Alone

They don't get it. It's so infuriating and depressing at the same time. So my mom calls me this afternoon, acting like nothing is wrong. "How's Penelope?" "The same." The conversation goes on for a while like that. Then she says "I got your email you sent a couple of days ago." She said that she had talked to my dad and he knows I'm mad at him... I told her I wasn't mad at him, I am just.. so discouraged and disappointed. Between him letting Penelope talk to George on the phone and my the situation between me and my twin brother.. and Penelope's constant talking about George, I just feel very alone. Like why am I the only one fighting for her in this family? She took it personal and wanted to know if she has caused any problems. Ugh! I told her that wasn't a conversation I wanted to have. Hell yes she has caused problems. She defends George constantly. She defended my twin brother for feeling the birthday incident. And that's just recently - I could go on.. She then started to go on how her life isn't great either, that she is busy busy busy and the reason she watches the travel shows on tv is because that's how she can travel now.. through the tv. GOD! I should tape her and let her listen to herself! This isn't a f-ing competition who's life sucks worse. She trivializes what I'm going through when she does crap like that and it hurts! Then she said that she thought my dad was going to try to talk to me by now but obviously he hadn't.
Well, she must have talked to him because he called me right when I was about to walk out the door to go pick up Penelope from school. He offered to pick her up because he was in the area. Okay... I said it would be nice for him to check in with her and she has said she missed him. He doesn't see her as often as he probably should being her father figure right now. He takes her to a playground nearby and for ice cream. He drops her off and the three of us talk about school for a little bit. He was asking about grades and test etc. Then he leaves.
Not 3 minutes after he leaves, Penelope comes to me and says "What's wrong?" I said I didn't know what she meant. She said "I know what's wrong. You are depressed. Papaw told me you were depressed." I said "He did??" She said "Yeah, he told me that I need to start being happy and listening and be good so that you can stop being depressed." Brilliant. I've been killing myself with running her to doctor and therapy appointments and medicine and therapudic parenting and research and working with the schools and all the costs associated and all I needed to do was to tell her to start being happy and be good. What an idiot I am.