I'm not a stickler to bedmaking and all that. I'm not an very organized person. She just happens to be a marathon sleeper - turning and twisting over and over that by morning her blankets and top sheet are all over the place. But, at bedtime, when her pills are kicking in, and her tolerance is close to non-existant, getting her bedding in order so she can climb in is something she perceives as too much. It's been a daily challenge for her. When she is in Happyland, she will - without being asked to, make it in the morning. Right now, mornings consist of moans and groans about having to get ready. Not nearly as bad as last year. She was tardy to school more than not last year - until the end of third quarter when she started getting detentions. She hasn't been tardy once this year, nor wants to. Last year, couldn't have cared less - until around the 3rd detention.
But let me tell you about Penelope and school. <
Her school has implemented a program called Response to Intervention (RTI) which sounds great. However, Penelope was put in it and I really don't think she needs to be in it. It's a program that uses Universal Screeners (an assessment test) to determine "at-risk" kids who are struggling with the classwork and is getting behind, determines a level of risk, and puts them in the program at that level. It's not Special Education strickly but pretty much straddles that line. A child with an IEP may not be in the RTI while a student without and IEP is. If they are identified as having a Reading or Math deficit, then they are pulled from certain classes, like Gym or Music for these "Labs." Because they just started this program, instead of screening all the kids, they are basing their eligibility on their prior years state achievement tests - that was taken 5 months ago. Penelope has worked very hard over the past several months and is getting really good grades and comments from everyone. "Completely different person.." "I would never had known she had an IEP based on her work.." "She is so mature..." And she is passed that intial stage that children with RAD go through trying to "charm" their teachers. I'm a little worried about the social implications for her - peer perception as well as missed social interaction in Gym and Music. But she will also miss some of her Language Arts classes. She is doing so well now, but she can't afford to miss that time. Language Arts has always been where she has been behind. Now that she has worked so hard to catch up.. I just don't want her to be in this RTI if she shouldn't be. It's just that because she did poorly on all her OATs, she is in both the Reading and Math Labs, and is pulled out of class 6 times a week.
Another issue with this, the biggest issue for me, is that they already "sold" her on this program because they give out candy, and have a reward system, and told them all how great it was that they were going to be working together. They get special attention and it pulls her out of Gym which she hates because she doesn't like getting sweaty, and now that she isn't friends with Mary, she doesn't want to be in Band anymore. (Those are not good excuses for missing those classes - it's avoidance.) She is alll about the program. She knows I'm concerned about it and questioning whether or not she should be in it. She tries to tell me she only misses like 10 minutes of her classes - but then she "got out late" and missed lunch on Tuesday, and she was telling me how she thought she wouldn't need her instrument for band yesterday but they cancelled the lab. I said "I thought you said that you only miss 10 minutes?" She just looked at me like "huh?" Yeah, thought so. I asked her if the work was easy. She paused looking at me - a good tell that she is about to lie. "Oh no. Actually it's kinda hard." Of course it is. So you need it right? That is my concern. I already believe that she skewed a lot of her test scores last year to make it appear like she needed more help than she did. So she didn't have to do much. She had her one teacher thinking she reads at a 2nd/3rd grade level for crying out loud. (I wonder how many times I keep bring that up - haha) I don't want her to get into that again.
I have contacted her new Intervention Specialist about my concerns. She is helping because she is giving more information about it, but my main concern about how Penelope sees it isn't being addressed. I have been advised, I could tell them to exempt her they'd have to, but that isn't the type of relationship I want to have with the school this year. If I have to, I will but as a last resort. I want her to tell me where I'm wrong, or hear me out on my concerns. Penelope's tutor is aware of the program and is concerned about Penelope being taken out of class as well. She questions whether Penelope should be in the Math section, but is also concerned about the Reading as well. She knows Penelope is still behind in her Reading skills but doesn't feel it warrants being removed from class. Penelope has come a long way and basing it off of old scores is counter-productive for Penelope. My mom feels that Penelope is going to get labeled and get grouped with the bottom kids and have reprocusions of it (like her dad). For her it reminds her of troubles she had with the school with George 35 years ago. But she wanted me to point out that Penelope has been doing a lot of "intervention" work at home with a tutor and other things - which was a very valid point. Schools have a huge responsibility to provide opportunities and successes to their students. Some parents get involved, but too many parents don't. If the child doesn't have the support at home, the school in a lot of ways has to step up as much as they can. But Penelope has a lot of support at home. But her largest concern is the social stigma and reprocussions of that if she is in a program like that. I think it's a bit extreme, especially in a school district like this one, but I think it's something to worry about. She even said maybe if we had Penelope go to her tutor 3 times a week instead of 2. That's how much she doesn't want her in this program.
A lot of this has to do with information - and unless I missed something, the school did a really poor job of explaining it to the parents. I got a letter in the mail in July before the test scores were sent out, that was general to all parents with kids who had low test scores or who teachers thought they'd benefit from RTI, that my child would possibly in a Reading Lab or a Math Lab based on that information. That was basically it. Not explaining how long, how the program works with assessments and for what length of time a child would be in the program - what the program consisted of and what classes they'd miss, when it would start.. nothing. Penelope came home on Monday saying "Guess what?.." and told me how she gets to not go to certain classes anymore etc.. When I told her I didn't like the sound of it, she got mad. So not happy about one sided sales job they did on the students.
But overall, Penelope is working hard to get stronger. If I get the word "Fine!" out of her vocabulary, it will be easier. She is still doing a bit of what I call "Shock Value" statements. For example, I asked if she played with a new friend of hers. She said "No, she was sick today. She has Swine Flu." So I went through the questions with her to make her think about her statement and if it was the right thing to say. The girl was home sick and she assumed it was Swine Flu. She claims other kids were saying it was Swine Flu. Right. She is going to burn that bridge before it's built with that type of talk. Even her one teacher, who she adores, missed school yesterday because she had a family member pass away. Penelope said "She had to go to a funeral because her cousin died of cancer.. or leukemia." I told her that leukemia is cancer and how does she know it's cancer. She said she just figured it was. She really doesn't understand yet how these kinds of statements can be hurtful to people. She is doing it not to be malicious, I know. But because she wants to seem all-knowing. Be in control. Be the boss. I see this struggle in pretty much everything she does. An outsider would see it as inmaturity or an insensitive or mean-spirited child. It's hard not to get frustrated when she does it though. Simply because I don't want someone to have hurt feelings. Until she can get past this hurtful type behavior she is really going to have a hard time making friends. And friends is what she needs most right now.
She did get her school pictures yesterday. I think they look good. She wants her dad to have the biggest one. Of course she does. I told her that everyone was getting a picture. I even said Harriet. She said right away "She gets one of the small ones." I looked at her like "Really?" and she said, "She has a lot of things and she really doesn't have a place to put anything bigger." Right. It's sad she has so much hate in her heart.
Last night she started talking about her dad again. She reminded me that her dad went to school with one of her classmates' mom. Then she brought up her dad's ex-girlfriend Brittany who he had known as kids and ran into when he was living with me during his divorce. Penelope and George were having dinner at a nearby restaurant and ran into her and her daughter. George persued her even though they were friends from the first month - or he claimed anyway. My mom and I told him that Penelope shouldn't meet or hang out with Brittany or any girlfriend until he plans to get married. His second wife had really traumatized Penelope and he started dating Brittany before he was even divorced. But George took Penelope around Brittany anyway behind our backs and then out in the open in defiance. They dated for about 6 months until Brittany got sick of how mean George's family was (based on the crap he told her) and was sick of George not standing up to us (maybe because he fed you lies and didn't tell you that he depends on us?) She didn't come across as someone who brought much to the table herself anyway. One of things that really pissed me off was on their first "official" date, which was a Halloween party, Brittany's mom was going to watch both Penelope and Brittany's daughter. Because her mother is wheelchair bound, Brittany's sister stuck around too. But that night, neither George or Brittany showed up to pick up their kids. They didn't call, were not reachable, nothing. Of course the mom and sister got pissed at Brittany. Penelope was 10 at the time and ended up calling me all quiet.. "Um, Daddy forgot to pick me up and I don't know where I am and they don't want me here anymore and I want to come home..." I had stayed at my parents house that night so I didn't know they didn't come home. Talk about pissed! George's excuse was that he and Brittany drank too much and fell asleep on the couches in her friend's living room. He felt no accountability or regret. He felt Penelope was being a drama queen, that she was fine at Brittany's mom's house regardless that Penelope didn't know these people and that could feel the tension going on from the adults who were pissed and assumed it was at her. That he never called anyone to let them know what was going on. That he put his daughter through this. I found out later that he yelled at her for calling me. She should have called him. "I'm your dad! She is not me!" Anyway, that's part of my first, really long post giving the history of things.
But Penelope, being in her mentality that her dad is just Mr. Wonderful, was talking about how one time they were at a restaurant having dinner and he told Penelope that he was going to wait a whole year this time because of his marriage to Debbie, to ask Brittany to marry him. Penelope and the other daughter talked about all the stuff they'd do as sisters. Even at this moment Penelope is describing it, she gets all hopeful. Again, George had made plans with Penelope to take her behind my back. I asked her "If Dad got married again, is that what you'd want, to go live with him?" She looked at me with wide eyes and said "Well..... I'd have a sister!" She was thinking that Brittany would still be the person George would marry. I told her, "You understand that you are here, with me, permenantly. If Dad gets married, or doesn't get married. You are living with me." She said "I know I'm staying here. This is my home." She didn't sound disappointed. I suspect she still has high hopes for Dad though. It's understandable. I wish she could see him for who he really is, but then I also don't want to see her heart broken either. But it would be real and not this fantasy world she escapes too that only throws roadblocks in her healing.
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