Police Investigation... and then some.

Monday-
My dad told me that when we reported it, it needed to be in the jurisdiction of where the crime occurred. I'm sure he was thrilled that the knowledge he obtained through his 30 years of police work came to use this weekend. He recommended that I call in advance and give them a heads up. So I called this morning and gave a bunch of information to a police officer. He said that I would need to bring her in but they have someone who handles these types of crimes and he would call to let us know when to come in. I called my dad to let him know where it stood. He offered to come with us. I couldn't speak so he took that as me taking him up on his offer.
I knew this was going to be a very trying day, and the plan was not to tell Penelope anything until it was about to happen. But also give her time to process it. She didn't know she wasn't going to school today. She woke up before I had a chance to go in her room and wake up. She thought she was late for school. I informed her "You are not going to school today." She got mad "I'm not going to get to go to school?! But I want to go to school!" I said "You will get to go to school. Just not today." She then said "So now I don't get to go to school. I thought I was suppose to get an education. I guess I'm going to not get the education I'm suppose to get." I didn't respond to her obvious attempt at trying to make me feel bad - for what.. overreacting? She doesn't get it. I had her take a shower, which she sang in, and get dressed. I told her we had places to go. I needed to do some other things today so to say that, isn't off mark, but I really didn't have a clue as to when or for how long or what was going to happen when we went to the police station.
I received a call from the police to come in so I had her get in the car. She didn't ask where we were going until we were halfway there. I told her "We are meeting Papaw and going to the Police Station." She got pretty upset needless to say. She started wailing and saying "I don't want to go to the Police Station! You can't make me! I won't do it! I won't get out of the car. You hate me! Why are you making me do this?! You don't love me. You are going to be in so much trouble for doing this to me! I'm never going to see you again! I'm never going to see my cats again!" I honestly didn't know if she was going to go to jail or not, but I told her that I didn't think she was going to go to jail. That her papaw and I were going to be there for her and that whatever happens, she will be okay. I told her that I brought her blankie and her bunny to help her feel better and she could get it in the back seat. It did help her calm down. Honestly, she ranted for maybe 3 minutes, then her angry cries seemed forced and she just eventually stopped and accepted what was happening. Thank goodness because during those 3 minutes I was seriously afraid she was going to jump out the car going down the expressway at 65 mph.
We picked up Papaw about a mile from the Police Station and went in. After about 20 minutes we met with the Police Detective who was assigned the case. He handles the sex crimes for this smaller city that my brother lives in. He put me in one room and Penelope and my dad in another room. He met with me first, and he asked "Do you know what your brother wants? Does he want her to serve jail time, have her charged, or what?" That took me back. I said "I don't know exactly that. He told me that he wants it documented or reported in case their son starts acting out." He asked if Penelope was scared. I said "Yes, she thinks she is going to jail." He said, "That's not going to happen, I will let her know that so she doesn't worry about that." He asked me to write down what I know and gave me some forms and a pen. I wrote down what happened, and so did Penelope. Once we both were done, he took me back to a different room, away from Penelope's, I believe so that there was no chance of her hearing what we discussed. The detectives asked about Penelope's sexual abuse and about the boy that abused her. I really don't know much about the boy and I did ask George at the time to get more information about the boy when Penelope made the allegation, but he only knew the general area of where his family lived and didn't make any effort to find out any more than that. I asked him again to try, now with what has happened and that the police want to pursue a case against him and he feels that the police should be able to figure it out themselves. Isn't that nice.
The Detective also asked me about my guardianship and why I have guardianship. I told him that our family knew that both her parents were crap but not to the extent we know now. But we had concerns about Penelope's well-being after some signs of her lack of development, the transient lifestyle, and after Harriet had called Children Services on him for the condition of his home, and learning how truely awful it was - and that in it's total awfulness, it exceeded the standards established by Children Services. But specifically seeing Penelope's room in the condition it was in, where the foot of the bed was on the floor - linens infested with fleas from all the farm cats that went in and out of the house. It was obvious from the condition of her room that she hadn't slept in there in a long time. She was sleeping with her father. I asked for guardianship from Penelope's parents to try to provide her a more stable home environment and a better education. I told the detective how after Harriet left, that what has been perceived in therapy as her and her father's emotionally incestuous relationship. He wanted me to write that into the statement as well. I told him that Penelope has endured a lot of abuse and has been in treatment for quite some time and has been diagnosed with a slew of disorders. I really thought she was healthier than this. No one in our family thought she would do something like this.
He said that he had already called the prosecutor's office and it will go one of two ways. Penelope will have criminal charges against her and be arrested, but won't serve any jail time. But would have to go to court. Or, which is what he is going to recommend, be referred to Children Services for treatment, along with the victim.
During this process, he was called out of the room because of another case that came in the door. He left what Penelope had written down on the table. I looked at it, and there were things on it - detail, that she didn't share with me, but was so disturbing in that it really shows how manipulative and controlling the whole act was.
After we were done there, we went home and I told her to clean her room - something I could get her to do over the last two months. She said "Why do I have to clean my room." I said "Because it's dirty - do you need more reason than that?" She was really asking if it was punishment, but by my tone she knew to do it regardless.
She went to her tutor after that, then when we got home, bedtime was about 1 1/2 hours early.
Am I using my love & logic parenting methods? No. Should I? Probably. Am I worried about it, not really. I'm tired. I'm so tired to my core. I have made so many sacrifices - and for what? Do I think I've helped her, sure. But is it really enough? Am I capable of doing this? This is the first real time I've concidered packing up her shit and sending her back to her father's. But I know that it would ruin her. They won't let her go to him. My mom said she'd take her but there is no way she can do it. She will end up in the system. But she is heading in that direction anyway. I think of my niece and nephew - 3 and 5. They are made of pure love and happiness. I love them with all my heart and they have lost their innocence. It rips my heart out. And my twin brother - I am just so sorry. He is and has been my best friend our entire lives and he is so devistated. Then today, he is layed off from his job. So he now has that too worry about too.
During all this, I recieved a call from both Penelope's therapist, and Mrs. Brown from school. I checked the message from the therapist, because we were trying to get in sooner than later into to see them, but unfortunetly, they have no available time before our scheduled appointment on Thursday but to call if I need to talk. I called but got voicemail and just told her we reported the incident like she told me to. I called Mrs. Brown back. She was concerned what was going on - when I called Penelope in sick this morning, the attendance officer could tell I was upset, since I pretty much am crying constantly these days. She told the guidance counselor that there was something up who had called Mrs. Brown several times today to find out if she had talked to me. I told her in confidence what happened in general. She was supportive but felt compelled to tell the Principal - concerned about the safety of other students and he would know what to do, if anything. I can understand that, but I talked about confidentiality. She understood. She called the Principal and called me back. He doesn't know what to do and wanted to talk to the Director of Special Services, as she would know what to do. But they wanted me to keep Penelope home until they figured that out. Just a day. Understandable - but a little alarming. But then she tells me that the Principal told her that she has an obligation to report what I told her to Children Services. I didn't want this - it's already being handled by the police. I told her that - suggested she call the police detective to verify that he is doing it. She said she would ask if that would be okay. I didn't hear back quickly so I emailed her asking her to let me know what is decided.
Tuesday -
I didn't sleep well so I slept in later than planned. Woke up to a phone call from Mrs. Brown around 8:30. She said that they were going to have a meeting at 12:45 to discuss what additional supervision or changes need to be made for Penelope to be able to come back. At the meeting was going to be 4 of her teachers, the guidance counselor and the Principal. She assured me that it would stay within this (growing) "team." She then tells me that she had called the detective and he told her that he hadn't had a chance to call and asked her to do it for him. So she called the child abuse hotline and reported what I told her. She read to me what she told them, which on a couple of accounts was inaccurate. She doesn't read that she alerted them that I had already reported it to the police but when I asked, she said she did report it. She said that she needed more information, like my brother's address and the names of my niece and nephew. I don't feel comfortable with this. I know she cares a lot for Penelope but this is such a private matter and she is her teacher and a part of the school. It is none of her business their address or those kids names. I tell her that I can call and tell them. She said that he wanted her to get it and call him back. This is really upsetting. She tells me that the police detective told her that if Child Services doesn't require therapy for Penelope, they would have to force them by arresting Penelope but "we promise not to use handcuffs." What the hell?! I was done discussing this. I hung up. I sobbed. This isn't an exciting perdiciment to be a party to. I was so pissed. Why would the detective tell her this? Why is Child Services asking the school to get confidential information? Why is her teacher so compelled to cross a line of such sensitive information? Am I being too touchy about this? I don't think so.
I called the intake person at Children Services. I give him the information he needs and I told him that I didn't want to share this information with the school and I wanted to call him. He didn't seem to care about confidentiality and just said "Oh, okay." He took the additional information and told me that the way this worked is that the information would be passed on to an investigator who would decide whether they would open a case - which he felt like they would. Once that happens, he would call me with the assigned investigator's contact information. The investigator would contact me and that I will be investigated to determine if I am a fit parent for Penelope and am providing her what she needs. Great...
You may have read in past posts were I am just so tired of defending what I am doing for Penelope. People do not understand Reactive Attachment Disorder. I would hope that Children Services would - being that this disorder is a direct result of the abuse of a child 0 -3 years old. But you would think there would be more people in the foster system who were aware of it too. But I have to remember how low their standards are. But I forsee a bunch of services we will have to endure.. and you know, maybe they are what Penelope needs. But then it makes me wonder what Penelope's ATs are suppose to be doing? They know everything I know about Penelope's history. Was this something to be wary of? What should we be doing to work on Penelope's trauma? I just don't know what to think anymore. I am so beside myself.
I called the Detective, concerned about what Mrs. Brown told me about arresting Penelope. It sounded like maybe he heard back from the prosecutor and they want to press charges if Children Services doesn't act on the issue. He said he hadn't heard from the prosecutor. I told him what Mrs. Brown said, and he said that it was taken out of context, and told her what he had told me about the two options the prosecutor has. I told him I was concerned about sharing of information and told him that she said he told her to call Children Services for him but they wanted her to get information about my brother and his kids. He said he never said any such thing, but that she is obligated to call, and so is he so they were both going to call and he was very defensive about any implication that he was passing on to someone else part of his job as well as any possible interference in his investigation by obtaining sensitive information. I just warned him that I am gathering the school isn't familiar with this situation and doesn't have a protocol on how to handle it. I told him about the meeting and my concerns of confidentiality and how they didn't allow her to go to school today because they don't know what to do with her. He didn't understand this, regardless how small the school is, or how affluent the community is. I told him I understood that they want to be cautious but if they don't allow her back to school tomorrow I don't know what I am going to do but I'm going to have a problem with them. He said to let him know how the meeting goes and he would help in any way if it becomes that but hopefully it doesn't.
I went to the meeting and was running late because of my phone call with the Detective. I got there and Mrs. Brown gave me a hug right off the bat. I know she cares and everything is coming from the heart. I just feel like there was a line crossed. Maybe I need to not share as much as I do with her. Maybe she is too involved. I know she just wants to help - I just want the pain to stop. I want to stop thinking. I want to live in that couple of minutes after I first wake up when I forgot what has happened.
We went and sat down in her classroom. They were going over Penelope's IEP and talked about the goal set for her behavior - and basically how she has been successful at meeting it. Besides a couple issues that were handled appropriately, she acts... I said "like a normal well behaved kid?" And they all agreed. Was this a wake up call for them? I mean, I am glad that they don't have to deal with her illness too much as school, but I've been saying this for the last two years. Don't let your guard down. She will win your trust over 10 fold, but it doesn't mean she is trustworthy. I remember in the beginning of the year, I had a conversation with Mrs. Brown about how Penelope "fakes it" at school, and I want to make sure she understands not to allow her to have freedoms or control over other students. She felt that Penelope wasn't faking it but "coping better." I guess it's how you look at it. I do agree she is coping better, but she is still sick. I just really didn't know how sick she still was. I really felt like she was past this point in her healing. She was winning the battle with her compulsion to control others. I know this incident was a wake up call for a few people in our family as to how sick she really is. Not that I would ever tell my twin brother this because of what he is going through, but over the last several months he has really been coming down on me about how restrictive I am with Penelope and tells me I "hover" calling me a helicopter mom and things like that. That I need to let her do more things and spend more time with her dad. That she will be okay. My dad has felt similiar but knows better than to question me. This has been a real wake up call for George to the extent of Penelope's illness - though I'm pretty sure he feels no fault for it. He told me today "You did all the right things."
The teachers wanted to know if they should be doing anything different, that it seems she is really just holding her emotions in, avoiding them instead of processing them. I told them the way I see it is that there are two parts: the part that is her history and trauma and then the way she allows it to affect her behavior an decisions. If she is functioning, doing her work, participating and following the rules, then that is all you should expect at school. Dealing with her past and trauma is something else. Teaching her to avoid situations to protect herself is the right thing to do, but she needs to learn the line between that and just shutting it all in - and that's something we will have to work on as part of her therapy. But I am too concerned about her actual level of sanity, even though she appears "normal." Wait to they get her back tomorrow. She doesn't appear normal anymore. To me, she's kind of manic right now.
It was decided to make a list of things to keep an eye out for. I really don't remember what those things are because I really don't know what they should be looking for that is different than what they should be looking for anyway - I think it includes when she feels bullied, when she seems removed and quiet, to listen to conversations about boys or anyone in particular she may be focusing on. She tends to talk about what she has on her mind and can tip you to something she has planned. I really don't think anything is going to happen where she is going to try to force herself on someone. I told them that my concern with her is her putting herself in a position to have sexual contact with an interested boy. That is my real concern - has been and still is.
I think things will be okay at school - once Penelope gets back into her routine. Which unfortunetly won't be soon. We have therapy on Thursday and it's suppose to snow so we will be pulling her out early for that. Then Friday, the Detective set up Penelope's first meeting with the child sexual abuse specialists for early afternoon so she will miss school that day too. And that's just this week. I'm sure there will be other things.
I did talk to my twin brother today but only for a minute. He was running around his house trying to straighten up. He had gotten a call from both the Detective and Children Services. He had to go to the Police Station to meet with the Detective and then right after that Children Services was going to be at his house to interview his children. He told me he was going to call me afterward and let me know how it went. Two hours after the beginning of the appointment, I called him since I hadn't heard anything and he didn't answer. He usually calls back when he can but he didn't. I really hope things went okay.