Harriet calls me about once a week wanting to check up on Penelope. Her phone calls are always interesting because, even though she calls, she really doesn't seem to want to know how Penelope is doing. I don't know how to describe it.
She used to call George, because she hates my guts. I have taken her daughter away from her, she tells people. She fails to remember that when she signed the guardianship paperwork, she was asking my attorney to put together something she could sign that would take all parental rights away from her.
See, we had to track her down to get the paperwork and we only had her email address. She had left her 2nd husband and taken off to North Carolina to join a satanic cult. I'm not kidding.. We had the guardianship stuff in the works for a couple of months and had negotiated more Harriet-Penelope time in order to do that - since Harriet's chief complaint was that she didn't get enough time with Penelope. We put aside the fact that Harriet couldn't commit to seeing her during the times she was to see her as the arrangement stood. I think her complaint was for show to her mother and sisters. She came back about 3 months later - she always comes back...........
But that was 4 years ago. Today, Harriet hasn't seen Penelope for about 7 months. Two of those months were prior to Penelope's 2nd hospitalization and were the cause of it. The doctor wrote a letter stating that Penelope shouldn't see Harriet until she seeks therapy to resolve her issues - her continuation of abuse of Penelope (through neglect), and then Penelope and Harriet could go to a family therapist together. Something like that. Harriet's response to this letter was that she wanted to know if there was a similar letter for George. We said no, but then George wasn't the person who Penelope wanted to kill while in the hospital. But as a family we had decided with the approval of her new attachment therapists, that George wasn't to see her either.
After an incident with George trying to piss off Harriet and implying that he was allowed to see Penelope without saying yes or no, I told her to quit calling him. Which meant she was going to call me. She should have been anyway since she is calling someone who hasn't seen her either. However, George always puts on this show that it's "Us" against her. Like he is part of "us."
Since the letter came out, I did get a couple of emails from Harriet's highly educated and "moderator wanna-be" mother saying that she didn't think it was fair that she was being required to go to therapy, that Harriet being poor, it was too much for her. Tough. Harriet was upset about it saying she already has gone to therapy and just stopped so she could get a job - working part time cleaning hotel rooms, which lasted all but 2 weeks I think. Eventually she said she was put on a waiting list. That was 4 months ago.
This past week, Harriet called and said that she spoke to the "Mental Health Place" (Free Clinic type place) she has gone to and they said that it's not necessary for her to have therapy. And she wanted to know what she needs to do to see Penelope. I asked her if she showed them the letter. She said she did but that they said she wasn't a priority. They are very overwelmed and had more severe cases. I faked empathy as best I could and told her that the letter is written in Penelope's best interest and it's not conditional on wheither she could get therapy or not. She said she understood. I offered to call the Youth Services Department in my community who does free mental health - even for parents if it relates to helping the child. I have offered this to her in the past but she always turns it down. She said that she was going to talk to Catholic Social Services. I told that was great - that was where Penelope goes but the AT is in a different city. I told her she would probably qualify for funding because of her situation. She said "Oh, I HAVE group insurance." "Oh, I didn't know that.. then it's best to work through your provider list than." Why in the hell didn't she try to do that before?? Because she doesn't care! She doesn't want to go to therapy. She wants to see HER daughter on HER terms. Back before Christmas, I had her meet with Penelope's therapists to have a better understanding why she isn't allowed to see Penelope. She told them if she didn't get to see Penelope at Christmas she was getting an attorney. She didn't but she just throws around threats. She tried to get George on her side by saying "Isn't this wrong??" But he claims he told her no.
Anway, after that part of the conversation was over, she asked how Penelope was doing. I started to tell her and after about 5 minutes she interrupted and said she had to go because she had a doctor's appointment. She will call me next week to finish the conversation. It was Thursday morning. She couldn't call after her appointment? She doesn't work. I just said "Oh okay.." and laughed as I hung up.. Why am I shocked?
When I met with the therapists separately from Penelope, I told them about the phone call. As mental health practitioners, they said that they didn't buy the excuse that the facility turned her away. They said that if she asked for treatment and was next on the waiting list, they are required to offer treatment. She should file a complaint etc. but also knowing that she is probably making it up. The rest of the conversation with Harriet really didn't surprised them or us, since usually when she calls, I can tell from her tone and anxiousness that she wants to get off the phone. This just happen to be the first time she interrupted.
She did end up calling but later that evening while I was traveling with Penelope to her therapy appointment an hour away. I let it go to voicemail. She said she wanted to apologize again for having to cut the conversation short but she had to have a toe nail removed, or something like that. She said "Tell Penelope I love her..... if you are allowed to do that." I didn't tell her. Does that make me a bad person? I don't think Harriet loves her. I don't think she is capable of love honestly. I can see her think she loves her. The thing I always hated was when she would say "I miss you" or any form of that. It's a lie. If she misses her so much, why doesn't she do what she has to in order to see her? Because she can't handle it. She can't handle seeing Penelope and looking at what a total F-up she was and is as a mother. Instead of trying to make the present and future a better situation for Penelope, by stepping up, she continues to put her own wants first. She is who she is and is something that Penelope has had to learn and accept in order to heal. I think she has gone as far as she can while not seeing Harriet, but I don't think she is strong enough to take the next step and see her until she works on some other areas of her life.
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