Healing

I'm hoping with it being summer, that Penelope can get some headway on her healing. Last Thursday was a good day for healing. Papaw took her to her weekly attachment therapy appointment. One of the topics Papaw brought up with her ATs is that Penelope was caught (again) looking at sexually explicit websites on the computer. Her internet priviledges have been revoked unless she was being monitored (and she was alerted that none of us have too much time to just sit for hours and watch her play on the computer). She was very upset by this because she wants to play her Poptropica game (very fun kid game online - I like it too.) She kept saying "But why???? Why? Why can't I be on the internet??" She wasn't connecting it. Your initial thought is "What do you mean 'Why?'" It's fascinating how she just can't connect these things.
Anyway, Papaw brought it up, and somehow it let to Penelope telling more of her sexual abuse story. How one night she stayed over this family's house and she got up to go to the bathroom and the boy followed her and when she went to leave, he pushed her back in the bathroom and forced himself on her. She went into great detail. My dad said she was very sincere and he believes every word of it. Now Penelope wouldn't let him tell me, she wanted to tell me. She told me she had something to tell me but she wasn't ready. I had to wait until Friday to hear about it. She called me on the phone while I was on my way home from work. She couldn't do it face to face. She seemed nervous. I knew enough to know what it was going to be about so I told her "Penelope, you don't have to worry about me thinking badly of you or being mad or anything like that. You just tell me and I'll be here for you." She told me, and it's the first time in 2 + months since I've heard her real voice. Her 12 year old Penelope voice. I missed that voice. I was so proud of her for telling me, and telling Papaw and her ATs.
We also had her first appointment with the new therapist who will address her trauma and do EMDR. That was yesterday. I think it went well, considering Penelope wanted to fall asleep the entire time. She was also in her babytalk mode. The therapist had her draw some pictures and they looked very young. She had her draw a picture of her and I and Penelope was the size of a baby in the picture. The therapist, I'm going to call her Lisa, picked up on that. Penelope actually drew herself smaller than she has in the past. Her ATs had pointed out how young she draws herself in other pictures she has done. I've never seen her smaller than this picture.
But Penelope said she likes her and I think we are off on a good start. We have some homework to do - a timeline - and Penelope has a drawing of her family to do. We will do it this weekend for our appointment next week.
We also had her monthly Psychiatry appointment. He knows her new therapist and likes her which is good. But he wanted to know if we still wanted her on Concerta for the summer. Um.. YEAH. I don't get that. If you need meds, why would you only take them part of the year? It's not for school, it's for function. I told him "She'd fall down the stairs or slam her hand in the door without them." He didn't argue with me. I thought he understood her needs better than that.
Okay, I'm kinda bitchy today. The appointment was this AM and today has been a not so good day. I had 3 appointments, one cancelled, the other two no-showed. Can't sell if they don't show up. So I am on track to making minimum wage again this week. I had a lead that one of the supervisor's gave me that has turned into more of a headache than anything making me wonder if he already knew it was a huge waste of time and effort. Then Penelope calls me crying because Grandma this and Grandma that. I try not to allow that and told her she had to work it out with Grandma but then when I talk to Grandma she is too fed up with it and is going to take a nap.
So we are going to have our Family Meeting tonight which has been long coming. My mom told me yesterday she is dreading it. Maybe because she knows we are calling it because of her mostly? I'm going to make a huge effort to not make it about her and all the crap she has pulled over the last couple of weeks, recognize she is in her late 60s and taking care of Penelope is hard for me in my 30s, and try to make the purpose of the meeting about setting some house rules - what time bedtime is, when pills have to be administered by, that pills have to be administered and Penelope isn't responsible for taking or maintaining her pills (yeah.. I know! "I told her to tell you she was out.. she didn't tell you?") rules about chores, rules about food, so forth and so forth. We have a lot to discuss. Grandma will get defensive... Penelope will be defensive... But we have to make it work. So it will only be better at this point. Or I will be at a loss.