As you know from an earlier post, Penelope has been struggling with letting go of control. I debated putting her back on Soup Kitchen but feel like any behavior modification method like that will continue to last only as long as it's in place, as long as she continues to be with my parents as much as we are in this temporary situation. Even with that I still want to hold her accountable for her actions but it's grown into a constant cycle of - poor decision -> consequence. With my stress level and my own emotional struggles it's been hard to be "Happy Mom =D" and come up with fun things to do and spend quality time with Penelope. I know I need to and I've started doing small things with her like reading a chapter a night from a book she likes. I want to do something with her this weekend that is fun, maybe take her bowling. Anyway, she is constantly testing her boundaries at school and at home but fluctuates from mild to moderate, mostly moderate - but not severe so somewhat manageable for the time being. She follows rules until they are an inconvienence. Then it's "But I wanted to....!" and you tell her something and she says "No it isn't!" Because she knows better than I do on this issue? I'll ask her that too. She will reign herself in with those obvious questions. And she gets irritated easily and it's lots of huffs and "Fine!" and "Yes!" and I'll say "Can you say 'Yes' saracastically now" and she will say "Yes" in a normal tone and I'll just laugh. The lies.. oh my. It's contant and consistant. Especially at school. Her mountain she made out of the lies related to classwork/homework finally came to a head and she had a great deal of making up to do. We've been there before but it's been a while. She had shut down finding anything and everything to do except what she was suppose to, lying about "forgetting" her homework at home while at home she said she "forgot" it at school. The tardys started to add up and she finally got the detention she needed. The Asst. Principal called her in to give it to her and it was suppose to be served on Tuesday - but she told him she had therapy on Tuesday. LIE. He said "Okay then, Thursday." She said "I have therapy then too." That is true. He tells her to have me contact him to find out when she can serve her detention. She doesn't tell me until the next night. I get a call from him the following morning telling me how Penelope has therapy on Tuesday and Thursday and...- believing what she had told him. After he stopped talking I told him the truth.
Her therapy is on Wednesdays and Thursdays and she knows that. He said that detentions are held on Tuesdays and Thursdays and we both agreed this was obvious attempt to get out of detention. But they also have Friday Study which is longer than detention so worse. I said that she can serve it then. He said he'd be talking to her about her lie. Now she claims he never did but I doubt that. Then later that day I received a call from the school nurse because Penelope spotted her shorts from being on her period and needed a change of clothes. My dad had to bring them to her but while he was on his way, I received another call from the nurse stating that Penelope was feeling hot so she took her temperature and she has a 100.9 degree temp and that she will need to be picked up instead. About two hours later I get a call from Penelope at home letting me know that she layed down for a half hour and that Papaw took her temperature and it's normal now. She said "I know what it is. It happens every year around this time. It's allergies. I get since for a couple of hours with a fever and then it goes completely away. It's so wierd! But I feel completely fine now! Can I go play with the neighbor?" Seriously? No. I tell her no and why and she starts crying and getting angry and telling how mean I am and that I never do anything for her. Everything I do is for me. This really upset my Dad who overheard the conversation and got on the phone and told me he'd handle it. My parting words were "Calm her down first before you address the issue." About an hour later I get a call on the house line from Penelope using her baby-talk. She first apologized for yelling at me. Then she went into how Papaw yelled at her and was being mean. Typically I wouldn't allow this type of talk but she also talked about how she was feeling - like everything is her fault (she claims Papaw told her everything is her fault which I don't believe but can see him say something similar with all the stress he's been under with her and I). He even accused her of tricking the nurse into thinking she has a fever. It is strange that she had a fever for a short time with no other symptoms. But overall she felt genuinely hurt by her Papaw. I told her that Papaw loves her very much and is upset with her because he loves her and has seen her make better decisions for herself. I know he is getting beyond his limits. It doesn't help that Penelope had to stay home with Papaw for 24 hours due to this phantom fever. I called the nurse and told her how she was fine and also that she really didn't spot her shorts. We agreed that the best thing to do now is for the nurse to check her. I told her "You have to validate everything she says. Don't take her word for it." We agreed that her temperature must have been from either a hormone fluctuation or her not drinking enough water. It was super hot. Papaw had her due some chore therapy. When I got home the next day she was happily mopping his garage floor.
Unbeknownst to Penelope, I've been trying to find our new home. The deadline to be out of our house was October 1st. I'm surrendering it to the bank so it doesn't foreclose. Originally a month ago I started looking for a one bedroom apartment figuring that I could convert the living room into my room so Penelope had a door with an alarm on it. I found several dumpy looking 4 families in not so great areas of the school district I want to stay in. But I've learned that legally, no one is allowed to rent to us a one bedroom apartment. My parents talked and said they'd help me get a two bedroom! I cried when my mom told me. I am so blessed to have them. We set up showings for this one apartment building. It sounded nice. Large rooms, hardwood floors, tall ceilings. This little old man owns the building and shows up the place. OMG what a dump! My crappy old apartment in college was nicer than this place. It was filthy, the windows were desperately needing to be replaced and the plaster walls needed a lot of work and repair. Most importantly, there was no way Penelope would feel safe there with all her paranoia. And I look at every apartment with the "can she climb out her window" criteria and at this place, the answer is "easily." There were two apartments on the market. One we found out the next day was taken. The other one the woman on the voicemail wouldn't call us back! My mother called and left a couple message along with my couple of messages. NOT Looking good. Very stressed, very depressed, feeling very guilty for not being able to "hack" my career with Penelope's needs. Then there was a duplex that came on the market with two bedrooms. My dad and I went and looked at it. It was great! A few cons but would work great. Had a private basement with own washer/dryer and a room to be Penelope's playroom. Only 1 bathroom but nice galley kitchen. Then found out it was $150 more than we wanted to spend a month. UGH! My area is about 20%+ higher valued due to the schools. My dad tried to negotiate with him with 6 months in advance (whatwhat?) but the man said he'd have to think about it. I fell in love with the place. It was very clean and had new windows so the utilities would be reasonable. The 1st level with the living room, dining room, and kitchen was all hardwood floors. Penelope would feel safe in her room adjacent to mine. A week goes by and nothing. My dad calls to see if the man had made up his mind. Also, the topic of cats. THREE to speak of. Didn't come up when we were there when the money topic came up. The man said I could have my cats! I was sweating this because I really wanted this place. The man had to discuss it with his wife as my Dad offered to pay another 6 months in advance after 6 months. Then a couple of days later the man called and said that his wife didn't want to have cats in the house. So that ended that...
My Mom who is a realtor started looking at condos for sale to see if anyone would do a lease to own or land contract with me. We found this one that was beautiful! The kitchen and bathrooms were so updated and the bedrooms were huge. It was on the second floor and I felt that Penelope would have felt safe there. It was in the same price range as if we were renting a two bedroom, taking into consideration HOA fees. The issue was I needed to be out by October 1st and could they be out by then? It was like 2 weeks away. They had a LOT of stuff. A teenager and new baby in this 2 bedroom condo. Oh yeah, need to know if their HOA allows cats but seriously, why wouldn't it? You own your condo. We find out the HOA doesn't allow ANY pets. Seriously?? So my Mom sets up an appointment with this apartment complex, the only commercial complex in the whole "city" that I live in. It's huge and would work except they will only take 2 of the 3 cats. It's very cold and commerical though. And the kitchen and bathrooms were sooo dated and warn - but would work. Ugh.
We decided to look at one last condo. It's one we have seen but from the pictures and everything, it didn't look like much. If we decided we didn't like it, we were going to go with the apartment and maybe sneak the last cat in, I don't know. The condo turned out to be wonderful! Yes there were things dated about it, plus the woman that lives there painted flowers all over the bathroom walls and her bedroom, but it has so much great potential. It has a room that would be a perfect home office right off a nice size entry with a large "closet" perfect for the cats with it's own window! She keeps her cat's things in there herself. The home office is stated as the dining room so it's not like it's small and it has double doors that lead into it. Perfect for my plan of starting my own consulting business that someone is going to help me do - but that's for a later post. Then there is a living room AND family room. The living room would be the perfect dining room instead with a fireplace and a (dated) wet bar nook. The living room is large with a long balcony with large double doors on it. Penelope would have her own full bath that has a wall between the vanity and tub shower and toilet. The vanity cabinet has all these little drawers in it that she will love with a place to put a vanity stool. Then the Master bedroom is huge! with 2 storage closets and a large walk-in off a vanity area. Then the tub shower and toilet is a seperate room adjacent. The floor plan is high end in my opinion. Things just need updating but that's okay! The thing that totally sold me is that Penelope's room has a full wall of closets with built in shelves for all her things AND the ceiling has a white on white wall paper that is end to end stars.
The room looks small but it's not. It's 14 x 12 feet big. Both her twin beds, her dresser and tall bookshelf, her Papazan chair and night stand will fit fine.I picture taking her into her room with her eyes closed and making her lay flat on the floor looking up, then having her open her eyes. I think she will love it.
I hope so because it's going to be hard enough.
We asked if she'd be willing to do a lease or land contract. She wasn't interested because she's moving to Mexico. My AWESOME parents said they'd go ahead and buy it. That it would be better than throwing money away in rent and then after a couple of years, I can buy it from them when I repair my credit. My dad joked that he is willing to do anything to get us out of the house. We told the seller's agent we wanted to put an offer in but wanted to get a pre-approval first. When my mom talked to one of her mortgage broker she knows, the issue became that the banks want at least 10% down. That is a lot of money! They were only planning on putting 5% down. Somewhere during that day my mom had talked to my dad and told me that they weren't able to do it. I was so disappointed but understood. They do sooo much for me as it is. When I got home that evening, I was visably disappointed but they knew I understood. My mom said to my dad right in front of me, "They need 10% down, can we do it?" He said "Heck, we have $ in savings, so I guess we can." and walked out to the porch. I stood there stunned looking at my mom. She just made a "There is hope yet!" expression. I started to tear up. I had this overwelming urge to hug my Dad and thank him. I followed him out the porch and came up behind his chair and hugged his neck and started crying thanking him. He started crying too. He tried to lighten the moment by joking that my twin brother will want him to buy his house now. I ignored him and thanked him again. I had to walk to the side to collect myself before I could go back in the house because Penelope was there. I went straight to the bathroom to make sure because she always calls me out when I look like I've been crying. She wants to know what's wrong and gets pretty assertive about it. The next day my mom finds out that the problem now is that they already own a home nearby and it would be considered investment property. Investment property requires a 25% down payment. Now, this amount is impossible. UGH! Another mortgage broker tells her to try to make it so they are moving to this condo and leasing their house to me. So she tries that and it works! But now my parents will be moving with us for the time being, or we are going to have some kind of arrangement. My mom stays with us alot as it is to help out so it's not that big of a stretch. But we found out last night that the contract and it's timeframe has been accepted! Now, just have to figure out when to tell Penelope. My mom wants me to wait until the loan goes through, just because in this market she has seen it happen too often - but usually because the buyers hide something or do something stupid like go buy a car during the process throwing off their income to debt ratio and credit score.
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