No Visitation Bio Mom and Dad!

My last post had to do with George's therapist referring Penelope to a psychologist she knows even though Penelope has attachment therapists we were with. It was an obvious reaction to whatever horrible things George has been telling her about Penelope's therapists - since they support Penelope not having visitations until she is emotionally strong enough. However, with all the game-playing that was being tried, I took the high road and didn't get all pissy or yell like I wanted to. I did share with George that I was trying to see if Penelope was ready to have a visit before Thanksgiving. She has been doing fairly well, being consistently good and relatively responsible. Close to "normal" and I thought she might be ready. Her grade at her school was going to a YMCA Camp for 2 1/2 days and that was going to be emotionally difficult for her but we think she can do it. We expect some recourse, but as long as she bounces back that following week, we could schedule a short surpervised visit. And if that goes well - visit and afterwards, then we could do Thanksgiving. But I don't know, we need to see. I didn't tell him earlier because of how he gets his hopes up. He didn't really react but I knew that's all he really wanted.
Unfortunetly, Penelope didn't bounce back and still hasn't. I won't go into all the details but she hasn't had this hard of a time for a couple of months. It's not horrible - violent or death stuff, just a lot of things that relate to hypersensitivity and anxiety. She cries a lot right now. And bossy. Everything is 100 times harder than it used to be to accomplish. Oh, and the regression in articulation and grammer. She likes to talk like a 4 year old.
Even though he "announced" to our mother that he was going to be seeing Penelope on Saturday (today), I called him yesterday and told him the bad news. I think he cried but I'm not sure. He gets really quiet when that happens. I feel bad for the situation, not necessarily him but that Penelope isn't there yet. I hope it for her - I want to get past this part of our journey, but if she isn't ready, she isn't ready! Other than that, he seemed to take it okay.
But then the next day, I get an email from Harriet: "How's everything going? How is Penelope? I was hoping we could work out something for Christmas. Even if I have to drive to Dayton to see her with her therapist I would. Please. I'm begging you. It's been over a year since I've even spoken to her. Please, let me have my daughter back in my life.-Harriet"
I'm not sure how I'm going to handle this email. So much goes through my mind. The fact that there is a formal letter from the hospital psychiatrist that treated Penelope the two times she was in the hospital that says that Harriet should see her until she completes therapy to address the issues she has that causes her to continue to abuse Penelope, and then once Penelope is also ready, they are to meet with a family therapist who will eventually determine visitation parameters. That was at Penelope's discharge the second hospital stay in September 2008. But, Harriet hasn't had any therapy, doesn't think she needs it, and has denied denied denied she has harm Penelope in any way, other than leaving Penelope with George when she left. She denies that she locked Penelope in her room so she can sleep in, even though she did admit it to Penelope's attachment therapists. She said it was to keep her safe so she didn't roam the house. But honestly that's not the issue, it's the trauma. The issue is that Harriet historically can't meet her obligations as her birth mother. Not that mothering stuff, she's been replaced (me). But that the little bit of responsibility given to her in the past, one day every other weekend, she can't bring herself to do. She would either cancel, schedule it late and/or leave early. Always full of excuses. For Penelope they are all demonstrations of the lack of love Harriet has for her AND what a horrible child she must be to make her mom not love her. She kissed the ground Harriet walked on and never said anything negative, always trying to please and entertain her during her visits, so she wouldn't leave. But nothing Penelope ever did was good enough and Harriet would have to leave early to return a movie at the rental store, or run an errand before dinner or whatever. So, if she somehow forces her visit in Christmas, then she will force regular visits, but since she hasn't addressed any of her issues, still in total denial and is obviously playing this victim role, it's all going to happen again. When Penelope ended up in the hospital the first time and the doctor stated this inconsistency was very bad for Penelope, Harriet told her mother that it was because George was trying to touch her inapproapriately and she didn't feel comforatable around him. But since George's time with Penelope was shorten to one day a weekend visits instead of every entire weekend, I became the supervisor. So regardless if it was true or not (not) it was a moot issue. I promised not to touch her inappropriately. It will be hard..... I crack myself up. Anyway, I figured that Harriet will either shape up and it won't be an issue anymore, or she will go back to her old ways but with no excuses. She went back to her old ways, she'd have no excuses anymore. But what also happened is the shit hit the fan. The last time Penelope talked to Harriet, it was the first time Penelope had EVER said anything confrontational to Harriet. She called Harriet a liar. This was after Harriet had taken off for the last time (that we are aware of) on the day of Penelope's visitation so she didn't see her but said she would come to visit when she could. That living situation didn't work out so she was back in town living with a friend but never called to reschedule her visit. Long story short, Penelope found out from Harriet's mom that she has been back in town for a while and hadn't tried to call. For Penelope, besides the fact she lied about wanting to see her, it also was proof that all the times Harriet told Penelope "I love you" that she was lying. So she called her a liar. Very direct but not very explantory. Shocking that an 11 year old who is confronting someone she is completely scared for the first time would have communication issues. A few days later, Penelope ended up in the hospital and so on.
But I have to log the history of attempts Harriet has made to go to therapy in the past 16 months she hasn't seen her. I don't remember off the top of my head exactly when each of these occurred but I'm sure they are in this blog throughout. I do know general timeline but definitly the order.

• After the hospital stay, I communicated the information on the letter and supplied a copy of it to Harriet and her mother. I offered to contact Services in my community that would provide therapy for free, since it is related to Penelope who is a residence of this area. She declined.
• About 6 months later Harriet told me she was on a waiting list with a mental health facility she is suppose to go to.
• About 3 months after that Harriet informs me that she received a call from the mental health facility and that they told her she doesn't need therapy and she wanted to know when she'd get to see Penelope. After some questions, she stated that they just said that there were other people with worse situations that needed there help more so they couldn't help her. I explained that the letter wasn't contingent on whether or not Harriet could find a therapist. I offered again the Service organization. She said that she didn't need them because she has insurance. She would just call them to find someone.
  
• About a month later I asked her how therapy was going and she said she hadn't seen anyone yet but that she was thinking of going to the same organization Penelope get's her therapy, but the office here in town. I said that is great. Nothing came of it.
• About 2 months after that, George tells me that Harriet called him out of the blue and asked him if he knew where Tri-County was. Mind you, where we are from, everyone knows where that is, especially someone from her neighborhood since it was only like 10 minutes away. She was on her way to her first therapy appointment. She ended up not going because she got lost.
• About 3 months after that, after I asked how therapy was going (since my last conversation was that she was calling and setting up an appointment). She said that she couldn't go because it was downtown. Understand that she is on to another new therapist, this one wasn't the one she told me about. I asked her why she couldn't go and she said "I have issues with going downtown" like a phobia. She said "It's something I need therapy for." At this point it's ridiculous. Okay, actually it's beyong ridiculous. Of the alledged appointments she made, she never made it to any of them. But that was the last I had heard.
  

I feel like she was just holding out, waiting - assuming that eventually so much time will go by I will cave and say it's okay to see her. My concern is that she is right and regardless what Penelope's doctor said, Harriet has waited long enough and she can get to see her. I'm just tired of the attacks by her and her mother. I try to keep peace and be nice and accomodating while keeping Penelope first. Penelope is so scared of Harriet, she doesn't want to see her. Harriet's grandmother even though loves Penelope, puts Harriet first. She admits that. She doesn't like to see her daughter in pain and no one will support her so she does. Even though Harriet lies as much as George, and her mom knows it, she still comes at me with all this crap. "Why do you treat my daughter like a second class citizen??" I do? She denies Penelope's illness, denies that Harriet did anything wrong to her and blames George and even me. George was an abusive dad, but I've made Penelope sick by telling her horrible things about Harriet.
I need professional advice on what to do. If anyone reads this and has experience with the court system regarding children's welfare, please let me know what you think. I am the legal guardian and have been for 4 years this past August. There isn't a court order about visitation or that either parent is unfit. I did the guardianship through an attorney with the parents consent. Penelope was symptomatic before I gained guardianship but we were ignorant that it wasn't more than an unruly child. She was diagnosed 1 1/2 years after she came to stay with me. Several different people said that once these children are in a loving and stable environment, they let their guard down and they get "worse" because they have learned to trust you enough to know that after they beat or threaten you, you are not going to leave or neglect them like their parents. I had to put that in there because one of Harriet's contentions is that Penelope didn't get "sick" until she was with me - like I caused it. But she is a ton better - but I'm not helping her get stronger so she can be all messed up again by her parents! I don't know how much power I have in this situation. I'm doing want to cut off my nose to spite my face and do something I shouldn't.