted to be sure. She stood up in Social Studies class, asked to make an announcement, and invited the entire class to her house after school today......(okay after about 3 minutes of hard laughing I tried to wipe away the tears so I can read the rest...), and every day through Saturday (another minute to collect myself and not cough up a lung laughing) for a "Save the Earth" party. (No she didn't...) She said there would be snacks and games and maybe movies. She said they could come whenever they want - 3 or 4 o'clock. She asked to make a school-wide announcement as well, (Okay that made me laugh hard enough I had to walk around to collect myself) but was told no, since it was not a school event. Is there something else you would like me to do at this point?
After I collected myself, I called the teacher. I busted out laughing again. I apologized. She was laughing to thank goodness. I told her that it was never discussed and I just don't know what this child is thinking. She told me that Penelope had made invitations as well and was handing them out with her address on them and everything. She said the kids were really nice about it and let her down easily saying they had track or other things to do. She said the teacher wasn't sure what to say because he didn't want to embarrass her in front of the class and the aide asked Penelope "Is your Mom aware of this?" Penelope said "Oh yeah. We talked about it." No we didn't. Her teacher said that Penelope was very relaxed and completely seemed to feel like all was right with what she was doing. I told her after further thought I'm kinda starting to get concerned. I'm thinking has she truly cracked?? What would have caused it? Does she KNOW we really haven't talked about this? I asked her teacher if I could talk to Penelope. She said she could have her come to the phone. She is in Math class.
A couple minutes later Penelope got on the phone, kinda timid like "What's going on?" I said "I hear you invited your Social Studies class over to a "Save the Earth" Party today." She said "It's not a party but a study group." She tried to change her tune a little bit which was actually kind of relieving. She knows we haven't actually discussed this and is now trying to make excuses. I told her that it can't happen and we will discuss it later. She didn't like that but accepted it.
Where does this kid come up with these ideas?? Her teacher and I were just amazed at both her creativity and her tenacity. She said that her and Penelope's other teachers never would have thought she would do this. I told her me either, that her behavior has been better and she actually has been doing her chores and following directions at home. She said that it's been doing her work at school. That was a relief to hear. Just don't know with this child. Too funny though.
Penelope Today
Penelope said you were aware of this - but I wanted to be sure. She stood up in Social Studies class, asked to make an announcement, and invited the entire class to her house after school today......(okay after about 3 minutes of hard laughing I tried to wipe away the tears so I can read the rest...), and every day through Saturday (another minute to collect myself and not cough up a lung laughing) for a "Save the Earth" party. (No she didn't...) She said there would be snacks and games and maybe movies. She said they could come whenever they want - 3 or 4 o'clock. She asked to make a school-wide announcement as well, (Okay that made me laugh hard enough I had to walk around to collect myself) but was told no, since it was not a school event. Is there something else you would like me to do at this point?
After I collected myself, I called the teacher. I busted out laughing again. I apologized. She was laughing to thank goodness. I told her that it was never discussed and I just don't know what this child is thinking. She told me that Penelope had made invitations as well and was handing them out with her address on them and everything. She said the kids were really nice about it and let her down easily saying they had track or other things to do. She said the teacher wasn't sure what to say because he didn't want to embarrass her in front of the class and the aide asked Penelope "Is your Mom aware of this?" Penelope said "Oh yeah. We talked about it." No we didn't. Her teacher said that Penelope was very relaxed and completely seemed to feel like all was right with what she was doing. I told her after further thought I'm kinda starting to get concerned. I'm thinking has she truly cracked?? What would have caused it? Does she KNOW we really haven't talked about this? I asked her teacher if I could talk to Penelope. She said she could have her come to the phone. She is in Math class.
A couple minutes later Penelope got on the phone, kinda timid like "What's going on?" I said "I hear you invited your Social Studies class over to a "Save the Earth" Party today." She said "It's not a party but a study group." She tried to change her tune a little bit which was actually kind of relieving. She knows we haven't actually discussed this and is now trying to make excuses. I told her that it can't happen and we will discuss it later. She didn't like that but accepted it.
Where does this kid come up with these ideas?? Her teacher and I were just amazed at both her creativity and her tenacity. She said that her and Penelope's other teachers never would have thought she would do this. I told her me either, that her behavior has been better and she actually has been doing her chores and following directions at home. She said that it's been doing her work at school. That was a relief to hear. Just don't know with this child. Too funny though.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Now George is in Jail
Too much to deal with. I have been through every emotion and back. I feel either numb, or everything. Like standing in a rain storm that hurts your skin but then gets to a point where you just feel everything but without the pain. I found out George is in jail last night. He has been there since Saturday night. He is being charged with 2nd degree felonious assault. Him and a few of his "friends." They all belong to an outlaw biker gang that I'm not going to name here. He is probably going to be going to jail for a while. Him and his buddies tracked down a couple guys from a rival gang and a fight commenced and a few people got stabbed. People had guns, knives and clubs/bats. Did George stab anyone? I don't know. From what I understand, he was driving the getaway vehicle. So I'm sure charges like fleeing the scene, resisting arrest, and aiding and embedding will be considered as well.
Penelope of course doesn't know. My poor parents are beside themselves. He wanted them to post the bond to get him out of jail. The bond would be the same amount as the down payment for the condo we are trying to get. I don't even think it was a consideration. My Dad said "He's 43 years old. If this is the life he wants to have, than he is on his own." I agree but I know how hard that is for my parents. They have tried so hard for years to get him on his two feet. Every time they turn around, it's something else. He gets remarried, his wife beats his daughter and steals all his money. They have him live in their investment property and manage his bills for him. When he doesn't have enough, they pay. I've taken in his daughter, because he can't parent. But it's even been before the past few years. He was always needing them to save him from as early as I can remember. But he joins the KKK and that blows up in his face with the custody of his daughter. Now, he joins this gang and he expects what? The thing is, I'm not terribly surprised. A couple of years ago, I was helping him manage his workers' comp claim and had access to his emails. I came across a weird email from an old friend of his where George was trying to get a hold of someone they both used to know who was a member of this gang. His old friend told George in her email that she didn't want to be any part of it because it's too dangerous and she didn't want to expose her new life, new family and son to that part of her past life. Her email made her sound very scared. My initial thought was "Now what is he trying to do? I can't let him be near Penelope when he's messing around dangerous people again." So I did what any little sister does. I ratted him out to our parents. It turned into one heck of an argument. He called me and told me what a despicable person I was for snooping in his emails. That it was NONE of my business who he hangs out with and who his friends are. I said that it was my business because he could expose Penelope to that (like he did with those people that abused her and that he socialized with!) He said that he is a grown man (yeah right!) and he can do whatever he wants. Penelope is HIS daughter and he can do anything he wants around her. Yes - he actually said that! H.E. C.A.N. D.O. A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G H.E. W.A.N.T.S. A.R.O.U.N.D. H.E.R....
No. He can't. And now I'm not the only one who feels that way, so does the justice system as it seems. My dad said "He could go away for 10 years, and that would be a life sentence for him." George has health problems that will only get worse in jail.
And Harriet knows. Not an hour after I found out Monday night from my Dad, I get an email from her saying she is sorry to hear about him, "What was he thinking? Geez." Then "Are you going to tell Penelope? I don't think that would be good for her." Ya think? Then around 1am she emails me again "If I were you I'd call child support and let them know. Not to be mean or anything but I don't think he has any need for it now." And then yesterday afternoon she emails me saying "Be careful. I don't know if goes after family of but if I were you I'd keep my eye out." Then a little later "Penelope is safe though. They don't go after children." What the heck! I hate her. She is crazy and drama. But just shows what a selfish dysfunctional person she is. Here is her daughter's father who her daughter loves and stupid as he is, him being in jail will devastate Penelope. If he is in jail for a short time, she will not need to know but if he goes away for years, she will have to be told. And here she is just thinking of ways to be drama about it. If it happened to her, I'm sure George would be the same way but I don't have to put up with George. Not like I have to put up with Harriet. At least my parents have been an umbrella for that. I do hope George the best in this time of chaos but I don't need it. Penelope certainly doesn't either.
Penelope of course doesn't know. My poor parents are beside themselves. He wanted them to post the bond to get him out of jail. The bond would be the same amount as the down payment for the condo we are trying to get. I don't even think it was a consideration. My Dad said "He's 43 years old. If this is the life he wants to have, than he is on his own." I agree but I know how hard that is for my parents. They have tried so hard for years to get him on his two feet. Every time they turn around, it's something else. He gets remarried, his wife beats his daughter and steals all his money. They have him live in their investment property and manage his bills for him. When he doesn't have enough, they pay. I've taken in his daughter, because he can't parent. But it's even been before the past few years. He was always needing them to save him from as early as I can remember. But he joins the KKK and that blows up in his face with the custody of his daughter. Now, he joins this gang and he expects what? The thing is, I'm not terribly surprised. A couple of years ago, I was helping him manage his workers' comp claim and had access to his emails. I came across a weird email from an old friend of his where George was trying to get a hold of someone they both used to know who was a member of this gang. His old friend told George in her email that she didn't want to be any part of it because it's too dangerous and she didn't want to expose her new life, new family and son to that part of her past life. Her email made her sound very scared. My initial thought was "Now what is he trying to do? I can't let him be near Penelope when he's messing around dangerous people again." So I did what any little sister does. I ratted him out to our parents. It turned into one heck of an argument. He called me and told me what a despicable person I was for snooping in his emails. That it was NONE of my business who he hangs out with and who his friends are. I said that it was my business because he could expose Penelope to that (like he did with those people that abused her and that he socialized with!) He said that he is a grown man (yeah right!) and he can do whatever he wants. Penelope is HIS daughter and he can do anything he wants around her. Yes - he actually said that! H.E. C.A.N. D.O. A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G H.E. W.A.N.T.S. A.R.O.U.N.D. H.E.R....
No. He can't. And now I'm not the only one who feels that way, so does the justice system as it seems. My dad said "He could go away for 10 years, and that would be a life sentence for him." George has health problems that will only get worse in jail.
And Harriet knows. Not an hour after I found out Monday night from my Dad, I get an email from her saying she is sorry to hear about him, "What was he thinking? Geez." Then "Are you going to tell Penelope? I don't think that would be good for her." Ya think? Then around 1am she emails me again "If I were you I'd call child support and let them know. Not to be mean or anything but I don't think he has any need for it now." And then yesterday afternoon she emails me saying "Be careful. I don't know if
Monday, October 11, 2010
School and Moving
Really these are two separate issues I wanted to write about, but there has been some overlay. I had received a call from the Asst. Principal last Tuesday after forwarding an email from my bank about the house the prior Friday. He said that it's wasn't proof of residency. I offered to have him come over and visit if it would help, either that evening or the next. We would be home. He didn't like that idea and skipped over it. He said that he would need a copy of my electric and gas bill. No problem. He also said that he needed a copy of the purchase contract and a letter from my mother notarized that Penelope and I would be living with her at that residence that "needs to be in the School District." Of course, this whole process would have been a ton easier if I could live anywhere. Got those items to him over the next couple of days.
Then Friday I get a call from the school's Guidance Counselor. She was really having a hard time getting out what she wanted, tripping over her words talking about a report that they have to put together annually that is about kids in the district who have guardians and she went on about how many there are in the district and that we are not the only ones that they have to call....okay? She needed a copy of my guardianship order. In Penelope's file when I enrolled her in 2nd grade, I had given them a copy of a temporary order it seems (with Harriet disappearing during the process of me gaining guardianship it slowed things down) and I hadn't yet sent them the final guardianship paperwork. I told her "No problem. I carry it around with me in case I need it for an emergency or something." Really it's in case one of parents tries something. I don't know what but something. I just thought it to be too coincidental that they needed a copy of my guardianship paperwork the day after we sent them other proof that Penelope can go to school there. It would have made more sense if they said that because of having her file out and the spotlight on it, they noticed all her paperwork wasn't in order. Now that would make more sense. Especially since this "report" is an annual one and they've had a file on Penelope for 5 years with no question. Anyway, I don't blame her. She sounded like she was lying and I'm sure it was asked of her, not her own doing.
Anyway, Penelope has been having her ups and downs at school. It IS getting better I think. My dad needs to hold her more accountable for schoolwork. It's hard when she says that her homework is a little different than what she writes in in homework agenda. But a week ago Thursday she was tardy to school and was given a detention slip for Tuesday. She claims she never received a detention slip but I'm getting ahead of myself. Tuesday was the day she was invited by a boy to go to his house to do homework together. I had told her "No" for many good reasons. I don't allow last minute plans is one as well as he can come to OUR house and because of her therapy schedule.. Friday would be the earliest. Well, Wednesday afternoon Penelope called her Papaw crying wanting him to come pick her up. 1st, she was hit by a dodge ball in gym class, then the Asst. Principal called her to his office and yelled at her for skipping detention and then gave her a Friday Study. She claimed she never got the detention and she can't have detention on Friday because she already has plans! He told her that he couldn't come get her right then and that she has only a couple more hours until the end of the day and to calm herself down and try to get through it. I found out later that she had called from the office between bells and no one knew that she had made that call. She had already tried to go to the nurse. She also vented to her teacher about the conversation with the Asst. Principal. She told her teacher "It's him or me" and "he doesn't have that kind of power over me." She had plans for Friday and CAN NOT attend the Friday Study. Well, we talked about this briefly in therapy on Wednesday. She was VERY passive aggressive in therapy. It was interesting to watch. It was more interesting to have the therapist see it instead of the sweet charming Penelope that she tries to pull of usually. She even at one point rolled her eyes at the therapist who prescribed eye rolling than humming happy birthday then eye rolling again than humming happy birthday again. Penelope didn't know what to think.
Anyway, when Friday came around, Penelope was very clingy and I gave her lots of loving looks and hugs and told her I have seen her get through worse days and to make the best of it. "Once today is over, it's all done because you've been on time and you have no detentions. Just get through today and get it behind you." When I dropped her off at school I said, "Be strong today." She said "Okay." I said "Show me your muscles!" She smiled and flexed her arm muscles. I said, "Show me your brain muscles!" She still had the smile on her face and she squinted her eyes and "flexed" her face and brain muscles. It was so cute and funny, I had to laugh. I said "I knew you could do it!" It was a good send off.
Now, Thursday was not such a good day for me. I received a call from my mother early in the morning and she told me that the loan company came back on the condo and said they don't buy that it's not investment property and instead of wanting 10%, they want 25% down! My parents can't do that. She told me my Dad cried. That made me start to cry. I know he wants to do this for me. He knows how badly I want to have this condo for Penelope and I. Not rent. Renting is temporary. Penelope needs permanency. So do I. I've been in limbo forever it seems, protecting Penelope from it by keeping the secret. We just told Penelope we were moving based on the idea that we were past this stage of the loan process, that the only thing that could prevent the loan was an act of God. I just need a break. It was very disheartening. My mom said that she is talking to her other mortgage broker contact who has in-house underwriters and they are going to see what they can do. Her contact said "We are going to make this work!" She had known about it since Wednesday night and she said she should know that day. That day came and went. So did Friday. So did the weekend. We are running out of time..
Then Friday I get a call from the school's Guidance Counselor. She was really having a hard time getting out what she wanted, tripping over her words talking about a report that they have to put together annually that is about kids in the district who have guardians and she went on about how many there are in the district and that we are not the only ones that they have to call....okay? She needed a copy of my guardianship order. In Penelope's file when I enrolled her in 2nd grade, I had given them a copy of a temporary order it seems (with Harriet disappearing during the process of me gaining guardianship it slowed things down) and I hadn't yet sent them the final guardianship paperwork. I told her "No problem. I carry it around with me in case I need it for an emergency or something." Really it's in case one of parents tries something. I don't know what but something. I just thought it to be too coincidental that they needed a copy of my guardianship paperwork the day after we sent them other proof that Penelope can go to school there. It would have made more sense if they said that because of having her file out and the spotlight on it, they noticed all her paperwork wasn't in order. Now that would make more sense. Especially since this "report" is an annual one and they've had a file on Penelope for 5 years with no question. Anyway, I don't blame her. She sounded like she was lying and I'm sure it was asked of her, not her own doing.
Anyway, Penelope has been having her ups and downs at school. It IS getting better I think. My dad needs to hold her more accountable for schoolwork. It's hard when she says that her homework is a little different than what she writes in in homework agenda. But a week ago Thursday she was tardy to school and was given a detention slip for Tuesday. She claims she never received a detention slip but I'm getting ahead of myself. Tuesday was the day she was invited by a boy to go to his house to do homework together. I had told her "No" for many good reasons. I don't allow last minute plans is one as well as he can come to OUR house and because of her therapy schedule.. Friday would be the earliest. Well, Wednesday afternoon Penelope called her Papaw crying wanting him to come pick her up. 1st, she was hit by a dodge ball in gym class, then the Asst. Principal called her to his office and yelled at her for skipping detention and then gave her a Friday Study. She claimed she never got the detention and she can't have detention on Friday because she already has plans! He told her that he couldn't come get her right then and that she has only a couple more hours until the end of the day and to calm herself down and try to get through it. I found out later that she had called from the office between bells and no one knew that she had made that call. She had already tried to go to the nurse. She also vented to her teacher about the conversation with the Asst. Principal. She told her teacher "It's him or me" and "he doesn't have that kind of power over me." She had plans for Friday and CAN NOT attend the Friday Study. Well, we talked about this briefly in therapy on Wednesday. She was VERY passive aggressive in therapy. It was interesting to watch. It was more interesting to have the therapist see it instead of the sweet charming Penelope that she tries to pull of usually. She even at one point rolled her eyes at the therapist who prescribed eye rolling than humming happy birthday then eye rolling again than humming happy birthday again. Penelope didn't know what to think.
Anyway, when Friday came around, Penelope was very clingy and I gave her lots of loving looks and hugs and told her I have seen her get through worse days and to make the best of it. "Once today is over, it's all done because you've been on time and you have no detentions. Just get through today and get it behind you." When I dropped her off at school I said, "Be strong today." She said "Okay." I said "Show me your muscles!" She smiled and flexed her arm muscles. I said, "Show me your brain muscles!" She still had the smile on her face and she squinted her eyes and "flexed" her face and brain muscles. It was so cute and funny, I had to laugh. I said "I knew you could do it!" It was a good send off.
Now, Thursday was not such a good day for me. I received a call from my mother early in the morning and she told me that the loan company came back on the condo and said they don't buy that it's not investment property and instead of wanting 10%, they want 25% down! My parents can't do that. She told me my Dad cried. That made me start to cry. I know he wants to do this for me. He knows how badly I want to have this condo for Penelope and I. Not rent. Renting is temporary. Penelope needs permanency. So do I. I've been in limbo forever it seems, protecting Penelope from it by keeping the secret. We just told Penelope we were moving based on the idea that we were past this stage of the loan process, that the only thing that could prevent the loan was an act of God. I just need a break. It was very disheartening. My mom said that she is talking to her other mortgage broker contact who has in-house underwriters and they are going to see what they can do. Her contact said "We are going to make this work!" She had known about it since Wednesday night and she said she should know that day. That day came and went. So did Friday. So did the weekend. We are running out of time..
Thursday, October 7, 2010
How EMDR is going
We've been going to the new trauma therapist for about 4 or 5 months now I think. Not every week but we try to go every week - it really just depends on her schedule. We really didn't start the EMDR process until about a month ago. And even then, I don't know if the therapist, I'll call Lisa, felt like Penelope was ready. Penelope had a rough summer and a bumpy beginning to her school year. Lisa wanted to make sure that attachment between Penelope and I is strong enough for me to help Penelope cope with the repercussions of facing her past trauma. Lisa also wanted to make sure we were able to cope with the challenges of our daily lives currently as well, and with the court case being ever so present in our lives, we had to wait on the EMDR.
And honestly, I'm not 100% sure we are doing full blown EMDR. I know that Lisa is really trying to adjust what she is doing with how Penelope is doing. We haven't addressed the big items but are starting out with smaller ones and I'm guessing, letting Penelope get familiar with the process as well as continue to build that relationship between them.
I do feel like Penelope has began to lose her babyish stuff. It's still there and especially with the news of moving and some of the problems she has created for herself at school, but in general, I hear an older child, almost 13 a great deal of time. Do I think she is calmer? Maybe, a little bit. Or it's just that the older Penelope seems calmer. It could be related to the EMDR, or it may not be. But I have to say, it's the first time she has had consistent periods of normal speech unrelated to her mood. At least at home.
I recently learned she is having issues with baby-talking at school. I do know she is dealing with fear-based controlling compulsions at school. I get calls from school on a daily basis it seems - sometimes multiple times a day. She was late for school last Thursday. She was called into the Asst. Principal's office and (allegedly) given a detention for Tuesday. Tuesday rolled around and Penelope did not go to detention. I received a call from Penelope at the end of the school day saying that a boy named Joe asked her if she wanted to come over his house and do homework. Penelope and Joe have crushes on each other. Penelope goes all valley girl when talking about him. "OMG!" Anyway, it wasn't going to happen because..... well... hell hasn't frozen over yet. I told her that she could have him come to OUR house on Friday but for only a couple of hours. I can monitor them that way and keep everyone safe. Penelope is really good at appearing trustworthy. But I digress. On Wednesday, the reported events went like this:
2nd bell Gym - hit in eye with dodge-ball and went to the nurse
3rd bell - Called into Asst. Principal's office and "yelled at" for skipping detention. Given a Friday Study (longer detention on Friday) for skipping detention when she claims he never gave her the detention slip. She claims she actually said "Show me proof" to him. Doh! Could that be that I require proof/verification on just about everything? Or is that just Penelope raising herself on her tipy toes to be nose to nose with him? She said he didn't respond. I told her he didn't have to.
After that meeting she went back to class and vented to her teacher, the Intervention Specialist. I don't know if she said this to the Asst. Principal or not, but she said this to her teacher, that she can't on Friday because she already has plans. You know... with Joe? Penelope was very angry with the Asst. Principal telling her teacher over and over that "he doesn't have that kind of power of me " and "it's him or me." She told him he does have that power. He is actually her boss and if she was late over and over again, he could fire her. She was able to get her to calm down somewhat and take a test she had in English.
After class, instead of going to Social Studies she went to the office and asked to call her Papaw. She called him and started sobbing on the phone wanting him to come pick her up telling him her version of how the day went down. She just couldn't make it through the rest of the day. He told her he couldn't and she needed to make it through which was just a couple more hours. This is when I learned about it as he called me to give me the heads up. I was surprised she didn't call me but I think it's because she knows I would know what parts weren't true and wanted someone to have full sympathy for her plight. I did the whole empathy thing, and I truly felt sad for her having a rough day but at her own doing. I'm glad that her visit with Joe will be cut short because it makes the consequences of her behavior more painful and more of a natural consequence. She doesn't have therapy on Thursday like usual so she wanted to move her visit with Joe until then. Oh no. I told her it was too late to make changes like that being Wednesday night and we just needed to stick to the schedule.
She has been on time this week, close calls two of the 4 days so far. So no more detentions after Friday based on any current happenings. She has been easier in the morning since these detentions. I'm hoping she will start making better decisions. I'm trying to keep do more fun things with her so that her self-confidence increases and help her make better decisions. I'm not real sure how to help school with her control compulsion. I'm not sure what's causing it.
And honestly, I'm not 100% sure we are doing full blown EMDR. I know that Lisa is really trying to adjust what she is doing with how Penelope is doing. We haven't addressed the big items but are starting out with smaller ones and I'm guessing, letting Penelope get familiar with the process as well as continue to build that relationship between them.
I do feel like Penelope has began to lose her babyish stuff. It's still there and especially with the news of moving and some of the problems she has created for herself at school, but in general, I hear an older child, almost 13 a great deal of time. Do I think she is calmer? Maybe, a little bit. Or it's just that the older Penelope seems calmer. It could be related to the EMDR, or it may not be. But I have to say, it's the first time she has had consistent periods of normal speech unrelated to her mood. At least at home.
I recently learned she is having issues with baby-talking at school. I do know she is dealing with fear-based controlling compulsions at school. I get calls from school on a daily basis it seems - sometimes multiple times a day. She was late for school last Thursday. She was called into the Asst. Principal's office and (allegedly) given a detention for Tuesday. Tuesday rolled around and Penelope did not go to detention. I received a call from Penelope at the end of the school day saying that a boy named Joe asked her if she wanted to come over his house and do homework. Penelope and Joe have crushes on each other. Penelope goes all valley girl when talking about him. "OMG!" Anyway, it wasn't going to happen because..... well... hell hasn't frozen over yet. I told her that she could have him come to OUR house on Friday but for only a couple of hours. I can monitor them that way and keep everyone safe. Penelope is really good at appearing trustworthy. But I digress. On Wednesday, the reported events went like this:
2nd bell Gym - hit in eye with dodge-ball and went to the nurse
3rd bell - Called into Asst. Principal's office and "yelled at" for skipping detention. Given a Friday Study (longer detention on Friday) for skipping detention when she claims he never gave her the detention slip. She claims she actually said "Show me proof" to him. Doh! Could that be that I require proof/verification on just about everything? Or is that just Penelope raising herself on her tipy toes to be nose to nose with him? She said he didn't respond. I told her he didn't have to.
After that meeting she went back to class and vented to her teacher, the Intervention Specialist. I don't know if she said this to the Asst. Principal or not, but she said this to her teacher, that she can't on Friday because she already has plans. You know... with Joe? Penelope was very angry with the Asst. Principal telling her teacher over and over that "he doesn't have that kind of power of me " and "it's him or me." She told him he does have that power. He is actually her boss and if she was late over and over again, he could fire her. She was able to get her to calm down somewhat and take a test she had in English.
After class, instead of going to Social Studies she went to the office and asked to call her Papaw. She called him and started sobbing on the phone wanting him to come pick her up telling him her version of how the day went down. She just couldn't make it through the rest of the day. He told her he couldn't and she needed to make it through which was just a couple more hours. This is when I learned about it as he called me to give me the heads up. I was surprised she didn't call me but I think it's because she knows I would know what parts weren't true and wanted someone to have full sympathy for her plight. I did the whole empathy thing, and I truly felt sad for her having a rough day but at her own doing. I'm glad that her visit with Joe will be cut short because it makes the consequences of her behavior more painful and more of a natural consequence. She doesn't have therapy on Thursday like usual so she wanted to move her visit with Joe until then. Oh no. I told her it was too late to make changes like that being Wednesday night and we just needed to stick to the schedule.
She has been on time this week, close calls two of the 4 days so far. So no more detentions after Friday based on any current happenings. She has been easier in the morning since these detentions. I'm hoping she will start making better decisions. I'm trying to keep do more fun things with her so that her self-confidence increases and help her make better decisions. I'm not real sure how to help school with her control compulsion. I'm not sure what's causing it.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Telling Penelope
A couple of things went down the past couple of days. First, we had the home inspection (sorta) on the condo. We felt comfortable enough having my twin brother do the inspection because he knows everything there is to know about this kind of stuff, and the exterior/structure is the HOA's responsibility. I decided to meet him, my Dad, who is there to see it for the first time as well as be my brother's helper, and Mom who is the realtor, over at the condo for the inspection. It was a little bit of a circus. My brother immediately went to work checking outlets and inspecting things. I'm trying to show my Dad the place while he's trying to play Mr. Inspector as well. It's just funny because my brother HATES when he helps do any kind of fix-it or home repair work. Or even like those put-it-together pieces of furniture, he messes it up. He says he's like a bull in a china shop. He tends to break things. Anyway, I was showing him the kitchen and he turns the water on and off, looks in the frig, and we end at the stove. It's an antique stove. It's a Frigidaire electric stove with an oven underneath and one above with a glass front door. My Mom, Dad, and I are standing around it and my Dad says "Turn it on. We have to check it out too." As I am closest to the knobs which are to the right of the oven above, I turn on the burners. He says, "Turn the ovens on too. We have to check everything." I turn the knobs halfway. He said, "Let's let them get hot and we will come back." and we left to go check out the bedrooms. A little later I asked, "What's the smell?" My dad says "It's just getting hot." My brother gets around to the kitchen and goes to open the oven below. Smoke billows out. No fire, but the woman who owns the condo stored her wood dishrack in the oven and it's smoken! He shuts the door real quick and turns all the knobs to off. He stands there shaking his head like "Great!" I said "Maybe we can put it in the sink and run it under water." He says "It's going to keep billowing smoke." I said, "We have to get it out. But I'm sure there are is a fire alarm in here. Let's disarm it first." He said "No. I'll just run this outside." So he gets something to grab it, opens the oven, grabs it and runs it outside. I take a dish towel and fan all the smoke to disperse it so it doesn't set off any alarms. My brother comes back all judgemental, "Who decided to turn the oven on before checking it?" My dad said "Who puts a wood drying rack in their oven?" I told him I turned it on but only because Dad told me too. I said "Mom was there too." He just shook his head at us "I can't believe you didn't check the oven." I told him, "It never occurred to me. Mom and Dad never stored things in there oven. I would never do that. You know how bad my memory is. I'd burn something up. I'd only consider storing a pan or something that would go in there anyway." He said "My wife's family stores things in their ovens all the time so I'm used to checking." The place smelled like burnt wood. Like campfire.
Now we had to decide what to do about it. My Mom had been on the phone almost the entire time we were there with the mortgage broker talking about this and that. Mainly about whether or not we were at a safe stage we could tell Penelope. My Mom is fearful to tell her too soon because with the market the way it is, she has seen a lot of deals fall through. But usually it's due to the buyer doing something stupid, like go out and buy a living room set 12 months same as cash, before the closing. My Mom explained how Penelope is and that we can't tell her unless we know it's going to happen. The mortgage lender, probably playing it real safe, suggested not telling her until the loan is "Clear to Close" which doesn't happen until just a couple of days before a closing. Ugh! That can't work. I honestly wanted to tell her the day of the home inspection as it was an opportunity to get into the place and show her around so she didn't just have to take my word for it. But since we decided to go the free way and use my brother, and she can't be around him due to what she's done to him and his family, that wasn't going to happen. Plus it was during the school day.
The wood dish drying rack didn't catch fire but the underside that was touching the oven rack was scared pretty bad. I recommended taking it with us and leaving a note with 10 dollars. She's moving to Mexico and isn't taking any of this stuff with her. She is having an auction house sell it. My Dad wanted to put it back and act like we didn't know it happen.geesh! My brother didn't like either of our ideas but didn't have any suggestions. I said we should ask Mom since she's the realtor. She was still on the phone and had parked herself out on the balcony, next to the table my brother put the burnt dish rack. We motioned to her that we were going downstairs to check out the laundry area and garage. We looked in on the 3 car garage. My spot is in the middle. Then we went over to the laundry area and were trying to figure out which set of washer/dryers belonged to our condo. Each condo had it's own area in the ground level with a large storage closet. My Mom, still on the phone, found her way down to us. She finally got off the phone. We asked her which washe/dryer. We tried to figure it out and we thought we knew but weren't sure. Then I asked "Also, what are we going to do about the burnt rack?" My Mom said "What burnt rack?" Seriously? It was like a comedy skit. Both my brother and Dad were like smacking their foreheads, "Ohh. You were that oblivious on the phone?" "You couldn't smell it? You didn't see the smoke? You were sitting right next to it on the balcony!" My mom is going "What? What?" It was too funny. We asked her to call the sellers agent to find out which washer/dryer was ours. We had already looked at both in that section of the basement and were concerned because the older pair's dryer didn't have a vent hose or water bucket thingy - which needs to be addressed regardless but not by the seller if it's not hers. Anyway, while she is on the phone she tells the agent about the burnt rack. Again my brother and Dad are smacking their foreheads "Noo!" not believing that she just told him. Too funny. But the good thing is, everything looked fine. There are a couple older windows but the rest are new, and there are a couple outlets that need to be replaced but the electricity is fine. Nothing worth mentioning for the purchase.
Friday morning while I'm at work, I get a phone call from the Asst. Principal. Great. Now what did she do. He is calling because it's October 1st, and he was told to get from me a copy of my lease agreement or something as I told them that I had to move by the end of September. I told him that the information I had was incorrect as I didn't understand the process but the house is still mine until at least the 15th so we are still there. I will not be moving until the 15th. I told him I could get a letter from the mortgage company to that effect if he wants but I can't provide a lease agreement. He sounded frustrated and said that it's not up to him if that is acceptable or not, that he was told to get a lease agreement. I said "But we are still living in our house." He said "Are you? That is another question I have to ask. Are you in fact living in your house?" I said "Yes." He said "Because Penelope says the reason she is tardy all the time is because of the long drive in from Indiana." Ugh. I said "We have stayed out there because they help me with her but we are living in our house." He sighed and said "Well, we need something saying you are living here by Monday or we have to release Penelope from school." I said "Okay." I'm sure it doesn't help that the school secretary is our next door neighbor and we never see her. So, I called my Dad. We haven't been able to stay in the house this last week because my Dad broke the front door knob off by using a hammer to lossen it because it was sticking, and he has since lost the back door key. Yesterday, Penelope had to climb through the bathroom window to open the front door from the inside. Anway, we are moving what stuff we have there back this weekend and my parents will just have to come to us and stay with us when needed.
Regarding when to tell Penelope, I emailed her attachment therapist and told her the situation and what the mortgage broker recommended. She agreed with me that it is better to tell her now, that the likelyhood is slim that it's not going to happen so it should be okay. Better to be honest. I agree. I hated not being able to tell her. So I decided to wait until this weekend to do it. I wanted to tell her while showing her where it is. But my parents are going out of town this weekend and I wanted them to be there to support her in this news. So I needed to tell her Friday. I was talking to my Dad while they were at the house and he had gone to the grocery store so he couldn't wait around for me to get off work and it would be a waste of gas for me to drive all the way out to their house to pick Penelope up just to take her back to our neighborhood for 10 minutes. My Dad offered to do it on the way home. We discussed it and I said to go ahead. He didn't think she would take it as badly as I envisioned. I talked to him about 45 minutes later and he said "You were right." She must have bursted into tears and sobbed. She said things like "But I don't want to move!" "I'm not moving!" But she got herself under control. He had put her on the phone and I could tell she'd been crying and she was talking in her baby-voice which is something that hasn't been too regular of a thing lately. She said "Mommy? I don't want to move..." I said "I know sweetie, but we have to. But I think you will love the place." She said "I know. Papaw told me about my big room and my own bathroom." She then she started saying things that gave me the impression she is already starting to accept it. "I can take a bath and not hold up the bathroom so you can take a shower." I said "Yep." But I could hear the fear in her voice.
When I got home, she was sitting on the couch with her teddy bear and baby blanket watching TV. When she saw me she said "Mommy!" and gave me a really tight long hug. She sounded scared. My Mom had printed off a bunch of colored pictures from the listing and I had drawn up a floor plan. I sat next to her and showed her everything. I pointed out the little drawers in her bathroom vanity. She really liked that. She said "I can put everything in those." I agreed. She said she would like the bathroom to be painted pink. She didn't like the violets the woman had painted on the walls in there. So it seems it's okay. That's a good thing.
Now we had to decide what to do about it. My Mom had been on the phone almost the entire time we were there with the mortgage broker talking about this and that. Mainly about whether or not we were at a safe stage we could tell Penelope. My Mom is fearful to tell her too soon because with the market the way it is, she has seen a lot of deals fall through. But usually it's due to the buyer doing something stupid, like go out and buy a living room set 12 months same as cash, before the closing. My Mom explained how Penelope is and that we can't tell her unless we know it's going to happen. The mortgage lender, probably playing it real safe, suggested not telling her until the loan is "Clear to Close" which doesn't happen until just a couple of days before a closing. Ugh! That can't work. I honestly wanted to tell her the day of the home inspection as it was an opportunity to get into the place and show her around so she didn't just have to take my word for it. But since we decided to go the free way and use my brother, and she can't be around him due to what she's done to him and his family, that wasn't going to happen. Plus it was during the school day.
The wood dish drying rack didn't catch fire but the underside that was touching the oven rack was scared pretty bad. I recommended taking it with us and leaving a note with 10 dollars. She's moving to Mexico and isn't taking any of this stuff with her. She is having an auction house sell it. My Dad wanted to put it back and act like we didn't know it happen.
Friday morning while I'm at work, I get a phone call from the Asst. Principal. Great. Now what did she do. He is calling because it's October 1st, and he was told to get from me a copy of my lease agreement or something as I told them that I had to move by the end of September. I told him that the information I had was incorrect as I didn't understand the process but the house is still mine until at least the 15th so we are still there. I will not be moving until the 15th. I told him I could get a letter from the mortgage company to that effect if he wants but I can't provide a lease agreement. He sounded frustrated and said that it's not up to him if that is acceptable or not, that he was told to get a lease agreement. I said "But we are still living in our house." He said "Are you? That is another question I have to ask. Are you in fact living in your house?" I said "Yes." He said "Because Penelope says the reason she is tardy all the time is because of the long drive in from Indiana." Ugh. I said "We have stayed out there because they help me with her but we are living in our house." He sighed and said "Well, we need something saying you are living here by Monday or we have to release Penelope from school." I said "Okay." I'm sure it doesn't help that the school secretary is our next door neighbor and we never see her. So, I called my Dad. We haven't been able to stay in the house this last week because my Dad broke the front door knob off by using a hammer to lossen it because it was sticking, and he has since lost the back door key. Yesterday, Penelope had to climb through the bathroom window to open the front door from the inside. Anway, we are moving what stuff we have there back this weekend and my parents will just have to come to us and stay with us when needed.
Regarding when to tell Penelope, I emailed her attachment therapist and told her the situation and what the mortgage broker recommended. She agreed with me that it is better to tell her now, that the likelyhood is slim that it's not going to happen so it should be okay. Better to be honest. I agree. I hated not being able to tell her. So I decided to wait until this weekend to do it. I wanted to tell her while showing her where it is. But my parents are going out of town this weekend and I wanted them to be there to support her in this news. So I needed to tell her Friday. I was talking to my Dad while they were at the house and he had gone to the grocery store so he couldn't wait around for me to get off work and it would be a waste of gas for me to drive all the way out to their house to pick Penelope up just to take her back to our neighborhood for 10 minutes. My Dad offered to do it on the way home. We discussed it and I said to go ahead. He didn't think she would take it as badly as I envisioned. I talked to him about 45 minutes later and he said "You were right." She must have bursted into tears and sobbed. She said things like "But I don't want to move!" "I'm not moving!" But she got herself under control. He had put her on the phone and I could tell she'd been crying and she was talking in her baby-voice which is something that hasn't been too regular of a thing lately. She said "Mommy? I don't want to move..." I said "I know sweetie, but we have to. But I think you will love the place." She said "I know. Papaw told me about my big room and my own bathroom." She then she started saying things that gave me the impression she is already starting to accept it. "I can take a bath and not hold up the bathroom so you can take a shower." I said "Yep." But I could hear the fear in her voice.
When I got home, she was sitting on the couch with her teddy bear and baby blanket watching TV. When she saw me she said "Mommy!" and gave me a really tight long hug. She sounded scared. My Mom had printed off a bunch of colored pictures from the listing and I had drawn up a floor plan. I sat next to her and showed her everything. I pointed out the little drawers in her bathroom vanity. She really liked that. She said "I can put everything in those." I agreed. She said she would like the bathroom to be painted pink. She didn't like the violets the woman had painted on the walls in there. So it seems it's okay. That's a good thing.
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