Soup Kitchen Ends/ update

Well, to try to catch up on what transpired the past couple of weeks. Penelope is off Soup Kitchen. She did her 3 days over the last weekend of August. This is what I wrote in the log I keep for her therapist.

"
Friday 8/27 – Was on time for school. Was exhausted from the week after school. Has been having a little bit of social problems from a bully from the last two years but she seems to be handling it well and claiming the bully isn’t being as much trouble. There is a boy that told her he liked her outfit that she is now smitten with. I asked about him, and she started to describe him but couldn’t. I asked why not? She said "He’s too beautiful too describe." Her behavior was fine but still on Soup Kitchen and only making mediocre effort to get off of it. When I arrived home she was very excited to see me and had just gotten done bathing Grandma’s dogs for money and doing her 30-minute chore. She had scratches and a couple bruises on her arms and legs from washing the dog and was sweaty and wore out. Too tired to read and pick up her room. At bedtime I had a talk with her about maybe taking advantage of the fact she doesn’t have school or anything the next two days and can knock out 2 of the 3 days. She grumbled in response but I left it with that simple statement for her to consider. Talked to my mom about paying for chores and that Penelope could have used bathing the dogs as her 30 minute chore. She had also offered to pay Penelope to go out to a community far away and put up signs as her realtor assistant on Saturday while I was at work.
Saturday 8/28 – In a very good mood. Plans on today being Day 1 towards getting off Soup Kitchen. Grandma told Penelope that instead of paying her she could use today as her 30 minute chore. Except they only put in 1 sign and claim that as 30 minutes! My mom said it was really hard to get in the ground and they had to go get water and everything. So when I asked Penelope "So what all did you do?" She said "I spent 30 minutes putting in a sign…." Aiding and Abetting? I accepted it as I couldn’t question both Penelope and my Mom on the issue. When I met my mom to pick up Penelope from her after I got off work, I heard Penelope being kinda mouthy to my Mom. When Penelope got out of her car, she started to stretch. My mom made a comment to Penelope about hurrying up and getting her things because she was running late. Penelope said "Don’t rush me." Then Penelope must have been sitting on my Mom’s cardigan and instead of apologizing, she told my Mom "You can iron it." When she got in my car, I told her that it’s not acceptable to talk to Grandma like that and she rolled her eyes and said "Whatever…" I said "And it’s not acceptable to bring that into my car as well. ‘Hello. How was your day? I haven’t seen you all day and that’s how you choose to talk to me? Interesting." She then started saying "I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry" and became a little babyish. I told her I don’t want an apology, I just don’t want to see it again. She then said "I was joking. Like ‘Whatever dude!’ haha." I told her I know what I hear and saw. She then said "I was going to ask you for a favor." I said "The answer is no." She started to pout like she was going to cry. I said "I don’t do favors for someone who treats me that way." She apologized again. I changed the subject. But she still wanted to ask the favor. I let her. She wanted to stop at a dollar store (her mother’s favorite place to shop) and spend the money she earned from Grandma. I told her no. She accepted it.
She was able to have all she needed done to have Day 1 done.
Sunday 8/29 – I was home with her alone all day and she was very good and acted of age and normal. She did all she needed to do without prompting and was very proud of her accomplishing Day 2 with what seemed like little effort.
Monday 8/30 – On time for school. Didn’t have her soup thermos. Didn’t know where it is and didn’t seem to care. Gave her a can and a tupperware dish to heat it in with crackers and a drink. Went to the nurse again for headache and stomachache. Her teacher said she believes it’s to avoid class work based on timing. She was assigned a writing assignment to do a one page auto biography in English. She started it but was way below grade level work. It was emailed to me to work with her on it. I forwarded it to her tutor that she saw at 5:30. Penelope struggled with being overwhelmed with what all she had to do with it being Day 3 to get off Soup Kitchen, her writing assignment, math and social studies homework while also not getting home from her day until 7:30. My dad said that she had been working and not goofing off since he picked her up from school. Her tutor told me that during that hour with her, Penelope couldn’t remember the details of her writing assignment to know what was expected and she spent the 1st 30 minutes with Penelope trying to figure it out until she came across a printout of the assignment directions in Penelope’s folder. Then they discussed it and moved on to Math. At which point, Penelope didn’t know what a Histogram is (bar graph) that they learned about in Math class today. Her tutor asked her what were ways she could find out what a Histogram was. Penelope’s response was that her Math book is at home. She is to keep it at home but didn’t have the forethought to bring it with her so she could have it at the tutor’s. Her tutor asked if there were any other ways to find out? Penelope couldn’t think of any. Her tutor felt very frustrated with the lack of problem solving thinking Penelope was portraying when it’s something they have worked really hard on over the past couple of years.
Penelope was still doing homework with I got home at 9pm and seemed very overwhelmed and frazzled. She was sitting at her desk in her room working and looked up at me and said "I’m not going to get it all done and get off Soup Kitchen.. L " I said "I’ve heard how hard you worked today. Today is a skip day. Too much homework to be able to get everything accomplished." But we also discussed when her paper was assigned. I verified with her teacher on Tuesday it wasn’t assigned until Monday due on Tuesday – she apologized saying that it is not normal, it just fell that way in their schedule. I told her I just needed to verify Penelope’s statement to ensure she didn’t lie. A lot was at stake. (Starting back on Day 1 as the paper is really what took up all that time.)
Tuesday 8/31 – DAY 3 COMPLETE – OFF SOUP KITCHEN!!! The only issue we had today is that I was called to school because Penelope had thought her period was over (been on it the past 3 days) and it went through her jeans. Not too bad but she forgot to put her liner in that she is suppose to wear. When I got to school with a change of clothes, she was laying down on the nurse’s bed with a blanket covering her. But she was holding a pad in her hand, and a little boy (probably 5th grader) was sitting in a chair against the wall across from where her feet were. When I came into the room, I was at her feet end and she whipped back the blanket and spread her legs apart so I could see the stain in the crotch of her jeans. "See??" I’m thinking "Yes, and so can this poor little boy right next to me." I looked at her wide eyed and softly said for her eyes/ears only "Penelope! Close them, that boy can see!" We went into the nurse’s bathroom and I reminded her about being discreet. She said I was blocking his view but I pointed out that he can still understand what we were talking about. Something we seriously need to work on.
The deal was, if she gets alllll she needs done before dinner time, she could have dinner with us and we had already agreed Spaghetti was going to be the first regular dinner she can have – at her request. She was done before I arrived home and she was excited and acting fun and silly and HAPPY. There was no babyish stuff either. She did get too full of her self for a minute or two and tried to be a little bossy and I said "Are you TRYING to get back on Soup Kitchen? My goodness! I’d hate to see that!" She said "Oh no no no.. not at all!" and stopped. "

We had therapy the next day and it was interesting to see Penelope in that therapy session compared to the one prior while she was still on Soup Kitchen. She was acting more mature and happier last session, except when she started crying about the fact she hated being on Soup Kitchen, but it was just that, her strong emotion. She understood and handled it well. However, this past session she was all over the place,back to acting much more immature and anxious, not following directions and required a ton of redirection to keep her on task. But she couldn't recall the prior session and how upset she was and how she said she couldn't do what she needed to do to get off Soup Kitchen. It was interested.

Well, that was last week, and I have to tell you, similar to her behavior in therapy as soon as she went off Soup Kitchen her ability to function smoothly, be mature and age appropriate, responsible, and happy, went slowly out the window. Now, we haven't had any meltdowns or aggression at all which was a huge part of why she went on Soup Kitchen. But still, it's frustrating. She has been lying about homework, purposefully forgetting her writing assignment at home two weeks in a row so she can get more time. But then she still doesn't use that extra time because of the same reason she didn't use the time she had before - she just doesn't want to do the work. She hasn't read since she went off Soup Kitchen but maybe 2 days for a total of 20 minutes. And the litter boxes are cleaned here and there. So, I'm thinking about putting her back on Soup Kitchen. I just haven't decided whether that is the right thing.

I haven't written in a while and it's actually been a week since I wrote what's above. Just a lot going on. I haven't put Penelope back on Soup Kitchen. Even though she hasn't been doing her responsibilities consistently, I have determined she is doing her best under the circumstances. She has improved with the baby talking and accepting no for an answer and that is huge for me. I'm not trying to lower my standards for her, just recognizing that in our temporary situation of court and losing my home (which she doesn't know about yet- not until a new place is found) her spending a lot of time with my parents instead of me because of my crazy work hours in a job I hate... How are either one of us suppose to be any better than where we are?
Plus the school year is still in it's infancy and her one attachment therapist left the agency. Just a lot going on.
Her positives fortunately are that she likes all her teachers, she met a new classmate who she has already made plans to go trick-or-treating with on Halloween, and the bully from the last couple of years has lost her conviction and Penelope is back to being friends with her old BFF Megan.
I'm very happy for her.
She has these roots that we've built in our community that continue to get stronger. The last thing I want to do to her is take away these positives in her life and it is stressing me out.I can't afford much at all where I'm working now. I do miss hours here and there for therapy and court and I keep getting sick because of all the stress so that makes my check worse because there are no paid time off for sick days or holidays. The summary is I need to get a better job. But I fear what is going to happen there with all that is going on at home. I do know that when we get a new place and can continue our roots there, things will get easier for both of us. The last day of my short sale status with the bank is the 18th of this month which is when I have to surrender my house to prevent true foreclosure. This way they won't go after me for my mortgage debt, not that my credit will benefit but I'm just thankful that I won't have the debt. We have to be out by the inspection date which will be scheduled the first week of October. There is a lot to do in a short span because I can't start packing until Penelope knows, and she can't know until we have a new place to tell her about.
I really don't want to sign a lease for a whole year on a 1 bedroom apartment in our community but that is all I can afford. I tried to look into if we could pay tuition temporarily until I can afford a two bedroom. Mrs. Brown referred me to the Public Information Officer in our district. It took a bit to get a hold of her but I told her a little of our story and how I had heard a couple of years ago that tuition from out of district families was being considered. I told her I would just want to do it temporarily because we have full intentions of living there, just rather not sign a lease on a 1 bedroom when it would be better to have a two bedroom for her special needs. I asked if it was something that is an option and if so, how much is it. She said she'd have to ask the Superintendent as she didn't know the answer. But she kept asking me where we were living now. I told her that I still have my home on the street in the district but she wanted to know where we were staying. I told her that we had been staying at my parents over the summer because of the additional help I need with Penelope and it was an opportunity for me to not have them drive to me all the time. She said that Penelope's ability to attend school there is based on "residency." Okay, we have a residence. But that's not what she meant. So she called me back at the end of last week and told me that the Superintendent said that she can't make an exception for me because she'd have to for everyone. Huh? Exception? She went on to say that it's based on residency and even if it was an option, they calculated it to be $50 per day- about $10,000 per year. I told her that it was too much even if it was an option and thanked her for asking (even though I was only asking if it was an option not for an exception) and that now I know I need to move forward with the apartment. I just wanted to know all my options. I was trying to be nice but she was starting to piss me off. Her tone was so condicending and judgmental. She kept saying she felt bad for not having good news for me but in the same breath said she didn't know what my options are (I just told her!) and kept asking about where we were living. I told her we were already transitioning back from the summer. Geesh! THEN she tells me that she will be calling Penelope's school to let them know that I will be submitting a change in residency by the end of the month. She would be calling the guidance counselor who I don't care for by the way. But what the heck? I told her that I've talked to her teacher already and if she remembers, that's how I got her name. I plan on letting them know where our new place is as soon as I get it. I told her I have no intention of not doing the right thing. I would never do that or ask that of Penelope. She said "That's good" but that she was going to just give them the heads up to be expecting it. whatever! I started to get upset because I'd hate to see Molly find out this way after what happened two years ago when I quit my job but she wasn't suppose to know but they told her anyway. I asked for confidentiality as I've had problems in the past with that in that school. My next door neighbor is the school secretary. Her response to that she would call the principal then.

So last week I started looking for 1 bedroom apartments available. I figured that I could put Penelope in the bedroom with an alarm on her door and I would make the living room into my room. Maybe depending on how big the living room is, I could split it. I found one on craigslist for $600/month. I drove around on my lunch breaks looking for "For Rent" signs. I found the one online as well as a bunch of others. They were all old buildings on the outskirts that border bad areas. Depressing. I called my mom and told her what I found. She was planning on heading that way to search the area too. I emailed her the phone numbers and locations. Shortly after I got back to work she called me. She informed me that her and my Dad had talked and decided that they wanted Penelope and I to have a 2 bedroom. I was so relieved and grateful that I started to cry. They know they will only need to help until I get a new job. My mom jokingly said "For my birthday, I want you to have a new job." Her birthday is the 21st. I said "For my birthday too." Mine is the 20th.
So we determined there are 3 apartments in the district that are 2 bedrooms and available. Quickly we learn that 1 is already taken. We scheduled a walk through on another and it's an old dump and so not safe for Penelope. And the last one, we've called numerous times with no return calls. Ugh! And it's on the top of my list. Location - it's 2 doors down from one of Penelope's dearest friends which would be a huge selling point for her, it's second story- so no sneaking out windows, outside looks nice and recorded message makes it sound nice- newly renovated, hardwood floors, 9 ft ceilings, kitchen with bar counter and stools, living room, dining room, bath, large bedrooms, a solarium and balcony. A washer/dryer hook up in the basement. Nice right? She won't return our calls! I suspect she has rented the place out already but then why still have the sign and recording? Running out of options. Then we found one that just went on the market and my Dad and I went and looked at it. Perfect EXCEPT the owner wanted $150 a month more than the others. Plus no heat and/or water included. My mom found it because they are selling the whole 2 family, and they live in the other side. They had the rent listed on the MLS as $100 less than what they are renting it out for now. The man said he had it at that rate for too long. My dad asked him to consider leaving the monthly rate as it was if we paid like 6 months in advance. He said he would consider it but when we parted it didn't seem like he was going too. It was easy to like but I'm at a point I need something. So I am going to start looking at 1 bedrooms again. I need to do something soon! I'm under so much stress right now, my feet are swollen, my head hurts, and I clench my teeth so hard in my sleep that I clang them together when I talk and it hurts. I need relief.
Monday is court. Hopefully the last day of it. That stresses me out too. No idea how the assessment went. Don't think my brother will be there but he may have a last minute change of heart. Would not be good for Penelope as even if he shows, there still is no case but it could be drug out even longer. We will see.