Penelope's Competincy Follow-up Evaluation was yesterday down at the "Youth Center"/Jail. I couldn't take her to it so Papaw did. From what he told me, it went very different than the 1st one. My dad isn't a details kind of guy, at least in spoken word he isn't. So I didn't get much out of him. Not yet anyway. I plan to pepper him with questions the first chance I can, which probably won't be for a while as Penelope is ALWAYS around.
Compared to the first one , this one was much longer. It was also with a female psychologist. Penelope went in first, alone, and was in there for an hour. Then just Papaw for about half an hour. He said that the magistrate sent over a copy of the law that defines competincy which they never do and by those standards alone, she is fit to stand trial. BUT, she has a lot of "buts" to that. All related to Penelope's mental health. My dad got the impression from her that she was going to write it up that way. She was going to explain that based off the legal definition, she is fit, but there are so many other issues involved here and go into detail about it. She asked my dad "Who is leading this?" In other words, why is she being charged? He said "We guess it's the detective." She said that there is nothing that can come out of this. There isn't a jail to put her, she is too young, and this is really an issue around her mental health. She is already in therapy. There isn't anything more to do. I'm really curious what she ends up writing in her recommendations. According to the woman I talked to a couple of weeks ago, they would be sending a "Treatment Plan." Which isn't necessarily to dictate her mental health treatment but maybe it is to spell out recommendations for consequences - I don't know.
I also got the summons in the mail for the new hearing date. It's not until the middle of July. I can't wait until this is over. I hate limbo. It makes me a wreck. This is limbo for me. And I feel like a lot of other parts of my life are in limbo. Living with my parents (For how long?Where are we going to live?), my work (How/When am I going to make enough money to live on?), getting back to our community (Can we do it before school starts in 8 weeks?), okay.. that's a big one. The one that makes me sick to my stomach and feel like such a failure. I stopped at the house yesterday to pick up my mail and some things. One the way out, I passed the condo that my mom and I looked at about a month ago. All the for rent/for sale signs were gone. I started to cry. I know they aren't going to wait for me forever, but in my head, it's the Plan. Get a new job/make the one I have work and become this awesome cemetery property sales person (very unlikely), then do a lease option on this condo. It's center of our community, walking distance to school, the library, and even the high school - It's the perfect size for us with her room in the back too high to sneak out the window (I'm thinking once she gets to that snotty teenager stage). It doesn't have central air and the kitchen needs a renovation but then it also makes it affordable. It's perfect. The others around are either way more expensive or in super bad areas.
When I got in, I looked it up on the internet and it's still for sale and NOT pending. I don't know if it's pending and it's not on-line yet or not, but it gives me hope. Please God, I NEED this.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Healing
I'm hoping with it being summer, that Penelope can get some headway on her healing. Last Thursday was a good day for healing. Papaw took her to her weekly attachment therapy appointment. One of the topics Papaw brought up with her ATs is that Penelope was caught (again) looking at sexually explicit websites on the computer. Her internet priviledges have been revoked unless she was being monitored (and she was alerted that none of us have too much time to just sit for hours and watch her play on the computer). She was very upset by this because she wants to play her Poptropica game (very fun kid game online - I like it too.) She kept saying "But why???? Why? Why can't I be on the internet??" She wasn't connecting it. Your initial thought is "What do you mean 'Why?'" It's fascinating how she just can't connect these things.
Anyway, Papaw brought it up, and somehow it let to Penelope telling more of her sexual abuse story. How one night she stayed over this family's house and she got up to go to the bathroom and the boy followed her and when she went to leave, he pushed her back in the bathroom and forced himself on her. She went into great detail. My dad said she was very sincere and he believes every word of it. Now Penelope wouldn't let him tell me, she wanted to tell me. She told me she had something to tell me but she wasn't ready. I had to wait until Friday to hear about it. She called me on the phone while I was on my way home from work. She couldn't do it face to face. She seemed nervous. I knew enough to know what it was going to be about so I told her "Penelope, you don't have to worry about me thinking badly of you or being mad or anything like that. You just tell me and I'll be here for you." She told me, and it's the first time in 2 + months since I've heard her real voice. Her 12 year old Penelope voice. I missed that voice. I was so proud of her for telling me, and telling Papaw and her ATs.
We also had her first appointment with the new therapist who will address her trauma and do EMDR. That was yesterday. I think it went well, considering Penelope wanted to fall asleep the entire time. She was also in her babytalk mode. The therapist had her draw some pictures and they looked very young. She had her draw a picture of her and I and Penelope was the size of a baby in the picture. The therapist, I'm going to call her Lisa, picked up on that. Penelope actually drew herself smaller than she has in the past. Her ATs had pointed out how young she draws herself in other pictures she has done. I've never seen her smaller than this picture.
But Penelope said she likes her and I think we are off on a good start. We have some homework to do - a timeline - and Penelope has a drawing of her family to do. We will do it this weekend for our appointment next week.
We also had her monthly Psychiatry appointment. He knows her new therapist and likes her which is good. But he wanted to know if we still wanted her on Concerta for the summer. Um.. YEAH. I don't get that. If you need meds, why would you only take them part of the year? It's not for school, it's for function. I told him "She'd fall down the stairs or slam her hand in the door without them." He didn't argue with me. I thought he understood her needs better than that.
Okay, I'm kinda bitchy today. The appointment was this AM and today has been a not so good day. I had 3 appointments, one cancelled, the other two no-showed. Can't sell if they don't show up. So I am on track to making minimum wage again this week. I had a lead that one of the supervisor's gave me that has turned into more of a headache than anything making me wonder if he already knew it was a huge waste of time and effort. Then Penelope calls me crying because Grandma this and Grandma that. I try not to allow that and told her she had to work it out with Grandma but then when I talk to Grandma she is too fed up with it and is going to take a nap.
So we are going to have our Family Meeting tonight which has been long coming. My mom told me yesterday she is dreading it. Maybe because she knows we are calling it because of her mostly? I'm going to make a huge effort to not make it about her and all the crap she has pulled over the last couple of weeks, recognize she is in her late 60s and taking care of Penelope is hard for me in my 30s, and try to make the purpose of the meeting about setting some house rules - what time bedtime is, when pills have to be administered by, that pills have to be administered and Penelope isn't responsible for taking or maintaining her pills (yeah.. I know! "I told her to tell you she was out.. she didn't tell you?") rules about chores, rules about food, so forth and so forth. We have a lot to discuss. Grandma will get defensive... Penelope will be defensive... But we have to make it work. So it will only be better at this point. Or I will be at a loss.
Anyway, Papaw brought it up, and somehow it let to Penelope telling more of her sexual abuse story. How one night she stayed over this family's house and she got up to go to the bathroom and the boy followed her and when she went to leave, he pushed her back in the bathroom and forced himself on her. She went into great detail. My dad said she was very sincere and he believes every word of it. Now Penelope wouldn't let him tell me, she wanted to tell me. She told me she had something to tell me but she wasn't ready. I had to wait until Friday to hear about it. She called me on the phone while I was on my way home from work. She couldn't do it face to face. She seemed nervous. I knew enough to know what it was going to be about so I told her "Penelope, you don't have to worry about me thinking badly of you or being mad or anything like that. You just tell me and I'll be here for you." She told me, and it's the first time in 2 + months since I've heard her real voice. Her 12 year old Penelope voice. I missed that voice. I was so proud of her for telling me, and telling Papaw and her ATs.
We also had her first appointment with the new therapist who will address her trauma and do EMDR. That was yesterday. I think it went well, considering Penelope wanted to fall asleep the entire time. She was also in her babytalk mode. The therapist had her draw some pictures and they looked very young. She had her draw a picture of her and I and Penelope was the size of a baby in the picture. The therapist, I'm going to call her Lisa, picked up on that. Penelope actually drew herself smaller than she has in the past. Her ATs had pointed out how young she draws herself in other pictures she has done. I've never seen her smaller than this picture.
But Penelope said she likes her and I think we are off on a good start. We have some homework to do - a timeline - and Penelope has a drawing of her family to do. We will do it this weekend for our appointment next week.
We also had her monthly Psychiatry appointment. He knows her new therapist and likes her which is good. But he wanted to know if we still wanted her on Concerta for the summer. Um.. YEAH. I don't get that. If you need meds, why would you only take them part of the year? It's not for school, it's for function. I told him "She'd fall down the stairs or slam her hand in the door without them." He didn't argue with me. I thought he understood her needs better than that.
Okay, I'm kinda bitchy today. The appointment was this AM and today has been a not so good day. I had 3 appointments, one cancelled, the other two no-showed. Can't sell if they don't show up. So I am on track to making minimum wage again this week. I had a lead that one of the supervisor's gave me that has turned into more of a headache than anything making me wonder if he already knew it was a huge waste of time and effort. Then Penelope calls me crying because Grandma this and Grandma that. I try not to allow that and told her she had to work it out with Grandma but then when I talk to Grandma she is too fed up with it and is going to take a nap.
So we are going to have our Family Meeting tonight which has been long coming. My mom told me yesterday she is dreading it. Maybe because she knows we are calling it because of her mostly? I'm going to make a huge effort to not make it about her and all the crap she has pulled over the last couple of weeks, recognize she is in her late 60s and taking care of Penelope is hard for me in my 30s, and try to make the purpose of the meeting about setting some house rules - what time bedtime is, when pills have to be administered by, that pills have to be administered and Penelope isn't responsible for taking or maintaining her pills (yeah.. I know! "I told her to tell you she was out.. she didn't tell you?") rules about chores, rules about food, so forth and so forth. We have a lot to discuss. Grandma will get defensive... Penelope will be defensive... But we have to make it work. So it will only be better at this point. Or I will be at a loss.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Court date in June
Penelope is suppose to have court on June 16th - which is Wednesday. This past Thursday, the 10th, I called her Probation Officer to find out when Penelope is suppose to have her new Competincy Evaluation since she has been going to the Restoration Classes on Saturdays. She kinda hem-hawed at first and said that the Psychology Dept at the Youth Center (nice name for the juvy jail) takes care of that. I told her that I hadn't heard anything and I didn't know if she did that, since she was the one to schedule the first Competincy Evaluation. She continued to hem-haw and then said that she had put in a request to have it scheduled and receive a report before the 16th. She is off tomorrow (Friday) but would put in a call to them to follow up for me. I also talked about how my brother, "the victims' parents," hadn't yet received a call from the prosecutor's office which I thought the judge had instructed them to do - as an effort to resolve this quickly. She said she'd talk to them and remind them as well. She asked me how the classes were going. I said that I've heard that they are going fine, it's the aftermath that it's difficult. I told her that Penelope didn't get to go to her last day of school and has been having a really difficult time functioning from all of it. "If we are here to help her, then we need to get this resolved so she can move on and start to heal." She agreed and reiterated what she was going to do. She was also going to call me on Monday (today - didn't happen).
Friday, a woman from the Psychology Dept at the Youth Center (Jail) called me to let me know that the earliest they could schedule the Compentincy Evaluation isn't until a week after Penelope's court date and that it should be okay though because her Probation Officer can request to have the hearing continued. But Penelope will have to continue to come to the Restoration Classes until the Evaulation Date. This just pissed me off. Someone dropped the ball. Was I suppose to call and prompt someone? I did in a way, almost a week in advance. Not good enough. I started to get emotional - because that's just what I do these days. I explained to her that she may think this is all good and not a big deal but we live day to day right now. These classes and the whole court process has her mental health issues on overdrive and this is just going to be like throwing fuel on the fire. She talked about the Dr. submitting to the court a "treatment plan" which I still don't get. From what I think I got out of her, it means if Penelope needs more classes or not because I asked if it meant anything to do with her mental disorders and she said no. I would hope not. During his last eval, he deemed her of low intelligence and that's not the case. He doesn't know the first thing about what's going on with her other than the diagnosis and meds list.
But at any rate, I asked if we still had to go to court on Wednesday and she said that the Probation Officer would find out and let me know on Monday.. you know. Today. I'm not going to hear from here. She's already gone for the day. So I have to find out tomorrow at the latest or we will have to go and see if we have to be there.
Friday, a woman from the Psychology Dept at the Youth Center (Jail) called me to let me know that the earliest they could schedule the Compentincy Evaluation isn't until a week after Penelope's court date and that it should be okay though because her Probation Officer can request to have the hearing continued. But Penelope will have to continue to come to the Restoration Classes until the Evaulation Date. This just pissed me off. Someone dropped the ball. Was I suppose to call and prompt someone? I did in a way, almost a week in advance. Not good enough. I started to get emotional - because that's just what I do these days. I explained to her that she may think this is all good and not a big deal but we live day to day right now. These classes and the whole court process has her mental health issues on overdrive and this is just going to be like throwing fuel on the fire. She talked about the Dr. submitting to the court a "treatment plan" which I still don't get. From what I think I got out of her, it means if Penelope needs more classes or not because I asked if it meant anything to do with her mental disorders and she said no. I would hope not. During his last eval, he deemed her of low intelligence and that's not the case. He doesn't know the first thing about what's going on with her other than the diagnosis and meds list.
But at any rate, I asked if we still had to go to court on Wednesday and she said that the Probation Officer would find out and let me know on Monday.. you know. Today. I'm not going to hear from here. She's already gone for the day. So I have to find out tomorrow at the latest or we will have to go and see if we have to be there.
Beginnings
The summer has begun. All of us are still adjusting to living together. I think my mom has come to the decision that the cats and dogs have to be kept seperate. I am not sure she has even tried to introduce them. We are all learning what my mom's limitations are, especially my mom. She wants to be the rock that I can lean on, the one who can do what I would do if I was there. She wants to take the burden off me while I'm work so I can work and focus on what I'm doing to try to make enough money so we can get back in the school district by the end of summer. At this rate it's not going to happen.
My dad is easier to talk to about these things but I swear, if it doesn't improve, it's either going to be the end of me or their marriage. I try to be a solutions person so I'm trying to find solutions here. Monday, I call my dad to tell him something and I can tell from his tone it's hell at home. I ask him what's going on, "What happened." My mom had told Penelope she was going to take her to the pool around noon after she runs a morning errand. While she is out, she decides to run over to my house which is locked of course, and the key was put up. If I had known she was going, I would have told her where it is. Anyway, by the time she was heading home she got hungry and decided to go to the grocery store and was in there for 1 1/2 hours. Penelope was waiting at the foot of the stairs in her bathing suit, towel in hand at noon. My mom didn't get home until 1pm, at which time she needed to eat. Ate until 2pm. By this time Penelope is laying on her bed crying saying things like "I knew she didn't want to take me to the pool!" Then my mom goes and puts her own suit on and gets ready to go. But before she can go, she needs to make a phone call. She is on the phone for AN HOUR. Penelope is now steaming mad. She tells Grandma how she is really hurting her feelings - no name calling or anything disrepectful. To which my mom yells at her, yes.. yells at her for being impatient. My dad who has been getting more pissed about what was going on and trying to get my mom to do what she promised, snapped when my mom yelled at Penelope, and yelled at my mom. My mom took Penelope to the pool for MAYBE a half hour if that. The entire time she was short and resentful towards Penelope. Penelope of course had a horrible time. My mom called me on their way back home to tell me her version of what went down. It was basically the same other than it was twisted that circumstances were out of her control and Penelope should have been more patient and my dad was the one who made Penelope upset by yelling at her and making a mountain out of a molehill. It's just mood crushing. I'm trying to do my job and all I can think about is how I need to be at home. That my inability to pay for appropriate care means leaving her with my parents who try yes, but make things worse. That I need a better paying job. Because with the emotional rollercoaster my life has turned into, there is no way I can be successful at this job and I can't live on $7.30/hour.
Then Tuesday, I get home and find out that Penelope was being "defiant and overall difficult" and that she was saying things that were mean in nature but in a very innocent childlike manner - obviously trying to push Grandma's buttons. (Grandma denies getting her buttons pushed but her tense tone gave her away. Hello! Been there, not something to ashamed of just to learn from.) But I also found out that Penelope was left to her own devices all day so Grandma could either work on her computer or watch TV - her typical daily grind. She made no effort to create structure for Penelope and the kid got bored and went looking for trouble. In addition to that, she ALSO never received her medication all day which explains why when I got home at 9:00, she was in a crazed hyper mood. Like a 3 year old after consuming lots of candy. Even though she took her evening meds to go to sleep, she didn't sleep well that night.
Wednesday, I had a brief vent/talk with my dad explaining how this just can't be - for all our sakes. He took over for the rest of the week. I don't know if things actually got better or my dad just doesn't tell me. I did check the internet browser history on my computer and found that Penelope had been visiting porn sites again. I changed the password on it and informed my parents not to let her on the internet without sitting with her. I told her that she had her internet priveldges removed, which she went into full tantrum over. Even though she admitted to going to the sites she couldn't understand why she can't be on the internet whenever she wants. It's so true when they say it doesn't matter if you tell them why, it's like they aren't listening. The connection is lost. It's pure emotion/want/need. Stuck at that stage. How do we help move her forward? It's not like she hasn't made the connections in the past - when she's been healthier. Is this part of the Dissociative Disorder? Her new therapist feels that she has a Dissociative Disorder based on what I've described about her. I had my dad ask her ATs and they said absolutetly. We've talked about it but never labeled it. It does make sense. It explains a lot. But I'm not sure it means anything to our treatment plan/goals. I think it just helps look at these circumstances as again where Penelope can't - not won't. She goes somewhere in her head that can't do/remember/connect the things she could when she is in a better place emotionally.
But, Thursday was a day of growth for Penelope. She went to attachment therapy and when discussing the issue over the internet use, she went into detail about her sexual abuse. I still don't think it's everything. But it's more than she's ever given anyone before. She did have a bit of anxiety and hypervigilience setting her back into 3 year old emotions and speech again. But she wasn't defiant or aggressive. Everyone was very supportive of her. She wouldn't let anyone tell me because she wanted to tell me. Which she did, the next day over the phone while I was driving home.
We start our new therapy on Tuesday. We plan on making the sexual abuse trauma more of a priority. So, this is good.
My dad is easier to talk to about these things but I swear, if it doesn't improve, it's either going to be the end of me or their marriage. I try to be a solutions person so I'm trying to find solutions here. Monday, I call my dad to tell him something and I can tell from his tone it's hell at home. I ask him what's going on, "What happened." My mom had told Penelope she was going to take her to the pool around noon after she runs a morning errand. While she is out, she decides to run over to my house which is locked of course, and the key was put up. If I had known she was going, I would have told her where it is. Anyway, by the time she was heading home she got hungry and decided to go to the grocery store and was in there for 1 1/2 hours. Penelope was waiting at the foot of the stairs in her bathing suit, towel in hand at noon. My mom didn't get home until 1pm, at which time she needed to eat. Ate until 2pm. By this time Penelope is laying on her bed crying saying things like "I knew she didn't want to take me to the pool!" Then my mom goes and puts her own suit on and gets ready to go. But before she can go, she needs to make a phone call. She is on the phone for AN HOUR. Penelope is now steaming mad. She tells Grandma how she is really hurting her feelings - no name calling or anything disrepectful. To which my mom yells at her, yes.. yells at her for being impatient. My dad who has been getting more pissed about what was going on and trying to get my mom to do what she promised, snapped when my mom yelled at Penelope, and yelled at my mom. My mom took Penelope to the pool for MAYBE a half hour if that. The entire time she was short and resentful towards Penelope. Penelope of course had a horrible time. My mom called me on their way back home to tell me her version of what went down. It was basically the same other than it was twisted that circumstances were out of her control and Penelope should have been more patient and my dad was the one who made Penelope upset by yelling at her and making a mountain out of a molehill. It's just mood crushing. I'm trying to do my job and all I can think about is how I need to be at home. That my inability to pay for appropriate care means leaving her with my parents who try yes, but make things worse. That I need a better paying job. Because with the emotional rollercoaster my life has turned into, there is no way I can be successful at this job and I can't live on $7.30/hour.
Then Tuesday, I get home and find out that Penelope was being "defiant and overall difficult" and that she was saying things that were mean in nature but in a very innocent childlike manner - obviously trying to push Grandma's buttons. (Grandma denies getting her buttons pushed but her tense tone gave her away. Hello! Been there, not something to ashamed of just to learn from.) But I also found out that Penelope was left to her own devices all day so Grandma could either work on her computer or watch TV - her typical daily grind. She made no effort to create structure for Penelope and the kid got bored and went looking for trouble. In addition to that, she ALSO never received her medication all day which explains why when I got home at 9:00, she was in a crazed hyper mood. Like a 3 year old after consuming lots of candy. Even though she took her evening meds to go to sleep, she didn't sleep well that night.
Wednesday, I had a brief vent/talk with my dad explaining how this just can't be - for all our sakes. He took over for the rest of the week. I don't know if things actually got better or my dad just doesn't tell me. I did check the internet browser history on my computer and found that Penelope had been visiting porn sites again. I changed the password on it and informed my parents not to let her on the internet without sitting with her. I told her that she had her internet priveldges removed, which she went into full tantrum over. Even though she admitted to going to the sites she couldn't understand why she can't be on the internet whenever she wants. It's so true when they say it doesn't matter if you tell them why, it's like they aren't listening. The connection is lost. It's pure emotion/want/need. Stuck at that stage. How do we help move her forward? It's not like she hasn't made the connections in the past - when she's been healthier. Is this part of the Dissociative Disorder? Her new therapist feels that she has a Dissociative Disorder based on what I've described about her. I had my dad ask her ATs and they said absolutetly. We've talked about it but never labeled it. It does make sense. It explains a lot. But I'm not sure it means anything to our treatment plan/goals. I think it just helps look at these circumstances as again where Penelope can't - not won't. She goes somewhere in her head that can't do/remember/connect the things she could when she is in a better place emotionally.
But, Thursday was a day of growth for Penelope. She went to attachment therapy and when discussing the issue over the internet use, she went into detail about her sexual abuse. I still don't think it's everything. But it's more than she's ever given anyone before. She did have a bit of anxiety and hypervigilience setting her back into 3 year old emotions and speech again. But she wasn't defiant or aggressive. Everyone was very supportive of her. She wouldn't let anyone tell me because she wanted to tell me. Which she did, the next day over the phone while I was driving home.
We start our new therapy on Tuesday. We plan on making the sexual abuse trauma more of a priority. So, this is good.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Endings
We have had a lot of ending this past couple of weeks.
A lot has gone on. I haven't had time to write. I haven't even had a computer to write on, let alone the time. Penelope and I are officially moved out of our home. I still own it. It's still for sale. It still has all our stuff in it. It's been approved for short sale, so we were able to drop the asking price. Penelope doesn't know it's for sale. She just knows we are staying at Grandma and Papaw's for the summer to make it easier on them because they will be watching her all summer instead of her going to camp like last year. I still have to pick up more clothes and odds and ends but for the most part we are settled in. My parents went and retrieved one of her twin beds and set up the guest room for the both of us yesterday. Our three cats have moved as well even though we still need to get them and my mom's dogs aclimated. So that's the end of living at my house.
Thursday would have been Penelope's last day of school but she didn't get to go. They had a Pool Party at the Rec Center for the 6th graders. But Penelope has been having such a hard time making good decisions at school that it wasn't safe for her to go. It wasn't going to be structured and there were too many things for her to get hurt doing. I honestly have lost count and can't even remember all the bad things that have happened at school over the past couple weeks.
I know sometime last week she got into it with another student while playing a math board game and because she wasn't winning, tried to change to rules of the game to make it harder for the winning child to win and when she was met with resistance kicked the girl under the table and told her that she wanted to "stick my middle finger up at you!" The other girl replied "Go right ahead" which Penelope didn't but proceeded to scream and yell at her. When she got into trouble, she went right into 3 yr old taturm arms crossed, bottom lip stuck alllll the way out, furrowed brow and stomping her feet. When that didn't cut it, she started wailing. Not crying, but "Whaaaaa!" kind of wailing. I cringed when I heard about it, because I've witnessed this type of cry several times in the last couple of months, including yesterday when I informed her she wasn't going to the party today.
She had her last tutoring session with her tutor since she took a summer job out of town. She still plans on staying in touch over the summer via mail and phone calls. But I'm not sure how that is going to go. Penelope didn't seem disappointed at all that Laurie isn't going to be around for the next 2 1/2 months. I honestly thought she'd be devistated. I'm glad she isn't, but at the same time, the lack of care is concerning. She admitted her reaction was "Good, I won't have to read all summer and have her hound me" since that's what has been going on over the past few weeks. Penelope had stopped doing any homework including her reading.
I hated having to work alll Memorial Day Weekend because I know Penelope needs me and my hours are making things worse. But it's the best opportunity for me to make some money and I do need to bring home more than I have. Trying to not let my personal responsibilities muddy my ability to work has been one of the most difficult things I'm trying to work on. It doesn't help when my mother constantly is calling me to essentially tell me how she can't handle Penelope but there is nothing I can do about it.
See, it is also hard for my mother with all my hours because during the weekends, my dad plays a lot of golf and my mother can't handle Penelope very well. My dad is with Penelope Penelope knows it and pushes Grandma's buttons, which gets Grandma all worked up and ends up letting Penelope pretty much do whatever she wants. So, Saturday I heard was okay but Sunday I several calls from my mom. She just wants to know when I'm coming home. Then at 7:30pm I get this call - "When are you coming home?" "I don't know, when I'm allowed to leave. It's been really busy." "Oh, okay. Well, Penelope is upstairs crying at the top of her lungs right now." "Why?" "She didn't get her way." "Okay, well go up there and make sure she calms down because she doesn't automatically do that on her own you all the time. Don't discuss whatever the issue was, just focus on her emotions and help her help herself calm down. I'll be home when I can." "Can I take her a glass of water?" "Sure."
Then Monday, I returned my mother's call around 4:30 after she left several "Call me when you have a chance" phone messages. She goes into this step by step story of how the day has gone with Penelope. The end of the story, which is why she is really calling is this. Penelope wanted to ride her bike but was told not to go off the property. At some point, she walks in the house with the 3 yr old grandson of their friends' down the street. Penelope knows she isn't allowed to play with this boy and why but she either broke the rule and went off the property down the street to this neighbor or they were driving by and dropped the boy off upon Penelope's prompting. We don't know how long they were outside together alone or anything. My mom tells Penelope that the boy can't stay here and the two of them walk the boy back home. In front of my parent's friend, Penelope asks if Grandma would stay there so she can play with the boy. Grandma says "No, I have work to do." Penelope asks if she can stay by herself, which she knows is totally off limits, but she does it in front of the unknowning adult. The unknowing adult chimes in saying that it was fine with them if Penelope stay there and play with their 3 yr old Grandson. So now it's up to Grandma to upset everyone and maybe alienate her friend or give in and put the little boy in harms way, risk Penelope having a second offense and be taken from our home and probably put in jail, and the family being sued. What does she choose? The later. Her explaination is that she told her friend to watch Penelope with his grandson because Penelope has "anger issues." So it will be okay. When I started to argue with her about it, she says "I can't do anything right!" I told her that I would be home as soon as I'm allowed to leave and hung up. I came very close to dialing their friend's house not knowing what to do. I didn't call. I just prayed and left when I could and hurried home.
When I got home, Penelope was out with her Papaw at the store. She came bopping in like no big deal. She came over and tried to kiss my cheek but I turned my head away. She realized something was wrong. I told her that I heard how she manipulated Grandma into letting her go down to visit the boy. She started to argue to say that Grandma said it was okay. I told her that I know she knows she isn't allowed to be around the boy and how she put Grandma in a position where she felt she couldn't say "No." (Not that Grandma shouldn't have said "No" anyway but that's between Grandma and I not Penelope, Grandma and I) She heard me and didn't throw a tantrum or anything. She sat on the back screened in porch and had some time to herself, staring out into the back landscape. I kept my eye on her because I didn't know if she'd decide to run away or what. I knew what was going on in her head couldn't have been great. The last time we had this talk, she gave up trying to make good decisions. She hadn't quite bounced back from that point, not that she was making great ones much before then either. This time I was home though and I didn't see any ramifications.
However, we are still getting used to being home, not just getting along with my parents, trying to make sure they do the right thing with her (unlike letting her go down the street to play with a potential victim) or even just getting used to their different sleep, eating, showering schedules. But I need to Penelope-proof this house. I haven't had a day off in almost a month. Tomorrow is my first day off. But I have to go to my house and get it ready for showings. I went today for a few hours after work but I plan to go first think in the AM. But I HAVE to Penelope-proof the house. Yesterday, when I got home my dad informed me that his pocket knife that he keeps on his nightstand (why? to fend off spiders? I don't know) is missing. Penelope admitted she took it to go to the boys house down the street (Yeah... I know...) but now she doesn't know where it is. It must have fell out of her pocket she says. Very defensive when you ask her. We've searched the house. It's a big house. Couldn't find it. She also misplaced the litter scoop that was sitting right next to the litter box. It went missing shortly after Penelope was asked to clean the litter box. Don't care about that, care about the knife. I did mention Penelope and I are sharing a room? I woke up this morning with her standing over me and tapping my hand. Scared the jeebies out of me. I think it would have scared me regardless of the knife.
I do want to write about the event when I had to tell Penelope that she couldn't go to the Pool Party on the last day of school. When I got home from work, the first thing my mother said was "Wait until after dinner please. I'd like to at least enjoy dinner." I told her I'd have to tell her soon regardless because bedtime was in 1 1/2 hours and she needs to be calm by then. Penelope was in our room playing. But she knew. She knew how her day went and what would happen if it didn't go well. She was aggitated. I asked about her day. She said "It was fine. It was good! Did you talk to Mrs. Brown??" I said "Yes." She said "Well.. do I get to go tomorrow or not!?" I said "We will talk about it later" in a no big deal kind of way. She said "No, I want to get it over with." I asked her what she thought? If she thought she was able to go. She said "I want to go!" I said "I know you want to go. I want you to go too. But that wasn't the question." She just kept saying how she wanted to go. That she'd be fine. Even though I tried to postpone it for my mother's sake, it needed to be said and I told her that she couldn't go. She got so angry. She started wailing. She wanted to leave the room but I made her stay. She laid on her bed and kicked her arms and legs. I tried to go near her and she cringed and kept saying "Don't touch me!" She said that Mrs. Mary lied and that she hates her. She brought up the incident that I already knew about and said that Mrs. Mary yelled at her and made her upset. Then started to say again how she smells like Harriet (because she smokes) and that she isn't a REAL teacher - like that means her direction has less value. I told her that this is exactly why it's not safe for her to go. You don't get to pick and choose who you listen to based on your feelings about the person. I told her it wasn't punishment, she is just not strong enough right now to be safe at the pool party. She yelled that it was a punishment and it's all my fault and she hates me. I didn't engage her in that conversation. I tried to rub her back but she cringed away again. She said "I hate my life!" I turned her to look at me and with the most loving eyes I could muster I said "I love you to much not to let you go tomorrow when it's not safe" and I kissed her on her head. The hurt in her eyes made me starts to tear up but I just looked at her with love and empathy. She said "Don't cry. I don't like it when you cry." I told her "I just love you so much and I do wish you could go but your safety is more important to me." She just hugged me and we just hugged for a few minutes.
Now the rest of the night, she was my shadow. She was all giddy and very hyper. She had to sit RIGHT next to me. I told her "It's okay Penelope. I'm not going anywhere" and gave her a big hug and walked away.
A lot has gone on. I haven't had time to write. I haven't even had a computer to write on, let alone the time. Penelope and I are officially moved out of our home. I still own it. It's still for sale. It still has all our stuff in it. It's been approved for short sale, so we were able to drop the asking price. Penelope doesn't know it's for sale. She just knows we are staying at Grandma and Papaw's for the summer to make it easier on them because they will be watching her all summer instead of her going to camp like last year. I still have to pick up more clothes and odds and ends but for the most part we are settled in. My parents went and retrieved one of her twin beds and set up the guest room for the both of us yesterday. Our three cats have moved as well even though we still need to get them and my mom's dogs aclimated. So that's the end of living at my house.
Thursday would have been Penelope's last day of school but she didn't get to go. They had a Pool Party at the Rec Center for the 6th graders. But Penelope has been having such a hard time making good decisions at school that it wasn't safe for her to go. It wasn't going to be structured and there were too many things for her to get hurt doing. I honestly have lost count and can't even remember all the bad things that have happened at school over the past couple weeks.
I know sometime last week she got into it with another student while playing a math board game and because she wasn't winning, tried to change to rules of the game to make it harder for the winning child to win and when she was met with resistance kicked the girl under the table and told her that she wanted to "stick my middle finger up at you!" The other girl replied "Go right ahead" which Penelope didn't but proceeded to scream and yell at her. When she got into trouble, she went right into 3 yr old taturm arms crossed, bottom lip stuck alllll the way out, furrowed brow and stomping her feet. When that didn't cut it, she started wailing. Not crying, but "Whaaaaa!" kind of wailing. I cringed when I heard about it, because I've witnessed this type of cry several times in the last couple of months, including yesterday when I informed her she wasn't going to the party today.
She had her last tutoring session with her tutor since she took a summer job out of town. She still plans on staying in touch over the summer via mail and phone calls. But I'm not sure how that is going to go. Penelope didn't seem disappointed at all that Laurie isn't going to be around for the next 2 1/2 months. I honestly thought she'd be devistated. I'm glad she isn't, but at the same time, the lack of care is concerning. She admitted her reaction was "Good, I won't have to read all summer and have her hound me" since that's what has been going on over the past few weeks. Penelope had stopped doing any homework including her reading.
I hated having to work alll Memorial Day Weekend because I know Penelope needs me and my hours are making things worse. But it's the best opportunity for me to make some money and I do need to bring home more than I have. Trying to not let my personal responsibilities muddy my ability to work has been one of the most difficult things I'm trying to work on. It doesn't help when my mother constantly is calling me to essentially tell me how she can't handle Penelope but there is nothing I can do about it.
See, it is also hard for my mother with all my hours because during the weekends, my dad plays a lot of golf and my mother can't handle Penelope very well. My dad is with Penelope Penelope knows it and pushes Grandma's buttons, which gets Grandma all worked up and ends up letting Penelope pretty much do whatever she wants. So, Saturday I heard was okay but Sunday I several calls from my mom. She just wants to know when I'm coming home. Then at 7:30pm I get this call - "When are you coming home?" "I don't know, when I'm allowed to leave. It's been really busy." "Oh, okay. Well, Penelope is upstairs crying at the top of her lungs right now." "Why?" "She didn't get her way." "Okay, well go up there and make sure she calms down because she doesn't automatically do that on her own you all the time. Don't discuss whatever the issue was, just focus on her emotions and help her help herself calm down. I'll be home when I can." "Can I take her a glass of water?" "Sure."
Then Monday, I returned my mother's call around 4:30 after she left several "Call me when you have a chance" phone messages. She goes into this step by step story of how the day has gone with Penelope. The end of the story, which is why she is really calling is this. Penelope wanted to ride her bike but was told not to go off the property. At some point, she walks in the house with the 3 yr old grandson of their friends' down the street. Penelope knows she isn't allowed to play with this boy and why but she either broke the rule and went off the property down the street to this neighbor or they were driving by and dropped the boy off upon Penelope's prompting. We don't know how long they were outside together alone or anything. My mom tells Penelope that the boy can't stay here and the two of them walk the boy back home. In front of my parent's friend, Penelope asks if Grandma would stay there so she can play with the boy. Grandma says "No, I have work to do." Penelope asks if she can stay by herself, which she knows is totally off limits, but she does it in front of the unknowning adult. The unknowing adult chimes in saying that it was fine with them if Penelope stay there and play with their 3 yr old Grandson. So now it's up to Grandma to upset everyone and maybe alienate her friend or give in and put the little boy in harms way, risk Penelope having a second offense and be taken from our home and probably put in jail, and the family being sued. What does she choose? The later. Her explaination is that she told her friend to watch Penelope with his grandson because Penelope has "anger issues." So it will be okay. When I started to argue with her about it, she says "I can't do anything right!" I told her that I would be home as soon as I'm allowed to leave and hung up. I came very close to dialing their friend's house not knowing what to do. I didn't call. I just prayed and left when I could and hurried home.
When I got home, Penelope was out with her Papaw at the store. She came bopping in like no big deal. She came over and tried to kiss my cheek but I turned my head away. She realized something was wrong. I told her that I heard how she manipulated Grandma into letting her go down to visit the boy. She started to argue to say that Grandma said it was okay. I told her that I know she knows she isn't allowed to be around the boy and how she put Grandma in a position where she felt she couldn't say "No." (Not that Grandma shouldn't have said "No" anyway but that's between Grandma and I not Penelope, Grandma and I) She heard me and didn't throw a tantrum or anything. She sat on the back screened in porch and had some time to herself, staring out into the back landscape. I kept my eye on her because I didn't know if she'd decide to run away or what. I knew what was going on in her head couldn't have been great. The last time we had this talk, she gave up trying to make good decisions. She hadn't quite bounced back from that point, not that she was making great ones much before then either. This time I was home though and I didn't see any ramifications.
However, we are still getting used to being home, not just getting along with my parents, trying to make sure they do the right thing with her (unlike letting her go down the street to play with a potential victim) or even just getting used to their different sleep, eating, showering schedules. But I need to Penelope-proof this house. I haven't had a day off in almost a month. Tomorrow is my first day off. But I have to go to my house and get it ready for showings. I went today for a few hours after work but I plan to go first think in the AM. But I HAVE to Penelope-proof the house. Yesterday, when I got home my dad informed me that his pocket knife that he keeps on his nightstand (why? to fend off spiders? I don't know) is missing. Penelope admitted she took it to go to the boys house down the street (Yeah... I know...) but now she doesn't know where it is. It must have fell out of her pocket she says. Very defensive when you ask her. We've searched the house. It's a big house. Couldn't find it. She also misplaced the litter scoop that was sitting right next to the litter box. It went missing shortly after Penelope was asked to clean the litter box. Don't care about that, care about the knife. I did mention Penelope and I are sharing a room? I woke up this morning with her standing over me and tapping my hand. Scared the jeebies out of me. I think it would have scared me regardless of the knife.
I do want to write about the event when I had to tell Penelope that she couldn't go to the Pool Party on the last day of school. When I got home from work, the first thing my mother said was "Wait until after dinner please. I'd like to at least enjoy dinner." I told her I'd have to tell her soon regardless because bedtime was in 1 1/2 hours and she needs to be calm by then. Penelope was in our room playing. But she knew. She knew how her day went and what would happen if it didn't go well. She was aggitated. I asked about her day. She said "It was fine. It was good! Did you talk to Mrs. Brown??" I said "Yes." She said "Well.. do I get to go tomorrow or not!?" I said "We will talk about it later" in a no big deal kind of way. She said "No, I want to get it over with." I asked her what she thought? If she thought she was able to go. She said "I want to go!" I said "I know you want to go. I want you to go too. But that wasn't the question." She just kept saying how she wanted to go. That she'd be fine. Even though I tried to postpone it for my mother's sake, it needed to be said and I told her that she couldn't go. She got so angry. She started wailing. She wanted to leave the room but I made her stay. She laid on her bed and kicked her arms and legs. I tried to go near her and she cringed and kept saying "Don't touch me!" She said that Mrs. Mary lied and that she hates her. She brought up the incident that I already knew about and said that Mrs. Mary yelled at her and made her upset. Then started to say again how she smells like Harriet (because she smokes) and that she isn't a REAL teacher - like that means her direction has less value. I told her that this is exactly why it's not safe for her to go. You don't get to pick and choose who you listen to based on your feelings about the person. I told her it wasn't punishment, she is just not strong enough right now to be safe at the pool party. She yelled that it was a punishment and it's all my fault and she hates me. I didn't engage her in that conversation. I tried to rub her back but she cringed away again. She said "I hate my life!" I turned her to look at me and with the most loving eyes I could muster I said "I love you to much not to let you go tomorrow when it's not safe" and I kissed her on her head. The hurt in her eyes made me starts to tear up but I just looked at her with love and empathy. She said "Don't cry. I don't like it when you cry." I told her "I just love you so much and I do wish you could go but your safety is more important to me." She just hugged me and we just hugged for a few minutes.
Now the rest of the night, she was my shadow. She was all giddy and very hyper. She had to sit RIGHT next to me. I told her "It's okay Penelope. I'm not going anywhere" and gave her a big hug and walked away.
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