Charges Dismissed

So yesterday was the big court day that was going to let us know what direction we were going with this trial. There were three main options. 1) Penelope found competent and the trail move forward, 2) Penelope found non-competent again and the charges dismissed, or 3) Penelope found non-competent, my brother show up for the proceedings and announce his wishes that Penelope be prosecuted. She was found non-competent and my brother told our Dad that he would not be going to the hearing simply because he doesn't want to be in the same room as Penelope. He never wants to see her again.




Some might think I would be jumping for joy. If you know the story, you would understand why I am not. Yesterday was a very emotional day for me and not a happy one. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad the charges are dismissed. Not because I think she doesn't deserve to be charged, but because the system doesn't work in a way that would punish Penelope in a way that would help her. It's been 9 months since the offense, and we still hadn't even got to the charges yet. Penelope, and the whole family including my brother and his family have been in this monthly cycle of starting to heal and then a monthly hearing comes up and the wound is re-opened. It's going to take a long time for these wounds to heal, if they ever do. Our family is broken. I don't necessarily agree with my brother about where Penelope is mentally. But I do not judge him or think less of him for having the opinion he has.




Yesterday was a day of mourning in my eyes and heart. It was the funeral, the event that marks the demise of our family - as it was. It has been dying for a while now. But there was hope for recovery. George isn't permitted to see Penelope but that is temporary. Once there were a great deal of healing, the family would be reunited - not perfect by any means. What's been done has been done, but healing. We are suppose to forgive George for what he did to Penelope - I struggle with this everyday. Because I struggle with that, I can't think less of how my twin brother stuggles with forgiveness for Penelope. I also am feeling so much sadness for my brother and all his conflicted emotions he is dealing with and how it hurts his heart. Family is so important to him and now his is so damaged. And he carries around so much guilt, so much regret and hate and an overall feeling of being a failure. He failed as a father and a husband. Too much burden to carry. We try to have a good relationship still but it's hard. Penelope needs me so much and with my hours, everybit counts for her. I try to see my niece and nephew but it's so hard. Even with this, we still try. We try to talk at least once a week but what do we talk about? I don't talk to George unless it's necessary. He calls me more than anything and ususally it's to complain about his insurance, workers' comp claim, or wrongful termination suit. I really don't care. My poor parents. They are both so done with Penelope and I. Mostly Penelope. They love her very much but my Mom has never been good with her. She either yells and lectures her or buys her things. She even has resorted to paying her to be good. My father tries and usually does well, but his level of frustration with her is reaching it's limit. Part of it is that he gets mad at my mom for not helping out more with picking her up from school and taking her to appointments. She will flat out say "I don't want to." Then he vents in front of Penelope and yesterday, the day of court for her, he made a comment that was about my mom but also let her know how much of a burden she is. When she is being difficult, he makes comments to me like "This isn't working. We are going to have to find a long term solution for her." I ask him "What's that suppose to mean?" He says "I don't know..." What he means is he is done and is ready to either pack her up for her dad's or find a residential facility. It can get bad but the littler things trigger that reaction for him too now. His tolerance is about gone. I know that he is looking forward us to move out. Trust me, I am too. I don't want to be such a burden on them. But I also need my parents, especially my dad - for the long haul and this is too in their face for them. I'm losing them too.