So I think it is. I am worried. Should I be though? She has been in school for almost 1 whole month. And she is STILL doing well. I know, GREAT, right? Why am I worried? It never lasts. When it crashes, it's pretty bad. Is there anything I can do to keep her from crashing? I don't know but I made an appointment with her teacher.
I met her for the first time at the school's Open House this past week. Seems really nice. Not easy to read though. But the good thing is she has many years experience working as the Intervention Specialist at the 9th grade level and recently moved into the 8th grade and will have great knowledge on how to transition Penelope into High School. She said that was her primary goal for all her kids is to prepare them for 9th grade. All her teachers seemed really great. She has 3 teachers from last year teaching her this year. She likes all three of them. Her Math teacher pulled me aside to tell me how well Penelope is doing this year. Even her last year's IS saw me and told me the same thing. The low point was when I was in a class with the woman that George dated right after his second wife kicked him and Penelope out of her house and they came to live with me. They broke up because, according to George, she didn't like the fact that my Mom and I wouldn't let George take Penelope on dates with him as she has a daughter the same age. That we were judging her for allowing her daughter around George so early in the relationship. We tried to explain that Penelope was too fragile (wetting the bed, nightmares, fear of being kidnapped or murdered) to be around yet another mother figure so short after his relationship with her abusive step-mother ending. This was before Penelope was diagnosed. George didn't see the problem and didn't explain it to her either. Of course he wouldn't because it would show his inaction in the situation. She recognized me. Asked how George was doing. She said she hadn't spoken to him in a while but she saw him on TV - referring to his biker gang arrest last year. I just said " Yeah, I think he's doing fine. I don't speak to him that often." Embarassing. Right in front of other parents.
Anyway, I'm just hoping it is not all Honeymooning she is doing. She has her goal this year. To go to camp next summer to become a forensic anthropologist. She does her homework with no prompting or arguement. She does it right away to get it out of the way. She is organized and doesn't forget her assignments.
She also gets herself up on her own, most of the time, and picks out her own clothes (1st year for that) and gets herself to school on time by riding her bike. Much more independent.
The issue is, maybe a little too much independence. That is what I will be talking to her teacher about. She has set high expectations for herself and her need to be in control of her own environment also has her refusing to accept help from anyone including her teachers. I offered to quiz her for her vocab test and she refused. "I'm fine! I don't need your help!" She feels like I am calling her stupid and that I don't believe her by offering to quiz her. She also does this thing where she knows more than everyone else or can do something better than everyone else. If she doesn't know it thought, she makes it up so it sounds like she knows more. I can see these behaviors to come back and bite her in the butt. But I can't complain. If that is the only real issue going on here, we are good. I just don't want to see herself set herself up to fail. I want her to work hard and reap the rewards.
Now that she is doing well, it's given me permission to go into a deep depression. I hate it and feel very out of control of it. I've been avoiding everyone and have lost a client because of it. I get so anxious and just want to stick my head in the sand. I'm glad it was a once every great while client but still, money is money and since I only have 1 other client right now which is also small, I am financially just back to making peanuts. And my poor Dad is tapped out. I ended up returning most of the clothes I bought for Penelope for school to pay bills. I even called George the week before school started and asked him for money, since he gets child support from Harriet, but hasn't seen Penelope in 1 1/2 years. His response was "For what?!" I told him for back to school expenses. He said "I don't have any money. Maybe next month when I get Harriet's next check." I said "Next month? What happened to this month's?" He said he already spent it. I said "You know Harriet has complained to me that you get the money, not me." He scoffed and said "She owes me. I had to pay alot of money for daycare after she left." He fails to remember that my parents gave him a big raise so he could pay for it. And that she was in daycare for only 3 years and I've had Penelope for 6 now. He then asked how she was doing. I said she was doing good. He said "That's good... Yeah, when she was with me she got straight As. No problems." It was obvious his girlfriend was in the background as he was speaking like he had an audience. She didn't get straight As, she was in 1st grade. They give out Satisfactories and such. She was also being raped by his friend's brother but "no problem." He went on for a bit but I had tuned him out. I told him I had to get off the phone.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Penelope & emails
I can FINALLY blog again. I don't know why I couldn't post before but now the blogger is all new and I think I like it!
So Penelope is in her third week of school. I think the honeymoon period is coming to an end but things seem to be going well. Her first week, she couldn't have been more ideal with getting herself up, dressed, made her own breakfast, packed her own lunch and riding her bike to school in a timely manner. I was in heaven. She's not as excited about school anymore but her determination to do well has not deteriorated with her excitement. She likes all her teachers. She is starting to not procrastinate as much. She can break herself away from something "fun" to get her homework done. She even told me yesterday "Homework first, anime second." I said "Wow! Can you say that again so I can get it on tape?" She just turned her head away so I couldn't see the big smirk on her face. But I told her that I could hear her smile.
But she has a goal - to go to forensic anthropology camp next summer. She has to have good grades to go. That's not me, but the program is through a university and requires a student, not just a participant. She knows what she needs to do to succeed and for whatever reason, the pressure is not causing her to become overwelmed and giving up. She takes the attitude "It is what it is" and just gets her work done. She has come such a long way. We've talked about goals in the past but the concept of having goals seemed completely foreign to her and even her therapist said that setting goals is not beneficial because kids with RAD can't wrap their heads around such an intagible, distant thing. But I think with her successes with cause and effect thinking she is coming around. I reminded her how she used to say to me "Home is for resting. School is for schoolwork. I am not doing homework when I'm at home." I will say, even though she was taking a stance with me, her statement said alot about how she felt. So I tried to arrange for her to stay after school and do her homework there so she was still at school. It helped. But at the time it was too late in the school year. Now she goes to the library with a couple friends and they all work on their homework there. Yes, I said she has a couple of friends.. Yeahhh! :)
Penelope is still emailing with her Dad, George. Off and on. We, Penelope's AT and I, are debating letting them have short phone calls every other week. George's last email was inappropriate but you can tell was meant innocently but still toeing a line. He commented about the type of shows she likes but then also commented about school starting and how he saw the picture of her first day to school in a new top. He wanted her to take pictures of herself in all her new clothes and send them to him. I didn't like this. It creaped me out. I initally wanted to talk to him about it but that's never worked in the past. So I showed the email to her theapist without telling her what I thought, to determine if I'm overreacting. Something I tend to get accused of by George's sympathizers. She came up with the same issue. She felt that it was inappropriate. Understanding that he hasn't seen his daughter and wants as many pictures as he can get, this was inappropriate for him to ask of her. It's selfish and immature. Especially with George and Penelope's history - which I still believe hasn't been fully disclosed. We decided to allow Penelope to see the email. Penelope needs to learn to tell her Dad "No" and/or "I don't feel comfortable with that." She has to be on the lookout for herself and be strong enough to draw the line for them. We can't help him - we've tried. We can only empower Penelope to be able to recognize what's not appropriate and then tell her Dad no. She isn't there yet. Her theapist said that we will deterine if they can start taking on the phone based on how Penelope reacts to the email. If she insists there isn't anything wrong with it.
Understand that her relationship with her father during her early childhood after her mother left was very psuedo spouse. She slept in bed his bed up until she was 8 and moved in with me. She had to take care of him - cook, clean, and if she didn't do it the way he wanted or in a timely manner, he'd scream at her. And, as he recently explained "Harriet didn't just leave Penelope (age 2), she left me too. All we had was eachother so we leaned on eachother. I know she didn't understand everything I said but she was a good listener." Really? And the worst of it... a topic my parents refuse to discuss, is the possible sexual abuse. We've already determined that the relationship was emotionally incestuous but I feel the bridge to sexual abuse is a very short one. It's hard not to draw such a conclusion when after the last time she saw him, she sexually assaulted her two younger cousins and a few months earlier after an afternoon of seeing him, she made a tape of herself masterbating and had plans to send it to him. But I've talked about all this before.
So we gave Penelope time to read this new email. She didn't see anything wrong with it. When the therapist explained it, she still didn't see the problem. "This is normal stuff for my Dad." And we agree in a healthy relationship it wouldn't be such a problem, but not in this situation. The therapist brought up briefly the video she made of herself and her intentions, which Penelope immediately said "I don't want to talk about it." She knows. She started to recognize the issue. The therapist explained how Penlope needs to learn to recogize when her Dad is crossing that line and be strong enough to say "No." She can't rely on her Dad to know what those boudaries are. She seemed receptive and not too defensive but it was concerning enough we've put the phone calls on hold. She doesn't have the strength or knowledge to prevent thier relationship from reverting back to how it was.
Harriet has also been emailing, but just me. Actually, after the last one from a couple of weeks ago, I haven't heard anything - but for a while there she was trying to be a regular penpal. I swear to get a rise out of me. She recently had surgery to remove cysts on her ovaries. They ended up taking one of her ovaries. She said the doctor is recommending they have a baby because it will help with .... whatever condition she has. She wants to have another baby! This scares me. Besides what she has done to Penelope, her husband is very ill and probably won't last the next couple of years. He has severe diabetes and regularly gets MRSA. Deadlly combination. According to Harriet, his doctor gave him less than 2 years to live. Then, Harriet herself is Bi-Polor and off work on SSD. Neither one of them work. Why plan to have a child when you don't have the mental resources to be able to be a mother due to your illness? Why plan to have a baby when you and your husband can't work and are already on government assistance? She does not need to be having a baby.
But Harriet kept bringing it up. I just avoided it in my emails. She just talks about how she wants to give her husband a son. I don't know how to explain this but the way she talks, the ideas she have are not... of reality. Like she is in a movie or a book. "Husband a son?" Like he would be crowned Prince of her kingdom. Reminds me how she once bought a picture of Jesus to hang on th wall - even though she hadn't stepped foot in a church in ages. I said "Oh, I didn't know you were religious." She said "I'm not. I just think it's a pretty picture." Really? Makes no sense.
So Penelope is in her third week of school. I think the honeymoon period is coming to an end but things seem to be going well. Her first week, she couldn't have been more ideal with getting herself up, dressed, made her own breakfast, packed her own lunch and riding her bike to school in a timely manner. I was in heaven. She's not as excited about school anymore but her determination to do well has not deteriorated with her excitement. She likes all her teachers. She is starting to not procrastinate as much. She can break herself away from something "fun" to get her homework done. She even told me yesterday "Homework first, anime second." I said "Wow! Can you say that again so I can get it on tape?" She just turned her head away so I couldn't see the big smirk on her face. But I told her that I could hear her smile.
But she has a goal - to go to forensic anthropology camp next summer. She has to have good grades to go. That's not me, but the program is through a university and requires a student, not just a participant. She knows what she needs to do to succeed and for whatever reason, the pressure is not causing her to become overwelmed and giving up. She takes the attitude "It is what it is" and just gets her work done. She has come such a long way. We've talked about goals in the past but the concept of having goals seemed completely foreign to her and even her therapist said that setting goals is not beneficial because kids with RAD can't wrap their heads around such an intagible, distant thing. But I think with her successes with cause and effect thinking she is coming around. I reminded her how she used to say to me "Home is for resting. School is for schoolwork. I am not doing homework when I'm at home." I will say, even though she was taking a stance with me, her statement said alot about how she felt. So I tried to arrange for her to stay after school and do her homework there so she was still at school. It helped. But at the time it was too late in the school year. Now she goes to the library with a couple friends and they all work on their homework there. Yes, I said she has a couple of friends.. Yeahhh! :)
Penelope is still emailing with her Dad, George. Off and on. We, Penelope's AT and I, are debating letting them have short phone calls every other week. George's last email was inappropriate but you can tell was meant innocently but still toeing a line. He commented about the type of shows she likes but then also commented about school starting and how he saw the picture of her first day to school in a new top. He wanted her to take pictures of herself in all her new clothes and send them to him. I didn't like this. It creaped me out. I initally wanted to talk to him about it but that's never worked in the past. So I showed the email to her theapist without telling her what I thought, to determine if I'm overreacting. Something I tend to get accused of by George's sympathizers. She came up with the same issue. She felt that it was inappropriate. Understanding that he hasn't seen his daughter and wants as many pictures as he can get, this was inappropriate for him to ask of her. It's selfish and immature. Especially with George and Penelope's history - which I still believe hasn't been fully disclosed. We decided to allow Penelope to see the email. Penelope needs to learn to tell her Dad "No" and/or "I don't feel comfortable with that." She has to be on the lookout for herself and be strong enough to draw the line for them. We can't help him - we've tried. We can only empower Penelope to be able to recognize what's not appropriate and then tell her Dad no. She isn't there yet. Her theapist said that we will deterine if they can start taking on the phone based on how Penelope reacts to the email. If she insists there isn't anything wrong with it.
Understand that her relationship with her father during her early childhood after her mother left was very psuedo spouse. She slept in bed his bed up until she was 8 and moved in with me. She had to take care of him - cook, clean, and if she didn't do it the way he wanted or in a timely manner, he'd scream at her. And, as he recently explained "Harriet didn't just leave Penelope (age 2), she left me too. All we had was eachother so we leaned on eachother. I know she didn't understand everything I said but she was a good listener." Really? And the worst of it... a topic my parents refuse to discuss, is the possible sexual abuse. We've already determined that the relationship was emotionally incestuous but I feel the bridge to sexual abuse is a very short one. It's hard not to draw such a conclusion when after the last time she saw him, she sexually assaulted her two younger cousins and a few months earlier after an afternoon of seeing him, she made a tape of herself masterbating and had plans to send it to him. But I've talked about all this before.
So we gave Penelope time to read this new email. She didn't see anything wrong with it. When the therapist explained it, she still didn't see the problem. "This is normal stuff for my Dad." And we agree in a healthy relationship it wouldn't be such a problem, but not in this situation. The therapist brought up briefly the video she made of herself and her intentions, which Penelope immediately said "I don't want to talk about it." She knows. She started to recognize the issue. The therapist explained how Penlope needs to learn to recogize when her Dad is crossing that line and be strong enough to say "No." She can't rely on her Dad to know what those boudaries are. She seemed receptive and not too defensive but it was concerning enough we've put the phone calls on hold. She doesn't have the strength or knowledge to prevent thier relationship from reverting back to how it was.
Harriet has also been emailing, but just me. Actually, after the last one from a couple of weeks ago, I haven't heard anything - but for a while there she was trying to be a regular penpal. I swear to get a rise out of me. She recently had surgery to remove cysts on her ovaries. They ended up taking one of her ovaries. She said the doctor is recommending they have a baby because it will help with .... whatever condition she has. She wants to have another baby! This scares me. Besides what she has done to Penelope, her husband is very ill and probably won't last the next couple of years. He has severe diabetes and regularly gets MRSA. Deadlly combination. According to Harriet, his doctor gave him less than 2 years to live. Then, Harriet herself is Bi-Polor and off work on SSD. Neither one of them work. Why plan to have a child when you don't have the mental resources to be able to be a mother due to your illness? Why plan to have a baby when you and your husband can't work and are already on government assistance? She does not need to be having a baby.
But Harriet kept bringing it up. I just avoided it in my emails. She just talks about how she wants to give her husband a son. I don't know how to explain this but the way she talks, the ideas she have are not... of reality. Like she is in a movie or a book. "Husband a son?" Like he would be crowned Prince of her kingdom. Reminds me how she once bought a picture of Jesus to hang on th wall - even though she hadn't stepped foot in a church in ages. I said "Oh, I didn't know you were religious." She said "I'm not. I just think it's a pretty picture." Really? Makes no sense.
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