It's been two weeks now since Penelope has regressed back into some of her old ways. I will admit that it's not nearly as bad as it has been but I know that it probably wouldn't take much to put her back there right now. And my tolerance for her behavior is really low. I get short with her, which is counter productive.
Poor dad - he came over last night to help with homework but has been taking allergy medication that had him wiped out. He wanted to split, and I wanted to let him, but I told him if he leaves, she wasn't going to get her homework done. She was bouncing off the walls. I let him off the hook the day before but regretted it when I tried to help her with her homework. I was trying to check her math packet and any errors I tried to help her correct, she practically bit my head off. After the 3rd time of her mouth, I told her that I was done helping her - I thought she wanted my help but I'm mistaken. She only did the work that was due the next day (I think) and did work on any of her packets/projects that are due at the end of the week. She had a lot to do last night and she will have a lot to do tonight. But that will for my dad to deal with. I feel bad for him but we are in the together I guess. She doesn't seem to care that it puts her grandfather out, at least not during this last week. Before, she tried and thanked him for his help. Now she just does everything she can to procrastinate. It drives me crazy to see how she treats him.
Other things - the lying. She lies constantly! She was playing with the bracelet that showed up one day a few months ago. I wouldn't be surprised if she stole it - but I'd have no idea where to start in determining from whom. Anyway, the bracelet is a silver chain with little beads ever 1/2 inch or so. She wanted to say Grace before dinner and she started to explain that this is a bracelet she uses when she is praying - like a rosary. 1st - She isn't Catholic. 2nd - It's a bracelet. 3rd - Why does she think I'm going to buy this load of crap! We pray before meals somewhat frequently but this was different. It was fake and a bit dramatic. I ignored her since it lacked sincerity. But her lies are like that. They are total non-purposeful fabrications. She will try to tell me how something is made and she is so off-base it's ridiculous. Or she will tell me about something that she claims happened at school but again, it sounds so far-fetched it can't be true. Typical of RAD. Her purpose is to drive me crazy and it does.
I do think she has been stealing again. Not from me, but from school or someone at school. They had a book fair this week and I gave her $5 to spend at the book fair. She came home with what looked like $20 worth of stuff. I questioned her and she claimed a friend bought some of it for her. "Why would she do that?" "I don't know"
It takes telling her to do something at least 5 times before she actually does it. It's like trying to get a 5 year old to stay on task. It's almost anxiety - she gets so distracted so easily.
Not that I love to clean but she absolutely refused to do it this past weekend. Usually she will do it but she isn't happy about it. But this time she got angry and told me I'm mean. She finally admitted she thinks she shouldn't have to clean "because it's too hard." All I'm asking her to do is pick up her room and all the crap she was playing with in the living room. But you are not allowed to touch all her crap in the living room. If you move it to put it all in a basket, she will put it back where it was. But she said it's too hard physically. "Bending over hurts my back." She is 11 years old! I told her that was not a good thing. So since picking up stuff is too hard, than playing sports or running around outside is too hard too? She said it's not as hard. I said cleaning isn't as much fun. I told her I don't like to clean either but I do things to make it fun. I turn on some fun dance music and it helps the time go by and gives me more energy. She could care less.
Then of course there are the behaviors that are concerning me - why I think she is anxious. She isn't sleeping well again. She has been getting up and raiding the frig at night. During her pretend play, she has been having conversations with her parents. She wrote all over these post-its phrases her birth-mom used to say to her. Then she drew this cartoon of her dad "saving" her. She doesn't talk about her parents, but I know since the card that came at Easter, she has been thinking of them. It's heartbreaking. It makes me feel bad that I'm not tolerating her behavior better. I know it's her defenses. I get angry and I know I'm angry at her parents but I also get angry at Penelope for letting them get to her. I shouldn't be, but I do. I'm probably just mad I didn't protect her from it. I didn't get the mail that day. Usually I do. Usually she doesn't care about the mail, but with her new bad attitude - trying to be the boss, she had been trying to do more things that are really my responsibility. Telling me what her plans are, not asking if she could do something. Taking things that are not hers and using it. Getting the mail, which is non of her business. Disciplining the cats - which she isn't allowed to do. Telling me what she is going to have for dinner instead of asking what's for dinner. Very bossy.
Today we go to meet with the Attachment Therapists. We really need to address with her, her parents. She needs to get her head back in the game and stop agonizing over them. What coping skills can she learn to deal with her feelings about them?
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