Goals..

I'm trying to stay positive about the goals I have set. They seem easy don't they? Not so much. This job thing sucks! In my hay-day, anywhere I sent my resume I'd get an interview. I always got an offer. I have even been sought out. Up until now. Now, I can't get a job to save my life. Nothing. Not one thing. I can do so much anywhere, but nothing. It sucks so bad. I know I made the right decision when I quit my job. I think I've done wonders for Penelope. Both her parents, and society in general should kiss my feet for what I've done! Not that I'm looking for that, but I'm just saying I'm saving society and the government from her becoming their problem in the future. Regardless, I quit my job and here I am. I'm not a victim. It was my decision. But that doesn't mean I don't need help. Who can help? I've always been an extremely loyal employee. At one point, I had to terminate the employment of my best friend. I look at it as she terminated herself, but I had to do the deed. It was what was best for the company. Of course, she stiffed me the $300 she owed me for her plane ticket to visit her parents that past Christmas. But anyway, I digress.
If I could just succeed at this goal, the rest will be so much easier. I need to save my house. Maybe I'm being to idealistic in that being important, but I just don't see Penelope doing well at all with having to move. I'd try to stay in the community so she doesn't have to change schools - again. But, there really isn't any apartments here and that's what I'd have to go to.
Of course, my twin brother - who loves to play devils' advocate with me, just to piss me off? I don't know. But he says that it would be best if we moved anyway because Penelope has ruined herself in our community with her pregnancy rumor last year. He thinks I'm a snob, how snobbish is that!? He has no idea. I tell him about my job seeking problems/financial problems and he says, like no big deal "you should be on welfare." Oh, okay. Then he tells me I should be on anti-depressants and I told him I don't have insurance right now. And he says "That's because you don't want to be" referring to the fact I'm not on government assistance. So, he has no sympathy because it's of my own doing. All of this. It's all my fault. Thanks bro. He never offers to help me with Penelope and 99/100 times he turns me down when I ask for him to watch her for an afternoon. But when he needs help with his kids, I get a call or I offer. Why do I offer? Because I care. Penelope loves her cousins. I love them. But then I want to kick myself for offering him something he isn't willing to do for me. But should I think that way? Should I put a deeper wedge in between our relationship than there already is? I can't make him understand. If the tables were turned, I'd want to help - where is this coming from? My parents say it's his wife, my sister-in-law. I like my sister-in-law. We get a long fine. She is hard to read and she always stands emotionally at a distance, but we have never had any problems and usually can have a good laugh when we are around each other. So, I have a hard time with that theory. I also like to think my brother can think for himself and make his own decisions. So when he makes jackass detached comments, I get pissed at him and him alone.