Cutting

I have to remind myself that when Penelope has an event/acting out that is in general is viewed as bad, it could be a good thing. It is Penelope's way of letting me know she needs help.
She is still struggling with my new work schedule. Clingy when I get home. I'm trying to not be irritable after a long day of making a fraction of what I use to make. She doesn't know what a struggle it is nor does she need to. There are people there that push my buttons. I am competition and they like to play mind games. They don't know what's at stake on my end. My house. My sanity. They don't know I spend my lunch hours on my cell taking care of personal things like arranging transportation for Penelope, letting which of my parents is picking her up that day about chores, showers, or whatever Penelope needs to do. Today, after I made my first (microscopic) sale, I spent it on the phone setting up a repayment plan for Jan and Feb's gas and electric bill since it's over 1,000 dollars. That's even with keeping it between 63 and 65 degrees all winter. Yeah... Then emailing the bank my mortgage is through about relooking at my loan modification request with my new employment.
Then getting a call from Penelope's teacher Mrs. Brown about how Penelope was found by another student cutting lines on her legs with her scissors. Why?? Yesterday she seemed in good spirits when I got home. One of the teachers from her Girls on the Run program invited Penelope to go walk/running with her and when I got home she was sprawled out on the front porch red faced from all that effort. Content. Happy. Then today so sad saying she had a nightmare about what she did to her cousins and that she ended up in jail. Then I left, abandoning her. I talked to her for a few minutes and got her calmed and reminded her of all the people that are available to help. I think that having her first trauma therapy session has her thinking even though they didn't talk about anything. She knows why she is there. She wants the help. She seemed sad when I got home but I acted "normal" as her cutting is no big deal - manageable. I can shoulder this for her. It helped her mood. I think she was scared of what I thought. Maybe ashamed even. She has attachment therapy tomorrow so I know it will be discussed and hopefully they can help her process whatever feelings she is having that is causing her to self-injure.