Social Scene

Well, Penelope is on her way back to Yuckworld. I'm glad we have therapy tomorrow. We've been going every week but the last two, it's only been for neurofeedback since the lead therapist hasn't been there. I really don't know how to help Penelope.
She is trying to not be in Yuckworld, but it is what it is. It's related to the fact that she really doesn't have any friends. I have no idea why. She says it's because she is ugly. This child is NOT ugly. She has a lot of great physical characteristics. She does have an akwardness about her, mostly due to her posture and gait, but what do you do? I don't want to make her self-conscious about it. I think of it as a 12 year old inbetween thing. Also, it' an low self-esteem thing. It's really her low self-esteem that is unattractive. Otherwise, she is a funny, fun loving, beautiful young girl.
But a week ago, one of her oldest, dearest friends "dumped" her for what I still don't understand. Penelope is giving 100% effort in her classrooms according to her and her teachers. I pick her up from school and she tells me how wonderful her day was. But then, within the next few hours, she tells me how miserable she was all day. Well, today I sat her down and tried to get to the bottom of it. It's about her lack of social life. When she would tell me about how wonderful her day was, she would include how she sat alone at lunch and recess. But she was okay with that. I knew better of course. But then later, she would admit how miserable she was because of it.
In her head, she tries to cheer herself up by thinking of friends she has outside of her school - from camp or through family friends. It really doesn't weigh against the kids that she sees every day.
So I did the only thing I can think of which is have her tell me about someone who she is sorta friends with, and have her invite them over during the weekend. So we will see how that goes. I also talked to her about after-school clubs - even though I'm hesistant on that because I don't want it to be too much with her school work. She wants to join Chess Club, and I feel like she deserves to get back into Chess but she admits that it is a club full of boys and she doesn't know how interested she is in having friends that are boys.
But there isn't much more I can do than that. Just have faith that it will happen for her. I think she is still hurting and mourning the loss of her friendship with Mary to be approachable and when she gets back in Happyland, things will get better.
I've also been fighting the signs of her regressing back into Yuckworld. Getting snippy with her, not liking it. But once I conciously acknowledged that is what is going on, I've accepted that there isn't much I can do to get her not to go there, but just to start helping her get back out of it - with patience.
I would say, the signs and symptoms really started on Sunday. She told me she wasn't feeling good (unhappy) and we spent most of the day together doing stuff before we went to my parents for dinner. At dinner, she was very paticular about her food. This is too salty,... she wanted this on the side, not next to it... not enough of this...etc. And everything was in her winey baby voice.
"Fine" is her new word of the moment. Everything is met with either an angry, or sarcastic "Fine!" She is also has been living in fantasy land a bit too - talking about how monsters, ghosts, vampires, werewolves, fairies, etc. are real. Her manners have gone out the window.. constantly interrupting me, belching, being disgusting with food, making lots of noises even when I've asked her to stop several times, "forgetting" not to do this or that.. And her need to exaggerated things or take things to the extreme is also been highly annoying. It's been going on for a few days now, but a perfect example is how today she told me that snoring kills people. I had told her that she snored last night because her allergies were up. I told her that snoring doesn't kill people. She insisted on it. I said "No, snoring can be associated with sleep apnea and sleep apnea can kill people." She said "That's what I said!" No, it's not. My cat has been showing signs of something wrong, including some blood in his stool. We are taking him to the vet, but when I was describing the symptoms, it's "There is blood everywhere!" No there is not.. I get defensive, because I swear, she'd love to have a story to tell people about how sick my cat is or that he is dying. She seems sincere when she says she hopes he isn't dying, like she would devistated too - but he is older so it's one of my great concerns. But when she does that, exaggerates his symptoms, it pisses me off. But she makes these declarations, generalizations - like it's for shock value.
But it's also like she is trying to handle something for me. My brother was over today to do some handyman work for me and I'm trying to tell him what the problems were and she just kept interrupting to tell him her version (the extreme) of what the problems were. I told her that I am the adult and would handle it and she needed to stay quiet and wait until I was done talking. She'd wait all but maybe 2 minutes before she'd start up again.
The last thing she has been doing is what I call "negotiating" and doing things on her terms. Usually these little conversations end in a huff and a "Fine!" But if I tell her to do something, she will say "In a minute" or give me a reason that she isn't going to do it. I then just say "Does that mean you are saying no?" which usually gets a "Ugh! Fine!" But even just tasks - she is back to doing things half-assed. For example, of the few things I have her do around the house at this point, one of them is setting the table for dinner. We had my parents over on Monday. I asked/ reminded her to set the table. She says "But I don't have any plates." Of course she does, they are stored in the kitchen cabinet. But that was her answer. I told her she knows where they are and that dinner would be ready in 5 minutes. She gets the plates out and then sits down at the table. I said, "Penelope, please come here. There are more things to be put on the table" and gave her a list of condiment and other items that needed to go. "What about glasses and other things, Penelope?" Every time she would come to the kitchen to take something to the table, she'd stay at the table. After the second time of calling her back to the kitchen I said, "When you are setting the table for dinner, you should continue to come back to the kitchen until you have determined by either asking me 'Is there anything else that needs to go out to the table?' or you know it's done." She said "Fine!" After that, I didn't call her back. I just took the food to the table. We all dished out our food onto our plates. Then Papaw said "I don't have a fork or knife. How am I suppose to eat without my fork or knife?" Then 5 minutes later, my mom said "Where are the napkins? No napkins?" Penelope had to get up 3 times to get stuff she "forgot" to put on the table. She hated it.
I'm curious what her therapists will suggest. I don't know if having a friend or friends over for a couple of hours is going to make a difference for her. She is unhappy and I don't know if there is anything that can be done about it then to just allow her to have this unhappy period. I know she fakes being happy at school for her teachers' sake. Plus her Intervention Specialist made a reward system on good behavior where she gets a treat at the end of the day for doing well. So, I'm pretty sure that is why she is so happy when I pick her up - being rewarded. But it's just a cover.