Ms. Pepper

I may have already given Penelope's tutor a name - at least I've been referring to her by her first name - or a pseudo first name. But, around Penelope and when talking about her to family or the school, we always refer to her by her surname. So, Ms. Pepper is Penelope's tutor. I have been corresponding with Ms. Pepper about Penelope's lack of reading but by the end of last week, after basically stopped making any effort to talk to my family, not talking to by twin brother at all, I stopped talking to Ms. Pepper. I know I was overly sensitive but it has been a hard few weeks in a very long dark two years.
Penelope has a standing tutoring session on Saturdays and last Saturday she had a bit of a meltdown. She didn't want to go to Ms. Pepper's because she hadn't done her work for her and she didn't want to face her. Then I said that maybe we need to suspend going to the tutors for a while until she gets back on track. That it's expensive but since she hasn't been doing her work and then doesn't want to go, it's a waste of everyone's time and money. She asks if she'd still get to see her. I said "Oh, probably not. Think about it. She is a busy person and how many times do we see her outside of tutor? Maybe once every few months?" That totally pissed her off and she started yelling at me and ran into her room slamming her door and telling me "You will not talk to me! I don't want to hear you!" and then started throwing objects at the door trashing her room. I told her I was canceling the tutoring session today. I called and left a message on Ms. Pepper's voicemail. She called about 15 minutes after Penelope's session was to start. She hadn't received the message yet. I told her that Penelope was having "not doing well" and we weren't coming. That she was having a meltdown and didn't want to come. She said "Can't you make her?" Now, maybe that shouldn't have pissed me off but it did. I told her "Other than dragging her to the car kicking and screaming - and I'm pretty sure I'm not strong enough, I don't think so." She said "Put her on the phone." She was on the phone with Penelope for all of two minutes and Penelope agreed to go to tutoring. That too pissed me off. Penelope is so easy and agreeable for EVERYONE ELSE. So I drove her over to Ms. Pepper's for the remainder of her 30 minutes. I told Penelope it was interesting that she throws these fits when I try to make her go but Ms. Pepper can get an "ok" out of her with no fighting. When we got there, I was too upset to go inside. When I picked her up, I again didn't go inside but Penelope brought out a note with this month's tutoring fee total on it and a couple sentences about how well she did and to call her. Also, Penelope informed me she only has to read for 20 minutes now instead of 30 minutes. Again, just another demonstration how Penelope does fine for everyone else and I'm the one looking crazy. And that reducing her reading time was to make it easier for Penelope since 30 minutes must be too hard. Whatever conversation Penelope had with Ms. Pepper must have convinced her of that. And Ms. Pepper normally can pick out Penelope's BS. I didn't call her. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to explain how my life sucks right now and Penelope is manipulating everyone.
Monday rolled around and Penelope ended up coming home sick. I sent an email to Ms. Pepper about it because Penelope wouldn't be going to tutor that day but somehow she didn't get it. She called around the time tutor was suppose to happen. I figured to see how Penelope was doing but also because I didn't call her like the note said. I didn't want to talk about it so I let it go to voicemail. Her message mentioned missing the session and needing 24 hour notice in order to not have to pay for it but also worried because we no showed. She obviously didn't get me email but I didn't want to deal with it so I let it go. She called and emailed me a couple of times that week but with everything else, I just stopped talking to Ms. Pepper too.
Penelope was sick most of the week with the a chest cold. She wasn't knocked out sick, but sick enough to stay home. Monday was the worst of it but by Tuesday night I was pretty sure she was going to go to school Wednesday. But, she was determined she needed to be sick Wednesday. She still had enough of a cough I knew she'd be able to get a pass home so I just kept her. She was definitly petitioning to be home all week. Wednesday morning she announced she was too sick to eat anything all day. I made a point to force her to drink juice and water. I told her I was going to go get her homework from school. Around noonish she started asking me when I was going to go get her homework. I told her after school was out it would be ready but that I was going to take a shower first. Around 2pm I went to take a shower and not 2 minutes later she made a point to tell me one of the cats made a mess in the living room. To know that meant as soon as I got into the shower, she got up and was moving around the house. I questioned her later and she admitted she was hungry and was looking for a snack. I pointed out her sneakiness and that she was trying to play that she was sicker than she was. She denied it but it was important she knew I knew the truth. Thursday it wasn't an option. She went to school. When I picked her up from school, I asked how her day went. She said "I had a fever all day. I'm so sick." I got her to admit that she felt bad but that it could be related to the fact she had been in bed for the last three days and didn't move around very much which your body has to adjust to when you get back to a normal routine. Drama! But what kid doesn't try to fake it to some degree. Her advantage is she has learned how to throw up or produce some nasty sounding coughs at will.
The reason I bring up her illness is that she is trying to use it as an excuse for not reading this past week. Her reading skills are our focus right now - and have been for quite some time. It obviously affects all her other subjects and she is behind. She has been reading for 30 minutes/day all summer and for the first 5 weeks of school. But about 2 1/2 weeks ago she stopped. Not completely, but maybe 3 times in that 2 1/2 weeks instead of the 16 times she should have.
I ended up finally emailing Ms. Pepper Thursday knowing I needed to address Penelope and tutoring. Her emails and voicemails pointed to the fact she knew I was depressed and what I was doing. I forwarded my email from Monday that she didn't get and told her how Penelope has been and that I was having other problems and I just didn't want to deal with it and am tired of fighting everyone on everything. We cooresponded a couple of times and it helped a little bit. She was willing to help me anyway she could. I know she means it. As she says "I heart Penelope" - she loves her and they have a special bond. She knows Penelope is hard. But she sees her specialness. Her big heart and her potential for wonderful things.
Even though I was debating taking Penelope out of tutoring as a consequence, I wasn't confident that was going to make the difference. I also knew Ms. Pepper wasn't going to be onboard - she never is when it's about stopping her academic progression. I knew in my heart that we needed to go back to chores at Ms. Pepper's house like Penelope had to do at the beginning of summer. But, like I told her, I just can't afford to pay her to have Penelope do chores. Not like this summer. She offered to have her do both. So today, Penelope had to do a bunch of chores for the time she didn't do her reading - after tutor. Ms. Pepper broke the news to her during the tutoring session and I didn't have to go get her until she was done. So instead of picking her up an hour later, I picked her up 2 1/2 hours later.
When I got there, Penelope looked whipped. She wasn't upset or happy. Just blank. Ms. Pepper was telling her something funny but she just sat their blank like she didn't have the energy to lift the corners of her mouth into a smile. Ms. Pepper told me all that Penelope did and how she didn't need much supervision at all and got it done rather quickly. I asked Penelope why she had to do all that? (since this is all from Ms. Pepper) She said because she hadn't been doing her reading. "Ohhh okay. Hopefully you will start doing your reading so you don't have to learn how to do new chores." She admitted to me later that she felt Ms. Pepper was being mean to her at first but then accepted that she deserved the consequence because she wasn't doing her reading.
When we got home and ate lunch she still looked pretty whipped. After she was done she wanted to take a nap. She took a good hour nap and I swear it reset her! She was chipper and feeling good. She started cleaning her room - not all the way but "tidying it up" as she put it. Good!
We will see. I think she will probably need more chores but it's a beginning. Thanks Ms. Pepper!