Earlier this week was the follow-up Competency Hearing from her Restoration Classes and re-evauation. I was really stressing about this one. The doctor who re-evaluated her told my dad that based solely on the definition, Penelope is competent. She just had a lot of "but"s because of her mental illness. I don't know how that translates into her charges.
I didn't tell Penelope that she had court until the evening before, which she handled okay. Not happy but didn't get upset. She handled having court better than I did. She was restless. I couldn't sleep for anything. I didn't fall asleep until probably 4am and had to get up at 6:30. We were down to the courts with time to spare. But we had to wait for the probation officer who had the competency evauation report. No one had copies of it yet. When it finally did come, we were told it said that she was found not competent but highly probable she will become with more restoration classes - if they were one on one "due to the barriers her mental illness is currently causing." This is better than being found competent but what does this mean? One on one classes? Is this therapy? After having more time than just a few minutes to think about this, I wonder if they are going to continue to postpone the trial until she is mentally better? I don't know. There is another Competency Hearing set for the end of August.
But during the hearing, it was pretty straight forward and no one contested the findings by the evaluator. I had told our attorney that Penelope has gone through some testing and that both her therapists feel she is significantly if not severly dissociative. Even though this is just my word, she brought it up during the hearing to the judge. I believe this information caused more importance for the judge to have the parties resolve this before it may or may not go to trial. Everyone seems to agree that this just needs to be handled/settled whatever you want to call it. It was brought up that the "victim's family" hasn't been able to be reached. The judge said he has notes from the prosecutor in the file of attempts to reach the victim's family. There was a new prosecutor assigned - something to do with rotations? Anyway, while the judge was saying this I was slowly shaking my head like "misinformation buddy." The judge asked me if I knew why the family hadn't returned the calls. I told him that I am VERY close to my brother, and I told him right after the last hearing that you had instructed the prosecutor to get a hold of him. But the last I heard, they haven't received any calls or messages. Then our attorney mentioned how the Detective on the case has also been non-responsive. That no one has called the family. The judge commented that it the prosecutor's office must have outdated phone numbers (not) and asked us to provide the prosecutor with updated numbers. We said we would. Then there started to be side conversations everywhere. The prosecutor and the probation officer wanted something from the therapists regarding this. They would prefer to have weekly reports from the therapists about her progress. The judge and our attorney started talking about something which the prosecutor got involved in, while the probation officer came over and was talking to Penelope and I about the summer - trying to distract her. Penelope talked to her but also knew that there was a lot going on about her in the room and started to cry. It was all too much, too much talking about her, too much noise. She just looked at me with the most pitiful painful look. I started to cry and just petted her hair and said "It's okay, we are almost done" and answered a question someone asked me and just held her hand. It was over a minute or two after that.
Once we were done, our attorney asked us to wait for her outside. She came out and said that the judge wants the prosecutor to get a hold of the family and get this resolved. They talked about maybe probation. I think this was unofficial. It wasn't part of the hearing at any rate.
The big question is, honestly, what is my twin brother and his wife going to say? It's a topic that I don't ask about and he avoids whenever we are together. It's not my place to say or tell him what to do or think. I don't know how much weight what he has to say has on the outcome. I think they will want to know if they want her prosecuted or not. If not, then I don't know what happens. Is so, they already said there is no place for her in the jail system.
But the rest of the day I was pretty much a mess. I couldn't eat or think straight and just cried a lot. It was hard to sit through and it was hard to see Penelope go through it. Even though the outcome was okay, good I guess. It's all just about where we are today - living in my parents' guest room with our three cats, my house on the market in foreclosure, this court case, my relationship with my twin brother and his family hanging on by a thread, trying to find a new job or make my current one work (how?) making my $7.30/hour, in limbo with where we are going to live, if Penelope will be going to school or not, where if she does, and so much more. Just too much. Too much! My job selling "cemetery needs" is very psychological. Besides all the issues with selling in general, you are discussing things people need once they die. No one wants to talk to you, not when they are healthy. And there are a lot of people out there who take it personal that you want to discuss their demise. They become super defensive and sometimes hostile. I get that at home. But I don't get to talk to the "at-need" families. Is that what I want to strive for? All I hear about is death and religion day in and day out.. and sales goals and closing techniques. I do this out of necessity but at the same time, how can I sell when I am emotionally a mess? How do I find another job when I work 6 days a week (sometimes 7) sometimes until 8pm like last night? I clean the house and do laundry on the 7th day. I cook more than half our dinners - just so we have dinner before 10pm. It's all too much. I need a vacation from my life.
Is it worth it? As long as Penelope gets the help she needs. Right?
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