School and Court

First, let me write quickly (yeah right, me?) about how Soup Kitchen and having her toys locked up and having her own bedroom are going. Friday she started to really feel the pain and begged a bit for regular food. We talked about what it will take to get off of Soup Kitchen. She admitted to having hid food in her closet to supplement her soup meals. But it had run out and now she is really hungry. Too bad. But this was after finding her hiding in my room/office. The window steps out onto a roof. The cats had figured out how to knock the screen out and I found them one morning when we had turned the A/C off, walking around on the roof. Penelope said she was planning on going out onto the roof.... to think.. then relized she may fall off of the roof. I am not sure what she had going on in her mind. We fixed the screen and window so this is not an option.
Saturday, it came to a head. Penelope only had a little bit of soup for breakfast and lunch and after an entire day of doing nothing but play by herself and avoid the family or do any of her responsibilities, she felt sick to her stomach. When I got home from work, she didn't come out of her hole to greet me like she ALWAYS does. I made a point to not seek her out. I knew something was up. I had already received the report from the grandparents. Finally she poked her head out but because she wanted me to come to her room. She looked ill laying in her bed. She was "starving to death" she said. I asked her "Why are you starving?? There are lots of cans of soup downstairs. You can have as much soup as you want." She said she just can't eat soup anymore because it makes her stomach hurt. She can't eat Tomato Soup without grilled cheese. It makes her sick. And the chicken noodle soup is getting old. She had some for breakfast and she cramped really badly. She just wants to eat regular food now. She doesn't want to be on soup kitchen! She started crying. I hugged her and told her that I can see how hard it is for her to let go of being the boss. I know she knows how to get off Soup Kitchen, she just needs to let go and do it. She said "I know I'm not the boss! You are the boss! 'I'm not the boss. That's okay. Mom will take care of me.' See I said it! I will do my chores! I will read! I'm just too weak to do them now! Pleeeease!" Ugh. I hate it. But I know I have to stick to my guns. All three of her therapists are on board with it.


Shortly later, Penelope's true boss demon poked his head out and at one point she decided she wasn't going to eat any more soup and if I don't give her regular food she was going to starve to death and it will be all my fault! I just gave her alot of calm empathy. Then she made a declaration "I'm going to bed early and waking up early before anyone else and I will eat as much of anything as I want!" I didn't tell her she couldn't but rather that I don't look forward to seeing how disappointed she will be in herself for breaking the rules and having to deal with the consequences. I told her to come to me. She didn't want to but did reluctantly after some persuastion. I hugged her and told her I love her. It helped a little but she was still pretty tense and not wanting to be hugged even though I could tell it was a big dent in her armor. She went into the kitchen and plopped down at the counter in front of the fruit bowl. She plucked a banana out of it and held it like "Yep I took it and I plan on eating it so what are you going to do about it?" She even said "I'm going to eat this banana" but didn't try to open it or anything. I said something similar as before "I'd hate to see you all dissapointed..." She put it down.


I offered to read to her some more out of a book I've been reading to her at night. She accepted it and we went upstairs to get her ready for bed. She was still too upset to have me read to her. She again demanded regular food. I again told her how hard I know this is and I wish it wasn't so. She finally said "I'll eat anything! I'm so hungry!" I said "Anything??" She said "Yeah..." I said "Chicken Noodle this time?" She said "Yeah..." I brought it up to her in her room and read to her while she ate her soup. Poor kid.


Sunday she slept in. She has been sleeping longer since she has had her own room. She has been sleeping a lot better with me not in there and the alarms on the door and window. I'm glad. It's worth the camping feeling I get when I go to my bed. But it was her and I most of the day. Grandma played a game she had promised to play with her on Saturday and didn't. It was one of the complaints that came out in her fit of rage the night before - Grandma's unkept promise. Then my parents went to play golf. I had decided, once they left, we would have lunch then start a new routine of Penelope keeping a book of a daily schedule that she layed out either the night before or the morning of. That schedule is to include Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner, cleaning the litter boxes, picking up her room, reading for 30 minutes, a chore for 30 minutes and something fun. This way, it's her schedule that pushes her to do what she needs to do. It's a checklist as well, that reinforces her good decisions. She commits when she rights it down and crosses it off when she is done. At the bottom of the page, she will write goals for the day. These goals can be as simple as "Paint my nails" but as helpful as "Be nice to Grandma." She ended up doing all on her list minus 30 minutes of reading. She felt pretty good about it, and had a good day. I told her she earned a couple of dolls back. But still on Soup Kitchen. She needs 3 consecutive days of doing everything including chores. Chores is the line in the sand for her. I had a friend tell me that her 16 year old son doesn't do his chores hardly ever either. In other words, it's a normal kid thing. Common response by the unknowing. I said, "I'd probably be the same way if Penelope was healthy. Sometimes it's just easier to do it yourself. (I wasn't going to get into good and better parenting opinions with her.) But with Penelope, she doesn't have the same fundamental boundaries healthy kids learn. It's not as big of a deal because they will figure it out eventually. For Penelope, she needs the structure and positive growth from fulfilling her responsibilities. It's therapudic for her. You know your son is going to be a contributing part of society. That is an uphill battle for Penelope."

Now, Monday and Tuesday she hasn't done as much as she did on Sunday but it will come. And I've seen the improvements already, in her behaviors and her body language. She is happier and acts older - much closer to her age. Still on Soup Kitchen though.

School started yesterday. I had a meeting on Monday with a lot of different people at the school. Her teacher from last year, Mrs. Brown, was very concerned about Penelope returning to school without a plan to address behaviors she was having at the end of last year. Nothing was working to help her cope in school other than being with 2 inches of Mrs. Brown for the entire day. Not a feasable solution. Then or now. I was concerned that with all that was going on that she wouldn't be able to function in school at all as well as draw a lot of negative attention towards her from her peers. (But she has done almost a 180 while on Soup Kitchen so.. so far so good.) It ended up being the new principle, Mrs. Brown, her new Intervention Specialist, Math Teacher, English/Lit Teacher, Science/Social Studies Teacher, the School Psychologist, and the Director of Spec. Services. Lots of people. I think it went well considering it was somewhat disorganized. I wasn't aware that allll those people were going to be there. The meeting was scheduled on Friday for Monday and there was little time to prepare for it, including a requested letter from Penelope's therapist. The Director of Spec. Services wanted a letter from the therapist letting her know how Penelope will act at recess, in the lunch room, in class, and in between bells. Yeah, does she have a crystal ball? I don't think so. I wasn't able to touch base with the therapist until I was on my way in the car anyway. The Director of Special Services for the school district also wanted to make it so Penelope would have to wait to go to a designated safeplace when she needed additional help processing bad feelings and on the verge of a meltdown until certain times of the day. She called them "venting points." Thank goodness for Mrs. Brown because she had talked about Penelope's behavior sometimes be that of a three year old having a tantrum, stomping of the feet and things. So, using that information, her new Intervention Specialist said "That would be like asking a three year old 'Can you hold off on that tantrum until 11 o'clock?'" I couldn't have said that. I like her already! I tried to point out that she would use these opportunities to get out of class if they were made available but also need the time at that moment she is having a meltdown. She said "I always try to be proactive instead of reactive." I said "I agree with that approach (and I do!), but whith Penelope, what I've learned is we live is Bazaro World. It's the opposite of what you think is best. I believe the proactive measures are in how you interact with her and help give her the structure and support she needs. But she still needs a plan as a reaction to all her behaviors." She accepted that but then shortly later excused herself to go check her email. I think she felt she contributed all she could and was going to leave it up to the teachers. I like her and ususally her input is of a great value but this meeting I think it's really about the teachers coming up with a plan for eachother. The School Psychologist left with her. I like and respect her a great deal. She is always so positive and I can tell she really likes Penelope. She had some great ideas to help with Penelope's esteem. Like getting her involved in some volunteering. We've talked about sports and clubs in the past and the issue is always supervision and making team committments she can't handle. But I think if all else goes fairly well we can look into volunteering. I did a lot of that growing up so I think that would be great for her. But all her teachers overall seemed nice. More or less just curious what they are in for. We will all see.
Penelope's first couple of days at school seem to go well. Not much homework yet. She is looking "normal" brushing her hair and having body language that says "13 yr old 7th grader here." I think it's going well. Still working on a packet for her teacher's though. Mrs. Brown talked about putting together a training for this year's teachers. That would be great but I'm starting with this packet. But so far so good! I do think Soup Kitchen is helping with that.
Now the court stuff. It did take a while to get ahold of Penelope's Probation Officer to find out if we were still going to have court since Penelope didn't have a regular evaluation. She finally called me back after 5 phone message over 4 days. She said that the person who did the one on one wrote a report and it said she wasn't compenent yet and probably won't become competent for some time but it would happen eventually. He was going to leave it up to the judge if we were going to continue or just determine that sufficient attempts were made. Okay...
So today was court. The attorneys with the judge battled it out pre-hearing for the most part. Basically the judge wants to dismiss the charges due to non-competency not wanting to drag this out any longer but because the prosecutor wouldn't agree because my brother told the prosecutor during their conversation that he wants Penelope prosecuted, the judge could not do that. Our attorney brought up that my brother had told myself and our dad something a little different in that he will not participate in the case and won't allow his children to testify. There is no case without them. I agree that he shouldn't expose his kids to this and I totally understand why he doesn't want to participate himself - he doesn't want to see her, but if he wants her prosecuted, that's what he'd have to do. So the judge told the Prosecutor to relay the events of this hearing to him and "invite" him to the next hearing if he wants to be heard. So now, even though there is no case, because he said he wants her prosecuted, we are still moving forward. It could have been a worse turnout. But where it was left is that Penelope will be re-evalated by one of the doctor's at the jail this time versus the non-doctor who did the class with her. Penelope's attorney feels confident Penelope will be found non-competent and then it will be "handled unofficially" using the judge's words. She also said that during the pre-trial meeting, the judge tried to make sure the prosecutor understand the lack of case he has and why trying to move forward appeared to be a waste of time. He said he even asked the Prosecutor if he were in my brother's shoes, would he let his kids testify? He said "Of course!" Right.
I heard later this evening that the Prosecutor had contacted my brother and had invited him to the next hearing. But my brother told our dad when asked if he was going to go "What's in it for me? Nothing. I don't want to see Penelope." To me, the thing that's in it for him is to prosecute Penelope. Not that I want it. If he doesn't want to go he doesn't have to but he has to understand that the case will go away. That was the whole point. So he didn't say he wouldn't go but it doesn't sound like it.
A funny story about Penelope. I am beyond beyond broke right now, with uncovered medical expenses and making close to nothing a week. My checking account has been in the red for the last two weeks. My mom gave me her charge card to Old N*vy to get Penelope some clothes for back to school. She was going to go with us but her and my dad were invited somewhere so we were to go ourselves. We were there for 1 1/2 hours and she found some really cute t-shirts and a jacket and jeans. We went to pay for it and I must have gotten the store manager because she checked the card and wouldn't let me purchase the clothes are my mom's card because it wasn't me. So we left. It was embarassing. I should have asked them to save the clothes for Monday so my Mom could come get them for Penelope but I just took Penelope and left. She had started to get upset anyway, so it was probably a good thing. She became very angry at the employee. I explained that I knew that could have happened but it didn't occur to me. I wasn't doing anything I wasn't allowed to do but the employees typically are suppose to check those things. It's just people don't much anymore it seems. I told her "I wish I could have bought those for you myself honey, but I just don't have the money right now. I'm sorry." She said "That's okay.. It's the economy. It's really bad... and it's Obama's fault! He is a jerk and is suppose to fix the economy and he just hasn't!" Now, mind you she has been doing well with the baby talk the last couple of days but I'm very use to baby Penelope, not older Penelope, so this just took me by surprised. It made me laugh.. for a couple of reasons. First, my parents are hard-core Republicans. So my thought is "too much time around Papaw and Grandma I see!" Then the other thought was that during the Primaries, when she was in 4th grade, she tried to pay me to vote for Obama. Due to the Primaries being top news, they learned about the elections in school. Her 4th grade teacher is very much a Democrat and shared with the class as much - which I don't necessarily agree with - but we love her because she is very awesome. Anyway, Penelope had come home from school one day and had asked me "So who are you going to vote for President- Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama?" I told her that it was the Primaries and I tend to lean more Republican so I wouldn't be voting for either. She didn't quite understand. I told her that I know the Democratic race was more newsworthy because they were going to have either the 1st woman or the 1st black President if one of them won. But there is another race going on the Republican side. Even still, she wanted me to vote for Obama. I asked her "why?" She said "He'd be the first black President!" I told her that I know that would be exciting but I didn't feel that should be the sole reason for voting for someone. We talked about what really should be considered in deciding who you are going to vote for but I explained how the Primaries are a little different. That Republicans vote for their choice of who they want to run for President and the Democrats do the same and then those two run against eachother. Also how there are other people that are not Republicans or Democrats but those were the main parties. It was becoming a very serious conversation. I was impressed with her interest. She thought about that for a second and asked with full curiosity, "What's the difference between a Republican and a Democrat?" I said, "Well, Democrats believe in more government control and programs and Republicans believe in less government." Simple but high level answer for a 10 year old. She asked "Then what am I?" I said, "It depends what you believe in. What do you believe in?" She tapped her finger on her chin in thought for a few seconds and said, "Well....... I believe in Santa Clause... and the Easter Bunny....What?? Why are you laughing???... Which one believes in them??.. What!?" OMG I laughed a good laugh at that one.